


Pink Carnation

by Madison



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Angst, Brain Injury, Broken Engagement, Car Accidents, Cheating, Drama, F/M, Friendship, Lies, Male-Female Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-10
Updated: 2012-08-11
Packaged: 2017-11-11 20:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 127,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/482592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madison/pseuds/Madison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He devoted himself to her recovery, falling for her in the process, when it all came crashing down. Will his wounded pride get in the way of retrieving her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sunflower

**Author's Note:**

> The chapters' titles will be based on flower meaning;
> 
> Pink Carnation: (I'll never forget you)  
> Sunflower: (Pure and Lofty Thoughts)

The bright sun was burning her eyes as she painfully opened them. A deep sigh rolled off her lips as the rays of the light danced upon her grey orbs. She carefully stretched her arms above her head before plumping herself in her bed. All the blankets were gathered at her feet, while half her pillows were on the ground.

She tilted her head to the side and glanced at her open windows. From the fifth floor of her apartment building the view was  _almost_  breathtaking. She slowly rose to her feet and dragged herself towards it, before lowering herself on the edge, sticking her head out, the gentle breeze playing with her long ebony locks. She took a deep breath enjoying the fresh air, while a smile adorned her face.

The sun had just risen, and the magnificent colors were still present in the bright blue sky. It was her favorite moment of the day; the one instant that reminded her that hope was everything. Once upon a time, the sunrise nearly saved her life.

She lingered a bit longer, before tearing herself away from the window, and swiveling around setting out for the kitchen. Her apartment was fairly simple and  _cozy_ , but she was rather fond of it. It had been part of her new beginning, part of her starting a new life. Then again, all of it had happened a long time ago. One long year had passed since the moment she had taken hold of her own life.

With _his_  help of course.

She raised her head to peer at the collage of pictures she had assembled in her kitchen, right above her stove. Plenty of pictures were of her with her friends, but one of them was with him.  _Sesshomaru_. She unhurriedly extended her hand and dragged her fingers across their faces.

The picture had been taken four months ago when everyone went to the attraction park. She had ice cream on the tip of her nose, while Sesshomaru was busy wiping it off for her.

He was her biggest support, her best friend, the one she probably couldn't live without.

Sesshomaru had been there since the first day her heart had shattered, and ever since then he had not vacated her side. Ever since, he had come to her aid in put the pieces back together, and frankly, the task was basically complete. The rest, she had to do it on her own. She had to let go, and no one could do it for her.

Light and hopes danced upon her facial features as she began making herself a cup of coffee; it was the only thing that could give her energy for the rest of the day. Unfortunately for her, she never had the chance to pour it since a knock on the door interrupted her. She gently put her mug down before rapidly heading in direction of the door.

Once she reached it, she went on her tippy toe, and glanced through the bull's eye. As soon as she realized who was behind a smile appeared on her face, and she hurried to open the door.

"Happy Birthday Kagome," he said, while holding a bouquet of roses.

Immediately a blush decorated her cheeks. "You didn't have to stop by before work because of  _that_."

She was conscious that the past few weeks had been hard for him. Sesshomaru was slowly taking over his father's company, and his workload increased with each passing day. She even caught him skipping meals, and staying awake all night a few times. Kagome wanted him to rest, and not skip his precious sleeping hours to wish her a happy birthday.

There was nothing special about turning twenty-two anyway.

Kagome took the bouquet from him, before giving him a gentle peck on the lips. They were a bit  _more_  familiar than friends, but they were not dating in any way. Most of their gestures she classified as  _close_  friends' behavior. More than once he had slept over and they had shared a bed without anything occurring.

Once they finished their greetings she traveled to the kitchen to put them in water, and he followed her.

Kagome was most likely the only woman he could tolerate being around. Not only did she bring calmness to his soul, but also there was something about her. He could be himself when he was with her, and although he enjoyed his time alone, she brought him a feeling he hadn't experienced in a long time, at least, not since he lost his mother.

He  _had_  to protect her.

Moreover, he had fallen in love with her since the first tear had rolled down her face that faithful rainy night.

Before her, he had often been secluded from the world, never needing company, but she had transformed that. For the first time, he had wished to protect someone, to shield her from the pain of the world. That night, after seeing her tear stained cheeks, he had almost killed  _him_.

Sesshomaru leaned against the wall, observing her angelic features as she carefully put each rose in the vase one at a time. All of her movements were planned, and delicate; just like her. She came across as a porcelain doll, but he had experienced her inner strength.

"Do you have work tonight?" she inquired, bringing him out of his reverie.

Deep inside, she hoped he would be able to come visit her again. However, it wasn't because it was her birthday, but because she had something for him. There was a surprise she had been working on for four months now, and she had finally completed it the previous night. She was impatient and nervous, but she  _wanted_  to give it to him.

 _No he didn't have work._  He had cleared up his whole schedule for her, but he couldn't tell her that. He had prepared a big surprise party, and so far, the secret hadn't leaked, and he wished for it to remain that way.

"Yes. My father left for New York yesterday, and he left me all of his unfinished reports," he replied, the lie leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

Never on her features was a feeling of disappointment visible. She would give it to him another day, and there was no reason to make a big deal out of it. She slowly nodded, before turning around with the vase in her hands.

"Maybe we could have dinner tomorrow?"

They often had friendly dates, nearly as if they were a real couple. Sometimes, she almost speculated if she made it impossible for him to have an actual girlfriend, but every time she brought the subject up he  _assured_  her she didn't.

Sometimes, when she found herself thinking about him with someone else, she felt a pinch of jealousy in her heart. Of course, she would always chase it away, telling herself it was because she would miss her best friend. If he got married, it wouldn't be right for them to be  _so_  close.

"Home cooking," she said, trying to tempt him with her culinary skills, which he always enjoyed mocking.

A tiny smirked formed on his lips. "Then, I cannot refuse."

Sesshomaru intended on keeping true to his words. He would indeed be spending the next two days with her. He had to do so much for the company lately that their times together had been cut short and he missed seeing her. Kagome was a true friend to him, and he  _wished_  to be more, but knew he couldn't.

The wounds in her heart were still present, and he preferred to have her precious friendship, than nothing at all. For now, all he allowed himself to do was to be there for her whenever she required his presence.

It was the best he could do.

His answer caused her face to brighten with joy. "I'll make your favorite," she replied before glancing at the clock. "Now, look at the time, you'll be late."

"Yes,  _wifey_."

She tilted her head to the side in the most adorable way before putting her hands on his back and pushing him in direction of the door. The more time he spent with her the more he would be behind in his work. If she wanted him to make it to their dinner he needed to get going.

Although he was going in the direction she hoped for he still was taking his time. When he reached the door he smiled at her, as if to  _annoy_  her. "Miss Higurashi, you are lucky I allow you to order me around. Most people would have lost their head."

She smirked. "I am not most people, Mr. Taisho."

 _There was no doubt about that_. "I know," he said before running his hand through her hair.

She laughed a bit at his gesture before her smile disappeared from her lips. He didn't fancy it when she wasn't smiling because it reminded him of darker days. Of a past he didn't like that she possessed. He gently grabbed her chin and lifted her head.

"Smile today, okay?"

As if she had been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to, Kagome gazed away, blushing a bit.

"Don't forget about tomorrow!" she said, not answering what he said.

At least, she was smiling again, and it was all that mattered. He shook his head softly as he headed in the hallway before lifting his hand and waving a goodbye.

Kagome  _liked_  that Sesshomaru. He was always different around her than he was with his family and other friends. He had a stoic mask whenever people were around and only in her presence did he shed it. She cherished the fact that she was the only one permitted to see  _him_.

She pressed herself against the doorway as she observed his figure disappeared in the elevator. Kagome waited a bit longer before going back inside and closing the door behind her.

Today was going to be a great day.

-P-

Every day he had busted his ass for everyone, including  _her_. Yet did he ever get a simple thank you or a sign of appreciation? No, it was as if everyone treated him like he was a fucking slave. He hated them all, and he hated that place the most. Mostly because of  _him_.

His footsteps were heavy and loud as he walked through the halls of the office, his mood nothing short of  _pissed_  off. He had just gotten back to the city and already his stupid brother was demanding he did some work, just so he could go to some party tonight.

Couldn't he have come up with a better excuse? His loser,  _cold,_  anti social brother did  _not_  party. He couldn't even recall the last time he had seen him be around people.

When he finally reached his dreaded destination, he came to a brief halt. Inuyasha groaned heavily before opening the door of Sesshomaru's office without bothering to knock, something that greatly annoyed his older brother.

Sesshomaru lifted his head, and glanced at his exasperating half brother. Inuyasha was  _hot headed, stubborn,_ and he had absolutely no work ethic, which made it easy to hate him. Although it had nothing to do with the reason why he despised him so much. No, the reason why he hated him ran through his veins, slowly poisoning him, until he would rot.

"Why did ya call me for?" he asked, before leaning against the nearest wall.

He put down his current file, and sighed. Clearly, Inuyasha didn't know how to be polite. "Did you start on the Korimasho case?"

The only thing he had given his worthless brother to do was one mere easy, still important though, case, and yet, from the look on his face he could already tell that like everything else that Inuyasha started in his life,  _he_  threw it all in the  _garbage_  as if it meant nothing.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes before plopping down on the nearest sofa. "Man, I didn't have time for that. I'm having my own problems to deal with right now."

His brother couldn't comprehend what it was like to have it hard sometimes. It seemed that his perfect life was never disrupted by anything. Whatever he started, it went along without a flaw. The same couldn't be said about Inuyasha, who shattered everything he touched.

Sesshomaru resisted the urge to scoff. "Problems? Did you take a Playstation break?"

"Kikyo left me."  _Jerk_. Didn't he know how to be sensitive? It wasn't like he was playing video games every day; he limited himself to  _every other_  day.

For an instant, Sesshomaru completely froze, unable to move, as his heart ceased to pump his blood. He quickly recovered though, but he glanced away from his brother, not wanting to see his  _idiotic_  face.

"You had it coming. Did she leave you for someone else?" he said, his words laced with many meanings.

He couldn't help but  _hope_  that she had dumped his sorry ass for another man. Then perhaps Inuyasha would experience some sort of pain and betrayal. The worthless being had never been hurt in his whole life. His parents always made sure he was overprotected from life, never experiencing anything.

An aggravated look appeared on Inuyasha's face as he glared at his brother. " _No_ , she just decided she wanted  _more_ , like a family or getting married or something, I don't know, I ain't paying too much attention to that kind of shit."

"And you wonder why she left," he casually mentioned, now that he had collected himself.

Sesshomaru refocused his attention of his files, completely shutting out Inuyasha as he waited for his brother to understand he was not wanted. It was a miracle he could spend so much time in his company without wanting to break his neck. He deserved nothing less after his miserable actions.

As per usual, Inuyasha didn't get the hint. He began slumping, and grabbed the first thing in his reach, which was one of Sesshomaru's pens. As he played with it his brain began working, and he wondered if he could catch his brother in a lie. After all, w _here_  exactly was his brother partying that was more important than his work?

Surely, he had to be lying. He was probably not busy at all, and he was simply trying to make his life more miserable by giving him more work.

"Hey."

His rude call was ignored.

"HEY. Asshole."

Sesshomaru raised his hand he rubbed the side of his head gently, trying to unwind himself. If Inuyasha didn't remove himself from his office soon, he was going to give Sesshomaru a headache that would ruin the rest of his day.

"What do you want?" he harshly inquired.

"Where ya goin' tonight?"

It wasn't that he didn't like his brother having a social life but he simply found it suspicious. If he was  _finally_  opening up to the club life than it was great, after all, he was 28 years old meaning it was about damn fucking time, but he highly doubted it was the case.

That question could not be answered. Sesshomaru did not intend to invite his brother to Kagome's surprise party; after all, it was supposed to be a  _nice_  evening. In all honestly, he was nearly shocked that Inuyasha hadn't found out about it yet, since he didn't exactly trust  _all_  of Kagome's friends.

Also, he didn't want Inuyasha anywhere near Kagome and, his personal business was none of his half-brother's concern.

"Out with friends."

Inuyasha scoffed. "You ain't got no friends."

"Neither do you."

The truth of his words stung Inuyasha, but he didn't allow Sesshomaru to see it. So what if all of his so called friends had abandoned him over a misunderstanding? He didn't need them in the first place. Anyone would love to be seen hanging out with him since he had it all; the fame, the money, and the looks.

"Whatever, I'm getting out of here."

 _Good_. Not bothering to escort him out, Sesshomaru turned around slightly, and opened up his laptop, before typing away much like he had intended to do before his brother had rudely interrupted him.

Unfortunately, Inuyasha had one more thing he needed to know before he could leave. He wasn't sure why he was about to ask such information from his brother out of all people, who knew nothing of her, but he was his best option. Every day he wondered, and Sesshomaru was the only one who could provide him with some sort of answer.

It had been killing him for a whole year now. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't think about her. How could he not? He never meant to lose her or hurt her. At first, he was doing it for fun, not to mean any harm. If only she hadn't found out about it, they would still be together.

Before Inuyasha reached the door, he stopped in his tracks. "How is she?"

The blood in Sesshomaru's body did not circulate as the words echoed and his fingers discontinued their movements. He could tolerate Inuyasha's presence, he could bear with the fact that he had to talk to him, but he would not authorize him to even inquire about her well-being.

"It's none of your concern," he said, his tone ice cold.

His brother's tone surprised him to the point of causing him to back away a bit, but he quickly resumed his tough act. "Man, what's got your panties in a bunch? Since when do you care about her anyway?"

"Inuyasha, if you do not leave this office I will  _make_  you."

Inuyasha's golden eyes widened a bit before he slowly nodded his head. "You know what? None of y'all know what happened between me and her a'right?"

His words still rung through the office as he slammed the door behind him. As soon as he was out of view, Sesshomaru threw his pen violently at the door, chipping off a piece of the wood.  _Fuck_.

His whole body was trembling as he remained on his feet, wanting nothing more but to go after the worthless bastard and give him a piece of his mind. How dare Inuyasha claim  _he_  didn't know what happened? Of course he knew! He had to hear the tale over and over again; dry tears shed over that idiotic foolish man, and mend a heart broken beyond fixing.

If anyone knew what happened between Kagome and Inuyasha, it was him.

Once some of his anger dissipated, Sesshomaru slowly sat back down in his chair, his heart still hammering like a drum in his chest. He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling the sweat drops formed by his rage. There was no way he could work in this state of mind.

Every day, his half-brother made it more difficult for him to not kill him.

Sesshomaru had often been surprised by his own self-control, especially when Inuyasha had begun bringing his  _whore_  home with him. It was that day that Sesshomaru understood that Inuyasha had no shame. He was a selfish being who didn't care who he hurt as long as he obtained what he desired.

One day, he would pay.

Suddenly, a knock on the door brought him out of his revengeful thoughts.

"Mr. Taisho? Miss Ishii on line 1."

Sesshomaru grinded his teeth, washing away all memories of Inuyasha before picking up the phone. "Sango? What is it?"

_"The food is late. They called, and they said they might not make it in time."_

Fucking  _great_. As if he needed another fucking problem in his day.

"Then find somewhere else, tell them the price doesn't matter. I'll pay them triple what they usually charge as long as it's ready on time."

Without waiting for Sango to answer, he hung up in her face. He didn't have anything against her, but she had caught him in a bad moment. It was Kagome's first birthday since the event and he wanted to make sure she was blown away. She and Inuyasha used to have a tradition for her birthday, and he was doing everything in his power to make sure she wouldn't notice his absence in her life.

Sesshomaru had devoted the last year to her completely, every second of his life, night or day. Anything she needed, he had provided her with. During that whole year he had kept his love for her hidden deep inside. He feared scaring her away, and it was weighing on him.

If only she had never met that bastard, if only she hadn't fallen in love. Inuyasha never deserved her, and he had shown it.

But he would protect her, and never again would she fall victim to his claws. Not after all the effort, it had taken to bring her back on her feet.

Inuyasha would never be a part of her life again.

-P-

"Kanashikute kanashikute nakida shisou ni naru.  _(Sadly, sadly I burst into tears at the thought of becoming)_  Tada tsuyoiku nari tai dake namida wa nagasenai  _(However, the tears not shed are only for the strong team)._ "

Kagome was singing to herself as she finished cleaning up one of the boxes. Since she just finished the final draft of her newest project, she had decided to re-arrange the place a bit and fix up a few things. She always kept many useless things often because they were sentimental, but currently, they were taking up way too much space in her apartment.

She carefully folded the empty cardboard box before moving on to the next one. A smile immediately graced her features once she realized it was filled with pictures. Enthusiastic about the memories to come, she rapidly dug in. Kagome took a handful of pictures before pushing the box aside, and laying flat on her stomach.

One by one, she peered through the pictures, her smile still vivid on her lips.

Most of them were of her and Sango back when they were in elementary school. Since the first day they had met in second grade, they became inseparable, going through mischief and love together. Now that Kagome thought about it, she realized she hadn't seen much of her best friend during the past few weeks.

Maybe she could call her later?

She made a mental note to do so before moving on to other pictures. However, quickly enough she realized it might have been a bad idea. She gulped, before it dropped down to the ground. The smiling face of Inuyasha and herself were staring right back at her.

It was a picture of happier, better times.

A scoff escaped her lips before she dropped the pictures on the ground. Perhaps she had done enough cleaning for today. She dragged herself on the couch and lay down before closing her eyes. The apartment felt empty and the silence was killing her. Before him she used to always be surrounded by people, but when it happened a year ago, she had decided to always remain alone.

She pressed her lips together, before she sighed.

No, she was not doing this to herself. Kagome decided that the best way to clear her mind was to focus on some of her work. Not the one she did for money but, the personal art she did for herself, to distract her mind. It took her a few seconds to get on her feet, but when she did, she headed towards the next room.

The room was completely white, most of the pieces of art covered by white drapes. Kagome didn't like to share her works, at least not when it was incomplete. Only the finals were seen by others. Although, Sesshomaru had seen a few works in progress, but that was because he had gone on his own, and disobeyed her.

She walked to the farthest end of the room and reached a big canvas. Slowly, she pulled on the drape, only to reveal a completely black painting. Kagome had done it after the incident between her and Inuyasha. Her world had become darkness, and she had decided that when she would be ready, she would paint over.

A small part each time would be painted, until she had fully recovered. She had meant to get started on it much sooner, but each time, she was afraid. No, she wasn't in a bad state of mind anymore, but looking at the blackness reminded her of what happened and she wanted to forget it. Painting it would only refresh the wound of betrayal in her heart.

Problem was, if she never faced it, it would never go away.

Her fingers were burning, so she released the fabric she was holding, allowing it to fall upon the ground. Her grey orbs were locked upon her painting as many thoughts went through her mind. Could she take the paintbrush for the first time, could she add color to her world?

Because to say she was drowned in somberness, was a lie.

Sango, Miroku, Sesshomaru, Shippo, and all of them, brought a strike of color in her heart. She refused to think that darkness was all there was in her beating organ.

With a trembling hand, she reached out for a paintbrush, any, just the nearest one and grabbed it. She took a deep breath before pressing the naked brush against the black. She hadn't dipped it in color yet, but she brushed strokes along the canvas anyway, as if it had an effect.

It didn't change the darkness, but it made her feel better. It felt as if she could hold her own against him and the memories, and what she was experiencing was freedom. You couldn't forget the person you loved for 12 years in an instant, but she was getting close.

She kept stroking the brush around for a bit longer before putting it back where it belonged.

Kagome glanced around looking at her current art supplies, but nothing seemed to catch her eye. Perhaps she could refurnish herself a bit for this project? She had used almost everything she had on a gift for Sesshomaru after all.

Decided, and determined, Kagome left her art room, without covering her black painting. It was perhaps the only work she didn't mind showing to people. She herself had always been an open book, and since the painting was  _her_ , than others should be able to see it.

She grabbed her blue coat and put it on before shoving her wallet in her side pocket. Gazing at her apartment one last time, she gently closed the door behind her before locking it. Slowly, Kagome began heading down the hall, a little  _jump_  in her step.

After everything that occurred, today was still going well.

It didn't matter that it was her birthday, and that there would be no dark sky filled with bright stars.

She didn't need it.

-P-

Sango was barely holding in place as she jumped from one room to another making sure everything was perfect. They had spent a month preparing Kagome's birthday party and even though they had a few setbacks, it seemed that everything was finally going well. They even had found someone to provide them with a quick buffet for the birthday girl!

The whole party was happening in her apartment, which irked her just a bit. She would have rather used Sesshomaru's since it was more spacious, but he had planned for his excuse to be  _work_. At least, it was a believable excuse Kagome would be able to take for granted. When it came to lying to Kagome, Sesshomaru was often horrible.

Then again, she couldn't blame him.

However, this was the good type of lie, since it was to surprise her, and make her happy.

Usually, every year at her birthday, Inuyasha and Kagome would drive out to the country and bring a blanket and a small picnic. They would always leave when the sun would set, and they would watch the stars together. When they were younger, Kagome's mother used to drive them, and then when they got older, they had begun doing it themselves.

This year would be the first time Kagome didn't celebrate her birthday that way.

At first she had been scared that making a big deal out of it would hurt Kagome, but then again, if they didn't occupy her mind, the poor girl would dwell upon it during the whole evening. At least if she was having fun, Inuyasha might not sneak into her mind.

For the fiftieth time, Sango re-arranged the balloons,  _waiting_  for Sesshomaru to show up. She was almost starting to believe he really was working.

Sesshomaru had been a miracle in disguise.

Kagome had known him for twelve years since he was Inuyasha's brother, but they had never really talked past the formal greeting. He hadn't been a part of her life in any way, and since he didn't like his half-brother, he didn't particularly enjoy Kagome's presence.

But then, something had happened.

Nobody knew what it was, but not too long after the incident, as they all referred to it as, Sesshomaru and Kagome were friends. Actually, they were more than friends. There almost wasn't one day they weren't together. Sango, who had been trying to do her best for Kagome was grateful.

Sesshomaru had something she didn't have; he could heal her heart.

To be honest, she had expected them to get together in the long run but nothing had happened. At first, she thought it was because they only had platonic feelings for each other, but as she had spied on them, she had learned differently.

She wasn't sure how Kagome felt about Sesshomaru, since Sango didn't dare to ask, but Sesshomaru loved her. If you observed him carefully, he had that longing puppy love look in his eyes, and Kagome never noticed. Of course, she had always been oblivious to those kinds of things.

Secretly, Sango was rooting for Sesshomaru. She wouldn't voice it out loud since he would be upset if he knew she was aware of his feelings, but it didn't prevent her from hoping. After the terrible thing that occurred in Kagome's life, some  _true_  devoted love was what she needed.

If only she could open her eyes.

"Sango, you should fix those balloons down there, they are falling off."

She snapped her head in direction of Miroku before frowning a bit. She hadn't put balloons so low, what in the world was he talking about? Her curiosity getting the best out of her, she bent down slightly to inspect what he was referring to. It wasn't until she began descending that it hit her. A blush of anger quickly decorated her cheeks as she headed in his direction.

Quickly, she slapped him across the face. "HENTAI!" she exclaimed angrily before walking off.

"Sango, my dear! I was simply trying to help!" said Miroku, rubbing his cheek as he walked after her.

"I would appreciate it if you kept your lecherous ways to a minimum while there is still work to do."

Miroku stopped chasing after the love of his life, although she still wasn't aware of it, to turn around and glance at Sesshomaru. He was wearing a black business suit, his long silver hair wrapped into a ponytail, and he was evilly glaring at him.  _Yikes!_  An angry Sesshomaru was never a good thing.

"Sesshomaru!" he said, removing his hand from his cheek. "Don't worry about a thing; Sango's got it all under control."

Slowly Sesshomaru nodded. "Does Kagome know she's having lunch with Sango?"

Miroku's violet eyes flickered from left to right, then right to left. "No."

 _Darn it_. He knew they had forgotten something!

"BUT!" he added before facing Sesshomaru's anger, "It's something that can easily be fixed. We both know Kagome has nothing planned today, and will be easily joinable."

"She better be," warned Sesshomaru before leaving Miroku behind so he could discuss the final details with Sango.

He wasn't sure why he felt so nervous since it was a rare occurrence for him, but he had a feeling he could not chase away. He wanted everything to be perfect, yet he just  _knew_  something was going to mess it all up. Hopefully, it wouldn't be anything too bad.

"Sango?" he inquired when he walked into the kitchen.

The brunette rapidly turned around while holding a plate full of food. "Hey, you're here."

Sango was one of the few people who wasn't afraid to address Sesshomaru casually. She had seen him act very  _down to earth_  with Kagome, and it had shattered the  _monster_  image she had of him. She could see it bothered him, but he never really addressed it, so she continued to do it.

He had meant to arrive much sooner, but because of Inuyasha he had been delayed. The idiot had literally done  _no_  work, leaving him to catch up on the missed work. His work was not more important than Kagome, but certain things were pressing, and his father wouldn't allow him to leave until  _someone_  completed them.

Of course, his father never asked Inuyasha to do it. Then again, they never put any pressure on the worthless idiot for obvious reasons; he couldn't do anything right.

"May I help?" he inquired before removing his jacket, and putting it on the nearest chair.

Sango quickly nodded. "You can grab, that, that, and that, and put it on the table over there," she said, while pointing to a million different things with her chin since her hands were busy.

Once she was done with her quick explanation, Sango aimed for the kitchen, leading the way for Sesshomaru.

He grabbed everything she said, and followed right behind. He doubted they required so much food, but he much preferred have more than less. Every detail needed to be considered from Kagome's favorite foods, to her preferred colors. Sesshomaru did not want one thing wrong.

As Sango and Sesshomaru were putting the plates down, Miroku rushed in the room, looking a bit uneasy. "Sango, was Kagome going somewhere today?"

She tilted her head to the side, thinking it through. "I don't think so; she hasn't taken freelancing work in a while. Why?"

Miroku ignored her question, and glanced in direction of Sesshomaru, asking a silent question.

"From what I understood, she was to remain home today."

"Well, she's not answering," said Miroku before putting the phone down on the table.

Sango shrugged her shoulders. "Kagome is a big girl; she can go out for a few minutes to shop if she wants. I'm pretty sure she won't be out all day."

Sesshomaru agreed with her yet his bad feeling only grew stronger. Kagome could always be reached one way or another. "Did you try her cell phone?"

Miroku nodded. "I tried her Mom, her apartment, and her cell phone. I didn't get an answer anywhere."

"Maybe her phone is dead," said Sango, re-arranging the plates for the third time.

As they all fell silent, a weird emotion installed itself between them. Why were they so worried? Wasn't it normal for a person to  _not_  stay in all day? Perhaps it was because they wished for everything to be perfect. Maybe it was also because they had known Kagome's darker side, and ever since, they couldn't help protect her.

Sango opened her mouth, ready to speak, when suddenly, the phone rang. Her expression transformed into a smile. "See, it's probably her calling back."

Miroku was the one to answer. "Hello?"

Then, for a few seconds, he fell silent, and it caused Sango to frown. From what she could hear someone was speaking, but she could not make up the words.

"Yes, she is here."

He handed Sango the phone, a concern look on his face. "It's for you."

Sango's heart sank in her stomach as she took the phone with a shaking hand. She didn't know what was wrong, but Miroku's expression made her feel distressed.

"Hello?" There was a pause, which nearly drove Sesshomaru and Miroku insane. "Yes, this is she."

Feeling a bit dizzy, Sango sat down on the nearest chair. "I see… where did you say?"

She moved her hand in the air, gesturing that she required a pen. Miroku frantically looked around like a headless chicken, until he found one. He quickly gave it to her, and Sango began to scribble on her hand, very quickly, while repeatedly nodding her head. Her eyes were beginning to water, but she was holding back the tears.

 _No. No_.

Something was wrong, and both men knew it.

Then, she hung up.

Miroku and Sesshomaru's eyes were locked on her waiting for her to break the tension.

Sango slowly put down the phone, before taking a deep breath; it was then that the first tear rolled down her cheeks. She wanted to tell them what was going on, but it was hard to find her voice.

Miroku was the first to speak. "Sango, what's going on?"

She slowly looked up at him, her eyes already red with the pain throbbing in her heart. "It's Kagome," she said her heart sinking.

The only reaction Sesshomaru could have was to close his eyes.

"She's- she's in the hospital."

The only thing Sesshomaru could hear in his head was his own heart beating, everything else fell silent. Kagome was in the hospital. It was the only thought echoing through his mind.

Then he heard Sango's voice, it was faint though, because he was so retracted in his own mind. She mentioned a car, a truck, and he couldn't make out the rest. His grip on the edge of the chair increased as he felt a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach.

When a few seconds passed, he did the only thing he could do. He ran out of Sango's house, heading straight for the hospital.

_If he lost her…_

_He would lose himself._

-P-


	2. Eglantine Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eglantine Rose: a wound to heal

Sesshomaru's grip on the wheel was so tight that he was nearly breaking it in two. The only thing he could think about was getting to the hospital as fast as possible. A car accident. How bad could a car accident be? But Kagome  _didn't_  own a car. To be in a car accident, she had to have been  _hit_  by a car. How bad could it be to be hit by a car? It could be a precaution. It could be that she was hit on the leg, and it bruised…

It could be nothing.

It  _had_  to be nothing.

"Would the  _fucking_  light change already!" he cursed.

He tapped his fingers against the wheel, his head spinning as he begun to feel dizzier by the second. Once the light finally became the right color, he pressed hard on the pedal and flew through the road rapidly heading towards the hospital. He was afraid that if he was there a  _second_  later than he should, she would slip through his fingers and he would lose her.

It took him another five minutes before he finally arrived at the hospital. He parked as quickly as possible, and rushed inside; his blood boiling in his veins. If he caught the idiot _s_  who hit her, he was going to crush their heads, break their necks, and grind their bones until there was nothing left.

As soon as Sesshomaru dashed the front desk he forcefully pressed his palms against it. "Excuse me?" he said, his tone anxious.

An older nurse slowly turned around to peer at him. "Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Kagome. Higurashi Kagome," he said, his feet twitching.

The lady carefully looked through her pile of papers trying to spot the name. Sesshomaru was aware she was doing her best, but it didn't change the fact that he was  _that_  close to losing his patience. His heart was beating like a drum, wanting to rip out of his chest as the seconds ticked away.

"I'm sorry Sir, but she is currently in the ER."

 _ER_. That was not precaution that was fatal. Something did happen to her.

Although her words had registered in his brain, it didn't help him. There was no way he was leaving the hospital until she was out, and well. "Where can I wait?" he inquired as calmly as possible.

"Over there," she said pointing to the end of the hall.

"Thank you," he said before turning around ready to  _sprint_  down where she was.

But before he could get very far, he was stopped by a voice. "Sesshomaru!"

He didn't need to glance back to know who it was. Although everything in his body was screaming at him to keep going, even if he couldn't see her yet, he ceased his movements, and waited for Sango and Miroku to catch up to him. After all, they were just as worried as he was..

Sango was nearly breathless when she finally arrived by his side. "Is she okay?" she inquired her eyes still red from the tears she had shed earlier.

She didn't want to picture the worst, but, the lost puppy look on his face was making it difficult to have hope. Sango was afraid to hear the words he had to say. What if they lost her?

Sesshomaru looked away, not bearing to look in anyone's face for now. "She's in the ER," he said, almost all in one breath.

For a brief instant, Sango's heart stopped beating, and she reached out for Miroku, grabbing his arm for support. Her fingers were digging in his flesh, but he didn't even flinch. Miroku himself was too stunned to be able to feel any kind of pain, the news still not processing through his brain.

"ER?" he asked, almost wanting Sesshomaru to deny it, to tell him he had heard wrong.

The only answered he offered him was a nod.

All of them felt silent, everyone glancing at the floor. Sesshomaru felt his heart constrict in his chest at the thought of having her ripped away from him. He wasn't a violent person, but he hoped that the people who put her in the hospital were in a worse state than she was, or he'd take care of them.

Without saying a word, Sesshomaru turned around; ready to resume the path he had began to follow. Even if he couldn't see her yet, he would remain by her side as close as possible. If anything was to be announced, good news or bad news, he wanted to be the first to know.

Sango raised her head as soon as she heard movements. When she noticed Sesshomaru walked away, she began to follow him without speaking. Even if she wanted to talk, she could no longer ask. Her heart was hammering within, and she was praying Kagome would pull through.

She only wished they had more information.

All three friends silently walked towards the ER and once they reached the area all they could do was sit in the nearest chairs and wait.

It wasn't until there was a few minutes of silence, that Sango realized something. "Someone should call Kagome's mother." Before the silence fell, she offered herself. "I'll do it."

Sitting there would drive her insane; at least, walking, and going outside, where she would have some fresh air would perhaps help her clear the whirlpool of emotions she was currently experiencing. While her whole body was trembling with anxiety, Sango rose to her feet, and headed outside, where she could use her cell phone.

With Sango gone, an awkward silence was left between Sesshomaru and Miroku who were not extremely familiar with one another. Nonetheless, Miroku wanted to offer some of his support. He loved Kagome dearly, but as a friend, while Sesshomaru seemed much more linked to her.

"She'll be fine."

He wasn't certain his words bore the truth, but he truly wanted to believe that the words he spoke were sincere. "Kagome's a fighter, she'll pull through."

After all, she had survived a major heartache, and she was now stronger than ever. A car accident couldn't take Kagome away, not when she had so many things to live for. She was still so young, and hadn't accomplished any of the dreams she had.

Sesshomaru never answered, or glanced his way, but Miroku knew he heard his words. A sigh escaped the older man, as he hoped Miroku was right. He had almost lost her once, back when he didn't know her, back when he didn't care. Even then, the urge to protect her had surged, leading him to wonder how badly he would take it now.

He raised his head, still not peering at Miroku, waiting for someone to pass by. Sesshomaru was fairly humble, but he had learned over the years that most people had no virtue and could be bought off. All he had to do was find the right one, and perhaps he'd obtain a bit of information on Kagome.

A doctor passed by but he knew they didn't need money. He needed someone with a lesser salary, who worked exhausting amount of hours. Sesshomaru's emotions were boiling within, but he had the skills to hide it from the outside world. He patiently waited, observing everyone that walked in front of him, until he found the right person.

Slowly he rose to his feet, attracting Miroku's attention, before aiming for the woman. "Excuse me?" he said in his most polite tone.

He would first try to ask questions, without offering any type of bribes, and then if she refused, he'd propose her a silent deal.

The woman turned around, her glasses on the tip of her nose. Her hair was a bit messy, mostly due to the fact that she was in a constant rush. She tried her best to offer a sincere smile as she came to a halt. "Can I help you Sir?"

Sesshomaru's eyebrow twitched involuntarily as he attempted to find the right words. "My," one little lie couldn't hurt. " _Fiancée_  is in the ER. I was just called here, but nobody will tell me what happened to her."

The eyes of the woman saddened a bit before she slowly nodded. Her own husband had been hospitalized a year back, and she had been left to worry all by herself. Of course, they could not disclose much information… "What is her name?"

"Higurashi Kagome."

The nurse nodded again, before offering him a small smile. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you," said Sesshomaru before finding his seat again.

Perhaps he had been wrong, and maybe there were still a few people that were nice without receiving anything in exchange. He could feel Miroku's eyes on him, but all he did was tap his foot against the hard floor, the noise echoing through the hospital. Usually, such thing would have driven him crazy but at the moment, he could not stand the silence.

"She's on her way."

The sound of Sango's voice nearly made Miroku and Sesshomaru jump. Both tilted their heads in her direction as she resumed her seat, her eyes extremely puffy. It had been difficult for her to hold the tears back while discussing the situation with Kagome's mother. Since they didn't know what was happening with Kagome, it was hard for Sango to tell Miyu to not be concerned, or to not come.

What if Kagome didn't make it?

It was true that she didn't wish for such thoughts to fill her mind, but they had to consider every possibility.

"Should she be driving?" Miyu could be very emotional, and in such a situation who could blame her.

"Sota is going to drive."

Sango's lifted her brown eyes to fix the door of the ER. Somewhere behind it, there was Kagome, helplessly lying on a table. A rage was developing inside Sango, and that fury was directed at herself. When Kagome had the incident, she hadn't been able to help. At first, it had been difficult to  _not_  provide her friend with the support she required, but she got over it.

But now, once again, there was nothing she could do.

She felt useless.

Her head dropped and she found herself staring at the tiles of the floor. It was then that she felt a warm hand on her back. Usually she would have slapped said hand away, but today it was different. It wasn't a gesture of perversion, but a gesture of compassion. Sango raised her head ever so slightly, before nodding his way.

All they could do was wait.

-P-

Three long hours had passed without any answers.

Kagome's mother and her brother had arrived an hour after Sango had called them, and ever since, Miyu and Sango had been sitting close to each other, holding back tears. Miroku and Sota had chatted a bit, trying to take their minds off things, but Sesshomaru hadn't been able to fit in either group.

Since his nerves had given up on him and all the stress had drained his energy, he was soullessly wandering around the hospital, perhaps trying to find a coffee machine so he could be more alert.

Unfortunately for them, they hadn't been able to find out anything about Kagome's condition. The nurse he had inquired information from had done her best, but apparently it was difficult to even get near Kagome. Her state was critical, and the area was closed off while they operated on her.

Just that little bit of information had made him sick to his stomach.

Now, the only way he could picture her was lifelessly lying in a bloodbath.

Obviously it had been useless to ask the nurse about the other people involved in the incident, but that didn't mean he had given up on them. He had money, he had power. As soon as Kagome would be on her feet, he would deal with them his own way, and he didn't care  _what_  it involved.

His eyes flickered to the right when the light from a coffee machine caught his attention. Slowly, he dragged himself towards it before taking his wallet out. He mindlessly pressed a few buttons before putting the cup in place, waiting for it to be filled with the hot beverage.

Time was passing by even slower in a hospital.

He heard the final drip as the machine ceased its noise, but he didn't reach it for the cup immediately. Sesshomaru's hand was extremely shaky and he was afraid that if he grabbed it, he would drop it. He was a fairly collected person who had control over their own emotions, but when it came to her he would lose it all.

Since that night, all it took from her was a glance and he was bare and vulnerable. She never had the chance to find out how much power she had over him, or how he felt about her. Perhaps it was his biggest regret, and relief at the same time. He didn't want to burden her with the way he felt.

"Sesshomaru!"

Immediately he raised his head only to see Sango sprinting his way, a blush of exhausting coloring her cheeks. "The-d doctor," she said, quickly, "he's out. I mean, they're done."

A light of hope was created in his chest as he hurried to follow her through the halls, leaving his coffee untouched. Could it be that if Sango was still hopeful, that Kagome was still alive, that everything had gone well?

When the doctor finally came in view, Kagome's friends and family surrounded him. Sesshomaru increased his speed to try and catch most of what was being said. He politely slid himself in between Miroku and Miyu as the doctor kept on telling them about the situation.

"When your daughter arrived at the hospital, Miss Higurashi," he began, his eyes locked on Miyu, "she was in a bad state. She had received the biggest impact on her legs, and on her head."

The head, that could not be good, in fact, it could be deadly. Sesshomaru was beginning to breathe so hard to contain his emotions that it could be heard loudly, but nobody said anything.

"Our main priority was the wound on her head since it was causing an extreme amount of blood loss. We were able to stabilize it during the first hour."

A sigh of relief could be heard among the group, but no one dared to celebrate too early.

"Her state is still a bit critical, but she's out of danger. Unfortunately, there was severe damage done to her head, and we will not know the extent of her injuries until she wakes up."

"Can we see her?" inquired Sota, his bottom lip quivering.

The doctor sighed before running his fingers through his hair. "She is still in a coma… but if it is done quickly yes. However, you should go one at a time."

Miyu nodded. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," said the doctor before moving out of the way.

It was a relief to all that Kagome was alive, and would wake up. The down side was the last thing the doctor said. Head injuries could be very serious, and all they could do was pray that she would be fine, and recover.

Without any question, Miyu was the first one to go in while everyone else resumed their seats, waiting for their turn. Sesshomaru sat a bit further from everyone else, his thoughts invading his mind. He had so many things he wished to say to her, yet she was unconscious. He didn't even know what is reaction would be like. It was one thing to keep his emotions hidden from the others, but in her presence, it would be different.

He sat there, completely motionless, lost in his own mind as everyone went in. He could recall a few of them asking if he wanted to go, but he refused. He didn't want to be press for time; he wanted to enter her room last. Although he had to admit he was growing rather impatient by the second.

His heart was beating slowly in his chest, as if every pump, every  _badump_  was taking the energy straight from his soul. It took him a few minutes, but Sesshomaru finally managed to gather the strength to raise his head. His eyes were locked on the door waiting for Miroku, the last person to see her to come out. He was counting the seconds in his mind, his toes twitching.

Then finally it happened; Miroku emerged.

Sesshomaru pushed aside the look on his face; he didn't want to know how bad her state was.

His heart in his stomach, he rose to his feet, before gently making his way into her room. For a second, it was if he could feel their eyes on him, but he never looked back. As his trembling hand reached out for the door, he took a deep breath. While he slowly opened the door, he could do nothing but close his eyes; he wasn't ready to see her yet.

He closed the door behind him, blindly advancing in the room. Sesshomaru took a few more steps before he opened his eyes. His breath was caught in his throat as the sight in front of him burned his eyes. Kagome was lying in a bed, a tube coming out of everywhere like snakes surrounding her. There were bandages wrapped around her head, making her look even more fragile.

Sesshomaru was afraid to take one more step in her direction, terrified that it would shatter her. The beeping coming from the machines was ringing in his mind as he gently closed the distance between himself and the bed. His fingers trailed upon the rail until he reached the nearest chair. He plopped down on it; his legs had finally given up on him.

He took a firm grip on the rail before lifting himself from the chair and moving closer to her bed. His amber eyes were locked on her visage, unable to tear himself away. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms, and soothe her sorrow away. Hadn't she had enough pain, why did she require more? Especially now; she was finally steady on her own two feet.

With hesitance, he raised his hand, and slowly, he inched it towards her face. All it took was one more second, and his palm cupped her left cheek. Her porcelain skin was cold which sent a shiver down his spine. Kagome was always warm, even during her deepest melancholies.

The fragile, breakable being in front of him, it could not be her, yet it was.

Sesshomaru never cried, not once in his life, but for the first time, he felt the sting of tears in his eyes.

He would not let them fall, his eyes would not get watery, but he would know, he had almost shed a tear.

His hands remained against her cheek a little longer before he moved it up. Carefully, he brushed away her tangled bangs, much like he had done many times in the past. The scene almost felt familiar, except, before she hadn't been hooked up to so many machines, fighting for her life.

_"INUYASHA?"_

The near scream had been so loud that Sesshomaru had been able to hear it from the other side. There was no mistaken that it was Sango's voice, but he could only hope that he had heard the name wrong. He peered in direction of Kagome one last time before retracting his hand. He wouldn't allow the idiot anywhere near her.

He gently retracted his hand, frustrated that his moment with her had been cut short before rapidly heading for the door. Sesshomaru couldn't even imagine what he would do to Inuyasha if he truly was there. How could he be? There was no way anyone would have told him Kagome was in the hospital! Nobody spoke to him anymore!

He quietly opened the door, but unfortunately it attracted everyone's attention nonetheless. It was when his worthless half brother turned around that Sesshomaru's fears were confirmed; it was him. His eyes narrowed, and he couldn't find the words to express the rage he felt inside.

He had no right to be anywhere near her.

But before Sesshomaru could speak, Inuyasha was already on his case. "What the hell are ya doin' here?" Without giving his brother a chance to answer, he turned to Sango. "Why's he here?"

Since nobody was talking to Inuyasha since the incident, he never learned of the relationship between Kagome and Sesshomaru. Over the months, even Sesshomaru himself didn't bother telling him because it was none of his business, and he didn't wish for him to do something stupid, like harassing Kagome over it.

" _Why_  are you here?" asked Sesshomaru, hissing through his teeth.

"Mrs. Higurashi called me." At least  _someone_  had the decency to alert him that Kagome was in the hospital.

Miyu hadn't been told about what Inuyasha had done to her daughter. Since the situation had been complicated enough, and Miyu considered Inuyasha like a son, they had decided, following Kagome's wish of course, to not tell her the two of them were not talking anymore. Nobody had thought she might call him, causing chaos in the hospital.

How would Kagome react if she woke up with Inuyasha right by her side? They had to find a subtle way to make him leave before a fight would break between him and Sesshomaru.

Sango put her hand on Sesshomaru's arm attracting his attention. "Look, I don't want him here more than you do, but it's not the time to make a scene. Not here, not like this. You can deal with him when we're outside," she said, semi-whispering.

She was infuriated beyond belief, but this was still a hospital, and it was no place to fight.

Unfortunately for all of them, the way some tones had been raised had attracted the attention of a nurse nearby. She approached the loud group, a frown on her face. "I'm sorry but visiting hours are over, you will have to leave."

In his mind, Sesshomaru cursed his half brother. Everything he did always ruined it for everyone else. He was a selfish bastard that only thought about himself. A sigh of frustrated escaped him, before his face crisped a bit. He was going to deal with Inuyasha,  _now_.

"Sota, Mrs. Higurashi, you're welcome to stay at my house while Kagome is in the hospital, it's much closer."

Mrs. Higurashi smiled through her pain. "Oh we wouldn't want to impose."

Miyu didn't know about Inuyasha and Kagome, but she was aware that Sesshomaru was a growing presence in her daughter's life, she simply did not know to what extent.

"Nonsense, I insist. I will call for someone to pick you. Someone will also take care of you car."

Miyu's eyes were watery as she bowed ever so slightly. "Thank you Sesshomaru."

Sango was the first to catch on the hint that Sesshomaru wanted to talk to Inuyasha, and she had no intention of stopping him. She offered her best smile to Miyu, before semi leading her outside with Sota and Miroku following him. Miroku couldn't help but glance back, giving a supportive nod to Sesshomaru.

It wasn't too long before the only people left in the surrounding area were Sesshomaru, and Inuyasha. The older man was staring down at his brother, wanting to burn him alive with his eyes.

"Follow me," he said before moving forward.

Inuyasha was extremely confused. Everyone was acting so familiar around his brother, yet none of them had seen him more than twice. Plus, none of it explained why he was in Kagome's hospital room. Never had he said anything nice about her, or talked to her. Now he was worried about her?

Just what the fuck had been going on behind his back?

He wanted to push his brother around, demand answers, but all he did was exhale loudly. He would wait until they were out of the hospital before demanding answers from Sesshomaru. Inuyasha had a bad feeling about having him around  _his_  Kagome.

The time seemed to pass slowly as they finally emerged outside, the sun blinding them both. Sesshomaru wanted nothing more than to rip Inuyasha's neck especially since his emotions were currently out of control, but he took a deep breath.

"Why did you come?" he asked before sitting down on the nearest bench.

"Whaddaya mean? Kagome is in the hospital! Why wouldn't I come! The question is why you are here?"

He really wanted to keep it to himself that he was good friends with Kagome, but the bastard was making it so tempting. He wanted Inuyasha to know that what he threw away, Sesshomaru was taking care of. That he had no idea what he lost, that Kagome was a pure jewel.

Yet he shouldn't. Although, would Inuyasha really bother Kagome? He had given up on trying to make contact with her since everyone had begun threatening him so perhaps he would remain the same. Plus, Sesshomaru could make his life extremely miserable.

"Because she is important to me."

Inuyasha knitted his eyebrows together before tilting his head to the side. "Say what?"

"You might have been cut out of her life because of your stupidity, but we are not all as foolish."

Taken back by his brother's words, Inuyasha backed away a bit, a ferocious look on his face. "You been hangin' out with her? Huh?"

"Perhaps. This is none of your concern."

Such a childish and provocative reaction had been expected coming from Inuyasha, but Sesshomaru had always thought that when the situation would come, he would be more in control. Unfortunately for Inuyasha, he had caught him in a bad moment. He  _needed_  to release his anger one way or another.

"None of my concern? None of my  _fucking_  concern? Everything about her is my business." How  _dare_  him! Kagome was his! How could he put his filthy hands on her. How could he even be around her!

He had tried for weeks to get in contact with her, to explain things, but they hadn't let him. They were the reason he moved on. He couldn't keep waiting at her door if they didn't give him a chance. Inuyasha simply couldn't waste his life waiting for her. But now, they hadn't done anything to stop him because Miyu was there. It was his chance to get close to Kagome, to talk her.

Especially since Kikyo was gone. He had all the time in the world.

"She isn't your possession,  _Inuyasha_. She makes her own decision. If Kagome didn't want me around her, I wouldn't be there. If she didn't want me in her apartment, I wouldn't spend the night."

 _Perhaps_ the last bit was too much, and was left to interpretation. He had spent a few nights there, simply never in the circumstances Inuyasha was thinking of.

Inuyasha's usual amber eyes had turned a deep boiling red as his brother's words rung in his mind. Spent the night?

"You turned her into your own personal  _whore?_ "

His hand clenched into a fist as he resisted the urge to hit his older brother. Nobody could have her. "You think I'm gonna believe this bullshit? I know for a fact she doesn't put out."

A cable in Sesshomaru's brain snapped, and before he knew what he was doing, he landed a punch right on Inuyasha's jaw, knocking him back. His blood was boiling in his veins as he took a step forward, not holding himself back. The bastard was making it very hard to not kill him.

Did he ever think before he spoke all his bullshit?

Inuyasha and Sesshomaru had a lot of fights in the past but it never got physical. What the fuck was going on between him and Kagome that he was willing to fight for her? It didn't take him too long to find his balance, and when he did he charged for his older brother with everything he had.

Sesshomaru, unlike Inuyasha, was able to avoid the hit. It didn't help soothe away Inuyasha's pain, who then tried to land a punch again. Although this time, he felt something restraining him. Slowly he looked back only to see Miroku holding his hand back.

"That's enough Inuyasha," said Miroku as he completely put his arm down. "This isn't appropriate behavior to have in front of a hospital."

Miroku had wanted to let the fight keep going, after all, if any injuries were to happen, both men were  _fairly_  close to the hospital, but he knew he had to stop it. Obviously, if Sesshomaru had hit Inuyasha, who was bleeding from the corner of his lip, there was a reason.

He actually wouldn't mind hitting him as well, but it wouldn't solve any current problems they had.

"If you  _care_  about Kagome," God, why was it even so hard to say those words to him, "you will leave."

Inuyasha was puffing and huffing as he snatched his hand away from Miroku. He felt something drip down in his chin, and his first instinct was to lift his arm, and wipe it off. It was then that Inuyasha saw the blood, causing his inner rage to expand.

" _Inuyasha_."

Who the fuck did Miroku think he was ordering him around? They weren't friends, not anymore. He didn't get to be involved in his life. Inuyasha glanced back at the hospital where Kagome was, and he sighed heavily.

"This isn't over," warned Inuyasha, pointing his finger at his brother.

He slowly peered at Miroku, before taking his leave, his frustration rising to a new level. They couldn't keep him out of the hospital, meaning he would still get to see Kagome. At least he had Mrs. Higurashi to keep him updated on the situation. If he could only have a chance to talk to Kagome, he knew he could fix things.

"Are you okay?" inquired Miroku as he looked over in Sesshomaru's direction.

Sesshomaru slowly nodded before running his fingers through his long locks. "I'll drive Mrs. Higurashi to my house, can you drive her car?" He could call someone, but now he was out, and he was done dealing with his brother. Having someone with him in the car might help him calm down a bit. In front of Kagome's mother he'd have to be serene, and it would increase his control over his emotions.

This stress was going to kill him.

-P-

The burgundy drapes of his window were opened as he stared out at the moon. His fingers were gently tapping against the wooden frame, his breathing rate slow. The bright red numbers of his alarm were flashing, indicating it was  _4:00 am_. He had attempted to get some sleep, but his mind refused to be put to rest.

All he could think about was her.

At least he knew he would be the first to know everything since Mrs. Higurashi had been put as the number to contact. If they didn't call before visiting hours started, he would spend the whole day there until they kicked him out.

This was not the way he had hoped for her to spend her birthday. Sesshomaru couldn't chase away the feeling of guilt he was experiencing. What if he had spent the day with her? It would have still been some sort of cover. Instead, he had been stuck in an office, doing the work his half brother had failed to do.

If Sesshomaru had been with her, he could have pushed her out of the way; he could be the one laying in a hospital bed instead of her.

In a moment of rage he hit the window, almost hard enough to shatter it.

He tilted his head back before allowing himself to drop on the ground. His body was beyond exhausted from all the stress, but he could not sleep. His heart was constantly hammering in his chest so hard that it almost hurt.

Kagome was an angel, someone he had to protect, and he had failed.

She was different from everyone he knew, he had found out a year ago. It was why he couldn't let her go. Never had he been lovesick before, but she had strung a cord in his heart and it kept echoing ever since. His life without her would be empty. He was a shell before and she added life into his soul.

He couldn't lose her now.

Suddenly, the phone rang, the sound filling the whole room.

It was his house, thus his phone, yet he couldn't bring himself to answer it. What if it was the hospital? Miyu already knew she could answer herself if the hospital was to call, so he wouldn't have to. Sesshomaru didn't even want to look who was calling, but when the sound ceased after the second ring, he knew.

Mrs. Higurashi had answered.

His heart was pounding through, nearly breaking out of his chest as he waited, silence invading the room. He waited to hear her footsteps, waited to hear her voice. All he could hope was that she was bearing good news. He could feel his blood pumping through his veins as he finally heard the gentle knock on his bedroom door.

"Sesshomaru?"

He rose to his feet, and rushed to the door as fast as possible, nearly swinging it open.

"It's Kagome, she's awake," said Miyu through the tears.

Without thinking, she reached out for him in relief pressing her face in his chest. Sesshomaru, a bit taken back, gently wrapped his arms around her, holding her. He could feel her body shaking, and he held her a bit tighter.

The feeling of knowing Kagome was awake washed over him. It didn't matter that she wasn't perfectly fine, but at least they were heading in the right direction. All he wanted to do was hold her, and promise her everything would be okay. He'd take care of her 24/7 if he had too.

"I'll drive us there," he said as she pulled away.

Sesshomaru was about to walk in to grab his jacket when he felt Miyu's hand on his arm stopping him. "Kagome is lucky to have you. I know you've been a good friend to her."

He was a bit surprised by her words, especially since he didn't know she was aware of her daughter's pain since Kagome had kept it from her. A bit uncomfortable, he wasn't sure what to say.

A small laugh escaped Miyu as she noticed his confused expression. "A mother knows."

She didn't know how badly her daughter had been hurt, but during the last year she had been able to hear pain hidden in Kagome's voice. She never mentioned it, knowing that if Kagome wanted to share she would do it when she would be ready. However, when her daughter spoke about Sesshomaru, that pain disappeared.

Miyu didn't know what he did for her, but whatever it was, she was grateful. She was far from her daughter now, and she was glad to know she was looked after.

Sesshomaru nodded, understand it was a mother thing. "I'm doing my best." Apparently though, it wasn't enough since she had gotten hurt anyway.

"Don't be so hard on yourself," she said before lifting her hand, wiping her tears away. "I'm sure she'll be happy to see you once we arrived."

Miyu gave his arm a gentle squeeze before walking out of his doorway. "I'll get Sota."

As Sesshomaru watched her leave, he realized just how much Kagome was taking after her mother. Both of them appeared very strong, yet you had this inner desire to protect them.

The rush of things caught up to him again, and he grabbed his jacket before heading out. They could always call Miroku and Sango in the car, for now, he just wanted to arrive by her side as quickly as possible. Hopefully, this time, Inuyasha wouldn't be around.

He couldn't ask for his half brother to be kept out of the hospital, but he could make sure he couldn't get anywhere near Kagome's room. If he had to beat the living out of him, he would.

But for now, he'd focus on getting to her, and making sure with his own two eyes that she was fine. He wanted to hear her voice, he wanted to see her. All he wanted to do was see her smile again, and her eyes shine.

That alone would make his heart beat right again.

-P-


	3. Creeping Willow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Creeping Willow: Forsaken Love

Bright lights blinded her as she tried to make up the scenery in front of her. She could hear many voices, but couldn't understand what they were saying, nor did she recognize them. Kagome tried to lift her hands in an attempt to shield herself from the light, but her arms refused to move.

Panic took hold of her heart, and she felt herself breathing harder by the second.

"Please miss, calm down. Everything is fine now."

Kagome tried to squint her eyes in an effort to have a clearer picture, but it was hopeless. It was then that a sharp pain went through her head and all she could do was wince. Her lips were burning, and her skin was scorched, making it feel as it wasn't hers, but a costume she had on.

She opened her mouth desperately wanting to talk, only to quickly realize it was taking all her energy to do so. "Wa-wwater," she finally managed to say.

Her head dizzy, she still felt it when someone brought a cup to her lips. Gently, she drank it until the person pulled it away. Then, in a last attempt to retrieve some of her vision she closed her eyes forcefully trying to chase away the veil that was blinding her.

When she opened her eyes again, it was a bit better. Lines weren't sharp, but she could distinguish people and objects. She wanted more than anything to ask what happened, especially since she could feel as if she was attached to some sort of tubes.

"W-where?"

"You're in the hospital Miss. You were in a car accident."

Car accident? No, it was impossible! If she had been in an accident she would remember wouldn't she? But. Wait. A hospital? What happened, how did the accident occur? Surely, she had been doing something. For the life of her, she couldn't remember what.

All of the sudden, her eyelids became extremely heavy and Kagome found herself fighting to stay awake. She turned to look at her arm, and saw they were pulling out a needle? Had they injected her with something?

"What's-s this?"

"Don't worry Miss; it's only to help you."

Help? Someone hitting her with a hammer on the head sounded pretty helpful at the moment; why couldn't they do that instead? As the seconds passed, her struggle only increased until she fully closed her eyes, allowing herself to give into the soothing feeling.

_There was rain. It was pouring outside, and she was cold._

Her eyes suddenly snapped open, causing her to be even more confused. Had she just fallen in and out of consciousness?

Kagome lifted her arm trying to reach out for the first thing she could, which happened to be someone's arm. "Where is he?"

"Where is who Miss?"

"I was supposed to see him," she said, making less and less sense even to herself.

The nurse turned to another nurse, before gesturing for a needle. "If we can just bring her fever down, she should feel and act much better."

There was no longer anything wrong with her and her life was not in danger, but the pain and fever were making her delirious. A little bit of rest, and she would be better.

Kagome was in and out of consciousness as she felt something cold being put on her head. Then she could hear them leave the room, and her eyes filled with tears. She felt alone and scared, and she wanted him by her side.

The loneliness was bringing fear within her.

Would he come see her?

-P-

Everyone, minus Inuyasha, was gathered in the doctor's office waiting to hear the latest news about Kagome before they were allowed to see her. They had been waiting for over an hour and their stress level was high as they were afraid not everything was well. When the doctor finally walked in with his files under his arm, everyone held their breath for a second.

The doctor took seat before looking at all of them. "Miss Higurashi woke up sooner than we expected, which is a good thing." He didn't want to ease them into the bad revelation just yet, so he began with the good news.

"Her speech was normal, however she did seem a bit confused but it's perfectly normal. We're not sure how her motor skills are yet since she hasn't gotten out of bed. From the look of it though, she should be fine."

There had been a few cases like her, and from the look of things, she would be fine. Most people only suffer mild trauma, and since she was recovering quickly, there was almost nothing to worry about.

Miyu exhaled in relief. "Does that mean everything is okay?"

"Well, you see, she hasn't talked much yet. Perhaps there are a few damages to be discovered. Some can appear in the first weeks. Your daughter received most of the damage to her head, which can leave detrimental scars. It's almost a miracle that she pulled through alive."

A miracle they were all grateful for, but the thought that it had been  _one_ in a million for her to survive made them all feel a bit uneasy.

"Can we see her?" inquired Sango when nobody else asked.

"Yes, but she might get tired very quickly. You must not exhaust her." Patients that suffered traumas like her could easily go into shock depending on the conditions of the accident, and in her case they were fairly unknown.

"Thank you," said Sango, from behind and she was the first one out of the door.

She didn't want to hear what the specialists had to say. She wanted to see with her own two eyes if Kagome was well or not. Technically, she could have let Miyu go first but in her excitement, Sango almost dashed for Kagome's room. They had all spent the night worried sick, and frankly they were glad it was coming to an end.

Sango made sure to open the door quietly to not frightened Kagome, but before the brunette could full make it into the room, Kagome's voice broke the silence.

"Sango?" asked Kagome, her voice almost a whisper.

At the sound of Kagome's voice her heart dropped to her stomach, and before Sango could stop herself she sprinted in direction of her best friend, before wrapping her arms around her tightly, afraid to release her as if she was going to disappear.

A deep breath rolled off Kagome's lips at the tight embrace, but she smiled. She couldn't help the tears that formed in her eyes at the sight of a familiar face. Even though her vision was a bit blurry and her head pounding with pain, she would always recognize her friend, and she welcomed her presence.

Ever since she had woken up, all she had was strangers explaining to her what happened. On top of that, half the time she had been awake, she hadn't been  _all_  there up until an hour ago. It would be nice to ask someone who spoke her language to tell her what really took place. She wanted to remember the incident, but couldn't despite the doctors' assurances it was normal.

It took Sango a few seconds to pull away from Kagome, but when she did, she was grinning through the tears. "You're okay?" asked Sango, her voice cracking.

"I think so," said Kagome a slight blush on her cheeks, not wanting to worry her friend.

She felt terrible inside, as if she was about to puke, but from what she understood, it was a small price to pay to be alive. Except the sickness, she was on too many drugs to feel any kind of pain, meaning she was in her own little piece of heaven. The accident was still a blur in her mind, but the doctors told her it was perfectly normal.

It had probably happened too fast for her to realize what was going on.

The reunion between the two friends was cut short when the door opened, revealing the rest of her family and friends. The smile on Kagome's face only grew bigger as she observed everyone walk in. She actually felt a bit bad that she had worried everyone.

Clearly, she was still very clumsy if she had managed to get herself in a car accident while being on foot.

She tried to make out everyone's face but her vision was still a bit blurry so instead, Kagome smiled at all of them. The thought that everyone was concerned for her well being and had come to see her was filing her heart with joy. She felt Sango gently grab her hand, and she gave a squeeze.

Deep inside, she wondered if he was among the crowd. He had to be, he wouldn't forget about her. He would make time for her no matter what. He always had in the past; he wouldn't fail her this time.

Suddenly, two arms wrapped around her, much like with Sango, and Kagome immediately recognized her mother's perfume. "Mom," she said her heart heavy.

Her mother was already carrying such a burden that Kagome felt extremely guilty to have added an extra load on her shoulders. She held on a bit tighter, the tears threatening to fall even more. To prevent herself from crying, she buried her face in the crook of Miyu's neck, much like she used to do when she was younger.

The whole time Kagome was being reunited with friends and family, his amber eyes never left her. He didn't mind that she hadn't noticed him through the crowd, especially considering what happened to her. Also, he was in no rush to be by her side, only because he knew she needed to divide her time equally.

But his heart was aching for her presence. It was as if he needed to touch her to make sure she was alive and well. Nonetheless, he held himself back making sure he was a bit further from the group.

Even though she had gone through a horrible experience, she was glowing as if nothing had happened. He had to agree with the doctor; she looked like a walking miracle. There were still the bandages on her head, but the tubes connected to her nose were gone and all there were left were the ones on her arms. She nearly looked as good as new.

Kagome felt her heart jump in her chest at every person that came to hug her, waiting for  _him_  to be next. She was happy to see everyone, but him, she truly wanted to. The feeling of being in his arms would make her all better, she knew it.

Sesshomaru took a deep breath when he realized it was his turn to hold her. Happiness filled him as he walked towards her, joyful to see that the usual twinkle of life in her grey orbs was still present.

Her heart skipped a beat when finally the familiar silver hair came in view.

But then suddenly to everyone's surprise, she backed away, as if she had been burned.

Kagome knitted her eyebrows together, clearly confused. It had to be a mistake right? She felt a bit nervous, since she didn't want to insult anyone, but she had to ask. "Who are you? You're not… I mean I thought you were Inuyasha."

At the mention of  _his_  name, everyone froze in place, shocked beyond belief. However, nobody took her words as hard as Sesshomaru did. For the next seconds, he appeared to be a statue. He wasn't twitching, moving, or breathing. Sango felt a panic fill her as the situation seemed too insane to be true.

Had she really said Inuyasha?

Sesshomaru felt a new kind of rage fill his blood but still he couldn't react to what had just taken place.

"Kagome, what are you talking about? This is Sesshomaru," said Sango, nearly sliding herself between Sesshomaru and Kagome as if she was afraid a murder would take place.

"You remember Sesshomaru right?" Why wouldn't she know him? They had spent every day of the last year together! He was the one that glued back all the pieces of her broken heart!

Kagome tilted her head back slightly, which caused her to wince in pain, doing her best to remember. Although, she didn't understand why they were so surprised that she didn't know him. She didn't recall seeing him before. Sesshomaru… she had heard that name before.  _Oh_.

"Of course I know Sesshomaru!"

Her words caused Sango to smile, exhaling in relief. For a second, Kagome had scared the life out of her.

"He's Inuyasha's older brother."

And the world ceased to turn once more.

Sesshomaru wanted to move, or even talk to her, heck maybe even scream, but he couldn't. All he could do was hear her words echo in his mind over and over again.  _Who are you? Inuyasha's brother. Who are you? Inuyasha's brother. Inuyasha's fucking brother!_

His eyes were locked on Kagome while flurries of emotions went through his amber eyes. His throat was dry, while there were no words to explain the suffering he was experiencing. Kagome had been happy to see everyone; she didn't seem to have forgotten any of them but  _him._  He was just  _Inuyasha's brother_?

Sango could feel the tension rising in the room as everyone was at loss for words. How could she not know Sesshomaru, when she seemed to recall who everyone was? Deciding to help out a bit, she put her hand on Sesshomaru's arm nearly causing him to jump.

Sesshomaru looked down at her, his eyes pleading for an answer, but since she couldn't provide him with one she glanced away. Gently, she wrapped her fingers around his wrist and began heading out of the room. If they wanted an answer, they wouldn't obtain it there; they needed to speak with someone.

Meanwhile Kagome watched her best friend walk out with a man she barely knew, baffled by what was taken place. Ever since she hadn't recognized Inuyasha's brother, everyone had begun acting very strangely. Could it be there was something she didn't know?

"Ma, what's going on?" inquired Kagome, as she shifted in her bed slightly removing the pressure from her left side which was killing her.

Miyu bit on her bottom lip, before shaking her head a bit. "It's nothing honey."

Truth be told, Miyu was terrified, but her daughter had gone through such so much during the last 24 hours that Mrs. Higurashi didn't feel like adding to her stress level. Until they would hear the words from the doctor's mouth, nothing would be said.

Meanwhile, Sango guided a near zombie like Sesshomaru to a seat near the room. "I'll go get her doctor," she said, before patting him on the back.

When it came to Sesshomaru and emotions, it was always a difficult subject, but now more than ever and frankly she couldn't blame him. Sango didn't know how she would react if Kagome didn't recognize her. After all the devotion he had invested in their relationship, it was almost heart breaking.

She tried to avoid thinking about the worst as she hurried to the doctor's office. In her impatience she banged on the door as soon as she reached it. It took a few seconds for the doctor to open it, and once he came in view, he appeared to be a bit annoyed.

Sango ignored his clear emotions, and pressed her palm against the doorway. "Kagome, she… she forgot someone. I mean she can't remember; she doesn't know she knows him. Someone important."

She was aware that she wasn't making much sense, but she didn't know how else to explain it since Kagome remembered everyone else.

"Memory loss…" said the doctor, as he led the way back to Kagome's room.

Sango felt her heart skip a jump; she didn't like the  _permanent_ fate of his words. Could it be that Kagome would never remember Sesshomaru? For both their sakes, she hoped it was not the case.

-P-

Sango, Miroku, Sota, and Sesshomaru were all sitting in the waiting room waiting for either Miyu, or Kagome to emerge. The doctor had decided to run a few test on Kagome, and her mother had decided to accompany her to provide some support. Meanwhile, everyone else was left waiting, much like they had been doing all day.

Of course, the wait was worse for Sesshomaru.

Ever since Kagome had failed to recognize him, he had been soulless. For the last forty-five minutes he had been sitting in the same spot, same position, not saying one word. His eyes were fixed on a vending machine, never flickering or anything. To be honest, his attitude was scaring Sango.

"I'm sure it's just a temporary side effect," she said, trying to get a reaction out of him.

Sango wanted to believe her own words, but she wasn't sure it was a possibility. What kind of side effect would make Kagome forget about one person only? The whole thing simply didn't make sense. At least, it was a good thing Inuyasha wasn't around, or the situation would have gone from bad to worse.

Sesshomaru gave her the slightest nod, but he was barely paying attention. He couldn't forget the look on her face when she had realized he was himself instead of Inuyasha; it would forever be burned in his mind. She had been so disappointed, and it ripped his heart out of his chest.

For a year, he had wanted nothing more but to break that useless bastard's neck and now she  _was friends_  with him? Had she forgotten all about what he had done to her? Her wound was so deep! There was no way she couldn't recall what occurred!

Footsteps coming down the hall attracted everyone's attention, forcing Sesshomaru to pull himself away from his thoughts.

Stress and relief took hold of everyone as Miyu approached. She was glancing down at the floor, tears filled her brown eyes. Sango closed her eyes, fearing for the worst as she moved out of the way so Miyu could sit and explain things to them.

Mrs. Higurashi felt like she had a lump caught in her throat as she sat down. Out of all the possible outcomes, this one was a horrible one. She was well aware that everyone expected an explanation, but she could hardly find her voice, so she remained silent.

Sango grabbed Mrs. Higurashi's hand in hers, and held on tightly.

Fortunately for everyone's curious and worried mind, the doctor was also making his way towards them. He appeared to be a bit stressed as he massaged the sides of his head with his thumb and index.

"I'm afraid Miss Higurashi is suffering from a serious head trauma." This was the kind of information he didn't like to give since it came with so many uncertainties. "Sometimes during an accident, the brain can be damaged or it can try to protect itself from experiencing pain. Miss Higurashi might have been so scared that her brain tried to block the events concerning her accident."

He sighed heavily, before re-adjusting his glasses. "However, it appears that it went a bit further than that. Miss Higurashi is one year behind. She has forgotten all about the recent year, and is not aware that it has passed."

His words dropped like a bombshell on everyone.

"At the moment, it's difficult to say if she will ever recover that year. Some patients remember within the first few weeks, while other's take more time. There's also some who never do."

Kagome had forgotten all about the hardships she had experienced, all the pain and suffering Inuyasha had put her through? She had forgotten  _him_ , all the time, and countless hours they had shared together? The part of her life, which he had been in, had been completely erased?

"Now, there will be some precautions to take. Since she is suffering from a trauma, you have to be careful. There is certain information you can tell her, but some you cannot. The point is to avoid anything that could shock her, or cause a panic. If such a thing was to happen, her condition might get worse. She could even forget everything."

She could not be reminded of the life she had, instead they had to feed her the cobwebs of lies she was in back then?

"You will have to tell her a year passed by, since it's better she find out from friends and family then having the shock on her own. For the rest, I will leave in your judgment as to what she  _can_  handle."

The doctor gave them a nod, before leaving them alone, and speechless.

To say that the situation was delicate was one way of putting it. Many important things had happened to Kagome during the last year, Inuyasha being the biggest one. He was also going to be the most difficult subject to deal with.

"We can't tell her about Inuyasha," said Miroku being mindful of his words in presence of Mrs. Higurashi. "It'll break her heart to know they are not together."

He glanced at Sesshomaru who knew out of all of them, exactly how Kagome could break down. Unfortunately, Sesshomaru wasn't looking at him, instead his eyes were fixed on his hands as if he was currently avoiding any part of reality, and Miroku couldn't blame him.

"Well, first of all, I think someone should tell her about her memory loss. But it wouldn't be too good if it was crowded." Sango turned her body to the side slightly so she was facing Miyu. "I think it would be better for Kagome if you told her."

Technically, anyone could tell her and the shock would be the same, but Sango was trying to get Mrs. Higurashi out of hearing range so they could discuss the Inuyasha dilemma. It would be the most difficult subject, and they had to make sure whatever they chose to do, would be flawless.

Miyu slowly nodded before rising to her feet, her face flustered from the rush of emotions. She was a bit afraid to tell Kagome what had happened, afraid she would fall into a state of shock, and that they might lose her for good. Nonetheless, she desperately tried to hold on to positive thoughts.

By then time Miyu arrived in Kagome's room, she was still returning to her previous position. They had just brought her back from the test room, and all those movements and questions had made her brain throb with pain. Not only that, but she was also extremely worried; she hadn't missed the concerned looks on their faces.

When she heard the floor cracking, she turned her head, only to see her mother come her way. Her chocolate eyes were nearly overflowing with tears, and Kagome was almost ready to accept the worst. Slowly she sat down comfortable in the bed, waiting for her mother to break the news.

Miyu pulled a chair near the bed before sitting down. She then reached out for her daughter's hand, enveloping it with her own. There was no perfect way to announce it, but she had to  _jump_  and do it.

"Kagome, promise me you'll remain calm. It's  _very_  important."

Kagome nodded, more confused than ever.

Her mother sighed before peering away. "There is a temporary side effect to your accident Kagome. You forgot the last year of your life."

Miyu felt her daughter's grip increase, as tears flowed in her eyes.  _You forgot the last year of your life_. Was that the reason why they had run so many tests? Why everyone looked surprised by every little thing she did? No, it couldn't be! Someone didn't just forget a whole year!

Her stomach began to twist in horror, as she violently shook her head. "No.  _No_." She refused to accept the fact that she had forgotten.

She could remember yesterday couldn't she? Yes. She had been out with Inuyasha, at her house, watching movies. He had finished work early, and had dropped at her house with movies, and takeout food. If she remembered that, it meant she hadn't forgotten right?

But then, slowly throughout Kagome's panic, the links of reasons were made.

If she was with Inuyasha… how did she get hit by a car?

It felt as if her heart had ceased to pump as she swallowed hard. Yesterday, she hadn't come out of the house at all. If she hadn't it meant…  _no_  they couldn't be right. Kagome released her mother's hand before wrapping her arms around her legs, burying her face in her knees. It wasn't possible! She refused to forget!

Kagome found herself banging her head on her knees as hard as she could as a hopeless attempt to retrieve her memory. Noticing her destructive behavior, Miyu rushed into the bed, and grabbed her daughter's head in her hand, preventing her from inflicting herself further harm.

"Kagome, please, you have to calm down," Miyu nearly begged with a broken heart.

Before Kagome knew it, she was releasing her legs before wrapping her arms around her mother's neck. She was scared, terrified, of her own self. She was trying so hard to force her brain to remember, but it was failing. Why had she forgotten? The accident was a terrible accident, but why would she want to erase it from her memory so badly taking a year of her life with it?

Miyu gently caressed Kagome's hair, trying to ease the pain. If she could, she would take the suffering in her place but she couldn't. "It'll be okay, Kagome. I promise."

Kagome was softly sobbing, her face buried in the crook of her mother's neck. "Mom, I'm missing a – a year!"

Her mother shook her head, tightening her hold. "It's not permanent." The doctor had voiced the possibility of it being everlasting, but Miyu knew her daughter was strong. She had never failed in front of hardships, and she believed in her capacity of recovering.

"Over time, it'll slowly come back to you."

Kagome clenched to her mother's shirt, wanting nothing more than to believe her words. Oh how badly did she want to know what happened to her. She wanted to stop the tears, but they were overflowing and out of control. Her heart  _needed_  the tears to help her feel better.

She closed her eyes, listening to the gentle words her mother was whispering in her ear, and it reminded her of her childhood. Kagome allowed her exhausted self to relax in her mother's arms, her heart wounded by the things that were past recalling.

Even if it was not true, she would hold on to her mother's world, and believe she would remember even if it seemed impossible.

-P-

"We're going to need to inspect every corner of her life, to make sure nothing is left out," said Sango, before leaning into her chair. "We'll even have to go through her apartment, and remove  _anything_  that might cause her to panic because she can't remember."

"The doctor said she'd be out by next week," said Miroku, pitching in. "It gives us that short amount of time to make sure everything is okay."

Although Sango couldn't say it out loud, it also meant removing any trace of Sesshomaru from her life. The stories with Inuyasha and Sesshomaru were very linked together, and one couldn't be explained without the other. Unfortunately, that meant for Sesshomaru that he couldn't be with Kagome the way he used to, especially since in her mind she was… still dating Inuyasha.

"Inuyasha is going to be a big problem," Sango pointed out before sighing. "We can't tell her they broke ups because that would be the worst mistake considering her current state."

"That would mean Inuyasha needs to  _date_  her?" asked Miroku, almost disgusted. The last thing he wanted was Inuyasha anywhere near Kagome.

"Maybe not.. What if we tell her he's on some business trip?" Anything to avoid involving Inuyasha into this. Having him date Kagome was worse than actually telling her the truth.

"She'll wonder why he didn't call, why he's not worried about her. Who knows how long this is going to take, we might not be able to keep up the charade."

Sango chewed on her bottom, desperate to find an answer to their current problem. Anything seemed better than allowing Kagome to fall into Inuyasha's paws once more. She took that silent moment to glance at Sesshomaru. His eyes were bloodshot red but for the first time he had shifted his gaze. He was looking at Kagome's room, his eyes longing.

Not only had she forgotten their time together, but she thought she loved Inuyasha. It was as if the fucking bastard was getting a chance to start anew, without being held responsible for the previous stupidities he had done. It wasn't  _fucking_  fair; why did he always get a get out of jail free card?

He shouldn't be allowed around Kagome, he didn't deserve her. He had broken her, toyed with her, and it was enough. Who knew what he might do to her this time around if they gave him a chance? For a year he had devoted himself to Kagome, and he didn't want to lose her, not even her friendship.

He didn't need her to be in love with him, he just required for her to be in his life.

How could he go back to the empty shell he was before, when he had a taste of completion?

"I think our best option is to start with cleaning her apartment. We don't have to tell Inuyasha just yet, so when the time comes, we'll figure out something," Sango said finally breaking the silence.

"I don't think it's fair to leave me out, ya know?"

Sango nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard Inuyasha's voice coming from behind her. Quickly, she turned around only to see him leaning against the wall, a smirk on his face. Immediately she could tell he had heard  _too much_  of their conversation. She closed her eyes, cursing at herself; this was not good.

"I mean, Kagome loves me. It wouldn't be fair for her to think I don't want to see her right?"

Miss Higurashi had called him in the middle of the night but he had been so passed out, that he hadn't heard the phone. It was only a couple of hours later, when he had woken up to go to work that he had seen he had a message on his answering machine. Obviously, he had called in sick at work and had rushed to the hospital.

Boy was he glad he arrived when he did.

Those bastards were going to try to keep him from Kagome. However, now that he knew there was nothing they could do to stop him. Kagome thought she was with him; she  _wanted_  him by her side. His luck couldn't have been better! She had forgotten all about the misunderstanding, and now, they could pick up where they had left off.

Once again, Kagome was his.

"You know she'll remember."

Inuyasha tilted his head to the side a bit. "I dunno. She must have been pretty sad during the last year. I'm sure if I make her happy enough, she won't want to recall the past year."

His words stung like knives but there might be some truth to them. Inuyasha being involved with this was the worst thing that could happen. They despised him, and they all knew he was bound to hurt her again. Kagome couldn't go through another experience like that!

Sesshomaru was silent, hearing the conversation without being fully there. His half-brother was correct; a part of the previous year had been hard on Kagome. Although she had happy moments, she had been haunted by what Inuyasha did to her. What if it was why her brain decided to take it out?

After all, Kagome would be happier now than she had been in a long time.

All those months, he wished nothing more than to see a true smile adorn her face, and it was going to happen. The fact though that Inuyasha would be the reason for it, left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. It would fill her with joy to have Inuyasha by her side but, at the same time, he was the man Sesshomaru had promised he'd keep away from Kagome.

"Look Inuyasha, this isn't about you, it's about Kagome."

"Yeah, and I'm gonna do what's good for her," said Inuyasha, as he walked past all of them, aiming for Kagome's room.

He knew they were hopeless, that they couldn't do anything to stop him. How would they explain to Kagome why they were kicking him out without telling her the full story? Whatever they did, he would always have the upper hand. A smile was on his face, as he opened the door, only to reveal Miyu and Kagome in an embrace.

As soon as Kagome heard the door open, she pulled away from her mother a bit. When she noticed the familiar features, her heart began to throb in her chest; would it be the right person this time? And then, he fully came in view, and her heart stopped beating.

Kagome released her mother before jumping out of bed a bit too quickly, almost slipping, as she threw herself in Inuyasha's arms. Tightly, she wrapped her arms around his neck while hiding her face in his chest. When they told her she had forgotten the last year she was afraid she would have lost her memories of him as well.

But she remembered everything; his smell, his face, his warmth.

Tears of happiness poured out of her eyes, as she held him even tighter. Inuyasha, still grinning, brought her body closer to his, nearly crushing her. He had remembered the way her fragile body felt in his arms. It was a gift to be able to hold her once more. No more bad fights hanging over them, just him and Kagome.

He gently kissed the top of her head before running his fingers through her hair. "It's okay Kagome, I'm here. Everything will be fine now."

And she believed him.

Meanwhile Sango was standing in front of the door panicking. If she had to, she would tied up Inuyasha and leave him for dead in a dumpster; anything so he couldn't have Kagome again. Her rage was flaring, and her judgment was clouded. She turned to glance at Sesshomaru, her eyes piercing through his soul.

"Are you going to let him do this to her? I know you're hurt, but you've been sitting here like a ghost! Kagome needs you."

Kagome  _used_  to need him, but apparently, she had taken care of her pain all on her own. She had found a way to put a halt to the suffering and now she would be happy again. She might have required his help in the past, but it was no longer true.

Without saying a word, Sesshomaru grabbed his jacket from the chair and stood up. Sango was waiting for him to barge into Kagome's room to go see her, talk to her, even if she didn't remember, but the look in his eyes told her he wouldn't. Was he running away?

He threw his jacket over his shoulder, before slowly walking past everyone.

Sango's mouth hung open a bit, as she began to breathe heavily. "You're just going to walk out of her life, because she forgot about you?" she nearly screamed her tone clearly accusing him of being a coward.

Sesshomaru stopped in his tracks, but he never turned around. "I'm merely respecting the decision that was made. The part of her life where I was in was erased. Clearly the last year was nothing but a waste of time, and a bad memory."

Once he was done speaking, he resumed his walking and all Sango could do was watch him. It was obvious by his words that he was hurt. Unfortunately, without him they wouldn't recover the  _new_  Kagome, nor would they be able to free her from Inuyasha's grip.

If only he could believe a little longer. Sango knew it wasn't him she was trying to forget about.

But Sesshomaru never came back. He couldn't because in his heart, he felt betrayed. They were about to remove him from her life, as if he hadn't existed. He wouldn't talk to her again, or see her smile in the morning.

From this day on, they were nothing but strangers to each other.

They meant nothing, they were nothing.

He finally understood the price of allowing others near your heart.

 _Pain and suffering_.

-P-

_A/N: This won't be a "_ Kagome Forgets Sesshomaru – Gets with Inuyasha – Remembers – Gets with Sesshomaru" storyline.  _BUT It doesn't mean it's not Sess/Kag. It just means it happens some other way..._


	4. White Lilac

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> White Lilac: First Emotion of Love

Sango sighed heavily as she put the phone down  _again_ . It didn't matter how many times she attempted to reach Sesshomaru because he would never answer. She could comprehend the fact that his feelings had been hurt, but it was no reason to completely forget about Kagome.

Had he really given up so easily?

After devoting a whole year of his life to Kagome he was already leaving her in to the hands of Inuyasha. Sango wasn't very close to Sesshomaru and frankly, she was  _more_  in this for Kagome than him, but  _still_. She had gotten to know him during the last year, and she still thought he'd have the decency to pick up the phone. Kagome was going to need him soon, and he was the only one who could heal her.

Sango reached out for the phone, ready to dial his phone number again, when a hand stopped her.

"He's not going to answer," said Miroku before sitting down beside her.

It frustrated him as well that Sesshomaru had walked away, but if there was one thing he knew it was that you didn't want to further aggravate an irritated Sesshomaru. The more she called the less chance she had to obtain an answer from him.

Unfortunately for them, the best thing to do was to leave him alone and wait for him to come around.

"When he's ready, he will come."

Miroku watched as Sango ran her fingers through her hair, clearly exasperated, before slowly nodding. "I know. It's just, today we're supposed to be going through Kagome's apartment… and I don't know. I thought he'd like to be there."

Today was indeed going to be a difficult day, and erasing  _anything_  that could force a shock on Kagome would not be an easy task. He too had hoped for Sesshomaru's collaboration, yet he could not be blamed for his silence. How could they request of him that he delete himself from Kagome's life? It would be an unbearable task.

"Try to see things from his angle, Sango."

She was usually the rational one but today, her mind refused to be brilliant. It felt as if an ominous cloud of bad luck was raining over them. First there was Kagome's accident, followed by Inuyasha's renewed presence in her life, and now her best friend was also losing her  _rock_  in life. Sango wished for nothing more than to sit down with Sesshomaru, and talk him out of his insanity, but he was ignoring her as if she had never existed.

"I suppose you're right," said Sango, desperation showing her voice.

Her fingers lingered on the phone a bit longer, before she tore herself away. "What time will you be ready to go to Kagome's apartment?"

"5 o'clock."

Sango nodded before grabbing her jacket, which had been resting on her chair. "I'm going to the hospital. I don't want to give Inuyasha too much time to be alone with her."

Sango had taken the next few days off to make sure she was at the hospital during the allowed visiting hours every day. Inuyasha was quite the sneaky bastard, and she wouldn't allow him to take advantage of the situation more than he already was. Since the martial school was hers, she had the chance of being absent for as long as she wished.

"I'll meet you there, then."

As Sango aimed for the door, it hit her just how much everyone's morale was down. Miroku hadn't tried to grope her since, which was quite unusual for him. Then again, he almost considered Kagome like a little sister, much like she did.

Even though the drive to the hospital was short, it worried Sango. After all, her best friend had gotten injured because of a car accident. The past two days, she found herself driving more carefully than she ever had before.

While she began heading to the hospital, her thoughts drifted to Miyu. Sesshomaru had not put a halt to his invitation, but Sango could only imagine how awkward things were, since Sesshomaru probably refused to even hear the name  _Kagome_. If she had room, Sango would have invited Miyu and Sota to stay with her to perhaps make the situation a bit easier.

A few minutes went along before she arrived at the hospital. Sango hurried to park the car, in a rush to make her way up to Kagome's room. Inuyasha was a rotten bastard, and honestly it was taking all of her self control to  _not_  reveal the truth to Kagome. She  _almost_  wanted to break Inuyasha's neck, just to keep him away.

When Sango reached Kagome's room, she was surprised to find the door closed. Immediately, her senses were tickling her because she knew it meant neither Miyu nor Sota were there; only Inuyasha. She knitted her eyebrows together, heading for the door with determined steps.

Without giving a warning, Sango flung the door open almost expecting a  _romantic_  scene. Instead, to her surprise, she found Kagome fast asleep in the hospital bed while Inuyasha was sitting on a chair nearby flipping through a magazine, obviously bored.

The noise created by Sango attracted his attention, and now his focus was on her. "Ya mind bein' careful? She's sleepin' ya know."

Inuyasha's caring made her sick to her stomach and she didn't take the time to answer him. Instead, she focused on the reason of her presence; her friend. Sango grabbed Kagome's hand, squeezing it tightly. Since regaining consciousness, Kagome had been able to mostly do everything on her own. Minus the memory loss, there was absolutely no other damage which had come as a relief.

However, she still had the big bandage wrapped around her head which was still healing. The fact that her head still required recovery gave everyone hopes that she would eventually remember the missing chunks of her life.

Not wanting to wake up her friend who desperately needed her rest, Sango pulled a chair near the bed before sitting down. She could feel Inuyasha's attention shift in her direction, but she ignored him. Sango was aware that he'd prefer to be alone with Kagome, but it wasn't going to happen.

Inuyasha felt his toes twitch, as he desperately tried to remain silent. Since his reunion with Kagome, many questions had been burning his mind but unfortunately Kagome couldn't answer any of them since they involved her lost memory.

It didn't leave him with many options, especially since from what he had gathered Miyu didn't know much about the relationship between Sesshomaru and Kagome. Inuyasha never thought his brother would be involved with anyone, let alone Kagome. He even thought he was gay for a while.

And how had the two become such good friends?

"Hey," he tried; his voice quiet enough to not disturb Kagome.

Sango raised her head from the book she had been reading only to glare at Inuyasha. She didn't utter a word, but her eyes remained locked on him as if she waiting for him to proceed.

Inuyasha was known to have quite the temper, but he was conscious that if he was too hot headed Sango would ignore him. He took a deep breath to make sure he was as relaxed as possible.

"How does Sesshomaru know Kagome?"

Sango's fingers crisped the cover of the book before she glanced away. "Probably through you when you introduced her," she replied, the sarcasm obvious in her voice.

She remembered that time, when they all used to be friends, and Kagome was deeply in love with who they thought was a good guy. At least the truth had been found out before anything serious happened between the two of them.

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed, but he kept himself in check. "How are they  _friends_?"

Sango had the  _urge_  to add a little comment which would probably serve Inuyasha right, but by risking that it might backfire so she held herself back. "Because of you."

Knowing he would have another question coming her way, she put her book down on her lap and turned her body so she was completely facing him. "What happened between Sesshomaru and Kagome is none of your business. It's theirs. And seeing as how neither can nor will talk about it,  _butt out_."

The thought of Sesshomaru with his Kagome still left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. "It don't matter what kind relationship they had. Kagome is mine again."

"I'll make sure it doesn't stay that way" said Sango, before retrieving her book.

Inuyasha allowed his eyes to linger on Sango a bit more, processing her threat. She could talk all she wanted, but there was nothing she could do. As long as Kagome's memories remained hazy, she would be all his. If she happened to remember, then he would deal with things when it would occur.

For now, as far as he was concerned, Kagome was his girlfriend.

-P-

Sesshomaru twisted his pen in between his fingers again before dropping it on his desk. Usually, he'd have done most of his work by noon but today, he could not. All that filled his mind were thoughts of her; the memory of her face was haunting him. It had been one thing to walk away from the hospital, but it was another to forget about her.

Who had he been kidding?

If he had been unable to  _not_  fall in love, and remain clung to her for a year, how did he except to let go now? But the situation was so complicated…

Perhaps if his half brother was not in the picture, it would have been much easier. Heck, maybe he would have restarted their relationship from scratch in the blink of an eye but he couldn't. Inuyasha was around, and in Kagome's mind her feelings for him were strong. Sesshomaru couldn't be in her vicinity because he couldn't bare the sight of them together.

He had held her while she was broken beyond repair, and the thought of such suffering repeating itself was making his stomach knot.

Yet he was helpless.

She didn't know him, and he couldn't stand their love.

Problem was he didn't know how to get rid of the intense feelings he had for her because he had never been stuck in such a situation in the past. Now, he was beginning to understand why he had never made that mistake. However, it also gave him a small look inside on how Kagome was truly feeling after the incident.

It also proved Inuyasha was a bastard.

He ran his fingers through his hair, his impatience increasing. He couldn't cease his thoughts about her and he couldn't do any work; he felt useless. Could there be  _something_  to distract his mind?

Sesshomaru peered at his phone where the red light was flashing, indicating he had messages. He didn't need to press the button to know that Sango's voice would come on if he did. She had been trying to call him for two days now and apparently she had no intention of given up.

And if she wasn't enough, there was also Mrs. Higurashi.

Obviously, he was not going to kick her out of his house but that also lead to uncomfortable situations. Every time she left for the hospital she would inquire if he was coming as well. Not knowing how to answer, he would simply mumble an answer before walking off.

He made sure she had a ride to drop her off and pick her up though.

A sigh broke free from him as his eyes landed on the only picture he had on his desk. Of course it  _had_  to be a picture of them together. Kagome had come into his office one day with her brand new camera, extremely excited. He had shared her enthusiasm, until she had  _insisted_  they try it out together.

As per usual, she hadn't given him a chance to say no and had pressed her face against his, with the silliest smile on her face. A few days later she had brought him a copy, even though he had not request it, and gave him a frame to put it in. Most of the time he kept it behind a few files and what not, perhaps to keep his business image, but lately, he had left it exposed.

His fingers trailed along the wooden frame, his heart feeling as if it was being squeezed and slowly ripped out of his chest. Gently, he gave it a small push causing it to tilt forward, hiding the picture.

It felt as if he was giving up, and perhaps he was.

But what else was he supposed to do?

His presence in her life would make no sense without her knowing about Inuyasha. Since they could not tell her that part, he was stuck being away from her. Yes, he could pray that she would remember and that everything would go back to normal, but there was the chance that it wouldn't.

He preferred to have no hope at all than fake ones. At least, he would not be disappointed.

As Sesshomaru attempted to chase her from his thoughts and resume his work, a knock on his door was heard. "Mr. Taisho?"

"Come in," he told his secretary, grabbing his pen again almost ready to pretend he had been working the whole time.

A small blond walked in, looking a bit nervous. "Mrs. Higurashi called, and left a message. She says that Miss. Higurashi will be out of the hospital in three days."

Even though he had not been hoping, his heart felt crushed. "She didn't say anything else?"

His secretary shook her head, wishing she could offer better news.

Sesshomaru gestured for her to leave, which she did quietly, not wanting to anger him. He put his palm down against the desk a bit louder and rougher than he intended causing a loud  _smacking_  noise to echo through his office.

If in three days she didn't recover her memory, then the bastard would have her trapped like a prey. Sesshomaru knew that Inuyasha wasn't technically doing anything wrong since Kagome was not being forced into anything, but it was unfair that the truth was kept from her.

 _Fuck_.

Sesshomaru rose to his feet, before he began to pace in his office. He was so frustrated that he had been taken out of her life that the only thing he had thought of doing was to walk out, which he had done. Except, it was obviously not working since all he had on his mind was her.

But, wasn't there any way at all he could see her?

He couldn't even remember how many times he had seen Kagome before the last year. It had also been quick, and he rarely spoke to her. How could he explain coming into her life now without making her suspicious and perhaps causing her to go into shock?

If his relationship with his half-brother had been better, he would have been able to simply  _hang_  around but it was not the case and  _she_  knew it.

Was he so desperate for her presence in his life? He always knew she meant a great deal to him but he believed she would always be around, that he wouldn't need to miss her.

His frustration getting the best out of him, Sesshomaru violently punched the wall, puncturing a hole.

How would he get her back?

-P-

"Do you think she really didn't know?"

Miroku raised his head above the billboard which had Kagome's scrapbooked pictures, a bit confused. "Who didn't know what?"

Sango put down the pictures of Kagome and Sesshomaru she had been holding, and stood up. "Do you think Kagome really didn't know how Sesshomaru felt for her?"

Miroku put down the heavy board, before leaning against the wall. "It's hard to say. Kagome is very  _innocent_ , and it might have slipped by her."

She was an angel who often gave to others before herself and the only time she had been selfish had been at the beginning of her heartbreak, which anyone would have done. Heck, in the end Inuyasha had been almost obvious, and she hadn't seen any of the hints.

Sango shrugged her shoulders, before reaching out for one of the moving box. "I guess. But I mean, after  _everything_  he did, she didn't have a clue?"

"It's not like we can ask her now."

Sango nodded, her heart feeling heavy as she dragged the box in direction of Miroku so he could pack some of the pictures. Her attention was then focused on the one room she wasn't often allowed in. Kagome's art room. Technically, it wasn't any of her business what her friend was painting, but if there was something related to Sesshomaru… they couldn't leave it there.

Her steps were slow, as she headed for the room. In a way she felt like she was invading her friend's privacy, but it was required for her own safety. As she opened the door it creaked, causing her to rush her movements.

As per usual, all the paintings were covered with a drape. To make sure she didn't disturb the way Kagome arranged her attempt at concealing her art she simply peeked under the drape, rather than taking off the whole thing. Most of the paintings she recognized from orders Kagome had received, some seemed to be leisurely work.

When Sango reached the last two paintings at the back, the first one surprised her. She arched her eyebrow at the blackness of the small canvas before covering it once again. It wasn't until she was at the last one that she realized there was one piece of art they couldn't keep. Sango was so in awe of it, she pulled away the whole drape, just to admire it.

"Is that Sesshomaru?" asked Miroku as he peeked in.

Sango slowly nodded her head, never glancing away from the painting. During the last few weeks, Kagome had  _locked_  herself into her art room, refusing access to anyone including Sesshomaru, and now Sango understood why. It was a breath taking painting of Sesshomaru, so realistic it felt as if it was coming to life. Every detail, every curve, every line; it was there. It was if she knew him better than she knew herself.

The sight caused Sango's eyes to become watery.  _This_  was the reason why they couldn't let Inuyasha back into her life; he didn't deserve her.

Sango's heart felt heavy as she delicately took the picture before handing it to Miroku. "Be careful with it. I'll keep it in my apartment for now."

She swallowed hard but dragged herself away from the room. It had been the last one. They had officially deleted Sesshomaru from her life and any details that might remind her of the heartbreak she had experienced last year. Now all that remained was a fake happiness.

Feeling uncomfortable and uneasy, she closed the door behind her as she walked out.

All she could do was hope for Kagome to retrieve her sanity.

-P-

The room was nearly engulfed in darkness, the moonlight being the only source of brightness. Kagome had her head pressed against the pillow as she was sitting in the bed, unable to find rest.

Her friends were so concerned about her and her safety, that for their sake, she had been putting on a strong façade. But when she was completely alone it was harder to hide her pain and frustration.

From the look of things, it seemed she hadn't  _missed_  much during the last year yet it was frustrating. Doctors had told her to not force herself to remember, and yet she couldn't help it. She had forgotten a whole year of her life, and somewhere deep inside, she wanted it back.

A year later, she was still with Inuyasha, she now had her own apartment, and apparently she had freelance work pretty often.

But then, why did her chest hurt sometimes?

It was a feeling she couldn't explain; almost as if something had taken hold of her heart. It mostly happened when she was alone, which was not surprising since she was left with her thoughts. When she was with Inuyasha though, it all went away. At least she knew one thing in her life was right.

There was a chance she'd never remember. The doctors hadn't told her directly, but she had overhead them talk.

When Kagome thought about recalling the missing events in her life, she was almost scared. As if there was something terrifying. Could it be that she was afraid of the accident? She couldn't remember at all what had occurred; perhaps it had been very painful and her mind didn't wish for her to relive through it again.

Would it be okay if she never remembered?

Maybe she was feeling a hint of depression, and she couldn't help but wonder if it was because she was alone. For the moment, she was craving company as if she had been deprived from it for so long. Perhaps she wished to have Inuyasha by her side.

 _Inuyasha_.

He had been acting different with her she could tell. He wasn't as affectionate as she had expected him to be. Sometimes, she was getting the impression he was acting like a stranger, but he had never been good with emotions. Also, he was perhaps being considerate since she was still recovering from the accident.

She gently lifted her hand before touching her head, feeling the bandage under her touch. That day, she could have very well died. It sent a shiver down her spine as she began thinking about all the things she hadn't done yet. Could it be that she had been holding back on life? Did she not enjoy the little things enough?

Kagome closed her eyes, a sigh rolling off her lips.

Every time she tried to sleep, it was always the same thing;  _rain_.

No matter how much she tried to clear her mind, all she was able to hear was the sound of the rain echoing off the pavement and footsteps digging through the mud. She had inquired about it, but the doctors had brushed it off, blaming it on her brain  _trying to fix itself_.

After a few seconds, the sound of the rain ringing through her head was driving her crazy so her eyes snapped open. In an attempt to clear her mind, she reached out for the phone near her bed, bringing it onto her lap. She needed to talk to someone; she didn't want to be alone.

The only problem was Kagome didn't know whom she should call.

There was Inuyasha, or Sango.

She took a deep breath before her fingers trailed upon the number pad, where she began dialing Inuyasha's cell phone number. As soon as it went through, she held her breath as if she was afraid he wouldn't pick up the phone. Once the thought crossed her mind, she softly shook her head; it wasn't like Inuyasha to not answer.

When had he  _not_  been there?

The phone rang three times prior to Inuyasha picking up.

 _"Hello?"_ he said, his voice betraying his drowsiness.

"Inuyasha?"

Suddenly, it was as if he was a bit more alert.  _"Kagome? Is everything okay?"_

Why had she called him again? It made her feel so silly; he had been sleeping and she had disturbed him.

"I'm fine," she said, hiding the trembling in her voice. "I just- I wanted to hear your voice."

_Are you coming over?_

As the thought hit her mind, she felt herself freeze. After saying such thing to Inuyasha, a feeling of déjà-vu hit her and it was as if her mind was trying to finish the situation. Inuyasha and her had never been together  _fully_ , at least, not that she could remember, which left her to wonder.

Had something happened during the last year? Was it regular for him to come over?

_"-Kagome... Kag?"_

Him calling her name brought her back to reality. However, since she had not heard his reply, she changed the subject by asking her own question. "Inuyasha? Do you come over my apartment often, like at night?"

A silence installed itself between them, as Inuyasha tried to think of the proper answer.

It couldn't be that she remembered anything, since if she did, she would have never called him to tell him she wanted to simply talk to him. Maybe she was just trying to remember the past year by herself? The situation was a bit tricky since he didn't want to make any mistakes.

It was one thing to be with her in the hospital, but it would be another to be alone with her in her condo. He was not a jerk, and he would  _not_  take advantage of the fact that she didn't remember much but he still intended on making some sort of progress with her.

Inuyasha had no intention of allowing this attempt to fail.

_"Pretty much all the time. Why ya wanna know?"_

If he told her he didn't then it might bring a halt to their relationship, since she would think they were still  _at that step_. He didn't really want to lie to her, but he had no other choice.

Kagome pressed her lips together unsure if she should ask her next question, or even if it was appropriate to do it on the phone. Yet, she couldn't help but want to know, to chase away the unsettling feeling in her stomach.

"Inuyasha did we… well…"

She had always promised she'd save herself for the right person, and although she knew Inuyasha was the one for her she had never felt ready to take that step. Perhaps it was because she had been waiting for a big commitment. Nonetheless, many things could have changed during the last year, and she needed to know.

Inuyasha sighed, wondering why she had to be provided with all those answers  _now_. He hadn't even begun to come up with his whole plan, and the fantasy year he would tell her about. Obviously she'd ask for memories sooner or later, and he wanted to be ready with good lies.

 _"No,"_  he said, sounding a bit irritated.

She bit on her bottom lip, unsure of what to add. But before she could come up with something, Inuyasha jumped in. " _Look. Kag. You should sleep. You're comin' back soon and all. You need rest."_

Kagome nodded, even though he couldn't see her. "I guess you're right. I'll see you tomorrow?"

_"Yeah."_

She wanted to say those three little words, but her eyes were teary and her heart was caught in her throat. "Good night Inuyasha."

Without even hearing his goodnight greeting, Kagome hung up the phone before slowly putting it back in its place. As she rested her head back on the pillow, she found herself confused. Why did it hurt her so much?

She blamed it on her current state or perhaps on her accident that had still left her confused. Kagome tilted her head to the side before closing her eyes; she wouldn't let herself dwell upon such silliness again. She was still recovering, and she was a mess from everything that had happened.

In a few days, especially when she would resume her life, everything would be better and all those horrible feelings would stop haunting her.

She would be back to herself once more and soon enough she'd remember.

Hopefully.

-P-

Sesshomaru's fingers were twitching as he tapped them along the wheel. Somehow, he had found himself corned by Miyu and now he was currently driving her and Sota to the hospital. Today was the day Kagome was returning to her apartment, and Miyu was the one who would help her home and remain with her for a few days.

He could have sent a driver, even paid for a cab, but she had barely given him a chance to say no. When she had subtlety pressured him into saying yes, she had reminded him of Kagome. The almost puppy eyes, the watery eyes, the soft tone, wondering what was wrong.

Sesshomaru was aware that Miyu was not oblivious to the situation. She knew how he felt about Kagome forgetting about him, yet it didn't stop her. He had also thought she loved Inuyasha like a son, so it surprised him that she was trying to include him in her daughter's life.

Frankly with his emotions so raw for the moment, he would rather be far from Kagome.

Yet, he missed her. Until now, he had never spent so much time alone or so much time in his house. She had often wanted to come over, but he always had insisted on coming to her apartment. Perhaps it was because it felt more like a home than his house ever would.

He could feel Miyu's eyes on him and it made him even more uncomfortable. He was used to Kagome's closeness and being able to hold her, tease her, even simply talk to her. It was not something he could do now, hence why he was not ready to face her. All of his emotions were building up inside of him with no way out.

The distance between his house and the hospital seemed longer than usual and he assumed it was the drag on his feelings of anxiety. But, eventually the building came into sight and his eyes narrowed a bit. Once he was done parking the car, he settled himself in his seat while Sota and Miyu were getting ready to get out.

It was when Mrs. Higurashi grabbed the handle that she noticed the lack of motions coming from Sesshomaru. "You're staying here?" she inquired, a bit surprise.

"She do-." He stopped himself, as the words had escaped him before he had been able to cease them. "You do not require my help."

Miyu knew very well what he had wanted to say, but she nodded her head nonetheless. She took her time exiting the car, before she and Sota made their way to Kagome's room.

Sesshomaru watched them go, his heart throbbing. He could hear her laugh ringing through his mind which caused him to glance away. Soon enough, she would be in his car and he wouldn't be able to  _know_  her. He would have to act cold, and inconsiderate like he used to do with her.

He wouldn't go up in her apartment, they wouldn't share a laugh, and there would be no close moments.

Once again, he was alone.

Meanwhile, Sota and Miyu were reaching Kagome's room. The door was open, and in the room, was an impatient Kagome waiting for them. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing regular clothes her mother had brought for her, playing with her hands and tapping her foot.

"Finally," she said with a smile on her face before getting up and hugging her mother.

As Miyu wrapped her arms around her daughter she noticed a new accessory in her hair. Kagome never wore bandanas before, which surprised her a bit. But then she remembered. When they had taken the bandages off her head, it had been revealed that Kagome was missing a few patches of hair due to the accident, and the operation on her head.

Once Kagome pulled away, her mother made sure to say anything about it; hoping to not make Kagome feel more self conscious about it than she already did. Kagome was all smiles when she hugged her little brother, before jumping back on her feet.

"Ready to go?" she asked, wanting nothing more than to leave the hospital.

There was nothing she hated more than being stuck inside of a hospital, especially since at the moment it wasn't attached to good feelings or memories. Once she would be able to put the whole incident behind her she'd feel better.

Miyu wrapped her arm around her shoulder, before they all headed out with Mrs. Higurashi casting a lingering glance in direction of her daughter. She knew her daughter would ask why Sesshomaru was the one to give them a ride, and although someone more  _involved_  could have done it, it was the only way Miyu could think of to keep a little contact between the two.

She had heard her daughter talk about Sesshomaru and the enthusiasm in her voice let her know he was important to her, more than Inuyasha had ever been. Miyu still liked Inuyasha, but she wished for her daughter's happiness. One day suddenly, Kagome had ceased talking about Inuyasha; letting Miyu concluded that something wasn't right.

But with Sesshomaru, there had never been any tears.

As Kagome allowed her mother to guide her to the car, she began to grow confused. Miyu was guiding her towards a car she didn't recognize, causing her to abruptly come to a halt. "Ma? Are you sure this is the right car?"

"Of course it is, Kagome," said Miyu, smiling at her daughter.

Then suddenly, she heard the driver door open and at first the shining color of silver tricked her to believe it was Inuyasha, but quickly enough she realized it wasn't him. It took her a few seconds to replace him, but then she remembered him from the hospital and how everyone had been surprised that she didn't recall who he was right away.

It wasn't really her fault though; how often did she see Sesshomaru?

Once she pulled herself away from her thoughts, she found herself wondering  _why_  he was the one picking them up. Inuyasha could have done it just as easily. For a second her eyes lingered on his face, and even though she expected him to glance away, he never did.

"Sesshomaru right?" she said, as he opened the door for her.

His eyes hardened a bit but he nodded his head, unable to utter a word. Before Kagome could slide in the back seat, Miyu cut in. "Kagome, do you mind riding in the front? I feel uneasy being in the front if I'm not driving."

Kagome frowned, a bit confused before shrugging her shoulders. "Sure."

Sesshomaru felt his blood become ice in his veins as the execution of any movements appeared to be impossible. Kagome  _sitting_  at the front? Beside  _him_?

He had already seen the intentions behind Miyu's actions, but this would be torture. To be so close to her, yet so far.

His grip on the door tightened, and if he had possessed more strength he would have probably dented it. He gently closed the door behind Miyu and Sota, before opening the door for her.

Kagome, who had been on her way to open it, seemed a bit surprised, perhaps because she had not expected him to be a gentleman. She thanked him with a nod before sliding in. Since her eyes were not on him, he gave himself permission to stare at her a bit.

It was while he was pondering  _why_  she was wearing a bandana that he saw it. From under the corner of the blue fabric, he saw her scalp. He didn't know about this  _new_  Kagome, but the old one would be self conscious about it. And just like now, she wouldn't show her discomfort to the world, but inside, she would feel it.

Once he shut the door behind her, he hurried to his side of the car. This time around, he hoped the trip to return would be shorter than the trip to come because if not, he would explode.

Silence fell the car as he started it then slowly began making his way out of the hospital's parking lot. Sesshomaru hoped it would remain as quiet, as he didn't even know how to begin a conversation with her, but Kagome had something else in mind.

She didn't dislike Sesshomaru, but he had never treated Inuyasha very well, and he had always been rather cold to her because of her relationship with Inuyasha. To be honest, she was blown away to know he had come to pick her up, and that he had been in the hospital.

The only thing she could think of was that the relationship between the two brothers had improved during the last year. The thought actually made Kagome feel happy since for years Inuyasha had yearned for a real bond with his older brother.

"So you and Inuyasha are getting along now?"

The question almost caused Sesshomaru to press on the break because of the shock it gave him. As if he would  _ever_  get along with that filthy bastard. What in the world could have possibly given her that idea?

Unsure of how to response, he tested the waters. "Why?"

Kagome shrugged her shoulders. "Why else would he have asked you to pick me up?" And then, before he could answer, she added another question. "Was he working today?"

Truth was, everyone had agreed Miyu would be the one to help Kagome settle back in during the first few days, but since Kagome was not aware of that, or of the fact that Miyu had been staying at Sesshomaru's she couldn't know that it was why Sesshomaru had ended up being the taxi.

The simply mention of Inuyasha was enough to send him into a rage, especially while taking in consideration the latest events. He was never one to lie for her, but currently, his rage took care of that for him.

"Something like that."

Kagome's eyes remained on him a bit longer, but when he never turned to look at her, she gazed away. He didn't seem to be very comfortable in her presence, but then again, neither was she. They were pretty much strangers, so there was no reason for them to be acting like friends anyway.

The rest of the ride happened in silence, much to Sesshomaru's dismay. He didn't wish to be talked to but the complete quietness was a nuisance. She was so close he could taste her, yet he had to keep as much distance as he could. He wanted nothing more than to comfort her, and make her laugh about her bandana so she couldn't feel self-conscious anymore.

Yet he couldn't do any of it, and it killed him.

Although his attention was supposed to be focused on his driving, his eyes drifted in her direction. She was resting her chin in her palm, while peering out the window, her features so sad. Ever since that day, where she had  _kicked_  him out her apartment after making him promise that they would have dinner together, he hadn't seen her smile.

Even now, she looked depressed.

His hand was twitching to reach out for her so he could bring her comfort, but he held himself back.

Sesshomaru almost sighed in relief when her apartment came in view. For the first time in a long time, he wouldn't be going up the stairs and invading her privacy. He observed as she unbuckled her seatbelt carefully but then, she surprised him by looking his way.

"Thank you," she said; her voice soft.

Then, after he nodded, she offered a tiny smile before leaving his car. She patiently waited by the car as her brother and mother did the same, while he did his best to not gaze her way. Sesshomaru looked straight ahead as their footsteps echoed, and he remained in such position until he could no longer hear them.

Then it happened.

He pressed his forehead against the wheel, closing his burning eyes. Chaos was surging within him, while he was being surrounded by her divine scent.

And then, it became harder to breath and he knew he wasn't whole.

-P-


	5. Balsamine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Balsamine: Impatience

_The rain was falling hard against the window, imitating the sound of rocks hitting the glass. Kagome was leaning against the edge of the window, her palms firmly pressed against the wood, peering out into the darkness of the night. She was on her tippy toes as she pressed her face forward, feeling the coolness of the window._

_She heard him coming, and knowing it meant hot chocolate was on its way, she began to feel excited. After a long last glance outside, she rushed to the couch where she covered herself with a yellow blanket. Tonight was movie night, and some_ stupid _storm wasn't going to ruin it._

 _Every Saturday night when he didn't have work they would watch a movie while_ she _would stuff herself with the most sugar high foods there was. Usually, it resorted in him sleeping over or rather them falling asleep on the couch and the next day they would go out for breakfast._

_"If you don't hurry, I'll pick a romance movie."_

_"You wouldn't dare."_

_She knitted her eyebrows together, as the voice sounded distorted and strange. Confused, she rose to her fee, before rushing to the kitchen. The room was completely engulfed in blackness, making it rather difficult for her to see. She stretched her hand in front of her, trying to grasp him but all she felt was the void._

_He was gone_.

A gasp escaped her as she sat up in her bed, chills going down her spine. Kagome blinked a few times, her heart throbbing in her chest as she rapidly gazed around trying to recognize where she was. The environment was very unfamiliar to her since she could not remember living in this condo. Nonetheless, she slowly felt at ease as her fingers glided across the silky sheets.

She was home, in her bed.

 _Home_. It was a bittersweet word when your hands had created such a home, yet you could lose yourself in it. She had spent the previous day trying to locate everything and there were still many things she failed to find. The desire to get started from scratch by re-doing the apartment had crossed her mind more than once but in the end she had decided against it.

Changing everything was like giving up on her memory.

Perhaps one day she might have no other choice but for now, it was what she wanted. Kagome kicked the blankets off her body with her feet before sighing heavily. Ever since the accident, it was harder each day to wake up. However, today was particularly difficult since she had experienced such a strange dream.

It was the first dream she had since losing her memory. Maybe the reason why it left her hazy was because her brain was trying to connect pieces of memories with dreams?  _Did that even make sense?_

Just as she was about to fall on her back, ready to groan in frustration, the scent of pancakes filled the room and it brightened her spirits.  _Her mother's pancakes_.

When Kagome was younger, her mother would always make pancakes for her on particularly bad days. She hurried to put on her slippers before rushing out of the bedroom still wearing her pajamas.

"You still own those?"

Kagome stopped dead in her tracks when she heard Inuyasha's voice. She had called him the night before when she had first arrived at her apartment but he hadn't picked up. A smile adorned her face as she closed the distance between them wrapping her arms around his neck.

A small chuckle escaped Inuyasha before he turned into the embrace. Considering the fact that Kagome had never been a morning person, this was a nice change. She remained in his arms a bit longer, happiness still present on her face until she remembered what he said.

" _Hey_. Winnie the Pooh  _never_  goes out of date."

_"You're going to wear that? The whole night?"_

_"As a matter of fact, I am. You should know that Winnie the Pooh never goes out of date. Afraid you won't be able to keep your hands off me?"_

_"I can't promise anything."_

"Kagome?"

Her head snapped in direction of Inuyasha as she broke out of her reverie. What in the world had just happened? For a second, it had felt as if she had been somewhere else. Everything had been so fuzzy and blurry.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just got a little dizzy."

"Then sit down, stupid!" said Inuyasha; irritated that she hadn't voiced it earlier.

He grabbed her by the shoulders before guiding her to the closest chair and assisting her in sitting down. Kagome gave him a quick nod as a sign of thank you as he joined her at the table. Honestly she didn't know  _what_  happened, but she didn't exactly like the cold chills it had given her.

Kagome could feel both her mother and Inuyasha giving her concerned looks. "I just woke up too fast this morning and it caught up to me. I'm fine."

Miyu smiled, appearing to believe her as she brought her a plate of pancakes and put it in front of her. It had been more than dizziness, she could tell since Kagome's eyes had become  _empty_. But, since Kagome didn't want to dwell upon it, she would not push the issue.

"I thought you had work today," said Kagome, as she took her first bite out of her breakfast.

Inuyasha shook his head. "They said you had to stay put for the first few days, so I took off work to come hang out here."

It wasn't  _completely_  true. He hadn't told Sesshomaru he wasn't coming in, but he was sure his brother would figure it out soon enough. The bastard! After the way he had treated him he didn't deserve a  _warning_. Inuyasha could not come in whenever he pleased. Plus, Kagome was more important than work.

Though, since she was confined to inside the house he didn't know  _what_  they were going to do. He also couldn't forget the fact that her mother was present meaning they would most likely have to include her which would lead to them having no time alone.

He could not wait for the next couple of days to be over. Then, it would be only him and Kagome, just the way it was supposed to be.

-P-

Sometimes, he wondered if she was not worse than Kagome when it came to stubbornness.  _Once_ again, Sango hadn't understood that he didn't want to be bothered. It hadn't been enough that she been calling his office every day, and his home all night.  _No_ , now she had taken things to a new level.

She was standing in front of him, in the doorway. Why couldn't he have thought she would do so, and why had he opened the door so quickly? Closing the door in her face  _would_  be rude and though it seemed tempting, he did the polite thing by moving out of the way allowing her to walk in.

Sango had a proud smirk on her face as she headed for Sesshomaru's kitchen. She hadn't been in his house as often as Kagome, but she knew her way around. The only real reason she somewhat knew Sesshomaru was because they were both friends with Kagome and had learned to be around each other because of that.

She sat down at the table, ready to confront him.

Perhaps it could see almost a little obsessive, but she simply couldn't trust her friend whom she considered like a sister being in Inuyasha's care. Plus, she had always been rooting for Sesshomaru and Kagome to get together. This whole memory loss could be very damaging towards the goal.

No, she wasn't doing it out of a selfish need to see her friend  _being_  with someone. Sango knew Kagome and it made her aware that she felt something for Sesshomaru. Unfortunately, Kagome had always been a little slow to realize and react upon those kinds of things.

And now, well, she didn't even remember Sesshomaru, which was a major set back.

Granted, he wasn't always the most talkative and warm person, but that was with others. When it came to Kagome, he treated her differently. He gave her exactly what she needed from someone.

Now, she had spent the whole night thinking about their problem and finally she had come up with an answer. Of course, it would most likely provoke some kind of fight but she strongly believed that in the end, it would be worth it.

"Aren't you going to ask me why I am here?" she taunted.

"Because of Kagome," he casually replied as he joined her at the table.

She rolled her eyes.  _Obviously_. Why else would she almost become his stalker? "I think you should win her back."

Her words left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. "She was  _never_  mine to begin with, nor was she ever going to be."

 _Right_. She wasn't supposed to know about his feelings. "It was going to happen eventually."

When he didn't seem convinced by her words Sango found herself fighting the urge to play dirty. Why shouldn't she? Inuyasha was using Kagome's memory loss so perhaps she could do the same. After all, her statement could not be verified.

"I would know something about it."

He didn't want to ask.  _No_ , wait _._ He  _shouldn't_  ask. Whatever Sango and Kagome might have spoken of, it was a private conversation between the two of them. He was surprised that she talked about him. As his uncertainty grew, he began taping his fingers against the table, pondering on what was the right thing to do.

She knew he was hooked; all he needed was the extra push. Kagome hadn't technically said anything with words, but Sango had sensed it. It was the same right?

"Kagome and I are close friends, and she tells me a lot of things."

Sesshomaru put a halt to his fingers, as he made up his mind. "Even if  _such_  things were to be of any real interest to me, what would you have me do?" At this point, he couldn't have her. "She believes she is still dating the worthless bastard and she cannot be reminded of what she does not remember."

A bright smile appeared on Sango's face as he pointed out the obvious. "Exactly!"

When he arched an eyebrow she sighed. "We can't tell her how close you guys were, but it doesn't mean you can't be close to her anymore. What does she think your relationship with Inuyasha is like?"

She believes  _lies_. "That we are on speaking terms."

"Good," said Sango, almost refraining herself from having an outburst of joy. "Then, I'll have a little talk with Inuyasha and he  _will_  go along."

The tone of voice she used  _nearly_  scared Sesshomaru to the point where he wasn't sure if he wanted to know what she would tell his half brother.

"Then, all you have to do is come by Kagome's sometimes. We can even organize friendly meetings at my house. Tell her we are  _friends_  and what not. Then, you can work on gaining her trust again and as things go along… who knows."

He wanted to tell her that the idea was stupid, that it would never work and that he was not interested. The problem was, he couldn't forget about Kagome and if he had been able to befriend her once he should be able to do it again. No the real problem was that he was scared.

When she had not recognized him it had felt like a rejection. If she flat out refused his friendship, he wasn't sure how he would take it. It made Sesshomaru sick to his stomach to realize how weak he was for her but it was not a side that could be held back. He loved her, he cared for her; she could not easily be forgotten.

"You know, this time her heart's not broken."

Even though it hadn't been voiced out, Sango knew it was the reason why Sesshomaru had never made any real move on Kagome. He was afraid she was still too vulnerable or that perhaps she didn't wish to love again. She believed it to be complete crap but if Sesshomaru trusted into that idea, at least this time around he couldn't hide behind it.

"All I'm saying is you don't have to be a ghost in her forgotten past. I'll deal with Inuyasha and you just ease yourself back into her life."

"What gave you the idea that I wanted to be back in her life?"

The smile on Sango's face faded as she rose to her feet. She turned her back on him and headed for the door as if she was going to leave without a word. However, Sesshomaru's impression was wrong.

"You love her. You won't leave her in his hands." She paused. "Just give it some thought,  _please_."

Maybe it was too soon but she couldn't stop herself. Sango didn't know Sesshomaru very well, but she was aware that if she took too long he would simply lock himself up and he wouldn't show himself to others again. Plus, he wouldn't be the same person he had been with Kagome with anyone else.

So technically, she was doing it for his sake as well. Unfortunately for now, all she could do was hope her words had some sort of effect on him. The best was to leave him alone to think it through.

And then, she closed the door.

As soon as she did, Sesshomaru ran his fingers through his hair, sweat beads forming on the side of his head. Before the incident his life hadn't been perfect but at least he had always known she would be by his side. Now, if he wanted her, he had to fight  _again_.

Just how much of himself was he supposed to sacrifice?

He had devoted every day of an entire year to her, only to be erased as if he meant nothing. Now, he was supposed to practically beg for a place by her side?

Was anyone worth such humiliation?

Yes, she was the light in his life. Before her, he had never felt this way before nor had he ever brought shame upon himself. But when it came to her, it didn't matter.

Yet, could it be that now he had reached his limit?

Would he be able to let her walk away, without voicing his plea? Could he watch her make the same mistake over again without uttering a word? Was he able to watch the only woman he had ever loved… _love_  someone else?

He didn't know anything anymore.

-P-

Kagome was slowly going in and out of consciousness as she laid her head against Inuyasha's shoulder. Since they were lacking options when it came to activities they had settled on watching a movie. However, Kagome was having a hard time focusing and staying awake. But, apparently it was normal.

The doctors has told her that the first few days it might be difficult for her be on her feet for too long, or staying up late, and he encouraged daily naps. Of course, she was stubborn and she was doing her best to tough it through the movie. Plus Inuyasha had taken the day off for her, so she couldn't exactly leave him alone.

The more time passed, the more he felt her leaning in and he knew he was going to lose her soon. This hadn't been quite what he had in mind when he thought about spending time with her but since Miyu was still around, it was the best they could do. All he needed to do was to be patient for a couple more days.

Though he had to admit, it was nice to be able to hang out with her again.

It was in moments like this that he realized just how different Kagome and Kikyo were. With Kikyo, it had always been a struggle to get her to do something for him or to do something he enjoyed. Kagome on the other hand would do almost anything he asked just so he would be happy.

He much preferred that hence why he wouldn't have done anything to lose her.

Inuyasha still wished he could explain things so the others would start forgiving him,  _but_  he rather Kagome never remembered so they could be together without any trouble.

"If you're tired, go lay down."

His words snapped her out of the sleepiness as she raised her head. "No I'm okay."

"Keh."

Kagome sat up straight on the couch doing her best to keep her eyes wide open, keeping herself awake. It was at that moment that someone knocked on the door causing both Kagome and Inuyasha to glance at the door. Miyu however, was the first one to react.

"I'll get that," she said as she stopped preparing lunch and aimed for the door.

Both Inuyasha and Kagome waited as Miyu opened the door. Inuyasha couldn't explain why but he had this sudden fear that Sesshomaru was the one interrupting them. He had never been provided with the full answer as of what his brother's relationship had been with Kagome and he didn't like it.

Plus Sesshomaru hated everyone, so why care about Kagome? Not that it mattered at this point since he wouldn't have her in his life again, but nonetheless.

"Good afternoon Sango! Are you staying for lunch?"

The  _name_  uttered made Inuyasha breathe easier while Kagome smiled brightly. It seemed to recharge her energy a bit to see her best friend so she jumped on her feet and dashed for the door. As soon as Sango came in view Kagome hugged her as if she hadn't seen her friend in months.

Sango smiled as she returned the embrace, before taking notice of Kagome's clothes. "Oh my god! You still own those?"

Kagome resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she pulled away. "I am not getting into this conversation again."

"Again?"

"Yeah, Inuyasha told me the same thing this morning."

Sango did her best to keep a neutral expression as she tilted her head to the side, peering in the living room. As a matter of fact, there he was, sitting in Kagome's couch, not a worry in the world. She wanted nothing more than to tell him to leave but in Kagome's mind they were all friends.

"Hey Inuyasha."

She would get him back later.

He nodded at Sango in sign of greeting before focusing his attention on the movie once again. The glare she had given up was causing him to have an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach.  _Something_  wasn't right. He waited a few more seconds before glancing at the girls who were on the way to sit at the kitchen table, probably to gossip.

He was going to leave them alone and finish the movie by himself when he realized that he preferred being around Kagome since he didn't know  _what_  Sango might say. Right now it seemed everything was fair game, and he wouldn't be taken advantage of.

He quickly grabbed the remote before shutting off the TV and heading in direction of the two women. Once he reached Kagome's side, he trailed his fingers on her shoulder before pressing a kiss on top of her head. He could feel the daggers Sango was sending him with her eyes, but he ignored her as he sat down.

"As I was saying," said Sango, obviously aggravated by Inuyasha's interruption, "we should go to the restaurant, all of us together, next Friday. It would be a nice chance to catch up with everyone."

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed.

"Sure, that would be fun."

Kagome knew nobody had changed; yet she felt slightly nervous. She would have to catch up on everyone's life from the last year and it was making her feel bad. It would be fun though to be with all her friends again.

"Who's  _all_  of us?" asked Inuyasha suspicious.

Sango held back a smile since she knew his reaction was going to be priceless. "Us three plus Miroku and Sesshomaru."

_"Sesshomaru?"_

Kagome, who hadn't expected such a reaction, was startled by the tone Inuyasha had used.

"Yes, Sesshomaru," said Sango smiling at him. "You two have been talking more lately so I thought why not."

"Oh that's true. Sesshomaru told me you guys were getting along better lately."

He had to have heard wrong. "Sesshomaru told you that?  _When_?"

Kagome frowned; was it her or him who had a memory problem? "When he picked me up from the hospital with my mom. You couldn't make it, so you asked him… remember?"

The whole situation was going much better than Sango had hoped for, except for the fact that it was hard to keep herself from laughing. Inuyasha looked about ready to blow up in anger and it was giving her a very satisfying feeling. Now that he had been cornered, no matter what he said, he wouldn't fully be able to get out of the situation.

"Yeah. Of course. I asked him," he mumbled.

The bastard. Was he doing this to get back at him? Why would he lie? Why would  _she_  lie? Could it be that Sesshomaru was not only friends with Kagome, but with Sango and Miroku as well? What was it with that fucking bastard? He was not satisfied enough with his own life that he had to steal his in every way? His friends, his girlfriend.

He didn't care what kind of plan they were scheming, he wouldn't hand Kagome over. Inuyasha was aware that they were trying to keep him out of her life, but even if he had to put up with Sesshomaru, he would stay with her.

"Then I guess we're all going then," said Inuyasha, his tone betraying him a bit.

"Great," added Sango, putting her best smile on.

Now the difficult part was to convince Sesshomaru. She perhaps should have talked to him prior to now, but the idea had only formed itself when she had been on her way to Kagome's apartment. The important thing was, Inuyasha was taken care of, and Sesshomaru had an excuse to be in her life again.

The sudden silence was interrupted by Sango's cell phone. She picked it up, only to see her boss' caller ID. "I have to go," she said, as she rose to her feet.

Kagome joined her as she walked her friend to the door while Inuyasha remained sitting down. Both friends hugged and Sango felt bad about leaving her alone with the idiot.

"I promise, we'll do a girl night this week," said Sango as she pulled away. "Only if you promise  _not_  to wear that though," she teased.

Kagome shook her head. "These pajamas are fine; I don't know why everyone's picking on them."

Even thought she was pretending to be offended, Kagome did find herself pondering  _why_  she had kept them and why she had started wearing them again. Those pajamas had been in her closet for years and she had kept them perhaps because of their sentimental value, but she never thought she'd wear them again.

She hadn't really thought about it when she had slipped it on. Kagome had simply picked the first thing in the pile. Perhaps she had started to feel nostalgic a while back and she had fallen into the habit of wearing it again.

"See you later," said Sango, breaking her out of her dreamland, as she exited the apartment.

Kagome stood in front of the door feeling a bit frustrated. She  _hated_  trying to remember without being successful. Not only that but now she was going to a friendly supper with someone she didn't even remember befriending. It was actually a bit weird since Sesshomaru hadn't seemed very friendly when he had picked her up.

Could it be that she was the only one not familiar with him?

"Inuyasha?" she asked, her voice almost a whisper.

He turned his head in her direction noticing her back was still facing him. He easily recognized the tone in her voice so he stood up, setting out in her direction. "What's up?" he asked as he arrived by her side.

"Am I friends with Sesshomaru?"

The whole situation had been annoying, but now it appeared that it could be turned around and used to his advantage. Sango had forgotten to be precise, and now it was his job to put the pieces together however he wished.

He shrugged his shoulders, doing his best to look as if he didn't care. "Not really. I mean ya all talk and stuff. But, you ain't really friends."

She pinched her lips together, before nodding. It was as she had figured. It wasn't like she thought he was a bad person or anything, but from the glimpse she had gotten of him, they wouldn't along very well. He was too cold, stoic, and silent for her taste and she figured someone as enthusiastic as her would do nothing but get on his nerves.

"What about you guys? He only told me you were on speaking terms."

Inuyasha still didn't like the fact that she had been alone with the bastard but he held his tongue. "We mostly did it because of the old man." Though Sango had mentioned them hanging out…  _Damn_  it. "But he ain't so bad."

"I'm glad you to managed to get along," she said offering her best smile.

Kagome ran her fingers through her hair before a yawn escaped her. "Do you mind if I go lay down?"

He shook his head. "Nah, I'll just finish the movie. Go lay down."

"Thanks," she said before pressing a kiss against his cheek.

Inuyasha watched her walk away, his heart feeling heavy. Why was he feeling so bad? He hadn't done anything wrong! It was all Sango's fault. Every time he saw her, it brought back the past and it always made him so nervous. She needed to learn how to butt out.

As Inuyasha turned around, ready to head back in the living room, he noticed Miyu. The whole time she had been standing in the kitchen, definitely in hearing reach. Suddenly, his blood froze in his veins. He had never quite been told what Miyu knew, since the others stopped talking to him. However, when she didn't cease her phone calls, he assumed they never told her anything.

In spite of that, with the way she was glancing at him, he wasn't sure it was all true.

She had a smile on her face, as if nothing was wrong, but he could  _sense_  it. He could see in her eyes that she was aware of the lies he was telling. But, he wasn't the only one lying… so why should he be the only one feeling bad?

When she never gazed away, he nodded at her, his uneasiness clearly showing on his face, before leaving the kitchen.

Now, he  _really_  couldn't wait to be alone with Kagome. All the guilt these people made him feel was becoming unbearable.

-P-

_"Sesshomaru?'_

_No answer._

_"Sesshomaru?"_

_Slowly, his eyes cracked open as he glanced upon the lively girl lying beside him. She had a huge smile on her face as a slight blush appeared across her cheeks. She proceeded to hide her face with the sheets, unable to hold her giggle in any longer._

_He almost rolled his eyes._

_"Are you sleeping?"_

_He opened his eyes wide. "Yes."_

_"Liar," she said before poking her head out. "I can't sleep," she said before turning on her back._

_"As per usual when you drink two coffees before going to bed," he noted with a neutral voice._

_Slowly, he sat up in the bed pressing his back against the headboard. He knew it wasn't because of the coffee that she couldn't sleep. Ever since_ then _she didn't like the darkness. He had to admit, it scared him as well but he wouldn't voice it out. Instead, he would play along; pretend to believe she had too much energy to find rest._

_"It's not my fault. You tempted me with all that whipped cream!"_

_She followed his example, by sitting up in the bed. Rest wasn't coming to her tonight and although she felt a bit bad for waking him up, she couldn't stand being awake alone. The nights where he wasn't there were already hard enough as it were. When he was there, she liked taking advantage of it._

_"Sesshomaru?"_

_"Hn."_

_"Do you find me bothersome?"_

_Her question took him by surprise. His amber orbs became larger as he inclined his head a bit, peering her way. "Bothersome?"_

_She nodded. "I feel so needy."_

_Oh but he wanted her to be needy. Nobody had ever required his help and comfort in the past and he wanted to provide her with that. Bothersome? No. Lovely, and emotional? Perhaps. But he wouldn't have her any differently._

_He knew what this was about, and it only made his rage towards the bastard grow stronger._

_Sesshomaru turned his body, and gently grabbed her chin with his fingers. He then turned her head so she was facing him, their eyes meeting. "What would be bothersome would be to not have you in my life."_

_Kagome glued her lips together, feeling the tears coming to her eyes. Never would she have believed Sesshomaru to be like this or even be able to feel emotions. If it hadn't been for that night, she wouldn't have known how kind hearted he was. She knew her life wouldn't be the same without him in it._

_She pressed her forehead against his, before slowly nodding. "What are you doing losing your time on me?" she asked, half laughing. "You should let one of those million girls you have chasing you actually catch you."_

_His heart constricted at her words. The one he wanted to be caught by already had him in the palm of her hand but she wasn't aware of it. "Perhaps," he said, unable to find any other way to answer her._

_Kagome smiled, as he released her face. Sesshomaru laid back down on his back, before stretching on his arm, gesturing for her to come closer. Her grin grew, as she hurried to lay her head on his chest, and wrap an arm around him. His hand protectively rested on her shoulder as he gently rubbed it._

_As he felt her so close, her body heat transferring to his own body and he found himself wondering if she knew what she was doing to him. It was all innocent he was aware of that, but sometimes, it was hard to keep himself in check. He was a man after all, and he was deeply in love with that woman._

_She was also so close, yet he could never taste her._

_Despite the fact that sometimes it made the ache worse, he was grateful for the closeness. She never hesitated in touching him or seeking his warmth, which he appreciated. Never once had it seemed to cross her mind that not all friends did that. After all, how many times did she sleep over, and how many times did he share her bed?_

_But they needed each other._

_He felt her snuggle unto his side and he squeezed her against him a bit tighter. She was his angel._

_His fallen angel and he would take care of her until either she would perhaps return his feelings, or until she retrieved her wings._

_And that was the thought that scared him the most. What if one day, he had to release her? What if she fell in love again? Then, she would be ripped away from him. Never would she smile that way for him if her heart was taken._

_But he preferred having her in his life with the risk of losing her, than not having her by his side at all._

His eyes snapped open as sweat beads dripped down his back. He didn't have to move to know he was drenched in sweat. The dream had been so vivid, and he knew it was because it was nearly exact to a memory he had with her. He hurried to sit in the bed before running his fingers through his wet hair.

Why did he have to be reminded of such thing  _now_?

Wasn't he confused enough as it was?

Though it was true; in the past he had prepared himself in the eventuality that he would lose her. Nevertheless, he never though he would lose her to Inuyasha. He rather that a complete stranger took good care of her, in the place of that foolish bastard who would break her heart again.

And it was then that he realized he couldn't walk away from her. She might not remember him, but he remembered promising that he would always take care of her. It was his duty to make sure nothing happened to her until she was ready to fly on her own.

She still wasn't ready.

If he had to suffer to see her  _truly_  happy, then so be it.

He might not try to win her heart, since he was not worthy of it, but he would put himself through hell to retrieve her from Inuyasha' arms. She would be awkward in front of him and he wouldn't be allowed to comfort her or touch her, but she would be near.

For now it would be enough, it would ease the pain he had been feeling.

Kagome was the last person he had in his life. He barely talked to his father except when it came to business and his mother had passed away back when he was younger. He had allowed her to break the walls he had built, he couldn't back away now.

His heart was still pulsing like a drum as he reached out for his cell phone. He remembered the message Sango had left on his answering machine. Sesshomaru had planned on not responding, but now, his mind was made up.

Quickly, he called his secretary telling her to relay the message to Sango. He didn't feel like talking to her himself because she would ask a million questions and he wasn't one for talking. Except when it came to Kagome.

Although she was very talkative, and rarely gave anyone a chance to speak.

Once it was done, he put his cell phone away before rising to his feet. He could feel the stickiness covering his body and he knew he needed a shower. As he put his slippers on, he found himself gazing at his desk. Proudly on it was a picture of the two of them.

It had been taken a while back while they had been at a baseball game. Kagome was wearing a hat, which was  _way_ too big for her, causing it to nearly cover her eyes while she wrapped her arms around his neck. Of course, he was not smiling, but his face was pressed against her.

He could still remember how soft her cheek felt.

Sesshomaru felt like laughing at himself; was he really that obsessed with her?

His heart feeling heavy, he reached out for the picture and picked it up. He then proceeded to open the drawer and he put it inside, hiding it from his view. In the likelihood that Kagome would never recover her memory, he had to prepare himself to forget the past.

If she couldn't remember, he had to erase what they had and build a new future. Even though there was still hope, he refused to rely on it. Sesshomaru had unfortunately learned in the past that hoping didn't get you anywhere in life.

With a kick of his knee, he slid the drawer closed before turning his back to it. His house was still filled with memories of her, but it was a start. Maybe he needed to do to his place what had been done to her apartment; remove  _everything_.

After all, except for when she was there, he barely spent any time at all in his house. She had made it theirs, but now, he was alone again.

Realizing his thoughts, he shook his head. He refused to think about such things again. He took a deep breath before reminding himself that he would take care of her again. He would put up with the sight of her and Inuyasha together, watching her from afar.

It was the only safe way to be around her.

Apparently,  _she_  was worth wounding his pride.

Oh, whom was he kidding? When it came to her, he had no pride, no shame. He would do anything to see her smile again.

-P-


	6. Heliotrope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heliotrope: Devotion

There had to be reason.

Anything.

Surely even  _he_  could come up with something.

He simply couldn't allow this dinner to happen. Granted he  _doubted_  Kagome would retrieve her memory because of a meal but he still had a bad feeling as if something was going to happen. Plus if they took subtle stabs at him, Kagome would eventually realize that something was up. Whatever they would do, he wouldn't allow them to push him away from Kagome.

After a year she was his again and he intended for things to remain that way.

Plus, since they couldn't tell her anything,  _how_  could they split them up? Kagome was too much in love with him to ever leave him. As long as no  _misunderstanding_  happened again.

He glanced at the time only to see the two bright red numbers staring back at him indicating it was  _5:00pm_. At this point he had no choice; unless he was to fall ill  _right now_ , they would have to go. After all they were all  _friends_  and it would look suspicious if he insisted on not going. However, he would keep his eyes on Sango and Sesshomaru the whole night.

Inuyasha quickly finished dressing up before grabbing his keys. Although Kagome was fine by now nobody wanted her driving and he had a feeling that she probably didn't wish to be at the wheel of a car, even if she didn't remember her accident. But that meant he had to pick her up and drive to the restaurant.

He sighed heavily as he headed for the door and once he got outside and in his car, he aimed for Kagome's apartment.

Oh how he despised that apartment.

Maybe because he had never been it, maybe because it felt like there was someone's presence lingering around. He hated that so much hence why he was trying to spend as much time as he could in it. He figured once he molded it a bit, maybe it wouldn't feel as estranged. Plus, Kagome shouldn't really care since she herself wasn't familiar with the place.

Perhaps he could get her to move? A new apartment. One far from the old life she had during the past year. He would say  _move_ in with her but he wasn't sure he was ready to go that far but just a nice new place would do. However, he was sure that if she ended up discussing it with Sango the idea would never work. For some reason, Sango felt the need to butt in everything including things that weren't any of her business.

His current rage towards his ex friends was higher than before since he knew what they would try to do. He wasn't one to keep his feelings for himself and usually during something such a dinner, he wouldn't be afraid to bite their heads off. Unfortunately, because of Kagome's presence, he would have to behave himself while they would not. His fingers clenched against the wheel as he wondered why he couldn't tell Kagome they shouldn't see their  _friends_  anymore.

If she loved him, it shouldn't matter that she had no one but  _him_.

Wasn't he enough for her?

His driving suffered a bit as he did the final miles that separated him from his current location to Kagome's apartment. As soon as he arrived he took out his phone, texting her that he was waiting. He  _really_  didn't feel like going all the way up to her apartment, wait for her and go all the way back down. If she knew he was waiting in the car, she would hurry up a bit. Though he didn't know what could be slowing her down; it was no big thing, she didn't need to be dressed nice.

He furiously tapped his knuckles against the window while twitching his foot and feeling as if he was ready to explode. Stupid Sango. Stupid Sesshomaru.

 _Sesshomaru_  in particular.

The bastard still hadn't given him a reason  _why_  he knew Kagome and why he cared so much. Maybe the best way would be to corner him at the dinner.  _Yes_. Maybe he could humiliate him, drive him into an uncomfortable situation where he wouldn't know how to get out. After all, his brother had really bad social skills which would affect him if he was put under pressure in front of people.

Suddenly, Inuyasha didn't have to undergo such intense irritability. Maybe the whole time he had been looking at the whole thing the wrong way and maybe there was away to turn it to his advantage. A smirk appeared on his face as he leaned into his seat, proud of himself for thinking about such a plan.

And then, as if on cue, Kagome appeared in his view walking down the little stairs that would lead her to the sidewalk. Her long black locks were flowing in the wind while she desperately held on to the collar of her black jacket for some warmth. She smiled at him once she took notice of his car and she hurried to reach the passenger seat's door. Because his car was in a parking space she didn't feel any fear and it was easy for her to walk around the car to get to the other side.

However, it was a different story for moving cars, or cars parked in the street. She had found out the previous day that even though  _she_  didn't remember the accident, her body would still react. She would either find herself unable to advance further, or she would jump and freeze or her body would start shaking. It wasn't a reaction she was able to control.

A well known scent invaded her noise as she slid herself into Inuyasha's car and somehow she found it  _safe_. She had been so lost in her own things lately that it was nice to recognize something for once. Actually, Inuyasha was mostly her only anchor for the moment. He shared with her some missing pieces and he provided her with a feeling of home. It wasn't that Sango didn't make her feel better, but it was different with Inuyasha.

How? She couldn't explain she simply felt more emotions when he was around.

"Sorry about the wait," she said as she strapped her seatbelt on.

"Keh," he said, before slowly bending and capturing her lips in a kiss.

It was at that moment that he realized he would much prefer to spend the next couple of hours with Kagome in her apartment then at the stupid restaurant. He deepened the kiss, prolonging it for a little longer before he forced himself to pull away from her. A groan escaped his own lips as he repositioned himself in the driver seat while Kagome smiled at him.

He quickly put his hands back on the wheel, glad that she had been as enthusiastic about the kiss. Of course, perhaps if he had paid a bit more attention, he would have noticed the fakeness in her smile. Fact was she was relieved he didn't push the kiss into a make out session. She loved Inuyasha, there was no doubt about it and they had been together for so long…

But she feared that since a year had passed for him and not for her he was expecting  _more_. She wasn't ready to cross that bridge, at least not in the state of mind she currently was in. Though, she would feel bad denying him everything especially since he had probably been waiting for so long… but it simply didn't feel right. She did her best to put on a happy face and forget her silly worries. After all, Inuyasha loved her and he wouldn't push her if she wasn't ready. Plus he was aware of her current complicated situation.

The ride to the restaurant was fairly silent especially since Inuyasha wasn't a big talker, though she did notice something was off with his attitude. Usually, he was perhaps angry or carefree, but he was currently in one of those rare thinking moods apparently. She found herself glancing in his direction often as if she was trying to catch a glimpse of what was going through his mind. He clearly looked uncomfortable with the whole dinner idea and she pondered if it was because of her.

Did he fear she would feel uneasy among her friends or perhaps he thought his brother's presence would trouble her? Granted she wasn't close to Sesshomaru, but that didn't mean he would bring fear upon her. He had driven her home from the hospital the other day and although he had been awfully quiet, he hadn't been mean or anything. He had even answered her silly questions without his tone being  _cold_  like she was accustomed to.

Granted it would be a bit strange to see everyone be so friendly with each other, but it was actually a good thing. She would rather have everyone get along then fighting. Though she could only imagine what kind of fight led to Inuyasha and Sesshomaru deciding to put their differences aside. Inuyasha had always wanted his older brother to act as a brother hence why he ended up pissing Sesshomaru off most of the time.

Maybe Sesshomaru had finally seen all of Inuyasha's efforts? Perhaps she could ask later on.

Respecting Inuyasha's wish of silence, she remained quiet for the rest of the trip until they reached the restaurant. It was her first real outing since her accident, since the only other thing she had done was go groceries shopping with Inuyasha. It felt good to  _act_  normal again. Now that her head was free from any bandages and that she wasn't on such an intense pain medication she could truly enjoy herself.

She wasn't allowed alcohol, but it hardly made a difference since she didn't drink in the first place.

They quickly arrived at the restaurant and once the car was parked Inuyasha rushed out to help her out of the car. Everyone was taking extra precautions with Kagome since a head injury could still affect her and cause things like her losing her balance. He had no desire for her to fall, and injure herself again. Of course, nobody told her  _why_  they were so worried and Kagome brushed it off as them just caring too much.

He wrapped his arm around Kagome's waist as they headed inside the restaurant. Sango had not told them under whose name it was but he had a feeling his  _brother_  would want to pay for everything since it would allow him to show off. Once they reached the podium, he only tightened his hold on Kagome.

"Reservation?" asked the waitress before lifting her eyes off her book.

"Taisho," said Inuyasha as he tried to glance inside to see if he could catch a peek of his  _friends_.

The girl ran her long nailed finger down the page until she came up to the name. She raised her head and offered him a smile, before grabbing two menus and moving away form her podium. "Your friends are waiting," she said before leading the way.

Inuyasha felt a small nervousness as his grip on Kagome loosened a bit while they followed the waitress to their table. Unfortunately, all too quickly did their table come in view causing him to sigh, which didn't go unnoticed by Kagome. But, she remained silent, deciding that she would ask later what was wrong. Perhaps he had been feeling sick and he hadn't said anything?

Was he forcing himself to be present for her sake?

Her eyes softened a bit as she grabbed his hand and squeezed it. For the wrong reasons, she boasted up his courage and it helped Inuyasha close the remaining distance between him and the table. Almost immediately his eyes fell upon Sesshomaru and even though Inuyasha glared at him, Sesshomaru never reacted.

It was probably because his own eyes were locked on Kagome. Her hands to be more precise. Her hands that were touching Inuyasha's. For a second, he felt a rage boil inside of him and he required a deep breath to not rise from his seat just to knock Inuyasha out cold on the floor. He clenched his fingers into a fist under the table before putting on his most neutral expression.

Kagome smiled at everyone before taking a sea; she was heading towards the one closer to Sango instead of Sesshomaru which caused a little alarm to go off in Sango's mind. Out of a lack of better option, Sango immediately spilled her glass of water on the seat.

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry," she said when the water splashed on the chair and around the floor. She offered Kagome her best smile before reaching out for her serviette. "Why don't you sit there while I clean this?"

Kagome weakly nodded as she sat down beside Sesshomaru who  _nearly_  rolled his eyes at Sango's attempt. Miroku was holding back a chuckle while Inuyasha was glaring at her. Nonetheless, there wasn't much he could do so once the water was sponged from the seat, he sat down. He wasn't a big fan of having  _his_  Kagome sitting beside Sesshomaru, but he would have no other option than to put up with it for now.

Perhaps he had forgotten how conniving Sango was.

"So how are you feeling?" inquired Sango, starting the conversation.

She was aware that Sesshomaru might throw himself in the field of battle, but she couldn't do  _all_  the work for him. Unfortunately, he tended to be quite silent in public gatherings and she had a feeling Inuyasha might take advantage of the situation. Sango herself wasn't a big talker, but the situation required it. That, or she would have to make sure Kagome would be her usual chitchat personality.

"Better," was the only answer she could offer.

She still felt strange and out of place most of the time, but at least she didn't feel pain or anything of the sort anymore. The fact that she might never recover her missing year still bothered her, but she tried to not let it get to her too much. Kagome didn't share that information since she didn't want anyone concerned over her.

"So, what have you guys been up to for the past year?" she asked, her question dropping like a bomb.

Suddenly, the silence became awkward, as nobody was sure what was the proper way to answer the question.

"I re-became in charge of half the company," said Inuyasha proud of himself, even though he owed the honor to his father.

Kagome frowned. "Re-became? What happened, why weren't you anymore?"

 _Because I went to China for one month to be with Kikyo._  Suddenly, Inuyasha found himself very uncomfortable and he pulled on the collar of his shirt as if his body heat had increased.

Sango couldn't help the smirk that grew on her lips. "Yes Inuyasha, you never did tell us what happened."

He was going to  _kill_  her. He was a horrible liar most of the time; how was he going to get out of that one? "I hm- I went to China." No wait. "For a couple of weeks." He felt sweat drip down his back, as all eyes were on him. "And hm, I was only in charge of the branch there while I was gone."

Kagome felt a strange feeling develop in her heart. Inuyasha went to China?  _Without_  her? She didn't have any kind of steady work; she could have done her art anywhere, especially if it was only for a couple of weeks. Had he wished to go on his own? Before, everywhere he went, though he had never gone so far before, he had taken her with him.

She found herself licking her dry lips as she tried to hide her disappointment. It would be unfair for her to confront him or be upset over something she didn't remember, especially since she wasn't aware of all the details. Yes, the best thing to do was to drop it.

"Well that's great!" she expressed, hoping she sounded convincing. "Anyone else?"

 _Yes_.  _You spent your last year completely engulfed into your own world with Sesshomaru, who saved you from your broken heart. Broken heart caused by the idiot sitting next to you_.

"Not really, same old same," Miroku finally provided

Perhaps it was because of his natural charm, but he felt much more at ease than anyone else in this conversation. Maybe it was also due to the fact that he paid attention to the little details and he  _knew_  for a fact Inuyasha would screw up again. Granted he had no desire to see Kagome heart broken again, but it would be hard to stop.

Plus, he knew Sesshomaru could mend her heart.

Kagome twitched her toes while slightly biting on her bottom lip before deciding to speak with the one person who hadn't uttered a word. "What about you Sesshomaru?" she inquired, feeling nervous.

He had almost been a bit imposing and cold and though he seemed different, she didn't fully feel comfortable, not that his presence was making her nervous. It was just that being near him brought an unsettling feeling within her.

Sesshomaru snapped his head in her direction and appeared to almost be surprised that she was speaking to him. He clearly remembered his plan and what he intended to do. But seeing her with Inuyasha... it was clouding his mind. The worst of it all was that she didn't even look happy. He had seen her happier with a broken heart.

Bastard.

"I am in charge of the company."

"Half," corrected Inuyasha.

 _Half, plus your half_   _makes up the whole company._  "Half," he said, his tone scarily neutral.

"That's great," she offered in a weak attempt. "I'm sorry I don't remember much about you," she said, smiling apologetically.

 _You have no idea_. "Not much has been forgotten."  _Just the only part that mattered._

Before another strange silence could fill the room, Sango clapped her hands together. "Well,  _let's order!_ "

-P-

The dinner was coming to an end as everyone was finishing their desserts. The meal had been quieter than Sango had hoped for but at least so far nothing bad had occurred; even Inuyasha had succeeded in keeping his mouth shut. The silence was quickly broken when Kagome rose to her feet which attracted everyone's attention.

She chuckled. "I'm only going to the restroom," she said before softly shaking her head.

It was sweet that they were all so concerned for her, but they didn't need to be. Granted something terrible had happened to her recently but she was recovering. And at least, she had made it out alive. Her steps were slow and small as she headed for the restroom, feeling as if she could finally breathe. There was something about being surrounded by them that was suffocating.

Truth was, she felt as if they were hiding something from her. They barely allowed full silence, but only made small talk filled with emptiness. Sometimes they were too quick to answer certain questions, and the fact that Inuyasha had gone to China without her was still vivid in her mind. Something wasn't right.

Or perhaps she was seeing too much into things. They were her friends; they wouldn't keep anything major from her would they? It was probably little things.

She hurried inside the washroom only to take too many rapid steps once she was out. Perhaps it was because of the fast movements, but she felt dizzy for an instant and found herself losing her footing. She cringed, her eyes tightly shut as she waited for the fall. But it never came.

When she finally opened her eyes she saw two arms wrapped around her waist holding her up as she was inches from hitting the ground. Kagome slowly raised her head, only to find herself staring into two amber eyes.  _Sesshomaru's_. The tiniest blush appeared on her cheek as she got back up on her feet with his help.

As his arms left her, she felt the sudden warmth disappeared. "Thank you," she said, stuttering a bit.

Sesshomaru offered her a nod. He had to admit, he had been worried about her going somewhere alone. Perhaps it was insane, but he couldn't help himself. He had been protecting her for the last year and it was hard to let go of that instinct especially since she usually knew how to get herself in trouble. Though now, he was glad he had decided to act upon his doubts. A few more seconds and she would have made a collision with the floor.

He gestured for her to lead the way and began following from behind. Sesshomaru could tell she felt awkward around him and it did not please him. How was he supposed to gain her back if she could not feel comfortable in his presence? He sighed silently as he watched her regain her seat beside Inuyasha.

It would be a difficult task, there was no lying, but he couldn't give up could he? At first, he had thought so hard that he should and that she had forgotten him for a reason…  _but_. Could he really leave her in his hands? Inuyasha couldn't even notice the sadness in her eyes or all her different expressions; he was oblivious to her feelings.

Was that the man he wanted protecting her?  _No_.

Even if he had to shatter his pride in the process, he would her away from him. He would do it; he would stoop as low as seducing a  _taken_  woman. Though Kagome had never seemed interested in him in that fashion in the past… perhaps now, they could have a break through.

As soon as Sesshomaru sat back down, he felt Inuyasha's glare upon him but he decided to ignore it. The bastard wasn't worth his time and the only reason he was putting up with him was for Kagome's sake.

Inuyasha hadn't liked it when Sesshomaru had gotten up not too long after Kagome, and now he  _disliked_  the fact that they had come back at the same time.

"We'll be going soon," said Inuyasha, his tone betraying his current mood.

"Already?" said Sango, a bit ticked off.

She knew not everything was going according to plan, but he didn't have to make it worse. The biggest issue she was having was how little Sesshomaru was speaking. It was his chance to make friends with Kagome and he was ignoring it. Maybe Inuyasha's presence was ruining the whole thing? The best idea would be to  _not_  have him there.

Maybe a girl's night in disguise where Sesshomaru would  _happen_  to drop by? Though she would need a really good reason… and Sesshomaru would need some convincing. Good thing she was nowhere near giving up just yet.

"I don't want Kagome out too long."  _Lie_. But he required a semi-believable excuse to get out of there.

"Why not?" she asked, frowning.

"'Cause, we dunno if there're problems with your head."

The slipping incident came back to her mind, and she found herself glancing in Sesshomaru's direction. It hadn't even crossed her mind to wonder  _how_  he had been there on time, but he had. Perhaps she had lots to learn about him, and maybe behind that cold façade he had always shown, there was a kind being. Kagome found herself wondering why he didn't put it out there more often.

"I guess," was her only answer as she refocused herself on Inuyasha.

But it was there, nagging her in the back of her mind. There was something. It was like when you try to remember something you were about to say.  _It's right there_ , but you can't recall it. What was it she wanted to remember so badly?

_I won't. I'll never leave you._

"Kagome?"

Kagome tilted her head in the direction of Sango, confusion written all over her face. "What?" she inquired since her friend was looking at her so strangely.

"Are you okay? You look like you're about to cry."

She could indeed feel a sadness deep within but she could not explain it. Kagome was still able to hear the words echoed in her mind, burning inside her brain. She hated this. Every time something happened to her that felt similar to a memory, she felt pain. Was this how it was going to feel to recover her lost memories?

Because if it was, perhaps she didn't want to remember.

She felt hurt enough without adding more suffering. Then, before she knew it, the tears were spilling out of her eyes. "I'm just tired," she said, obviously lying.

The first arms she felt comforting her, were Inuyasha's. Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was hopeless, sitting down at the table, watching his half brother brush away the tears of the woman he loved. Not too long ago, he was the one who had been doing such things.

Except, he had done it better.

_"Do you think it ever goes away?"_

_"Pain?"_

_"Yeah," said Kagome, as she snuggled into her knees. "Does the emptiness in your chest ever goes away?"_

_Sesshomaru turned his body slightly so he was looking at her profile. He then gently raised his hand before brushing her wet bangs out of her crying eyes. "Eventually, when you find something to fill that hole with."_

_"Like what?" she asked, no hope in her voice._

_"Another love."_

_She violently shook her head. "I don't want to love again, it hurts too much."_

_Prior to her ceasing another wave of tears, she broke down. Slowly, she leaned her shoulder into his chest before her whole body crumbled into him. Lovingly he put a hand against her cheek, gently stroking it. She shouldn't be hurting like that, and it was all Inuyasha's fault._

_Such a lovely, innocent girl experiencing such a sorrow, thinking she wasn't enough._

_Her tears were dripping on his light gray shirt but he couldn't have cared less. He quickly he held her closer to his body and she enjoyed his warmth. When he had his arms wrapped around her she always felt protected. He had saved her once and in her heart she knew she could always run to him if she required help._

_His own heart was beating faster as her words replayed in his mind. She didn't wish for someone to love again. Love. Was that the feeling he was experiencing? She had only been in his life for a month and yet he was so attached and concerned for her well being. How could two people become so close after such a short amount of time?_

_She was so fragile in his hold, comparable to a porcelain doll he was preventing from shattering. That day, he had made a promise he could not break. Now, he had to focus on making sure she would not shed any more tears. To see her so distressed made him feel disturbed and agitated. He wished he could take it all away._

_"Sesshomaru" came her voice, weak and muffled._

_"Hn?"_

_"Don't leave okay?"_

_She felt weak for asking but she couldn't help it. Her heart was broken in a million pieces and he was the only thing holding her back from drowning. She should be the one getting herself back on her feet, but for now, she wanted to lean on him, depend on him. As long as he would offer her support she would take it. But, she was afraid._

_Inuyasha had left her to rot, what if Sesshomaru did the same thing?_

_Up until recently, they had been complete strangers. But he cared for her, did he not?_

_However, so had Inuyasha._

_"I will not."_

_As if he could ever leave her. From the first glance that night, she had wrapped herself around his heart. He could not explain it; he had been struck by her. Even if he wished to, he couldn't leave her behind. She was his to protect against the world._

A part of him deep inside almost wished they could go back to that time. Granted, back then she had been hurt and broken, but she had been all his. It was at him that she had looked up for smiles, laughs, and comfort. Anything she had ever required, he had provided her with in a blink of an eye.

Now, he had to start from scratch.

It had been easier last time since an event had jumped started their friendship, but this time around he actually needed to create  _something_  for them to be  _friends_. He watched carefully as Inuyasha took her away, words dying to be spoken.

This was more difficult than expected, especially with Inuyasha constantly in the way. Obviously the bastard wouldn't allow him a chance to speak with Kagome. However, Inuyasha had forgotten that when it came to the power game, Sesshomaru was always the winner. If he wanted to play dirty, so could Sesshomaru.

He had expected them to keep walking off but surprisingly, he saw Kagome turn her head around for a brief instant and he could swear she glanced in his direction. There was no smile upon her lips, no light dancing in her eyes; it had been a gaze, and nothing more.

"That's you're A game?" asked Sango, as soon as Inuyasha and Kagome were out of hearing reach. "You barely said a word to her!"

He was in no way appreciative of the tone Sango was using, but he controlled his legendary temper. "She does not know me."

Sango's chocolate eyes widened. "Hence why you need to  _talk_."

"About what?"

Conversations with Kagome had always involved sharing, and a certain complicity which was perhaps why he had felt good in her presence. He hated small talk, and usually he despised conversations. Yet she made it different. Most of the time he hadn't been required to speak, only to listen to her. She had so many emotions going through her with everything she said and so many different gestures as she spoke.

From the very first day, it had been as if she had always been in his life.

Now that it had been taken away, how was he supposed to start this? He didn't doubt his skills with women, since if he so wished to, he could take any woman he wished home with him. But Kagome was different; she could not be  _picked_  up. Now that he was a stranger in her eyes he realized that more than ever. Even though she was warm, friendly, and welcoming, she was hard to reach, she kept her real heart locked away.

For the first time, he felt a feeling of defeat wash over him.

He was a proud man who had been able to do much in his lifetime so far but currently, he was unsure of himself. He remembered how devoted to Inuyasha Kagome was, and he didn't know if her being slightly unhappy would be enough to tear her away from him. Sesshomaru was familiar with her quality and fidelity was one of them. She would never hurt someone she cared for.

Sesshomaru wanted to  _scoff_  at his own attitude. Earlier, he had been ready to try to take away a taken woman, and now that he had spent three hours sitting beside Kagome, all his self confidence had left him. Perhaps it was because he was reminded of how much he cared for her.

If he was to try and win her heart, stealing her from Inuyasha in the process, he would put her in a hard place –if it was to work-. Could he really make her struggle and suffer? No. He had vowed to protect her and if he went along with this, he would be breaking every single promise he made her.

It didn't matter that she didn't remember them, because he did.

He would be her friend, he could be nothing more.

And he felt the sting in his heart.

In the past he had kept his hopes high since she had been a free woman but now, he couldn't. He would protect her from afar, have a long talk with Inuyasha, but he wouldn't try to make her his. Any way he could have her in his life, while having her be happy, he would take it. Even if it hurt, even if they were never as close again.

 _She was his to protect_ , even if his own feelings had to be sacrificed.

Quickly he rose to his feet before taking out his wallet. He threw money on the table causing Sango to be slightly confused. He was going to leave, while completely ignoring everything she had been saying? She wasn't even sure he had heard her talk.

"You can't leave!" she protested.

Sesshomaru put his wallet back in his pocket, before peering at her. "Don't you wish to see her happy, instead of suffering?"

He didn't allow Sango a chance to answer as he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door, the tiniest smile on his lips. He knew he was going to regret this and later he would wish he hadn't given up on her love. But perhaps, he loved her enough to let her go. He would always be lurking in the shadows, just to make sure she wasn't going to get hurt and perhaps they would even be friends.

But just friends.

Sesshomaru set foot outside, the sole of his shoe clicking against the cement. He was about to cross when he saw a car coming his way so he stopped. As the car came closer he recognized it as Inuyasha's so he took another step back. The car slowly went by him and before it was too far, he raised his hand up to his chest, doing a small, quick wave.

And she didn't miss it.

Kagome had seen him before they had gone passed him and she had found herself staring in the side mirror looking at him. She saw his little gesture and it was then that she glanced away. He had a longing gaze in his eyes that she could not explain.

"You al'right?" asked Inuyasha, as he put one of his hands on her knee.

She nodded. "Yeah I'm fine, just dozing off."

Kagome focused on the road ahead as the unsettling feeling in her stomach kept growing. Her mind was funny and she was confused. Kagome  _knew_  her friends wouldn't keep anything from her, but things didn't feel right.

"Inuyasha?"

"What?"

She paused, hesitating a bit. "You wouldn't lie to me would you?"

He exhaled slowly, forgetting to breath in. Why was she asking that now out of all times? Had his idiot brother said something to her at the restaurant?

"What the hell ya talkin' 'bout?" He removed his hand from her knee. "You think I'm lyin' to ya?"

"No." She didn't mean to accuse him, especially of something she didn't know he had done, but she couldn't help what she felt.

"I just – something feels off."

Why shouldn't she explain the situation to him calmly? Inuyasha had always been able to understand her after all. They had been friends their whole lives, and there was no reason to keep secrets from each other.

Inuyasha began clicking his tongue against his teeth as he pondered on the way to fix this situation. He had known from the start that the supper would be a bad idea. Yet, he hadn't tried harder to stop it. At first, he thought it to be not so horrible since nobody had attempted to pull some dirty trick, but now, he realized the whole thing had just confused Kagome.

Was it everyone's attitude? Had she seen through the charade? How could he find the perfect way to explain everything to her with the perfect lie? At the moment, she looked so unhappy and it wasn't what he wished for. They were supposed to be together and joyful. It was his second chance at making it right.

What did women like? What shut them up and made them happy?

For a second, his thoughts drifted to Kikyo and why they had broken up. It was then that the perfect idea hit him. Rapidly, he pulled in to the first parking lot he saw, smirking brightly. Once this would be dealt with, Sango and Sesshomaru would be completely powerless against him.

He parked the car before undoing his seatbelt and turning around to face Kagome. She found herself caught off guard by the look in his eyes and immediately, her features saddened. At first he had seemed a bit happy but now he looked heartbroken. Had she started a subject that should have been avoided?

"Inuyasha, I'm sorry I-"

He cut her off. "Kagome, I gotta tell you something."

All she could do was nod, the intensity of his eyes affecting her. Slowly, he reached out for her hands, enveloping them with his own. "We lied to ya 'bout things. We didn't wanna tell you, we thought you were gonna remember."

She bit on her bottom lip, nervousness filling her.

"We weren't sure it was a good idea to keep it from ya, but I don't want ya worried or nothing." He took a deep breath.

"A little bit before your accident, we got engaged."

-P-


	7. Morning Glory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Morning Glory: Love in Vain

His words echoed through her mind and before she knew it, she felt tears coming to her eyes. Obviously, they were tears of joy. Why wouldn't they be? Since she was a little girl she had always dreamed she would end up marrying Inuyasha. However, her second reaction was to glance down at her hand where there was no ring.

He quickly saw her action and immediately his brain began to think up an excuse. "I know," he said, his voice a bit shaky. "They took it off during your operation."

_And then?_

It wasn't like he could say the hospital stole it.

"When I learned ya didn't remember the past year, I took it back." It sounded honest didn't it? "I didn't know if the you then would be ready to be engaged to me."

In moment of fake frustration, he slammed his hand against the wheel. "I got scared a 'right? I thought you were gonna say no."

A sad smile appeared across her features as she turned her body around to grab his face with her hands. "I could never say no, Inuyasha."

Did he not know her? Her whole life she had been waiting for that moment and he thought she would turn him down? There was nothing she wanted more than to be his bride. And now, it was going to happen. Her face brightened up as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

"Yes," she said, as if he needed an added confirmation.

Inuyasha forced a smile on his face as he returned the embrace. This wasn't the perfect excuse, nor wasn't it one he wished for. But, he had been stuck in a corner and that had been the best his brain could come up with. Hadn't he broken up with Kikyo because she wanted a family, marriage and all that crap he wasn't interested in?

He could feel the joy spreading through her body and he knew he couldn't take back what he said,  _never_.

There was a certain fear and uncertainty filling him but before he could panic, he realized something. Marriage might not be something he wished for, but it would forever link him and Kagome in a permanent manner. Nobody would dare interfere in their wedding vows and in the eventually that Kagome  _did_  regain her memory he knew she would never divorce him.

Perhaps this was not all that bad after all.

Kagome felt happy; there was no doubt about it. Some people might think it was rushed but they had been together for almost two years – nearly three if you counted the missing one and they had known each other their whole life. It was not the romantic proposal she had always dreamed of, but there was no doubt in her mind that when he had asked, it had been romantic.

There was a small nervousness in her heart but she ignored it. This was a good thing. Plus, it was a nice step into this new life she was building for herself.

She finally pulled away from his embrace resuming her spot in her seat, her whole body jolting with joy. "Had we set a date?"

Inuyasha couldn't help but cringe. A date? He really hadn't thought that far ahead. "Well, hmm. Not really. It – hm- it's recent ya know?"

She pinched her lips together before nodding. "This is good though. At least I get to do everything for the  _first_ time."

A sigh of relief almost escaped him as he came to the conclusion she wouldn't have many more questions. Unless…

"Do you still have the ring?"

 _No_ ,  _because I never bought one in the first place._  "Yeah, course I do."

She didn't want to be greedy by asking to see it, but she really wanted to be able to wear it again. No it wasn't because she wanted a fancy ring, or because it was a valuable item. She wanted to wear it because it represented Inuyasha's promise to her, and that was important.

Inuyasha  _knew_  she was going to ask to have it back. Why did one lie have to bring so many more along? Now he was going to always be nervous that she would find out about it or that he would change his story without realizing it.

"I'll give it to ya tomorrow. Ya see, I lose my stuff all the time, and I put it in the bank. In the safe. It's closed now though."

She shook her head. "I'm not in a rush."

That meant he wouldn't be able to sleep in tomorrow because he would have to go ring shopping. Also, if that wasn't enough, he would need to sneak one of her rings from her apartment to make sure her engagement ring would be the right size. After all, according to his story, she had already been wearing it.

Almost wanting to avoid more conversations, Inuyasha pressed the radio volume buttons on the wheel before he pulled out of his parking spot and headed back on the road. Kagome was feeling a lot lighter than when the evening had started, which was great. At least the awkwardness when she would be with her friends would disappear.

She couldn't wait to tell Sango she was aware of her engagement to Inuyasha.

Inuyasha hurried in his driving being a little less careful then he intended in order to rush to her apartment. Perhaps she would be happy and relaxed enough to enjoy some time with him. Lately, it was not that she was keeping her distance from him, but it was harder to get her to make out with him.

Now though, she had no reason to refuse him. Plus, he needed some relief from the awful night he had.

Once he pulled in into the parking lot he parked the car and waited for her to offer. He wasn't going to invite himself though he should have the right to go into her apartment whenever he wished; especially if she was going to be his fiancée. Boy, he could only think of the squealing his parents would do. Good thing they didn't talk often, it would at least seem believable that they hadn't been informed of the engagement the first time around.

"You want to come in?"

"Keh, sure."

He removed the keys from the ignition before being the first one to exit the car. Kagome followed a few seconds later using all her force to close the door. Before she had been a bit nervous that Inuyasha would want to go all the way. But now that they were engaged, they could wait the few extra months and she would walk down the virgin road.

Surely Inuyasha understood that already without her explaining it.

It might sound a bit insane to wish to keep her virginity, especially in such a world, but she couldn't help it. Perhaps it was because she had been raised on a shrine, but to her it was important.

It was in silence that they reached her apartment. Kagome was a bit confused by Inuyasha's different attitude and she could only assume that he was still nervous about the whole thing. A wedding, an engagement like that was a big step for someone like him. He always enjoyed his freedom and she knew it. But the fact that he was ready to tie the knot with her only showed how much he cared for her.

"Are you thirsty?" she inquired as she opened the door fully.

He shook his head. "I'm fine."

All that was filling his mind were thoughts of Kikyo. He could still clearly remember how heartbroken she had looked when she had ended things. She had almost begged for him to settle down, and he had refused. Although he felt a bit uneasy about this whole marriage thing, it was nowhere near as bad as he had expected it to be.

Perhaps he could do this after all.

Though, after marriage came a family and he wasn't sure if he could tolerate a bunch of brats running around the house. He wouldn't let himself be bothered with that just yet since they weren't even married yet.

Kagome only had the time to put her keys down in the little blue bowl by the door before she felt Inuyasha's hands on her waist. She was quickly spun around and before she was able to react she felt Inuyasha press his lips against hers as he began a passionate kiss. Kagome wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing herself to be swept away by the passion.

However, after a few seconds the passion diminished. Instead rushing and hands all over her body replaced it.

She felt herself being lifted on the small table which could barely handle her weight and panic filled her. She couldn't remember Inuyasha ever being this demanding with her. Though, she was willing to admit she had missed a whole year of their relationship and now he was expecting more. Since he was making a lot of effort for her and always helping the least she could do was keep up with him a little, right?

Inuyasha felt a rush of desire go through his body as she allowed him more and more access to her body. The more time passed, the more he believed he had made the right decision.

-P-

Kagome was lying on her couch wearing her pink pajamas, her head against the armrest. Inuyasha had left her apartment an hour ago and she still didn't know how she felt about it. They had fooled around quite a bit, some of it involving a bit of nakedness which had made her uncomfortable. In the past, he had almost been afraid to touch her, so it was a big change.

As soon as he had left she had taken a warm bubble bath and was now attempting to watch a romance movie all by herself cuddled up in a blanket.

It suddenly dawned upon her that with her being so pre-occupied, she hadn't even taken the opportunity to call Sango to let her know she was aware of her engagement to Inuyasha. A sigh rolled off her lips as she stretched herself out of the warmth of her blankets and grabbed the phone. Automatically, she dialed Sango's number.

It took a few rings for her friend's voice to come through.  _"Hello?"_

"Sango? It's me."

Only one person said  _me_.  _"Hey Kag. Something wrong?"_  She was always a bit worried that Inuyasha would pull a stupid stunt.

Kagome shook her head, even though Sango couldn't see her. "Inuyasha told me, you don't have to pretend anymore!"

Pause.  _"Inuyasha told you what?"_

"That we were engaged."

This time, the pause was much longer and strangely, Kagome heard Sango's breathing become a bit shallower. Could it be out of excitement? Kagome decided to give her friend a few more seconds to answer and join in the joy.

Sango's grip on the phone was nearly hard enough to snap it in two. He had said  _what_? ENGAGED? The first thought that crossed her mind was damaged control but there was no way to lessen the damage the idiot had done. She knew she had to say something but only curse words were ready to come out of her mouth.

In a last effort, she said a last resort sentence.  _"I'm coming over."_

Before Kagome could have the chance to answer, Sango hung up the phone leaving Kagome confused on the other end. She arched her eyebrow in surprise as she pressed the  _end_  button on the phone. She put it down on the couch beside her before leaning in. Sango was one who could have an outburst of emotions sometimes so perhaps she could only explain her joy in person.

Though, she hadn't sounded very enthusiastic.

Kagome's fingers were twitching as she grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. Good or bad it would most likely end up being girl time so she got on her feet, ready to prepare some hot chocolate. She jumped on her feet the whole way there, trying to pump herself up. Why was it that nobody seemed joyful about the engagement? Was she  _still_  left in the dark about something?

She pushed her hair behind her ears prior to reaching out for a few cups. She grabbed the first ones, which were a blue one with a unicorn on it, and a light dusty rose mug with an inscription on it that read  _forever_.

Kagome knitted her eyebrows together as she put the blue one down, the other one remaining in her hands. It was ticking her because she  _remembered_  the cup without being able to recall how. It quickly became evident that she had received the mug during the last year, hence why she didn't know who gave it to her. But why did it bother her to  _not_  know.

 _Forever_.

Perhaps she could ask Sango, whom would arrive in the next five to ten minutes.

Her mind a little bothered, she filled water in the kettle before leaning against the counter, her arms crossed in front of her chest. Her whole life was a mess. This was supposed to be the happiest moment of her life and it wasn't. Even the people in her life who were supposed to share that happiness with her weren't.

They had done everything they could to help her, she could see that, hence why she couldn't understand why they would lie to her.

No, it was no lie. Perhaps, everyone just had their moment of happiness and now it was gone. Plus Inuyasha was probably disappointed that she had forgotten all about their previous engagement. There was nothing else to it.

She closed her eyes gently as the water began boiling. Kagome did her best to empty her mind while resting there and waiting for her friend. The more stressed she allowed herself to become, the worse the situation and the worse her own thoughts. She was causing this problem, not them. They had been nothing short of perfect with her, and she had to start having more faith in her friends.

A few minutes later, her train of thoughts was interrupted by a powerful knock on the door. "Kagome?"

Kagome opened her eyes before pulling herself away from the counter and answering the door. She unlocked it before offering Sango her best smiling face. "That was fast," she said, as she moved out of the way to allow Sango to walk in.

Sango forced a smile on her face as she nodded. The only thing going through her mind was how she was going to kill Inuyasha. She had expected him to pull a lot of dirty tricks, but that was not one of them! He wasn't one to get engaged or anything that involved a lifetime commitment! Was he really so desperate?

"So you know huh?" she said, as she grabbed her coat and hung it.

Kagome nodded. "He told me today when I asked why everyone was acting strange."

 _He would come up with something like that_. Sango walked toward her friend before bringing her in an embrace. "Congrats again, Kagome! I'm really happy for you."

She was truthfully happy that Kagome was happy; she simply wished this engagement news would involve Sesshomaru rather than Inuyasha. It had been one thing to allow him around Kagome when he was pretending to be her boyfriend, but now he was taking things to a very serious level. Not only that, but the risk of Kagome getting hurt increased as well.

The embrace continued for a little while, before Kagome pulled away. "I made some hot chocolate!"

A true grin appeared on Sango's face as she glided across the room until she reached the table where she took a seat. Kagome added whipped cream and candies to her hot chocolate making it the best  _free_  one around the place. She was glad she had not forgotten about it!

"Glad to know you're happy to be  _here_ ," said Kagome sarcastically, as she walked back in direction of the counter.

A comfortable silence filled the room as Kagome hurried to prepare the cups. She was still pondering if she should ask Sango about the pink mug. It was really a silly matter but she couldn't help it. Surely it would be no problem right?

Once she was done she grabbed both cups with shaky hands as she headed for the table. "Here you go," she said giving Sango the blue one.

She waited to see if Sango would say something about the mug but she never even glanced at it. Was it really insane to be obsessed with such a thing? Oh well, she had done worse things in the past.

"Sango, can I ask you something?"

Her brunette friend raised her head from the treat, a concerned look on her face. Could it be Kagome didn't truly believe Inuyasha's story? "What is it?"

Kagome's fingers trailed along the handle of the cup before she decided herself. "Who gave me this mug?"

Sango did her best to not look surprised but she felt like her mask slipped away. "The mug?" she asked glancing down at it. Could she tell her the truth? It wouldn't be right, but then again, Inuyasha's lie was still burning in her mind. Maybe both brothers liked to screw up, but she didn't.

"Sesshomaru gave it to you."

Kagome was slightly shocked by the revelation. Sesshomaru had given her something? Why would something so trivial be bothering her? They were not even close friends! It was probably only because she couldn't  _remember_  that it had been annoying her.

"Why?" inquired Sango, intrigued.

She knew Kagome's memory was not back, but could it be that she was beginning to retrieve it? It was almost an insane thought, but she wanted to have hope. Kagome had to be herself again before she made a horrible mistake by getting involved with Inuyasha in such a permanent manner.

Kagome shrugged her shoulders. "Just asking. I didn't remember getting it."

Sango knew the issue could be left alone, but she didn't want to. Kagome seemed a lot more pre-occupied by it then she was admitting. Perhaps it was time to try and slid in a few thoughts which she might dwell upon.

"He bought it after you  _begged_  him to when you two went to that Manga store."

Kagome frowned. "Just me and Sesshomaru?"

Sango nodded, doing her best to not smile and act naturally. "Yeah. You guys went out by yourselves sometimes."

It wasn't  _strange_  for Kagome to have a guy friend with whom she could be comfortable and alone with since she had Miroku, yet she didn't see herself being the same way around Sesshomaru. Especially considering his cold attitude around people. Though, he clearly appeared different now.

"I didn't know we were  _that_  close." Deep inside, it made her feel even worse that she had completely forgotten about him.

Sango shrugged her shoulders. "You guys hung out."

"Sesshomaru  _hangs_  out?" she asked, amusement laced in her tone.

Sango almost felt like chuckling.  _Yes, he does. With you. Because of you._  It was a shame Kagome could not remember his transformation. It had been spectacular, and he had been the person she needed the most in her life. She was really starting to push it with all that she was sharing with Kagome, but she couldn't help it. Inuyasha had started it anyway. He was being confronted, and the only thing he could think of was,  _we were engaged_?

"Not with everyone. But he had no problem with you."

Sango could only watch,  _pleased_  with Kagome's reaction. It was a bit unfair to somewhat manipulate her when she was so confused and without memories, but it had to be done. Apparently, Sesshomaru had no intention of doing anything just because Kagome looked happy. Her friend's happiness was nothing but a temporary thing, Inuyasha would screw up again. Plus, if she knew what Inuyasha had done, she would no longer  _be_  happy.

"You want his number?" inquired Sango, as if she was commenting on the weather.

Immediately, Kagome shook her head. The reaction had been instantaneous, and out of her control. Some part deep inside of her felt it wouldn't be right towards Inuyasha to be such good friends with his brother.

'I don't think it's appropriate."

Sango raised an eyebrow. "You're friends with Miroku."

Kagome pinched her lips together, feeling stuck in a hard place. She had the same thought earlier, but with Sesshomaru it wouldn't be like with Miroku. "It's different."

"How?"

"I don't know. It just is."

"Kagome, you're allowed to have guy friends."

She sighed. "I know, it's just being friends like that with Sesshomaru, I don't know."

Sango exhaled deeply before nodding. "You do what you want Kagome. I'm just saying, you guys were pretty good friends and nobody seemed to have a problem with it."  _Except Inuyasha when he found out. But he only has himself to blame since he caused your meeting with Sesshomaru._

"I guess. Maybe later. I don't know him that well now."

This was the exact reason why Sango was trying to bring Sesshomaru around more but he was being a complete idiot. It was very charming that his love for Kagome was great enough that he wanted to see her happy above all, except in this case it didn't apply. Everyone knew she wouldn't be joyful around Inuyasha hence why it was okay to snatch her away!

But apparently  _stubbornness_  was a family trait.

"How about some movies," said Sango, trying to relax the now semi-awkward ambiance.

Maybe she was pushing Sesshomaru onto Kagome too much. But someone had to do it…

"Why not!" said Kagome, her grip on her mug very tight as she hopped to the living room.

At least she was still in a good mood meaning the evening was not ruined. Sango could only be relieved though that the talk about her engagement to Inuyasha had died out. She didn't know how long she would be able to fake happiness about such a terrible thing.

The only hope was Sesshomaru.

-P-

He should be working, but he couldn't.

His pen was in his hand, the ink leaking slowly upon the report he should be doing yet he couldn't bring himself to even write one word. All that was filling his mind was Sango's voice. Just how many times had he listened to the message she had left on his answering machine? Probably enough that the damn thing would refuse to play it again.

_Inuyasha told Kagome they were engaged. But, hey, at least she's happy right?_

Yes. It was what mattered the most. Knowing Kagome like he did, she was probably thrilled by the marriage proposal. How many nights had she described to him her whole wedding day? She had been planning it since she was six years old. This would be her dream come true, including the part where she would walk down the virgin road.

Many times Inuyasha had tried to pressure her and she had explained to Sesshomaru she had felt bad for denying him but she was always a bit mad that Inuyasha wouldn't understand that it was important for her.

No matter how tempting she was,  _he_  wouldn't have disrespected her like that.

But now it was over.  _For real_. If she was to get married, she would be out of his grasp and he would never retrieve her.

At the restaurant he had been so convinced that as long as she was smiling and happy in her decision even if she could be happier, then it was all that mattered. After all, she was more than old enough to make her own decision. But now; marriage? It caused an unsettling feeling to be created in the pit of his stomach.

Finally, he gave up.

The pen dropped on his desk as he hurried to stand up. He could not work, not in these conditions. He had been working almost every day while Inuyasha did whatever he wanted, thus he deserved a day off. Perhaps he would spend an extra long weekend in his country house. Away from the city, away from everyone.

Especially Inuyasha.

Sesshomaru grabbed his jacket and his suitcase holding one in each hand before heading for the door. Forcefully he swung it open only to stop dead in his tracks before he could take one step forward. His whole body froze, and for once, he didn't know what to say.

There she was, standing in front of his door. Smiling.

Sesshomaru's eyes refused to look away from her as she seemed to grow a bit tense and probably uncomfortable. It took him a few extra seconds but he eventually snapped out of it. Slowly he put down his suitcase against the second door, which was closed, before lifting his arm.

"Yuri, get this jacket cleaned," he said, making a lie on the spot as he handed his jacket to his secretary.

"Right away, Sir," she replied before taking it and rushing out of the way.

Perhaps it was a bad excuse, but he hadn't been able to think of anything else. If she was there, it was a chance to see her, to talk to her, and he didn't want to appear as if he was leaving. Plus, he could always retrieve his jacket later, or  _heck_  he could buy a new one.

"Kagome," he said nodding at her.

She had expected the situation to go completely different and now she found herself at loss for words. Why was she so embarrassed in front of him? Even when they  _didn't_  get along she had no problem being in his presence. So why did she now?

"Erh- Hmm. I'm sorry to disturb you," she started before taking a deep breath. "I- hm… Inuyasha isn't in his office and hm he wasn't answering his cell phone… so I thought…"  _Idiot. Idiot. Idiot._

Inuyasha. Of course. It left a bitter taste in his mouth but he quickly recovered. He wished he could provide her with an answer, especially since she was glancing at him with such hopefully eyes, but there were no words of comfort he could tell her. Inuyasha had left the office three hours ago, saying he would be out all day.

So what was he supposed to tell Kagome?

"He's in a meeting."

"Oh." She paused. "Will it take a long time?"

"Most of the day."

She nodded before biting on her bottom lip. "Guess I shouldn't have dropped unannounced huh? Well thanks anyway, Sesshomaru."

Kagome held on to the handle of the bag she was holding, ready to turn around, and leave when Sango's words echoed through.  _You were good friends. You want his number?_  Maybe if she did hang out with him a bit she wouldn't feel as uncomfortable around him. Plus, she hadn't sought him out; it just happened Inuyasha wasn't there. Right?

"Are you busy?" she finally asked.

His heart almost skipped a beat. "Not at all."

She was nervously playing with the hem of her shirt, as she tried to figure out the proper way to ask. "See, I had made lunch for me and Inuyasha and now he's not here. I mean, would you… could I impose and propose you lunch?"

Kagome didn't think her cheeks could become any more red as she impatiently waited for his response. If they were friends, though she didn't remember, he would have no problem saying yes, right? Or maybe, he was just going to make her look like a complete fool…

"Come on in," he said, moving out of the way.

He was doing his best to appear as normal as possible but it was hard. He was shocked by her proposal to say the least and he could not find it in him to refuse. Granted it was Inuyasha's  _leftovers_ , but it would still be lunch with Kagome. A lunch  _she_ prepared. He could have all the expensive food he wanted, but none tasted like hers.

Relief washed over Kagome as she walked in, the office looking familiar, since it was made the same way as Inuyasha's except it was a bit bigger.

Sesshomaru guided her to a small table he had in the corner of his office, which had in fact been installed when Kagome had made her entrance in his life. Before her, he ate all of his lunch at his desk, only taking a few minutes off. After the faithful day, she had quickly started to come around  _on the days Inuyasha wouldn't be there_  and she would eat lunch with him, sometimes forcing him to take an hour or so off.

Truthfully he had always appreciated. He did have a tendency to overwork.

She sat down, and he did the same, taking the seat in front of her as she bent down to reach in her bag. Kagome pulled out two lunch boxes, handing one out to him.

"Thank you," he said before putting it down.

Her hands were a bit shaky as she proceeded to open her own. They both knew an awkward silence would install itself between them very quickly. Kagome wasn't sure  _what_  topics would interest Sesshomaru and he didn't know what to say that wouldn't reveal their closeness.

When she finally decided to break the silence, it was with the worst thing possible.

"Inuyasha told me about the engagement."

There was joy in her voice, and it was probably what broke his heart the most. But then again, why wouldn't she be happy? Though now he was left with the dilemma of answering such statement. It was already horrible at conversation, and she was making it difficult.

"You must be happy."

She nodded. "I am. I never thought this would happen." A smile was on her face as she took her first bite. There was more she wanted to say, and before she could decide if it was appropriate, it came out. "I just, I never expected it. Inuyasha is not like that."

He looked up at her, silent, but his eyes were telling her to continue. "I'm happy, don't get me wrong. I just, I don't know. I'm not sure Inuyasha is as happy as I am. He seemed a bit sad that night and I don't know why."

Once she took conscience of what she was telling Sesshomaru, a blush appeared across her cheeks. "I'm sorry, here I am, blabbering nonsense," she said before a nervous chuckle escaped her.

 _He knew it_. Inuyasha could not even keep up his own cover for more than a few minutes. Of course his idiotic half brother was not happy about the engagement. His whore had left him for those reasons and he hadn't tried to get her back. He was only doing this to keep Kagome by his side. Did he think she was blind, that she would not realize?

Now Sesshomaru was almost left covering up for him. He could not let Kagome go on thinking Inuyasha was displeased with his engagement with her when she was so happy about it.

He wanted to leave him rotting in his own lies but he couldn't. Although, this perhaps proved further that Inuyasha would eventually make Kagome miserable but he couldn't bring himself to tell her, not as long as he could see a smile on her face. Plus, there were still many risks so he had to be careful.

"Inuyasha is complicated sometimes and he hides his emotions with skill."

"That's true."

She had been right. He had simply been embarrassed to do the proposal again and he hid it behind other emotions. Kagome felt a bit more relieved and was actually surprised that the person who had taken her stress away was Sesshomaru. Perhaps she truly didn't know him.

"Thank you, Sesshomaru."

He offered a weak nod before taking his first bite of food. He was glad to see her feeling better even though it was costing his own sanity. He took a deep breath as he allowed the flavor of the food to fill his mouth. He probably would never get a chance to eat it again and he intended on enjoying this.

"You like it?" she asked as she noticed his please expression.

"It's delicious."

Once again, she found herself blushing. Inuyasha usually stuffed his face, never tasting anything. Sesshomaru on the other hand seemed to taste every little bit of flavor, spices, and oils she used to cook. It gave her a feeling of being appreciated, and she had to admit, it was quite nice.

"This isn't as bad as I thought," she said, speaking without thinking about what she was saying out loud as she picked at her food.

"What is not as bad as you thought?"

Kagome raised her head a bit confused. How did he know what she was thin- "Oh, did I say that out loud?"

He nodded.

She closed her eyes, feeling ashamed once again. Just when everything was going well, she had to make a fool out of herself. As per usual. She sighed heavily before putting down her utensil. "I thought it would be awkward. Between you and me."

Before he could take it the wrong way, she smiled. "I mean, because I didn't remember you and all, but this isn't as bad as I thought. Maybe I thought you were more intimidating."

He almost felt like chuckling. If she could remember the nights she had buried him under stuffed animals, wrapped him in silk blankets,  _just_  because it's cute, or how many times she had made him sit through sappy romance movies she would never think of him as intimidating. However, he was quite relieved she thought she could be comfortable in his presence.

"It was to be expected. You did not know me very well,  _before_."

Sesshomaru had officially spoken the longest sentence to her that  _she_  could remember. Since he seemed to have no problem talking, she decided to ask a few more questions. There was no reason for him to not answer, was there? '

"I was wondering," she started, before searching for his eyes. "How did we become friends? Like  _close_  friends?"

Curiosity had always been a trait of Kagome, and it was to expect that it wouldn't go away. The only problem was he couldn't be honest with her. Even if she didn't remember their friendship, he was still a horrible liar when it came to her. He could not lie to Kagome, it sounded fake every time.

"It just happened."

It was lame, but he could not come up with anything else. What other lie was he supposed to feed her?

"Just happened?" she asked with a tiny grin.

He found himself getting nervous and he didn't enjoy it. The one person he had always been comfortable around was her and he didn't wish for that to change. He didn't want to always have to watch his words and make sure he didn't have any mistakes.

"Over time. I believe I began speaking more."

Kagome nodded. "Well, I'm glad. I'm sure that  _then_ , I enjoyed it."

Frankly, she had no idea, but even though she was often embarrassed, she enjoyed his company so far. There was no doubt she liked being his presence before as well.

Her words were short, and they probably held little meaning to her, but they did for him. Somehow deep inside it gave him hope that one day, perhaps things would go back the way they were. If not, maybe he would still have her in his life. He would not steal her away, or snatch her away from Inuyasha, unless the idiot broke her heart again, but he could be her friend.

He had long thought he couldn't. That it would be too hard to not be as close as they used to be.

But now that he was sharing a small moment with her he realized that it was better to have her in life any way she came, instead of none at all.

For once, he decided to be bold. "I think you did."

His amber eyes were locked on her and she could feel the intensity of his words as if they meant more than what they appeared.

Sesshomaru was  _captivating_.

-P-


	8. Amaranth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amaranth: Immortal Love

It was  _staring_  at her.

It was  _calling_  out her name.

All she could do was stand there and look at it, unable to move. Her eyes were locked on the door of her studio and she could not take one step forward. Kagome had not gone in that room ever since she had returned from the hospital though she could not explained why. She had given herself an excuse many times, especially since she was always surrounded by people lately, but today she was completely alone.

She  _had_  to go in.

There was no logical explanation as to why she couldn't! It was her studio, her job, her passion! Yet, every time she came close to going in something was holding her back. Today though, it was as if it was whispering her name, begging her to come inside. Kagome found herself staring left then right almost as if to make sure she was alone before taking one step forward.

Her body was trembling a bit as she closed the distance between herself and the door. Once she was face to face with it, she extended a shaky hand and grabbed the handle before turning it and causing the door to open. At first, as the door squeaked while it fully opened, all she could see was darkness.

After a few seconds her eyes began adjusting to the lack of light and she began distinguishing the usual drape she threw over all of her uncompleted work. Shyly, she stepped in, prior to roaming her hand all over the wall until she found the switch. Once it was flipped open the whole room filled with light and she was allowed a better view.

Kagome made her way towards the first painting, her fingers twitching, as she carefully pulled away the drape only to reveal a fully bare and untouched canvas. She knitted her eyebrows together as she allowed the drape to fall upon the ground. Strange; she didn't usually covered something until she  _began_  working on it.

She moved to the next one and repeated the process. This time around however, it was a piece in progress. Colors of pink and red were clashing together in a blue sky and she could only guess that she had begun a sunset. She frowned in disappointment at her own art before covering it again. It was not a piece she would finish.

Kagome made her way through the whole room until the reached the center piece which was usually where she kept her most important piece of art. A bit nervous, she pulled on the drape awaiting the revelation only to find herself staring at a fully black canvas causing her to be left perplexed.

She didn't feel it as the heavy drape slipped off her fingers. It was as if she was hypnotized by the piece. It seemed as though it hadn't been the room that was calling out to her but  _that_  canvas. She took one step forward before approaching her fingers to it. Gently she slid her fingers down when suddenly a feeling she had never experienced before took hold of her.

It was as if someone was squeezing her heart from the inside, bringing her unbearable pain. It was difficult to breathe. It felt as if each inhale was only causing the squeeze to become tighter. She swallowed hard and she could not tear her eyes away no matter the suffering it brought her.

Why was it so painful to stare at a simple black painting? And why was such an insignificant painting put in such an important place? As the pain in her chest grew, she brought her free hand to her heart, clenching the fabric of her shirt in the process. It took a few seconds, but she finally snatched her fingers away from the painting before dropping to her knees.

Never before had she felt so hurt. It was when she felt something wet fall upon her lap that she noticed she was crying. Could it be that the painting was related to something she had forgotten? What in the world could it be that it was making her suffer like this and why hadn't anyone told her? Was it possible that they didn't know?

She was known, after all, to keep certain things for herself sometimes especially if it was going to worry her friends.

Kagome remained on the ground for a few seconds trying to compose herself and attempting to chase the pain away. She took deep breaths which seemed to slow down her heart beat a bit and waited for the horrible feeling to past.

When a few minutes went by, she finally began to feel as though she could breathe again. She made it on her shaky legs before clumsily throwing the drape back on the canvas, not wanting to see it again. Until she found out  _why_  it hurt her so much, she wouldn't look at it again.

Never did she want to be in such a state again.

A shiver went through her body as she rushed out of the art room nearly slamming the door behind her. She should have known she was not ready yet to set foot in there. Art used to be everything for her and now she feared her own favorite place.

She exhaled deeply, before almost banging her head against the door. This incident only made her despise what happened to her even more. How could she have gotten into a car accident? She was  _always_  so careful! What in the world could have distracted her so badly that she hadn't even seen the car coming? Granted the drivers had been put to blame, but from how it had been described she never even attempted to get out of the way.

Though, it was a familiar thing for her to be lost in her own thoughts, forgetting the world surrounding her.

Another deep sigh escaped her before she ran her fingers through her hair. They were slightly damped from her sweat which had been caused by the small trauma she had just experienced.

A few minutes back, Kagome had been relieved to be completely alone in her apartment. Now however, she wasn't sure if she felt the same way. She clenched her hands into fist before heading for the phone. She was about to dial a number when she realized she wasn't sure who to call.

Sango was at work and so was Miroku. Most of the time, joining them because of their busy schedules was a hassle and Inuyasha well… he had still not called her back and frankly she was worried. Yesterday, Sesshomaru had told her he was in a meeting and to be honest she was wondering if it was the truth. Wouldn't he have called? Came by? But he did nothing.

Maybe work had called him away though it was very unusual for him to be so dedicated to his job. Then again, he might have changed during the last year. Kagome sighed as she put the phone back in its place; with everyone so busy, she had no one to call.

Well, there was  _him_.

She still wasn't super familiar with Sesshomaru but it was true that his company had not been displeasing when they had shared dinner. Actually, it had surprisingly been very interesting. But to call him right now, when she was a complete mess… was that appropriate? Sure, they might have been friends in the past but now, was she comfortable enough to share?

There was always her mother. Though, Mrs. Higurashi had returned to the shrine and Kagome didn't want to make her mother come all the way to her apartment for such silliness.

Her fingers tapped against the phone before she decided that it was silly. Sesshomaru had told her yesterday that he was a friend. Friends were there in times of need weren't they? Plus, this would be her chance to know if she could actually  _trust_  him in the sense.

She took a deep breath to give herself some courage before taking the phone in her hand again. She was about to dial his number when she chuckled; she didn't know his number. Once again she found herself putting the phone back in its place before she rushed for her purse. She dug through it rapidly and after a few seconds she pulled out a card. Sesshomaru had given it to her in case she needed to contact him.

She was feeling a bit bad for interrupting him during work but he had insisted that she could call at any time. She could only assume that he was not busy every second of every day. After all, Inuyasha was the same; he didn't mind her calling him during his work hours.

Her hand trembling slightly she reached out for the phone and began dialing his number. When the first ring echoed through her level of nervousness rose a bit. She began shifting her weight from one side to another waiting for him to pick up. The more time passed, the stupider she felt.

Did she really need to talk to someone just because she had a perfectly normal small break down?

Couldn't she bring herself back to composure on her own? Did she really need to discuss it with someone so badly? Kagome was about to convince herself to hang up when suddenly the ringing stopped and someone picked up.

_"Hello?"_

Kagome was at loss for words for a few seconds since this was unexpected; she should have hung up! She fumbled for a few seconds, looking for a voice, before finally answering. "Sesshomaru?"

_"Kagome?"_

His voice sounded a bit panicked which intrigued her but she proceeded nonetheless. "I – hm – sorry to disturb you."  _Idiot_. "I just… I needed to talk to someone."

A silence installed itself between them as he did not respond. She did not know if it was a good or bad thing. Since it was killing her, she added more. "I mean, it's silly really. I was just… in my art room, and … I…"

" _Do you need me to come over?"_

The request sounded so natural yet it scared her a bit. However, she could not understand why since plenty of people had come over, especially since she had left the hospital. Yet, wouldn't it seem strange that  _Sesshomaru_  would come… alone? No. Miroku had come alone and nobody had thought anything of that right?

She closed her eyes tight trying to make up her mind. It was only natural that he would try to help. After all, she was the one who had called him right? If she hadn't felt comfortable enough to be in his presence she shouldn't have done so! But it wasn't her fault the whole situation was so complicated…

"Well, I mean, I don't want to be a bother…."

" _Not at all_ ," his reply came very quickly. " _What time is convenient for you?"_

"Hm- hr – Whenever it's good for you."

After all, she was the one at home with nothing to do while he was the one with a job. She was already disturbing him enough as it was so it was only polite to allow him to pick the time to come deal with her.

" _I'll be there in half an hour_."

"Thank you," she said, almost in one breath.

The loneliness that had been created in her heart by the whole incident could not be helped and frankly, it was forcing her to  _not_  want to be alone. She might not remember much about Sesshomaru, but so far, he had proven to be great with her. The lunch and now this. She really felt bad that she didn't remember her friendship with him.

" _It's nothing._   _I will see you soon_."

"Thank you again. Goodbye," she said awkwardly.

Once she hung up the phone, instead of feeling lighter, she in fact felt a bit heavier. It was a friend coming over, someone who was going to be there for her when nobody else was. Yet her mind could not help but drift back to Inuyasha. He had been known for trying fits in the past,  _especially_  jealousy fits, even when there was no reason for him to do so.

Though, he could never be jealous of his own brother right? Not in this sense.

-P-

Nervousness was something he did not often experience but right now he couldn't get rid of the feeling. When she had called him he had already been shocked out of his mind. Yes, he had given her his number, but never in a million year did he actually expect her to call him.  _Especially_  not in a situation where she seemed to require someone's presence.

For a second, he had felt thrown back in the past before her accident.

How many times had she called him, using the same desperate, broken tone of voice, which broke his heart every time? Even if he had seemed forward, and that it could have almost appeared inappropriate, he had launched himself forward. He could not say no, he could not ignore her plea for help.

In some way, it made him feel as if nothing had changed.

However, therein lays the problem. Things had indeed changed and he could no longer provide the same kind of comfort he used to. Kagome and he were not close, at least not in her mind. He had to keep a certain distance from her and he could not know  _too_ much.

It would torture him to be so close yet so far but at least he would be of some help, which was all he wanted.

Truly, even if he only was in her life as a small part, he would take it.

The lunch he shared with her reminded him of too many memories. He had truly intended on letting go, on allowing her to live a peaceful life without him in it, but he couldn't. It still killed him to think she was  _engaged_  to his brother but perhaps if he could become her friend he would be able to do something about it.

He would never convince Kagome to let go of Inuyasha but perhaps he could offer his half brother a warning. As long as she was not hurt he would do nothing. But the moment Inuyasha hurt her; he would have no choice but to get involved.

When her building came in view his heart cease to beat for an instant before he brought himself back to reality; now was  _not_  the time to be having a car accident.

Slowly he pulled into the parking lot reserved for guests and then proceeded to leave his car before heading for her apartment. He was usually filled with joy every time he followed that path knowing he would see her smiling face. Right now though, from the tone of her voice, he could tell he would face a mess.

He was quite intrigued about what could have upset her so much.

Sesshomaru rushed his way to the elevator and once he was inside he tapped his foot the whole time against the floor until reached her level. Once he did, he was the first one out and he headed down the hall. After he had learned about her memory loss he had believed he would never come down that hall again and that he would never go back to her apartment.

Some part of him was extremely glad that he had been wrong.

His anxiety only grew when her door came in view and he had to take a deep breath to calm himself before he could knock. He knocked twice before bringing his arm down and impatiently waited for her to answer. Surprisingly, she did so in almost an instant. Perhaps she had been waiting for him.

It was hard to prevent his heart from fluttering when she came in view. Kagome opened the door ever so slightly while poking her head out just to confirm it was him. She offered him a weak smile, which did not help his traitorous heart. He gave her a nod which was the only gesture he could do before she opened the door fully, silently inviting him in.

She quickly turned around, hoping to hide her red cheeks. She had been a bit shy thinking about the whole thing but  _actually_  having him in her apartment made her feel slightly embarrassed. It was true that all the males she knew in her life, she had known since she was young, hence why she was so comfortable around them.

"Thank you for coming," she said before heading for the coffee machine. "You want some?"

"Sure. Thank you."

Sesshomaru sat down at her table, in  _his_  seat unknown to her of course. Nobody except him had ever used that chair and once she had told him that a long time ago he had decided he would be the only one. Of course if she remembered she would have shaken her head at his silliness but now, she had no reaction.

Kagome's hands were shaking as she was pouring the coffee, causing her to fear making a mess. Fortunately for her, they were steady enough to avoid an accident. As she finished pouring the coffee in her cup, she realized she was using  _the_  mug. The one he had given her. A tiny smile appeared on her face as she put the kettle down before grabbing both mugs.

"Here you go," she said as she put a green cup in front of him, keeping  _the_  mug for herself.

Kagome thought Sesshomaru wouldn't notice, but he did. How could he not? He knew how much she loved that mug and the fact that she was still using it, even though she had no memories, pleased him immensely.

It was as he took his first sip of coffee that Kagome noticed just how comfortable he looked, as if he fit in her apartment no problem. Every time Inuyasha was present he looked extremely uneasy as though he didn't like the place.

Sesshomaru felt her eyes on him and he raised his own eyes, their glances meeting. "Is something the matter?"

She quickly shrugged her shoulders. "I was just wondering if you've been here before."

It was not something that would really cause her a shock, so he told her the truth. "Yes, a few times." Technically  _much more_  than a few times, but he would let that detail slide unknown.

Kagome slowly nodded before holding her mug with both hands. Now that there was someone to talk to and her mind was no longer focused on the pain she had experienced earlier, the whole thing seemed foolish to her. She could have done this on her own without disturbing him.

"I'm really sorry I disturbed you at work."

He put his mug down. "Nonsense. You sounded quite alarmed. What happened?"

Sesshomaru was doing his best to act calm and collected but inside of him, a storm was raging. He didn't want her afraid of anything, although at the moment it was something hard to avoid since she was unfamiliar with so many things. This was his chance though to prove to her he could be by her side and provide comfort.

Kagome began shaking her leg around, as she tilted her head to the side. How could she tell him without looking like an idiot? If Sango was the one sitting in front of her it would be much easier but with Sesshomaru, she was almost afraid to appear like a fool.

"I went into the art room."

For a second, his mask slipped and his expression changed. Fortunately, Kagome had been too busy staring down at her cup of coffee to notice. The first thing that ran through Sesshomaru's mind was that perhaps Sango and Miroku had left something behind which had led Kagome to remember something  _bad_.

Since she was not continuing her story, and his nervousness was growing, he pressed her. "What happened in there?"

She bit on her bottom lip as she looked up at him. "I'm not sure. I was just looking around at the paintings… and…" She sighed heavily before laughing at herself. "There was this painting, well if you can even call it that. It's all  _black_."

Sesshomaru didn't require further explanation to know what she was referring to. He blinked for a bit too long prior to nodding. "You want to know what it is?"

She shook her head. "Well,  _yes_  but, that's not it. It might sound stupid but it hurt. It felt like my heart was being broken into a million pieces and I could not stop looking at the canvas. I couldn't even breathe because of how much it hurt."

So even when she couldn't remember the way Inuyasha had cruelly betrayed her, she could still be hurt by it. Anger boiled within him, but he managed to keep it suppressed deep inside of him. In a way, he was glad that all she experienced was pain since he didn't want to lose her if she went into a shock but he hated to see her suffer.

"Anything else, perhaps a memory?"

"No," she said, her tone showing her disappointment. "I was hoping  _someone_  would know more than me." She didn't expect Sesshomaru to know much about her art but it was worth a shot especially since he was the one who was there.

"I wish I could help," he said, hoping he would be able to lie in a convincing manner. "But, all I know is that it was an important piece to you."

It was more than important, it was her life.

_"You know I hate when you come in here. I don't like having anyone in my studio."_

_"Yet this is the extent of your efforts to kick me out."_

_She giggled before turning her head only to stick her tongue out at him. Anyone else, she probably would have insisted that they left but with him, it was different. Although she hated that he could see her work in progress she enjoyed his company. It made her feel calm and at ease, which in the end helped her paint better._

_Sesshomaru did not say another word so that he wouldn't disturb her while he started to walk around, examining her work. There were always new pieces each time he came. Of course, most of them got scrapped in the end but he enjoyed looking at all of them. It was then that a strange one caught his attention._

_He took a step forward before narrowing his eyes. Why in the world was it all black?_

_"What's this?" he inquired, unable to resist the temptation of asking._

_Kagome in confusion turned around to look at what he was referring to before cursing to herself. It wasn't really that she wanted to hide the piece of from him, but she still wasn't sure about it. Though, now it was a bit too late and there was no point in lying to him._

_"It's my life."_

_"Your life?" he asked before standing straight. "Strange. I pictured it with more_ pink _."_

_Kagome rolled her eyes. "It's what my life became recently. And when I'm ready, I'll put the colors back in." A pause installed itself, before she added something else. "Starting with magenta."_

_He arched an eyebrow. "Magenta?"_

_"I know you love that color, don't deny it."_

_"Despise would be more the word."_

_"Magenta it is then."_

_They both shared a laugh as she dismissed something very important with a joke. She wanted_ him _to be the first color back in her life. She didn't want to put neither amber nor silver since they were attributes both brothers shared. She wanted something unique to Sesshomaru. He usually wore only dull colors except that one day when he had wore a magenta shirt. Since that day, she had decided it was his favorite color._

_It annoyed him to no end and she loved it._

_Of course, she didn't know that he actually_ enjoyed _color but he wasn't about to let her in on that secret just yet._

"Sesshomaru?"

The sound of her sweet voice brought him back to reality, as he offered her a puzzled look.

"Are you okay? You seemed lost in your thoughts?"

"My apologies I was thinking about the past."

He almost felt like kicking himself in the ass for being unable to come up with a better lie. It was obvious that she would now want to know what he was thinking about since she knew so little about the last year that had passed.

"Oh," she said, trying to not let her curiosity get the best out of her.

Kagome could guess it had something to do with her, hence why he was thinking about it now. Though, if he didn't want to share she could not force him. It would be nice however to find out more about the time she could not recall.

"Why is everyone so afraid to talk about the last year?"

It was blunt, and frankly perhaps he was not the one she should be asking this to. But then again, since he was the most emotionally detached to her, maybe he was the only one who could offer her a true answer. Each time she asked about the past, everyone around her became so nervous.

Maybe it was because they weren't sure if she wanted to know everything or not but sometimes, it made her feel uneasy.

"We all have our own versions of events. If different people begin telling you your tale, you won't know when yours begin and theirs end."

It was not the best answer but it was the only one he could provide her with that would not sound stupid or that wouldn't imply that they are doing it on purpose. They were only doing it to protect her but even if they told her so, she would most likely want to know the truth anyway.

Kagome shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose you're right."

It wasn't the answer she was looking for, but he was correct. Everyone had a different point of view and maybe it was better they didn't confuse her too much. Still, she didn't like it and she probably never would, meaning she would need to learn how to live with it.

"Thank you, by the way. I know it doesn't seem like much, but having someone to talk to, it really helps me feel better. I guess all that pain and darkness made me scared of being alone."

"You'll never be alone Kagome."

Because even when fate would erase him from her mind, he would always be by her side.

-P-

Inuyasha cursed loudly as his exited the airport, his mood worse than ever. Everything involving the last couple of days had been absolutely terrible and nothing had turned out the way he had expected. All of his trouble of course had begun with Kikyo.

He had an apartment with her back in Singapore and apparently she hadn't been there in a long time. It also meant the rent hadn't been paid. Since  _she_  had left  _him_  he had figured she'd stay there and take of it but it seemed she had other plans. It wouldn't have been much of a problem for him to lose the apartment if he hadn't had so many things left in it.

Inuyasha had believed that Kikyo would come to her senses and that there was no need to take his stuff. Apparently, he had been wrong. Now he had been forced to go all the way down there just to retrieve his things and there was still no sign of her. Apparently she kept her habit of not answering his phone calls.

She had gotten him in a lot of trouble; what would he tell Kagome?

He could have called her while he was traveling, made up an excuse and all would have been well, but that had been impossible. When he was angry and preoccupied he was a terrible liar. He hadn't wanted to take the chance to slip up and mention Kikyo because then he would have been screwed.

Inuyasha could only hope she would believe whatever lies he told her.

He groaned as he threw his heavy suitcases in his car before getting into the driver seat. Her house should be his first stop but he was a bit nervous since he still hadn't been able to come up with something to tell her. His grip on the wheel was tight as he began heading in direction of her apartment nonetheless.

Inuyasha knew he had to be careful when it came to Kagome because nobody had his back. If he messed up, nobody would come to his rescue.

He was about to make a turn when he remembered something important;  _the ring_. There was no way he could show up without the ring! She would wonder where it was since he had been supposed to bring it to her before his unexpected trip. He slammed his hand against the wheel before cursing out loud.

Inuyasha tried to take a deep breath to calm himself but it did not work. Since his temper would keep flaring he found himself glancing around trying to find the most expensive looking jewelry store. He would buy her such an amazing ring she would forget all about questioning him and it would all work out perfectly.

A smirk appeared on his face, when he spotted one, thinking his plan was without a fail.

Meanwhile on the other side of town, Kagome was still in her pajamas watching TV while lounging on the couch. The previous day, Sesshomaru had ended up staying longer than she thought and once again they had lunch together. It hadn't been fancy since she had quickly thrown something together, but it had been nice.

Gosh, when was the last time Inuyasha had come to have lunch with her? And he  _hated_  his job. At least, last she remembered he did.

Though, it wasn't fair to be comparing, they were both different and she had called Sesshomaru sounding quite helpless meaning he was probably scared to leave her alone in case she went psycho or something. Maybe the doctor had warned them all about her going crazy if something happened.

It had been nice though, to have lunch with him again.

Once again, he had proven to be much different than what she remembered him to be.

It was a good thing though. She could finally understand how Sesshomaru and she had become friends in the first place.

Suddenly, Kagome was brought out of her thoughts when a knock on her door was heard. She frowned, since she was not expecting anyone before rising to her feet and heading for the door. She approached it, ready to open it, before she stopped herself.

"Who's there?"

"It's me."

At the sound of Inuyasha's voice her heart fluttered but she wasn't sure if it was good or bad. After not calling her back for basically two days, she was a little upset. She put her best frown on before opening the door and putting a hand on her hip to show her displeasure.

Inuyasha knew she was mad the second she opened the door and he could only hope that the ring would make her forget it all, especially since he hadn't been able to come up with a good lie yet. At least nothing that would sound believable to her ears.

"Hey," he said, breaking the silence.

He made a maneuver to come inside, but Kagome quickly stopped him. "Where were you?"

Inuyasha sighed. "Look, sometimes with work now I get real busy."

"I didn't know a meeting lasted  _two_  days."

He arched an eyebrow. "Meeting?"

"I came by to have lunch with you yesterday and I found your brother instead. He told me you were going to be in a meeting all day. Weren't you?" There was no reason for Sesshomaru to lie to her was there?

Inuyasha couldn't help but be surprised; Sesshomaru just might have saved his ass. He could make a good excuse out of this, especially since he had Sesshomaru's words to back him up. Who knew his brother would be the one to come to his aid?

"Yeah well, they weren't very convinced and all so I ended up goin' to China with them to try and you know  _get_ them. I wanted to call you, but it happened so fast. I just got back  _now_."

Kagome searched his eyes, trying to find out if he was telling the truth or not. In the past, she had always been able to see but now she wasn't sure, she was confused. But if both Sesshomaru and Inuyasha were telling the same story…

He could see her expression changing and before she made up her mind, he decided that now was the time to pull out his trump card. Quickly, he took the ring out of his coat before holding it in front of her face. It took Kagome a few seconds to realize what he was holding, but when she did, her lips parted a bit.

"Is that?"

He smirked proudly; he knew she would love it. He had gotten the most expensive one. "Yeah. Sorry it took so long."

Gently, he grabbed her hand before slipping it on her finger and then looking up at her happy face. She was looking down at it and he could see she was pleased. At least now he wouldn't have to deal with an interrogation anymore.

"It's beautiful," she said, almost surprised that Inuyasha would invest so much in it since he had never been too keen when it involved marriage and what not.

"Anything for you Kag."

His words strung a cord in her heart yet the moment didn't feel as complete as she would have hoped for. She had always pictured it differently. Yet, it wasn't as if she wanted something fancy, she didn't even require an expensive ring leaving her to wonder what exactly was missing.

She glanced up at him and she could see his waiting face. Kagome put up a bigger grin on her face before throwing her arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly. This was all she had ever wanted right? There was no reason for her to not be happy.

"Thank you Inuyasha."

He felt a little awkward as he returned the hug but he pushed the feeling aside. They lingered in that position a little bit longer before she pulled away.

"Do you want coffee?"

"Yeah sure why not," he said before heading for the table.

Something felt a little strange as he sat down at her table. "So what have you been doin'?"

She stiffened a bit. "What do you mean?"

"I dunno. I was gone. You didn't stay here by yourself did ya?"

"Well, I you know, I hung out with Sango."

Inuyasha nodded as she joined him at the table before putting down the cup in front of him, which gave her a feeling of déjà-vu. Kagome did her best to chase Sesshomaru out of her mind as she tried to focus her attention on Inuyasha, her  _fiancé_. Maybe the accident had messed her up more than she thought.

 _Hanging_  out with Sango? Why couldn't she tell him she had seen his brother? They were getting along now there was no reason to lie. Plus it wasn't as if there was anything going on between her and Sesshomaru.

Surprisingly, even Inuyasha could notice that she was out of it. "You alright?" Maybe she was just thinking about the wedding. Boy, he was in no rush to start preparing that. Hopefully she wouldn't ask too much of him.

"Yeah I'm fine," she said before taking a sip of her coffee.

_I'm just a dirty liar._

-P-


	9. Moonflower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moonflower: Dreaming of Love

Happiness was something she should be experiencing at the moment, yet she found herself falling into a depressive state. Her eyes were currently locked on the engagement ring Inuyasha had given her for the  _second_  time. Instead of wearing it on her finger like she should, it was on the table.

It had been on her finger previously but today she was not feeling it. As a matter of fact, today she was simply not been feeling like herself. Not that she knew who she was anymore. The issue had been bothering her a lot especially since she was not enjoying the life she had always wished she had.

At that moment, Kagome decided that perhaps she should do some research about it. After all, she was probably not the only one who this had ever happened to after such a serious head trauma. Tearing herself away from the ring, she got up to get her laptop before plopping down on the couch with the intent on finding out if there was a way to feel better.

If she could never remember she had to break out of this vicious circle one way or another didn't she?

She opened up the search browser before attempting to find cases like hers. Kagome researched for what seemed like hours and found out that so many cases were different. However, most people were able to recall a few things when others would  _tell_  them about it. She on the other hand hadn't been able to remember anything at all. It was suggested to do things she had done in the past to attempt to remember but she couldn't tell for sure what she had been doing during the past year.

Although, if she had remained like her old self she had a small idea.

The one thing she wasn't sure of was if she should go with someone else. It felt that having another person there was more confusing then anything else. On top of that, she was a grown woman who was able to go around without having someone babysitting her all the time.

Kagome closed her computer lid down before putting the computer beside her on the couch.

Past memories might appear like dreams and that thought refused to leave her mind. How many  _dreams_  had she had since the accident and each time she didn't believe it to be reality. Could it have been the truth the whole time?

Perhaps she might appear obsessed over the whole thing but she couldn't stop. This was her memory and she wanted to retrieve it. She was so sick of feeling like someone else every day and her emotions were becoming a drag. How could she live like this forever? Would there really be a way to adapt  _if_  she never recovered her memory?

Shaking her head slightly, Kagome rose to her feet before dashing in direction of the kitchen. Once she reached it her fingers lingered around the bowl where she kept all of her keys. Unfortunately, it was then that she realized this was not something she could do on her own; it would involve driving. It was true that the incident hadn't happened when she had been  _in_  a car but the fact that it happened because drivers were careless scared her.

Yes, millions of accident happened every day but that time, it had happened to her.

She dropped her hand into the emptiness prior to allowing herself to fall upon the ground. She was exhausted and tired of this situation. No matter what she did, where she was, nothing felt right. Even now she was barely sleeping because too many thoughts kept her awake at night. Kagome rested her head against the nearest wall before closing her eyes.

Maybe she was blowing the whole thing out of proportion but it could not be helped. She simply wanted to be Kagome again.

She pressed her lips tightly together before holding in a sigh. It was times like this she would call Sango but she wasn't sure if she could. Sango was her best friend but since the accident things didn't feel right sometimes. Though, that part could be blamed on Kagome since she was the one who lost her memory.

Perhaps the best thing to do was to remain alone.

-P-

_The rain was falling loudly against the windshield almost blinding her However, there was more than that contributing to the fact that she could not see. Her heart was shattered and ready to explode while her eyes were burning with tears. Death seemed like the better fate at that moment._

_Her heart was throbbing like crazy as she felt a pain she had never experienced before go through her heart; how could she go on? She pinched her dry lips together before holding back a cry. She softly choked on her own tears before parking the car, unable to drive any longer._

_A bright white light as all she saw._

_Her head was spinning as she sat in her bed allowing herself to relax, almost laying down. She was so out of it, she never heard him walk in. Although him being able to come in at any time was the exact reason why she had given him a key. It wasn't until she heard his footsteps in her room that she snapped her head in his direction._

_"I thought you were working."_

_"I thought you weren't feeling well."_

_She shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe I just wanted to be taken care of."_

_A chuckle went pass his lips before he fully came in view. His silver hair was cascading upon his shoulder and his bangs were covering half of his face. She was about to move closer to the edge as if to get a better glance at him when she found herself blinded again by a white light._

_"Come on! I'll promise it'll be fun!_

_"I don't think so."_

_She pouted, trying to do her best puppy eyes so he would agree. Although by now she should have known better than to ask about messing around with his hair. She had recently bought new products which could make his hair even better than it already was. The thought sounded almost impossible. Of course, he didn't wish for her to be anywhere near his hair._

_Kagome stamped her feet as if she was a child before attempting to convince him again. "Come on! Nothing will happen! You'll even enjoy it!"_

_"I think not."_

_"Please S-"_

Sweat was dripping down her back as her eyes snapped opened, confusion washing over her. She was panting slightly as she glanced around trying to figure out where she was. Her current dream still felt vivid and she almost believed she was still in it. A few seconds later, Kagome fully came back to reality and realized she was on the floor with her back still pressed against the floor.

She had fallen asleep after her failed attempt to drive.

Kagome ran her fingers through her damp hair trying to calm herself. She could still clearly remember reading that the dreams could represent real memories and she found herself trying to remember what they were. All she remembered was a faceless silver haired man in almost all of them. It had to be Inuyasha.

Why did she remember so many things of him at the moment? Could it be that since she doubted her relationship with him lately and didn't feel comfortable she was trying to remember their happy moments? Every passing moment was only making it more complicated for her.

Her eyes were aching from the previous tears and she struggled to make it to her feet while her whole head was feeling dizzy. Today was a horrible day since she couldn't chase that feeling away; she felt as if she was always losing her balance. A deep breath was exhaled as she held on the table to make sure she was fully standing.

It took her a few minutes but she made it to the kitchen. Once there, she immediately began to pour herself a coffee hoping it would jump start her system a bit. Then suddenly, as she put the kettle down, a loud banging happened on the door causing her to jolt. She pinched her lips together before glancing in direction of the door. She was almost afraid to go near it.

"KAGOME! Open the door. KAG!"

Immediately she recognized Inuyasha's voice and relaxed. She left the mug on the counter before heading for the door. She rapidly unlocked it, and opened it wide. Behind it she found a panicked Inuyasha. His hair was messed up and he was breathing heavily. Before saying anything, Inuyasha walked in and started inspecting the apartment.

"Ya don't answer your phone now?"

She knitted her eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"

"What do ya mean, what do I mean!" he said, stretching his arms to the side to emphasize his words. "I called you  _six_  times!"

Kagome's eyes opened wide. "I'm sorry, I fell asleep."

"Yeah well I was worried!" he said before venturing further in her apartment.

He knew that she would have been in the apartment unharmed but the fact that she didn't pick up made him worry. His mind went into overdrive making him think that she had gone out and gotten into another accident or even that she had fallen unconscious in her apartment because of her previous head trauma.

And now, after he rushed to get there and check up on her, she was acting as if it was no big deal. Couldn't she understand that he cared about her safety?

"Sorry, I just, I'm not feeling well today."

He frowned, his angry features dissipating a bit. "Not feeling well?"

She shrugged her shoulders. She wouldn't even know where to begin to explain her current state of mind. Her life was not her life and herself was not herself. How could she begin to tell Inuyasha that she didn't like feeling as if she was another mind in another body?

Without answering, Kagome walked towards the kitchen table and sat down on the first chair she found. "I'm not me, Inuyasha."

The tears were almost threatening to fall but she held them back. Inuyasha was enough of a hot head that tears didn't need to be added to the mix. Still, she could not prevent her bottom lip from quivering.

"You're you. How can you not be you?"

He ran his fingers in his thick mane of hair before plopping down on the couch. He was feeling an emotional discussion coming and he was never good at those. He didn't know what to say to make people feel better. But, he had come all the way over there to check up on her so he couldn't leave now that he had confirmed she was fine.

She tilted her head to the side. "I – If I can't remember, I can't be me Inuyasha."

That seemed to flip a switch in Inuyasha's brain and he rushed to his feet to be by her side. "Ya know your memory is not that important. What, ya don't love me just 'cause you can't remember us last year?" He approached his face to hers without giving her a chance to answer. "One year, and ya just throw it all away?"

Because of his harsh words, the tears were getting harder to prevent and a few slipped through. "That's not what I said!"

It was true, she had thought that perhaps she didn't feel the same towards Inuyasha but she never said she was throwing it all away. This wasn't about him or them, it was about her not feeling right within herself and yet he managed turned out into a fight.

"I'm just saying it's difficult for me!"

Inuyasha scoffed before pulling away. "Difficult for you?" How about difficult for everyone around you?"

His words struck her more than a slap and she almost found herself speechless. There was no way he was saying what she thought he was saying. It was a good thing she was sitting down because she would have probably fallen down. Tears were slipping out of her eyes as she couldn't even blink.

Inuyasha felt a pinch of guilt because of his words but he felt too much pride to retract what he had said. In anger and because everything had been so out of control, he cursed before punching the table. He felt her jump slightly before he sighed heavily and exited her apartment like a gush of wind.

Kagome could only watch, her lips parted, her tears cascading down as she heard the door being slammed shut. Her heart was squeezed in pain as she covered her face with her hands. She had felt so unstable emotionally today and this was not helping. Tears were coming down her face with a great intensity as she tried to hold back her cries.

It required a few seconds for her to be able to calm herself down slightly and when she did, she had to remain sitting down.

Her life was a mess.

-P-

"Kagome?"

" _Kagome?_ "

Sango had been trying to get her friend's attention for the last two minutes but it was to no prevail. No matter how many times she said her name, Kagome remained in a zombie like state of mind. Sango had called the previous night and had proposed they meet for coffee. Kagome had seemed joyful to the idea yet now she was barely present in mind, only in body.

Something was bothering her, Sango could tell. What it was though Kagome had not shared so far. As a matter of fact, Sango had been the only one speaking while Kagome would drift off in her own world every now and then. Sango sighed before waving her hand in front of Kagome's face. This time it appeared to work.

Kagome blinked slowly before focusing herself on Sango. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

Sango almost rolled her eyes. "You mean 35 minutes ago? You're so out of it! What's up with you?"

Kagome had needed a few hours last night to feel better after her discussion with Inuyasha. When Sango had called and asked her to go out she had thought it might be a good idea. Now, she could see she had been wrong. His words were echoes in her mind and looking at Sango's expression, she wondered if Inuyasha's words were true.

She shouldn't ask because Sango was her friend and she would tell her  _no_  even if the answer was  _yes_ , but Kagome couldn't stop herself. 'Sango, am I a burden? – Since the accident?"

Sango knitted her eyebrows together. "A burden? Why?"

It wasn't like she required care of anything like that and even if she did; they were best friends it wouldn't be a bother to take care of her.

"Where'd you get an idea like that?"

Kagome shrugged her shoulders, unsure if she wanted to share her small fight with Inuyasha with her friend. Lately, she was getting the vibe that Sango was mad at Inuyasha but she didn't know why. Perhaps something had happened a bit before her accident and nobody had thought about mentioning it.

"Kag…"

Sango used the tone she usually took when Kagome was hiding something from her. "I just – I had a fight with Inuyasha."

At her answer, Sango felt like she was seconds away from saying  _typical_. In a way, she had just been waiting for the moment where Inuyasha and Kagome would have a fight. She figured something would get Inuyasha's temper going and she was right.

"What happened? What did he say to you?" she inquired, her tone almost threatening.

"He… is my situation difficult for you guys?"

 _Bastard_. "Kagome, there is nothing wrong about what happened to you! You're fine aren't you? So you don't remember a few things, what's the big deal?"

She shrugged. "Maybe it makes it harder on you guys."

"Or maybe Inuyasha doesn't like to put forth any effort when it comes to a relationship and that's the perfect excuse to blame it on."

"Is it me, or do you not seem to appreciate Inuyasha as much as you used to?"

Sango was aware of her words and the confusion they might bring on Kagome. Nonetheless, she felt like they had to be said. She couldn't sit there and say nothing while Inuyasha was making her feel bad, she simply couldn't. Of course it would probably bring another string of lies but apparently it could not be avoided.

"Maybe it's the same thing for you but you don't remember."

Sango's words brought her to a new level of confusion. How could she not like Inuyasha as much as she used to when they were planning to be married? It didn't make any sense. "Then why did I agree? Why are we engaged?"

 _You weren't_. "Maybe you felt bad because of all those years you guys had together. Maybe you couldn't say no."

"Sango  _what_  did I tell you about my feelings for Inuyasha?"

 _That he was cheating bastard. That he broke your heart and took the pieces with him. That he smashed your soul until there was nothing left._  "I don't know it's just you sounded a bit hesitant from time to time that's all. And I just assume it's because you weren't sure of your feelings."

"Ever since I was younger I said I would marry Inuyasha. I'd be the princess and he'd be my prince."

Reality was unfortunately much harsher than that. "Not all fairytales come true Kagome. You can't hold on to what's not there."

Kagome felt a bit hurt by Sango's speech but perhaps it was because she felt doubt and she was looking for someone to tell her there was no reason to have doubts. She wanted to believe that it would all be well in a few weeks and that Inuyasha was made for her. Unfortunately, Sango only added to her trouble and made her think if Inuyasha was right for her.

She knew Sango was saying those things to help her and she meant no harm but she couldn't help the sting in her heart.

"I don't know anything anymore Sango," she said before sighing. "I don't know anything about myself. I don't know anything about my life. Who am I?"

Sango offered her the kindest smile. "You're Kagome and that's all that matters. Who cares about the lost memories and what happened. It's still you, and that won't change."

Her words warmed her heart a bit before she smiled back. "I guess." She wished it would be that easy but unfortunately she still had work in front of her.

Sango was a good friend to Kagome and frankly she had no intention of taking advantage of her friends' weakened state… but she wanted to for her own good. Now that Kagome was in doubt about Inuyasha it was a good time to push her in the direction of Sesshomaru. And she had just the thing in mind for that. She tried not to smirk as she lay back comfortably in her seat.

"You know, I'm going out tonight. Miroku, me and Sesshomaru. Why don't you come it would do you some good!"

At the mention of Sesshomaru's name Kagome couldn't help but be a bit alert. She still remembered clearly lying to Inuyasha about seeing his brother when she had done nothing wrong. What if now she went out with him? Wouldn't it be even worse?

Sango could see Kagome was about to say no and she didn't want that to happen. "Come on, it'll do you some good. At the worst when we get there we'll ditch the guys and hang out as girls. What about that?"

Kagome knew it wasn't good what she was doing to herself. Perhaps Sango was right, and as soon as they got there she could say she wanted to do girls time right away. "Fine."

Sango's smile grew as her mood just increased. Of course, now she had to convince Miroku and Sesshomaru to play along, but she had a feeling that they wouldn't mind. Especially since Sesshomaru, though he hadn't said why, appeared to be in a good mood when it came to Kagome.

Everything would be just fine.

-P-

How he had ended up  _going_  outhe had no idea. He wasn't one for clubbing or bars or anything. Perhaps it had been the mention of Kagome that had managed to make him break his routine. Although even with her in the past he hadn't gone to such establishments. He could pass up the chance to spend an evening without her where Inuyasha wouldn't be there.

Sango had quickly filled him in about what Inuyasha had done and frankly he didn't feel as bad for trying to take someone else's woman. Not that he was trying to date Kagome; he just wanted her away from Inuyasha. Though of course, in the end he wouldn't mind having her since it was something he had wanted for a long time.

The only problem he had was that he did not know how to act in such social event and he was a tad bit fearful that he would make a fool out of himself. His nervousness was present as he finished putting on his tie. He would agree that it was perhaps a bit too much for the location they would be at but he didn't know what else to put on. He didn't exactly own casual clothes.

He glanced at himself one last time in the mirror before opting for a ponytail. He remembered Kagome liking it and perhaps it would be to his advantage to appear like she enjoyed.

Sesshomaru was supposed to meet up with Miroku and the girls would be coming together. To be honest the idea of him alone with Miroku for a while in a bar wasn't his idea of fun especially since the man could hardly keep his hands or eyes to himself. But, he was willing to put up with it. However, he was almost certain Sango had something in mind for the night though he found himself not minding.

After making sure all was well, he left his bedroom and grabbed his keys before heading to his car. He almost missed being the one picking up Kagome but he hoped that if their  _friendship_  kept progressing the way it had been lately perhaps they could resume some of their old habits. After all, it was a good sign that she had called  _him_  in a desperate moment even though she had been a bit awkward around him.

It only took him ten minutes to reach the point of meeting and he hurried to park so he could get inside. The place was busier and cheaper than he though. It was a casual bar, the room filled smoke and regular costumers. The scent of booze was attacking his nose. He cringed a bit as he walked in further and quickly spotted Miroku.

Since Sesshomaru stood out so much since he didn't fit in the scenery, Miroku saw him coming his way and waved. Deep inside, he wondered what he had done to Sango that she would make him stay alone with Sesshomaru in a place that would make him uncomfortable and cause him to be irritated.

When Sesshomaru sat down in front of him, Miroku offered him his best smile. "How you doing?" he asked cheerfully.

"Hn."

 _Okay_. "Want a beer?"

"Hn."

 _I'll take that as a yes_. Miroku got up and headed for the bar. He was almost relieved to be away from Sesshomaru. He had expected him to be in a semi-bad mood but not to resort to the one answer word he loved so much. Miroku ran his fingers through his hair before smirking. Sango was going to owe him.

Meanwhile, right outside the bar, Sango was attempting to get Kagome out of the car. Apparently, her friend was not okay with the idea of going to the bar anymore.

"I don't like these kinds of places Sango. I don't even drink."

"Maybe you  _should_  start and you wouldn't be so up tight."

Kagome suddenly became offended. "I am not up tight I just don't drink often."

Sango scoffed. "Not often? Try  _never_."

"So what? I don't see the appeal!"

"I do."

"I'm not going."

"Oh yes you are."

Before Kagome could argue again Sango grabbed onto her wrist before pulling her out of the car by force. Kagome complained but Sango did not stop until Kagome was on the concrete. Then, Sango locked the doors of the car before smiling brightly.

"Let's go."

Kagome felt like stomping her feet, but since she knew it would be childish she stopped herself. She didn't know why she was so against it when she had been fine with it earlier. Perhaps it was the fact that now that she was there it was real. Also, it almost felt like she was single and looking for a date. She had never done anything like that in the past.

 _But_  she was engaged.

Even though her ring was a home.

Oh my god. She had completely forgotten her ring! She should have been wearing it, especially tonight out of all moments! Almost hiding her hand in shame, Kagome did the only thing she could do which was to follow Sango quietly.

Sango felt a small feeling of relief when she noticed the guys were already there. However, the expression Miroku gave her when he noticed her walk in inspired nothing good. It meant Sesshomaru was being  _difficult_  and she hoped his attitude would change once Kagome was present.

"Hey guys," said Sango breaking the ice.

Sango hurried to take the seat beside Miroku which would leave Kagome with the choice only of sitting beside Sesshomaru. She observed as Kagome came closer looking shy. Sesshomaru finally turned around wanting to see if she was coming and once he did, he almost wished he had kept looking straight.

In Sesshomaru's eyes Kagome was always beautiful. However, he was mostly used to pajamas Kagome, relaxed Kagome, and art Kagome. Not  _dressed to kill_  Kagome. He had to catch himself before he found himself staring.

"Hi," she said before sitting down at his side.

When Sesshomaru glanced up at Sango he could see she was smirking brightly. Oh she was pure evil.

"Kagome do you want something?" Sango was trying to get her to drink. She looked way too nervous and uncomfortable and Sango wished for her to loosen up a bit.

"One drink," added Sango, trying to be more convincing.

Kagome glanced at Sesshomaru and Miroku who both were drinking something, before nodding. She couldn't be the only one not drinking and ruining the mood. "Only one though."

"You got it."

-P-

"This  _iisss_  great."

Sango pinched her lips together trying to not laugh at Kagome. Apparently like many other girls, Kagome could be tricked by the fact that if a drink didn't taste like alcohol, it  _shouldn't have_  a lot. Unfortunately, she probably had more alcohol then all them and she only had four drinks.

Miroku was a little buzzed and Sango was feeling it as well but they were nowhere near as gone as Kagome. Sesshomaru on the other hand seemed completely sober which was strange since he had about seven beers. Then again, he was a very tall and imposing man.

"S-s-moraru."

Everyone blinked.

Kagome turned her head to glance at Sesshomaru. "S-smauromu."

"I think she means you," said Sango before she burst into a giggling fit.

"I hm.  _You_. Another one?"

"I think you've had enough."

Kagome rolled his eyes. "What'z itz with thiz one? Hez like hiz brother."

Sesshomaru stiffened slightly at the mention of his brother and the comparison. At that moment he decided she needed another drink because perhaps her speech was still too good and clear. He also decided that he needed a few more beers as well. He had felt a slight buzz but it was nowhere near strong enough.

He got up in silence, heading for the bar, and when he was out of sight, Kagome began giggling. It was hard for Miroku and Sango to keep straight faces since they had never seen Kagome in such a state before. They had to admit it was nice to see her not being depressed for a while.

Plus, she was being quite friendly with Sesshomaru. As a matter of fact, she was bossing him around. But still, it was progress. If only Sesshomaru could share the feeling then perhaps there would be development. Although, drunk development was never good. Still, anything to make Kagome doubt her feelings for Inuyasha even more was good.

Yes, Sango felt a little bad for playing Kagome but in the end… she was doing it for her own good was she not?

It was then that an idea formed in her mind but before asking it, she waited for Sesshomaru to come back. Once he was in his seat, she focused her attention on Kagome. "So, tell me Kag. Why aren't you wearing your ring?"

Kagome tilted her head to the side looking utterly confused. "R-rinh?"

Sango nodded. "Your engagement ring."

At those three words, Sesshomaru found himself downing his scotch on the rocks.

Kagome could only smile as she shrugged her shoulders. "I dun wear itz."

"Why not?"

"Inuyasha thinkz I'm diccifult."

Once the words left her mouth she reached out for the new drink Sesshomaru had brought her and began drinking it. They could stop her, and as a matter of fact they should, since they couldn't let her drink to the point where she would be sick. This would be her last one.

"Zo, no gilrlffiend?"

Sesshomaru shook his head.

"Why not? You're hm goolooking."

 _Goo-looking_? He was going to take it as a compliment. "She's taken."

"So? You should. You go for her."

 _If only_.

A serious face appeared on everyone's visage but Kagome was oblivious to it as she took another huge sip out of her drink. She didn't know what she was drinking only that it was blue, and that she loved it.

"I think you should listen to Kagome, Sesshomaru."

He wanted to, more than anything, but he knew if she was aware that he was referring to her she wouldn't be saying the same thing.

Everyone seemed to be in their own mind, thinking when suddenly a loud  _thump_  was heard. It took them all a few seconds to realize it was Kagome who had fallen upon the ground. Sesshomaru was the first to react. He rushed to her side and picked her up from the ground; almost scooping her up in his arms.

"Is she okay?" asked Sango as she peered over.

"She's fine. I just don't think she can drink anymore," he said before leaning onto the bench with Kagome still in his arms.

"Why don't you take her home?"

Sesshomaru frowned. "Me?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Why not? You have the money for an expensive cab!" She could see he was about to complain so she didn't give him a chance to. "Come on Miroku you're getting us a cab."

Since Sesshomaru was on the floor it was hard for him to say anything as both Miroku and Sango walked away. He had planned to send someone to pick him up since he didn't wish to leave his car at the bar. He glanced down at the girl in his arms and he sighed before reaching out for his cell phone.

"Jaken, send us a driver."

-P-

The scene was familiar while still being strange. Sesshomaru was carrying a half passed out Kagome in his arms as he headed down the hall of her apartment building. He still had the key to her apartment, unknown to her, which would make it easier for him to get in instead of searching her for the key.

She was mostly unconscious but some times she would somewhat wake up and blabber something he could not understand. He felt a bit relieved when they reached her door and quickly he unlocked it, without dropping her, before entering. The whole place was dark so he freed one of his hands again to turn on the light.

Sesshomaru rushed to her bedroom where he dropped her on her bed on top of her blankets. That, he had done many times. Except she hadn't fallen asleep because of too much alcohol but because she had cried herself to sleep. He had to admit, he almost preferred her passed out. At least, it didn't mean she was hurting.

He was about to leave her bed when he felt her grab his hand. A bit surprised he turned around and glanced down at her. Her eyes were still closed which led him to believe she was still sleeping. Though it caused a pinch in his heart he reached out for her wrist, ready to remove her hand.

However, she was conscious. "Don't."

"Don't?"

"Stay."

She somewhat turned around stuffing her face in the pillow as she refused to release the hold she had on him.

Sesshomaru had spent many nights in her apartment, even in her bed. Though he almost wondered if it was now appropriate. Did she even know who he was? Maybe she was mistaking him for Inuyasha, maybe it was who she wanted to stay by her side. And he couldn't do that.

"Who am I Kagome?"

Silence fell in the room and Sesshomaru knew he had the answer he needed; she didn't know who he was. She didn't want him to stay because he was him. She wanted him to stay because he was there.

He shook his head softly before once again attempting to remove her hand. This time she was limp which made it really easy for him to do so. He was about to take his first step out of the room, ready to go to his own house, when she spoke.

"S'Maru."

It was a drunken version of it, but it was his name.

Sesshomaru was unable to prevent himself from turning around and he saw her laying there as she whispered his name, well half of it, again.

Now, he  _couldn't_ leave.

Though, he was also aware that he could not share her bed like he had done in the past, especially since she didn't know what she was saying at the moment. But, he would respect her wish and he would stay. He approached the bed once again before plopping down on the cold wood floor. He pressed his head against the edge of the bed, his ponytail sprawled on her sheet.

As Sesshomaru gently closed his eyes he felt her hand making its way to him. He thought she would try to look for his hand but she didn't. Instead, she stopped all movements once she found his hair.

"Soft."

He couldn't help but smirk. When she was upset, he would allow her the small privilege of running her fingers through his hair. It always seemed to make her feel better.

Sesshomaru believed that her touching his hair was as far as it would go but he was wrong. Instead, she began moving and shifting around until she actually had her face using his hair as a soft pillow. It was quite flat but she didn't seem to mind. He listened as she sighed in contentment before his smile grew.

Enjoying the moment was almost making his heart break as he realized just how much he missed her. He had to keep his eyes shut because he knew he couldn't bear to look at her. He needed her in his life more than he ever knew.

Then softly out of the quietness, her voice came. "G'night, Maru."

Through the hollow feeling in his chest he managed to tilt his head to the side, their foreheads almost touching.

"Good night,  _koi._ "

-P-


	10. Pear Blossom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pear Blossom: Long Lasting Friendship

Her eyes were burning with an intense pain as they snapped open. A headache spread through her entire brain while she scrambled to move. Under the skin of her face she felt something extremely soft, and without thinking, she found herself leaning in. Her fingers made their way to it, tangling through it.  _Tangling_ ? Kagome couldn't help but glance down only to be graced with the sight of silver hair.

_Inuyasha?_

_She didn't remember his hair being so soft._

She could not remember anything of the previous day, only perhaps… drinking? But that didn't explain how Inuyasha had gotten in her apartment. Had he come over during the night and she had been sleeping, hence why he had waited, and fallen asleep himself?

Before she could push her thinking further, he moved, and she found herself quickly pulling away. She raised her head a bit waiting to see Inuyasha's face, but as he got up she noticed the silver hair that was a bit  _too_ long and the tall figure. This was  _not_  Inuyasha. When he finally turned around, she could confirm that fact, and also notice that it was  _Sesshomaru_.

Her lips parted and a gasp almost escaped her. Almost embarrassed, though she didn't know the facts, she jumped on her feet a bit too rapidly and one of her feet remained stuck in the sheets causing her to fall forward. Sesshomaru, though a bit dizzy from waking up, was quick enough to catch her in time. Unfortunately, he couldn't keep his balance causing him to fall on the ground with her sprawl on top of him.

His arms were securely wrapped around her waist causing the situation to become even more awkward when they became aware of it. For Sesshomaru it would have been natural if it was the old Kagome but it wasn't. It was a Kagome who didn't know how close they were. He had expected her to move but she didn't. Instead her whole face was a bright red, her eyes tightly shut as she felt like dying in embarrassment.

"Sorry," he said as he gently eased himself away before helping her up.

She shook her head, no words coming out, as she steadied herself. "Sorry, I mean about that," she said finally finding it in herself to look up at him.

"It's my fault really."

He had meant to be gone by the time she woke up. He had never planned on actually spending the whole night there and now he felt like an idiot. Did he enjoy her words of the previous night and her attitude? Of course. It had almost felt like he had the whole Kagome back including the nickname part. Though, since she had drunk a lot, he hadn't expected her to actually remember. He still didn't know if she did but he knew she was a bit panicked.

Kagome was doing her best to recall the previous night but it was all a bit blurry. Not as much as her lost memory from the last year though. She remembered drinking with her friends and  _talking_  with Sesshomaru once they got back to her apartment though she didn't know what had been said. This was the exact reason why she didn't drink; to not make a fool out of herself.

She brought her hands to her head, sighing. "I don't know what I did last night, but if I made a fool out of myself…"

Before she could keep talking, he stopped her. "You did nothing. I brought you back and you fell asleep and I assume I must have wanted to rest and fell asleep as well." He offered her a small bow. "My apologies."

Considering how close they weren't in her mind, it was a bit of an invasion of privacy and also a bit disrespectful to have slept in her house, in her room, without her permission.

"Oh no, it's fine. I mean, thank you for taking me home."

Although she felt that she needed to have a talk with Sango and Miroku. Why did they leave her with Sesshomaru? There was nothing wrong with him but she simply thought Sango would have taken her home. Nonetheless, it wasn't as if something had happened after all. Not that she ever doubted something would in Sesshomaru's presence; he seemed too much of a gentleman to do anything to anyone.

"Would you like breakfast?" she offered, breaking the awkward silence. "It's the least I can do."

She didn't know how functional she was going to be especially since she felt a bit hung over from Kami knew how much she drank. However she was sure her scrambled brain could manage scrambled eggs. "How about it?" she inquired again when he didn't reply.

Truth was, Sesshomaru was not very hungry but he could not turn it down. Breakfast with Kagome? He used to love it. "I'd like that. Thank you."

He knew she would require some privacy and that she would perhaps like to change or even shower so with a nod, he exited the bedroom and headed for the living room. It was strange to be there all alone with her, not that he was about to complain. As a matter of fact, he was rather pleased with the turn out of events. Kagome had seemed a bit more comfortable around him and if she could snap out of her embarrassment they might very well have a nice breakfast.

Though her shyness and boldness made her… herself, she was pretty good at being two opposite things.

The sound of her shower came through the wall and he couldn't help the smirk on his lips. Now shower adventures, they had a few of those. Some unplanned, and some planned. It was almost insane to think how close they had become in such a short amount of time. It was true that the events that brought them to one and another had been quite  _forceful_.

Still, he remembered the good times.

_"Sesshomaru!"_

_He was in the living room when he heard a voice coming through. He knitted his eyebrows together in confusion as he took a step in direction of the bathroom. They were supposed to do movie night but as he had arrived Kagome had been rushing claiming she truly needed a shower and that he had to wait on the other side of the wall until she was finished._

_Now she was calling him?_

_"Is everything alright?" he inquired getting as close as possible to the door._

_"No! No it's not!"_

_"What's wrong?" he inquired a bit panicked. After what happened less than three months ago he didn't like the fear in her voice._

_"Hm, I don't have soap."_

_He couldn't help but arch his eyebrows in confusion. Soap? That was the biggest emergency she had? Soap? "Hm, do …hm?" Just what exactly did she want him to do?_

_"There's more in the top counter in the kitchen."_

_He nodded to himself before rushing to the kitchen to get it. He was still a bit surprised that she wanted soap as if her life depended on it. Nonetheless he grabbed the first one he saw and rushed back to the door._

_"I have it."_

_There was no response from her, so he tried again. "Kagome?"_

_"Could you hm, bring it in?"_

_The slightest shade of pink appeared across his cheeks as he put his hand on the handle and slowly turned it. He had been in presence of women more than once and he was not unknown to the pleasure of the flesh, but this was… well this was Kagome, and Kagome was different. She was not someone that could be thrown aside or ignored._

_And damn it, this was making him nervous._

All he remembered from that moment was the steam and her figure behind the curtain. Honestly, it had gotten him more pumped up than he had in a long time.

Of course there had been the natural moments as well.

_"Sesshy? Do you have any conditioner?"_

_They rarely ever came to his house but a few times when she was insisting a lot he would cave in. Now was one of those times. They had eaten more than he thought_ she _could, prior to falling asleep after a horror film fest. Of course, as per usual, it had resulted into a sleep over and now Kagome was taking her shower while he brushed his teeth._

_There were plenty of other bathrooms in his house but he enjoyed his and neither of them seemed to mind. He didn't know how the habit of sharing the same bathroom had begun or who had started it first, but they had simply gone along with it._

_"You are not allowed anywhere near my conditioner remember?"_

_"Why not?"_

_By the tone of her voice he could almost see the pout on her face. He shook his head softly, before reminding her of bad events. "You know exactly why. And it involves my brand new bottle being three quarters empty."_

_He heard her scoff. "It's not my fault it was so silky… and it smelled like creamy strawberry. Maybe you shouldn't buy conditioner that smells and feels good enough to eat."_

_"Yes, I'll remember that next time I buy_ hair _product."_

Once Kagome went through his house nothing was left where it was supposed to be and he could be sure that food would be missing and that his products would be gone as well. Nonetheless, it wasn't as if he was using lots of them and since she loved to spoil herself once in a while he was happy to be able to provide her with some happiness.

Of course, now that hadn't happened in a while.

He loved spoiling her but she didn't like it unless she was not aware of it of course. Over the last few months he had learned how to do little things that she wouldn't notice but that would make her happy nonetheless. He had gotten good at it but now with this new Kagome he was always awkward and he didn't always know the right thing to say.

Usually he wasn't one for much conversation and it was something Kagome understood. She always knew what he thought and what was on his mind without him having to express it and whatnot. But he had to remind himself there was no new or old Kagome there was just Kagome.

And no matter whom she was, what happened, he had the same devotion towards her.

"Sorry about that," she said bringing him out of his reverie.

Sesshomaru raised his head in time to catch the sight in front of him. Her hair was wet and wavy from her shower and all she wore was a plain white t-shirt with a pair of fitting jeans. It was simple, but she looked absolutely breath-taking. It took him a few seconds to register her words but when he did he immediately rose to his feet.

"It's not a problem."

Kagome offered him a quick nod before heading for the kitchen. She had cooked meals for other people before, including Inuyasha, but she couldn't remember when she had ever cook breakfast for anyone. Well, perhaps her mother a few times but nothing more than that. Not even Inuyasha, to whom she was supposed to be engaged to.

Though she hadn't talked to him in a while…

But now was no time to be thinking about Inuyasha. Especially since that fight, though she was indeed alone with his brother…

She shook her head to chase all thoughts of him away before grabbing a pan and heading for the fridge. "Scrambled eggs okay?" she asked as she made her way to the counter, ready to crack the first eggs.

"It's fine." he replied as he took a seat at the table.

Her cooking was not always great but he knew she could pull off eggs without any trouble. Although he was not a big talker he enjoyed sharing with her once in a while. It felt as if everything was building back up within him and perhaps he was starting to shut off again. Before her, he hadn't needed the world and now that she was being taken away from him he was thinking that again.

He missed her a lot it was true, but he realized life could go on. It was not the same without her, that was given, but he had survived in the past and he could now. He was not forgetting about her, he could never do that. Her presence in his life had been short but she had made quite an impact.

No matter what, he'd have memories.

But that was all they were. Memories.

Meanwhile, Kagome was staring at Sesshomaru with weird thoughts in her mind. This felt oddly familiar. This feeling, his presence, it was too much. It reminded her of something but she couldn't tell what. It was strange that she was often feeling that way when Sesshomaru was around.

She stopped scrambling the eggs for an instant as she desperately tried to remember. What was it about him, about everything? A question was burning her lips but she was sure she would get the same answer she always did.

Yet, she would ask. "Sesshomaru, we weren't just  _new_  friendswere we?"

Her question shocked him a bit. He was used to lying by now was he not? But he hated it just as much every time. But what could he tell her without saying the full story? How could he explain the lies of others if he said the truth? Could he only give a half truth?

"We were friends."

He didn't deny her question, but he didn't answer it either. He didn't know if Kagome would stop at that though. Surprisingly she did. No other words came from her even as the seconds passed away.

Kagome could find nothing to say because in a strange way, she felt as if he was being honest with her. Since when did someone  _feel_  another's honesty?

-P-

Sango was biting her lip as she went down the hall. Kagome might or might not be mad at her. Perhaps letting her leave with Sesshomaru was a bad idea. Sesshomaru wasn't answering his home phone or his cell phone and she wondered if things had gone wrong the previous night. She hadn't called Kagome in case her friend was mad and she decided the best thing to do was to show up unannounced.

 _Good_  plan.

Once she rushed to the door she lifted her fist, ready to knock, but she put it down. Surely Kagome couldn't really be mad could she? Deciding that she would face her anyway, Sango knocked loudly on the door and waited for her friend to answer. She almost expected an angry Kagome, but instead, a laughing Kagome opened the door.

Apparently Kagome hadn't thought before opening the door, because her laugh died on her lips as soon as she saw Sango.

"Sango? What are you doing here?" she inquired, completely forgetting about the previous night.

Sango arched an eyebrow. "Am I interrupting?" She tilted her head to the side, trying to peek inside but Kagome being in the way blocked her view.

"Oh," said Kagome before glancing back, looking at Sesshomaru. "Hm, no I was hm, having breakfast with Sesshomaru."

 _Well that's an interesting development._ "Sesshomaru? Oh well. I can leave…"

Sango couldn't have imagined for things to turn out that way. If she had known Sesshomaru was over, she would have stayed home and left them undisturbed. She cursed herself mentally as she watched Kagome's expression change and she knew she had ruined it for them.

"Oh no, come in," said Kagome as she moved out of the way.

Sesshomaru still had a smile on his face when he watched both girls walk in. It was easy to see the surprise on his face and it felt like the whole mood was broken as he resumed his stoic mask.

"Sango," he greeted politely.

"Hey," she said before joining him at the table.

Kagome walked back in direction of the counter where she still had scrambled eggs on the stove. "You want some?"

Sango turned her head around to see what Kagome was referring to. "Sure why not."

As soon as Kagome was distracted, Sango focused her attention on Sesshomaru again. "I'm really sorry," she half-whispered. "I didn't think you'd still be here."

Sesshomaru shook his head. "I have to leave soon."

She had a feeling he was lying, and that it was her coming that made him say such a thing. Unfortunately, knowing Sesshomaru the way she did, she wouldn't be able to convince him to stay. She was simply upset that she had ruined it for them. However, with Sesshomaru gone, she might be able to obtain a few juicy details.  _Gossiping_  was a naughty pleasure. Especially in this case since there might  _finally_  be something happening between Kagome and Sesshomaru.

Kagome, unknown of Sesshomaru's soon departure, put a plate in front of Sango before sitting down at the table with her friends. Almost at the same time Sesshomaru rose to his feet, fixing his shirt. Kagome couldn't help but frown as she watched him, but no words came out of her mouth.

"I have a meeting," he explained not looking at her in the eyes.

She nodded, a tiny smile on her lips. "Well, thanks for last night," she said, ready to get back on her feet to walk him to the door.

Sesshomaru noticed her actions and he raised a hand to stop her. "I'm fine, thank you."

Instead of saying goodbye, he nodded at Sango and with an uneasy feeling inside he headed for the door. He wasn't quite lying since he indeed had a meeting, but it was two hours from now. Frankly, he was okay being with Kagome alone especially since her own lack of balance had caused a laugh or two but with Sango around, he wasn't sure it would be the same.

On top of that, Sesshomaru had noticed that since her accident she seemed to retract within herself whenever there were too many people around her. The less crowded, the best it seemed for her. Her comfort was important to him.

Kagome couldn't help but watch as Sesshomaru exited her apartment. At the beginning she had still been awkward in his presence but as time had gone by it had been better. Especially when she had stepped on her own foot and spilled all the scrambled eggs on the floor. Afterwards, the moment of awkwardness had been broken.

Now however, it was back to the way it had been before. She had to admit, Sesshomaru was a very hard person to figure out. One minute she thought she had him down and the next he was completely different person. Plus, he was also so weird in her presence.

"Soooo?"

The amused tone of Sango pulled Kagome out of her reverie. "So what?"

Sango almost rolled her eyes. "You and Sesshomaru! He spent the night here?"

"Sango!" said Kagome offended. "I mean, I'm engaged to his brother."  _Technically_.

The brunette had completely forgotten about that or rather she disliked the fact that Inuyasha was back in Kagome's life so much that she had pushed that aside. The desire to tell Kagome the truth was burning her lips. Kagome should be graced with the truth that Inuyasha was nothing more than a lying scumbag however; Sango didn't wish to bring that trauma upon her friend.

"Yeah, forgot about that," Sango said quickly before grabbing her fork.

Allowing Inuyasha in her life was a con but her losing all her memory was also a con. A much worse one at that. They could always tell her Inuyasha was doing his cheating  _now_  but it wouldn't help much since it would bring too much stress upon her. Though, could it be possible to entice Kagome to break up with Inuyasha?

"How are things with Inuyasha by the way?" she asked taking her first bite of her breakfast.

Kagome's express saddened as she shrugged her shoulders. Honestly, she was surprised Inuyasha hadn't made any attempt to call her or see her. But the thing that shocked her was the way she wasn't heartbroken over the whole thing. Her whole life she had been in love with him and though she had everything she had wished for. It was all crumbling beneath her feet and she didn't care.

Had the accident really changed her that much?

Her heart was not throbbing around Inuyasha anymore and frankly her feelings were a mess. She thought he was the best thing for her but she no longer knew. What was she supposed to do now? She was friends with people she didn't know  _could_  be friendly and she had no feeling for the one she was supposed to love.

Why was her life so upside down?

"I don't know anymore," was the only answer she could provide.

Her eyes became a bit teary and Sango noticed. Immediately she dropped her utensil and wrapped her arms around her best friend bringing her into a comforting embrace. It seemed that from the start, after the incident, everything had turned into a big mess and no matter what was done someone was getting hurt.

Kagome could free herself of the pain by dropping Inuyasha but they couldn't tell her why to do it. The only way was by herself. Of course, hints could be dropped but the sole decision maker was her.

"It'll be okay," said Sango gently patting her back.

At her words, Kagome's tears fell and dropped upon Sango's shirt. Why did she feel such an immense pain in her heart when she thought about Inuyasha and if he should be in her life? She held Sango even closer to her, as if to make the pain disappear a bit.

She needed to figure out her life first if she wanted to know who was supposed to be in it and who wasn't.

-P-

The change of scenery was quite intense especially since she had just arrived from L.A. The states were quite different from Japan, yet, this felt like home. She had left, hoping her life would be better there and that she would find someone who would actually be devoted to her and give her to life she wanted. But it had been hopeless.

No matter where she went, there he was, no matter whom she met, she saw him.

After a few weeks, she had decided that perhaps she couldn't run away from him. He could not give her what she required, but it didn't change the feelings she had for him. Either she dealt with him, or she got back with him but escaping him was really not the answer. Now there she was, back to this place she had left and she had to find him.

The first place she had gone to was their apartment in China but she had found it belonging to someone else. Had he moved on from her so quickly? After the semi-devotion, the betrayal he had done just to be with her, just to forget her in mere weeks? It clenched her heart with a pain she had not known before.

Nonetheless, she hadn't given up. She was not a woman who could easily be forgotten and she would remind him of that. Even if she intended on erasing him from her life fully, she would make sure he remembered his love for her. She would engrave herself in his heart so he'd really never forget.

After all, it was only fair since her love for him was still going strong.

There was only one place in Japan she could find him and it was at the company and it was where she was heading for at the moment. She didn't particularly like walking in this town since she might encounter many people she disliked, which included  _that_  girl.

When she had first met Inuyasha, it had been a mutual attraction from the first glance. She never held a very high opinion of men mostly because the ones in her life had been scum, but he had come across as different and she had believed in him. Quickly enough, they had hit it off and though she hadn't been able to see him every day, she had been happy.

Until the day she learned  _why_  he was not available all the time.

She had seen text messages from a girl named Kagome on his phone,  _lots_  of them. It was when she had confronted him that he had told her the whole story. In a way, she felt great that she hadn't been the one cheated on, but he still had someone else. For a while after the story she had thought about leaving him but she hadn't been able to.

For months he had promised that he would leave his other woman but he never did. It was after the lack of advancement that she had done her research and found out who the girl was. She had begun stalking her and had found out where she lived. The first time she had seen her, she had understood.

Although she hated  _Kagome_ , even she had been able to see it. They looked very alike.

Was that the reason why Inuyasha kept the both of them around?

However, Kikyo refused to share and she would not give up. It was why she had lured the girl, made sure she saw Inuyasha and her together just to have the satisfaction of winning.

The bad side was the fact that Inuyasha still hadn't been able to commit to her. She had thought that Kagome was the reason why she couldn't have a family with Inuyasha, or get married to him. Unfortunately, it was Inuyasha that was the problem hence why she had offered him an ultimatum. In the end, she had almost been forced to leave.

Now she would fix everything, make it all right.

A smirk appeared on her face when the building came in view and she hurried inside, carefully waiting on Inuyasha' s reaction to her presence. Surely he couldn't have found another girl that quickly. At least not one that looked like either her or Kagome.

The receptionist at the entrance did not stop her, not that Kikyo expected her to since she already knew her face. Her steps were slow as she finally made it to Inuyasha's office. Unfortunately for her, the door was closed which lead her to knock.

She waited but no answer ever came. Confused, she tried to glance into the window but saw it was empty. Technically it wasn't much of a surprise that Inuyasha wasn't working since he was the type to slack off but the company building had been her only lead to find him. Now she had nowhere to start from.

"May I help you?"

The strong rude tone caused her to turn around, only to come face to face to someone who appeared to be extremely similar to Inuyasha. It took Kikyo a few seconds to recognize him, but she eventually did.  _Sesshomaru_. She had only seen him a few times; all of them very brief, but the resemblance was unmistakable.

"Oh," she said putting on a seductive smile, "I'm looking for Inuyasha."

Sesshomaru had been walking in direction of his office when he had noticed the woman extremely intrigued about Inuyasha's office. He had thought her to be a future client that had been forgotten by his younger brother but the familiar way she was speaking lead him to believe it was different.

It wasn't until he looked at her carefully that it hit him. He  _knew_  this woman. As a matter of fact, she didn't even deserve the proper title of  _woman_. She was the whore who had been with Inuyasha. The one that the bastard had gone with breaking Kagome's heart sending her into a state of…

How  _dare_  she show her face? How dare she come into that building?

He could clearly remember his half brother telling him it was over between them!

Immediately his facial features changed and he was frowning. "Leave. You have no business here."

This was _bad,_  this was trouble. Kagome was with Inuyasha technically and this whore could just break her heart all over again. No intense stress could be put upon her and this would bring it to a new level. Inuyasha couldn't be trusted and if Kikyo was too tempting, Inuyasha would fall, and  _oh Kami_  that situation could not happen again.

Kikyo put her best angelic look on. "What do you mean? I'm afraid I don't understand."

To be quite honest, she hadn't expected him to remember her. Then again, it was true that she was hard to forget. As she observed him carefully she allowed herself to glance at him fully. She had never been given the chance to take a good look at him in the past and frankly, she wished she had. Inuyasha might look good, but the eyes and hair looked much better on Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru took a quick glance around; making sure nobody was there, before closing the distance between them. "Listen to me, I know  _what_  you are and I want you out of here. I'll have you escorted out if I have to."

Kikyo wanted to give him her best bitchy face, but she held back. If she wanted to fool him, she couldn't give him anything that he could turn against her later. She had to act perfect, just like an angel. Of course, she could no longer deny the facts since he was aware of them too well.

"Look, I never knew the whole story. He didn't tell me about her. I learned after, so I was fooled too." She forced her eyes to become teary with her words hoping he would fall into her trap.

She could not had been left in the dark. Though it was true he didn't know much about her, but he did know his half brother. Inuyasha was a very bad liar and there was no way he could juggle two women without at least one of them knowing from the start. He was not that smart.

He glanced into her eyes, trying to see a hint of a lie but there was nothing but her brown eyes staring back at him. The chocolate color of her orbs was a stark contrast against the blue color of Kagome's. This woman was the opposite of Kagome who was pure and innocent. She was a witch and just because she had been the mistress of his half brother, he would not listen to her words.

"I don't care what happened. I do not wish for your presence in  _my_  company."

Her eyes hardened a bit, but she offered him a smile nonetheless. "Look, this was just a misunderstanding."

"I will not stand there while you hurt her again. Leave now."

The word  _her_  echoed through her mind and she knew immediately whom he was referring to. Her again. Why did all of them fall under her charm? Inuyasha and now Sesshomaru? That girl could not have everything or everyone. She was supposed to still be heartbroken over Inuyasha even if it had been a year by now.

That girl could not have everything. She came for Inuyasha, but apparently she now had a side plan. Perhaps she could do what Inuyasha did to her; perhaps she could have two people as well. Not only would it be a way to get back at Inuyasha for somewhat playing her, but she could also prove that she was better than Kagome.

The girl wasn't trying or pretty yet she obtained whoever she wanted. It wasn't fair! She was prettier than her so why couldn't she get all the men? It didn't matter though and even if Sesshomaru was a bit resilient, he would eventually come around. Nobody could resist her charm if she put herself to it.

However, for now Sesshomaru seemed upset and she couldn't deal with him.

"I will. I'm sorry I disturbed you I didn't mean any harm." She could leave like that but she couldn't because he would doubt her. She needed a reason to be back in Japan. She was a good liar; she could come up with something couldn't she? "I just wanted to give him the ring. I had to do in person. For closure."

Sesshomaru pinched his lips together, her lies stinking up the area. Nobody made that trip for a ring. If she wanted to give it back, she could have done it before she left. Plus, he had never been made aware of any engagement. It was true that he didn't know everything about his brother, especially since he had cut all contact during the last past year.

"Just leave."

The look in his eyes was saying that he wanted nothing more than to spit on her face but instead, he pulled away. This woman reminded him too much of the pain Kagome had experienced and it stirred up a rage within him to simply look at her. Her presence was nothing but trouble and he would make sure she could not hurt Kagome.

Kagome might not remember but it meant nothing. Kikyo didn't know that and she might send Kagome into a trauma that they wouldn't be able to bring her back from.

Kikyo smiled charmingly before slowly walking away as if all was well in the world. Perhaps her trip back to Japan would be much more interesting than she had anticipated in the first place. Soon enough, she would be the Queen in the chess board and all would be hers.

Inuyasha could be tracked down with some effort and now that she had a goal, the effort was worth it.

She had never talked to Kagome but it didn't change the fact that she hated her. Her life would have been perfect without her being alive. Since she could not kill her, she'd simply steal everything from her.

One of the Taisho men had to be a  _real_  man.

Sesshomaru watched her as she disappeared and a bad feeling settled within him. With this whore back in town, he would have to remain near Kagome more than ever. Kagome had not remembered him when she had seen him after her memory loss but he didn't know if the same would happen to Kikyo. After all, the woman was linked to a bad memory.

He had to protect Kagome, no matter the cost.

He hadn't wished to force his presence upon her but he was left with very little choice. He couldn't allow her to see Kikyo. His heart was beating faster than usual and he didn't like it. As soon as Kikyo was completely out of view, he turned his head around, the bad feeling refusing to leave.

He would do anything to prevent Kagome from living the nightmare she had experienced a year ago. She had done nothing to deserve it the first time and she sure as hell didn't deserve it as second time.

_The blood was dripping down her arms as she almost screamed in pain. The tears on her face could not be seen because of the heavy rain hitting her visage and her whole body. He was scrambling to make it to her but the elements of the weather were against him._

_Who was she? What was she doing here? How did it happen?_

_He watched her collapse on the cold cement as if she was exhaling her last breath. He could not let that stranger die, he – he recognized her._

_Yes, she was the girl that was always around his half brother. What was her name?_

_He was on four, trying to making it to her and a sigh of relief past his lips when he reached her body._

_Kagome. That was her name. Kagome._

-P-


	11. Anemone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anemone: Forsaken

A deep sigh escaped Kagome as she put back yet another apple. Usually she loved going grocery shopping for fruits. Not only was she completely addicted to smoothies, but the colors of the many different fruits, when you went to a store that specialized on having every single kind, was just inspiring. Today however, her heart simply wasn't into it.

Perhaps she had lost her interest somewhere between not having talked to Sesshomaru since he _spent the night_  and not having talked to Inuyasha in three days. Whichever one it was, it was slowly getting to her. Her world was still upside down and she didn't know how to deal with it.

Her head hung low as another sighed rolled off her lips before she gave up. Perhaps today was just not the right day. Truthfully, she had mostly come out just because she needed to get out of the house. Everyone seemed quite preoccupied, including Sango with her job, leaving her to become insane in that house alone. Not that she would admit it to any of them. They already worried way too much.

Feeling a bit depressed, she exited the store, the bell ringing as she did so.

To change her mind, she had a ten minute walk ahead of her. She had totally refused to use her car, most likely because of her accident. It was true her accident didn't happen  _while_  she was driving, but the further away from a car she was , the better. Though she wasn't sure if walking all the time was better with the cold weather fast approaching..

She had made an attempt at leaving a message on Inuyasha's voicemail the previous night but it had been to no prevail. As expected, he had not called her back yet. She couldn't understand why he feared it so much. Granted they had a fight, and hadn't ended in good terms, but it wasn't as if they never had fights in the past.

As a matter of fact, no matter how much they loved each other, they would clash quite often. Perhaps it was because they could be so good at pushing each other's buttons. Nonetheless, it hadn't stopped them from loving each other through the years so what was the difference now?

Inuyasha remained the main thing on her mind as she got closer and closer to her apartment. It weighted heavy on her chest because she had never been so confused before. Kagome, since the day she was young, had always known what she wanted and how it would go. Now, something unexpected had been thrown her way and had changed the whole way she perceived her life.

It was almost if there was no going back now.

Her mind was so caught up into her thoughts that Kagome never saw the girl coming her way while she took her keys out of her coat so she could get into her apartment building. It wasn't until she felt someone tapping on her shoulder that she turned around and came face to face with a pretty young woman. Long black hair, big brown eyes, and fair skin were all that Kagome noticed and the resemblance didn't strike her.

"May I help you?" inquired Kagome, confused.

However, the confusion upon Kagome's face was nothing compared to the one that appeared upon Kikyo's face. From all the greetings she expected from Kagome,  _may I help you_  was not one of them. Had the girl fallen on her head and gone insane? There was no way she couldn't remember her! Her face  _had_  to be burned in Kagome's mind forever!

Still, Kikyo took hold of herself and put on her harshest features. "You don't recognize me?"

Kagome's eyes traveled over her face as if she was doing her best to recall her but nothing came. She did her best, but she could not recall and the only option that came to her mind was that she and the girl had probably known each other during the past year, hence why Kagome couldn't remember her.

"Were we friends?" she asked, her tone obviously void of any malice. Once the question left her mouth, Kagome felt a bit silly for asking such thing but in this situation, there was nothing else she could do.

Kikyo couldn't stop herself from arching an eyebrow.  _Friends_. Friends? That was probably the last thing they were or would ever be. Though she didn't understand why Kagome had asked such a question in the first place! Since she was in unknown territory, Kikyo decided to play along and see where it would lead her.

"Yes, yes we are. At least I thought we were."

Kagome quickly nodded. Maybe it was a friend only she had and did not share in common with Sango and Miroku, hence why nobody had warned this girl about what had happened to her.

"I-hm. You know what, it's a long story. Do you want to come up?"

If Kikyo had been surprised before, she was now shocked. She didn't have a darn clue what was going on but she couldn't leave now. Kagome was acting strange, like she had never met her when they had clearly did for a brief moment. She doubted the girl was playing her, so she'd follow.

"Sure. I mean I was so worried when I didn't get any news from you."

"I'll explain everything," said Kagome with a brief smile before unlocking the door.

It wasn't like her to invite complete strangers into her apartment, but apparently this was no stranger. Kagome had never thought about the possibility that she had made new friends during the past year and that some of them had been lost along with her memory. Strangely though, Kagome wasn't getting the friendliest vibe from the unknown girl. But then again, perhaps she was uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, I didn't ask. What's your name?"

 _Oh you should know my name_. "Kikyo."

"Nice to meet you – re meet you," said Kagome, a bit nervous.

She was very social and comfortable with people in general, but even in situations like this, she could be awkward herself. The rest of the walk to her apartment was made in silence until they reached the door. Once Kagome opened it she offered her best smile before moving out of the way.

"Welcome," she said as she followed behind Kikyo.

This was the one place Kikyo didn't know, the one location that had been forbidden, where she had never been able to set foot. Granted back when she and Inuyasha were going behind Kagome's back, it had been a different apartment but nonetheless. This was still Kagome's little sanctuary and now Kikyo was in it.

Since Kikyo had been unable to find Inuyasha or his location for the moment, she had decided to go for the next best thing, Kagome. Now that Kikyo had thrown  _Inuyasha_  out of the curb she had wished to be proven the better one. Not only did she want the fact that she won to be known but she also wanted Kagome to know she had thrown away what she cherished.

Unfortunately, things had turned out rather complicated. After she had gone by some friends' houses and found out Kagome's location she had expected everything to go smoothly. This was not what she had in mind.

"So, what happened?" asked Kikyo as she sat down on her own without being offered.

Kagome pinched her lips together before dropping her keys in the bowl on the table by the door. How could she even explain this when she didn't know the events clearly herself? The best way was to put it as simple as possible. Kagome took a seat by Kikyo's side before her eyes hardened a bit.

"I was in a car accident."

Frankly, the fact that Kagome could have been killed did nothing to Kikyo. The girl had been a rival in the past and she cared very little for her. However, it would not be an appropriate display of emotion. Kagome didn't seem to recognize her and Kikyo didn't want to blow her cover just now. So she played along and a worried look appeared upon her features.

"Oh my! Are you well? What happened?" she inquired like a good friend would.

Kagome smiled slightly, in a forced manner. "I'm okay, physically at least. See, the hit to my mind...I basically forgot the past year of my life."

 _Past year_?

Including the most important event? Including Kikyo's victory? She felt her blood boil in her veins but she held her expression back as she pushed her eyebrows downward, giving herself a look of sadness. "I'm so sorry. Is it permanent?"

It was a good thing she was a good actress or this little  _supposed_  to be confrontation would not go down well. Her emotions were ready to erupt within her but she didn't let it show. Keeping her calm was the best she could do at the moment.

On the other hand, Kagome couldn't help but be a little thrown off by Kikyo's tone. It simply didn't sound like a regular friendly tone. Perhaps though she always sounded like that but Kagome didn't remember it.

"Maybe, they don't know."

Kikyo quickly nodded before asking the one question she was really interested in. "So you really don't remember  _anything_?"

Kagome shook her head. "Nothing at all."

This would very much throw back Kikyo's plan, though in a way, Kagome had truly obtained what she deserved. Nonetheless, that didn't mean Kikyo couldn't have any fun at all. If she was thinking properly, in Kagome's mind… she was still with Inuyasha was she not? A year ago the two of them were a couple even if Inuyasha was cheating on her.

Of course, there was a subtle way to find out this information. If Kagome  _thought_  she was with Inuyasha, Kikyo could ruin her world by taking back Inuyasha and shoving it into Kagome's face. She could destroy her again; break her heart one more time. It was perfect and better than anything she could have hoped for.

"Inuyasha must be so helpful during this situation!" said Kikyo her best  _joyful_  fake voice on.

Suddenly, the tiny smile that had been on Kagome's lips disappeared. The mention of Inuyasha's name was not something she was wishing for at the moment. Nonetheless, she nodded. "Yes, I mean, he's been great. Between my accident, our engagement…."

It was upon hearing the last word Kagome pronounced that Kikyo's whole world shattered and her mask of lies dropped to the ground.  _Engaged_? That could _not_  be Inuyasha because Inuyasha had no interest in having a family or getting married. She should know because he never wanted those things with her and if he didn't want them with her, he didn't want them with  _anyone_.

"E-engaged?" she stuttered, her glare present.

Kagome nodded. "Yes, we got engaged before my accident but I didn't remember so we got re-engaged…. I never told you?"

Kikyo rapidly shook her head. "I guess someone must have forgotten that important detail." A laugh came out of Kikyo but it sounded extremely fake.

Kikyo noticed the expression on Kagome's face and she knew the girl was beginning to not only be confused, but she also doubted the truth of this friendship. The best thing to do was to leave since right now she had very little control upon herself. There was no way Kagome would live the engagement Kikyo always dreamed of.

She didn't know how Inuyasha heard about Kagome's accident, why her friends allowed Inuyasha near Kagome, but she wouldn't let this go any further. Kikyo didn't throw Inuyasha away just so Missy goody two shoes could have him. He was supposed to be heartbroken over her not in love with Kagome. When had everything slipped out of control?

Kikyo knew she had to leave.

"I'm sorry, I just, I have an appointment, and I can't stay."

Before Kagome was even able to utter a word, Kikyo rushed out of the apartment, waiting to explode out of infuriation. Now more than ever she needed to find Inuyasha and take back what was hers. Kagome didn't know but she had just unleashed hell upon herself. Nobody beat Kikyo at her own games, especially not Kagome.

She would win, she always did.

Nobody could resist her.

-P-

"And I thought we could watch it. You use to love it," said Sango as she dropped the Titanic DVD on the table. "You know how much you loved to watch it every day."

Kagome rolled her eyes. "Yeah, when I was 12."

Sango shrugged her shoulders before stealing an eggroll from Kagome's plate. She was tying to cheer up her friend who had a strange look on her face all day. She hadn't really asked what was wrong but she could see everything was not well. Frankly, Sango herself was still kicking her own ass for interrupting Kagome and Sesshomaru.

Hopefully they would have another chance soon.

Sometimes, it was hard being in Kagome's company while knowing all the lies they had told her. They were days where she wanted nothing more than to start screaming the truth, but she couldn't. The best they could do was split up Inuyasha and Kagome so that the bastard wouldn't be around anymore. Not that he was lately anyway…

"Any news from Inuyasha?" asked Sango, pretending to be concerned.

Kagome shook her head. "No, but I did get the visit from a friend today."

"A friend? Who?"

"Kikyo."

Suddenly, the eggroll Sango had been holding fell upon the ground as she had been unable to contain her shock and surprise.

"Did you say Kikyo?"

Kagome stopped stirring her soup to turn around and glance at Sango. Fortunately for the brunette, all Kagome could see was her friend's back. "Yeah. Why do you know her?"

Sango's brain was going into an overdrive. Kikyo came? Kikyo was there? She  _saw_  Kagome?

"You could say that. She came to see you here? What did she say? I mean why did she come?"

Now that Kagome was thinking back about it, she never did find out what Kikyo was doing standing in front of her building. It had to be more than a friendly visit. Unless Kikyo hadn't heard news from her in a long time and had decided to check up on her. Though, she could have called as well.

"She was waiting in front of the building and I invited her to come up. She seemed surprised that I didn't remember her but I explained to her everything that happened."

Sango loved Kagome dearly, and of course, she couldn't know who Kikyo was but she almost felt like smacking her for giving Kikyo such information. The girl was a viper and she had to be avoided at all cost. She was nothing more than a cheap whore.

"What did she say?"

"Not much, she left in a rush kind fast after we discussed my engagement to Inuyasha."

Luckily, Kagome couldn't see Sango's face, meaning she didn't know all the expressions her friend was doing and was unaware of how disgusted Sango was.

Kikyo. Kikyo. Sango couldn't stop the name from ringing in her head. She didn't know exactly what was up Kikyo's sleeve, but she knew for a fact that whatever it was, it couldn't be good. Now, Sango wouldn't enjoy leaving Kagome by herself. She was prey to an attack from Kikyo. As a matter of fact, she would be calling Sesshomaru and tell him about it. Maybe they could make sure Kikyo stayed away.

In a way Sango would love for Kikyo to take Inuyasha away since it would be one less problem for  _everyone_ , unfortunately she didn't know how Kagome would react to such an event. It was true she doubted her relationship with Inuyasha… but to the point of breaking it off? To allow someone else to take him away? She didn't think that would work.

"Sango are you okay?"

Kagome hadn't failed to notice that her friend had been standing in the same position, resembling a statue for a few minutes now. Though such a reaction had been customary during the past few weeks. It seemed every time she spoke, she spooked out someone.

What Kagome didn't know was just how conflicted Sango was. There was nothing she wished for more at the moment then to tell Kagome the truth. It had been one thing to lie to her, to erase Sesshomaru out of her life, to let Inuyasha in, but now, everything was going down a spiral. With Kikyo in town, they couldn't have Kagome not knowing.

A shock would be too much for Kagome to bear and Sango wasn't sure if it was a high risk she should be taking. Though currently, she didn't know what was wrong from what was right. Kagome hadn't been herself for weeks; she hadn't been living her life for weeks. One of these days, she would need the truth wouldn't she?

At that point, Sango could only see one solution which involved stopping by Kagome's doctor and finding out more information about that  _shock_. Maybe they would be able to tell her more than they thought they could. Sure, Sango didn't like laying out her friends' life for a stranger to pick and decided, but their options were currently very limited.

"Sorry, I was trying to remember if I ever met her," said Sango, lying through her teeth. "But I never did." This in a way wasn't completely false. There had never been any proper introduction between her and Kikyo.

A fight perhaps… when Sango had punched in her face, but apart from that no other interaction and they had never even shared any kind of conversation. Mostly because the last thing Sango had wanted was to try and discuss things with a whore. Punching her had probably not been the smartest idea, but it had been the only one Sango had been able to come up with at the time.

It had felt good and at least it had been some sort of payback.

However, the one who should have done something like that was Kagome. But she was too innocent, too pure, and at that time, too broken to even try something like that. But then again, it was what differentiated Kagome from Kikyo; their hearts and their souls. At least, Kagome would be fine one day. Hopefully.

-P-

"I am aware she is in town."

Although, he never thought she'd be bold enough to go seek out Kagome. He thought his warning would have been enough to keep her far away. Apparently he had underestimated her. Wasn't her goal Inuyasha? She had been able to obtain him once without ever meeting Kagome, well except once, so why couldn't she do the same now and take the fool very far away?

Sango sat down in front of Sesshomaru, her mood not as depressed as it had been earlier. She had just returned from talking with Kagome's doctor and the first thing she had done afterwards was come to Sesshomaru's office to discuss it with him. She had not been given the conversation she had hoped for, but it was better than nothing.

"We don't have to lie to her as much as we did you know."

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow as a sign he was interested. He had always been under the impression that everything, or so, that she had forgotten had to be kept from her. Hence why they had completely cleaned her apartment of his presence. He would like nothing more than regain his position in Kagome's life, but not at the cost of her sanity.

"I'm listening."

"We can't present her with a memory that would be devastating if she doesn't remember because she  _might_  go into shock, but if she remembers it  _herself_ , she'll be okay. So what if he we tell her about Kikyo? What if we tell her that Kikyo  _tried_  to get Inuyasha? At least we'd put her on her guard."

"And it would only cause another spiral of lies."

Sango sighed heavily. "You know another way to prevent Kagome from being fooled by Kikyo because if you do, I'm ready to listen."

Unfortunately, he didn't. If he had, he would have already suggested it. Kikyo was a fiend and very sneaky. She wanted to win above anything else and it would be hard to stop her. He had already disliked her attitude for the few minutes he had been in her presence, and he knew instantly she had something in mind.

Being able to tell Kagome a few things didn't do much for them… Unless… He wanted Kagome to remember him. He wanted to be able to be more present in life, but for that, she needed a certain level of trust in him. Maybe they could re-introduce him into her life. Granted, it wasn't how he wanted it to go because he wanted her to regain her memories of him but he also wanted to protect her.

"Bring her things back to her."

"Her things?" inquired Sango confused. "You mean everything we took out of her apartment?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Most of them. They are harmless if they don't involve Inuyasha and her break up with him correct? Me being in her life doesn't remind her of it so our previous friendship should not. If I follow what you said."

Sango bit on her bottom lip, thinking it through. It would relieve a big part of the lie and perhaps make them all comfortable around Kagome. The more they could provide her with from her old life the better. She could just hope that a memory wouldn't be forced upon Kagome. The process of remembering, if it ever happened, had to occur because of her.

If they told her heartbreaking, devastating news and she forced herself to remember it would be horrible for her.

"Alright, but you better be there. I don't want to be the only one explaining to her why we took all her stuff away from her."

Kagome was sweet and nice but she could turn into a real monster when she was angry and Sango had no intention of facing her alone. She could feel a shiver going down her spine and she swallowed hard. Guilt was washing over her because she knew Kagome would be upset about them lying, and in a way, she had every reason to be. Hopefully though, it wouldn't make her push Sesshomaru away or things would be a lot worse than their current situation. This would have to be handled very carefully.

"When are you free?"

Sesshomaru was aware that Sango was right, that it wouldn't be correct to leave her alone in that situation, but to be honest, he was afraid of rejection. He could appear as a ruthless man in front of many but when it came to her it was different. Sesshomaru was bare in front of her, extremely vulnerable, and he could see his pride getting crushed.

But, as he had done many times, it was worth taking a chance of getting hurt to protect her. If she knew she could rely on him it would be easier to keep her away from Kikyo's grasp. If he had to, he would spend many nights by her side. He had done it often in the past, protecting her even from herself.

_The snow was cold and harsh especially against the bare skin of his arms. However, he was at least wearing jeans while she was out there in nothing but shorts and a tank top. He didn't know her before or how she was, but he could assume she was a lively person since he had always seen her smile. Now that was gone. She always looked sad and her eyes were empty._

_He had no experience with interaction; he didn't know what to say to make her feel better. All he knew was that he had to do something because her pain was becoming his, making his own heart feel heavier._

_She hadn't been at her mother's house when he had arrived. Mrs. Higurashi had mentioned that she believed Kagome to be in her room and it was then that Sesshomaru had known something was up. Without grabbing his coat again he left and now he was scouting the area for her._

_He thought she might have left the area around the shrine when suddenly he caught a shadow near a tree and he found himself heading in that direction fairly quickly. He left footprints in the snow as he rushed by her side. It wasn't until he was a few meters form her that he realized she was crouched down in the snow right in front of the tree._

_"Kagome?" he tried, not moving, almost as if he was going to scare her if he did._

_She snapped her head in his direction and he could see the tears rolling down her cheeks. She was shaking like a leaf; her whole face was drained of color probably because of how cold she was. He couldn't help but close the distance between them prior to wrapping his arms around her. Instinctively, she leaned into him._

_"Why are you out in the cold?"_

_"I meet him, right here, under this tree. We were four years old."_

_Him again. He had ruined her life and he was still doing it. Sesshomaru had a hard time grasping the concept of this devoted love. He could_ perhaps _understand it prior to the cheating, but now? Oh he had heard the saying the heart wants what the hearts want, but does it want it to the point of death? Because this was what was happening to her!_

_She was young, smart and beautiful while Inuyasha was a fool. There was no more reason for her to be wasting her time on him. Though, he knew it apparently didn't work like that. He had never felt that way, hence why he didn't understand, nor could he provide the right words. Right now, the only thing he could do was offering her a warm embrace._

_"We should get back inside, you're freezing."_

_More tears cascaded down her face as she looked up at him. "You don't understand," she whispered. "You don't feel. You don't know what it's like to have your heart broken."_

_Her words were selfish, but then again, she was numbed all over. Inside out._

_"Perhaps, but I'm not throwing my life away over an idiot."_

_Her eyes hardened as she pulled away from his embrace. "You're just… Why are you doing this? You hated me then what's different now? I'm not some charity case you can just take up so you can feel better about yourself! I'm sorry your life is empty, but I had something! I had someone!"_

_If anyone else said such words to him, he would have dropped them and walked away because they were clearly not worth his time. She should be no different. He should leave her to freeze in the cold, but he didn't. It was truly unfair. She had been in his life for such a short amount of time and yet she had some sort of hold over him. How could that be?_

_He was almost glaring at her, wanting nothing more than rip his arms away from her fragile body but they remained where they were. He was Sesshomaru Taisho, he was an important man, and nobody spoke to him in such an impolite manner or they faced his wrath. He was a proud man who couldn't be put down._

_But he stayed._

_Everything inside his brain was screaming at him that she wasn't worth it while his heart was bursting with an unknown feeling. What a strange creature she was; transforming his will like that and bending it as she saw fit._

_It was then that the decision was made. Rather than leaving, he brought her back close to his chest and it was there that it all broke loose. She began hitting his chest in a non harmful manner; tears pouring like it would be never ending._

_"I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough."_

_He gently stroked her hair trying to calm her down while hoping he'd be able to bring her back inside._

_Didn't she understand that she was already more than enough?_

From day one Kagome had him hooked. How, he didn't know. Through hard times she had been strong. Before then, he would have said that what she went through wasn't a hardship, but after becoming so attached to her he could understand the pain that came with losing the one you love.

Pride meant nothing in that case.

-P-

"Sango, can you  _please_  explain why you're making me wait  _outside_  my apartment door? Or  _why_  there is sound coming from the  _inside_  when I'm clearly not in there?"

Sango had hoped she could keep Kagome out long enough for Sesshomaru to bring back most of the stuff, but apparently she had been wrong. For a strange reason she could not explain, Kagome was in a rush to get back home. When they had arrived in front of the apartment door, they had obviously heard Sesshomaru inside, and since then Sango had been fighting Kagome to keep her in.

Kagome might be a small girl but when she wanted something, she  _wanted_  it.

"Just a few more minutes."

Kagome stomped her feet on the ground, before sighing. "I don't get why I can't go in my apartment."

Sango gave up,  _a little_. They would have to explain everything to her, so why not start now. Perhaps Kagome would have less of a shock if she didn't find out everything at once. Plus, if Sango explained things first now Sesshomaru would be in charge of explaining himself later meaning Sango might escape a bit of Kagome's wrath.

"Kagome, remember when we told you about you and Sesshomaru?"

A bit confused as to why this was brought up now, Kagome frowned. "Yeah, why?"

 _Jump_. "We lied to you."

Kagome's lips parted a bit as if her mouth was going to hang open but she stopped herself. "Wa-what do you mean you lied to me?"

"You and Sesshomaru were  _really_  close friends. I mean, sometimes it seemed as though you were better friends with him than me."

Kagome blinked. And blinked again. Slower. "Me and Sesshomaru?"

Sesshomaru was a nice guy and she had nothing against him but she could hardly see herself being best friends with him, at least not the way she was friends with Sango. It made no sense.

"Sango, are you okay?"

"I know okay, I don't know how it happened, I swear. But one day you guys became super friends. Walk in if you don't believe me."

Kagome was so busy trying to understand what Sango was trying to explain that the  _lying_  part was currently very far in her mind. She turned the doorknob, anxious to walk in and discover just what Sango was referring to. Once the door was open and she glanced inside, what she found was nothing she expected.

On the floor was Sesshomaru, which felt like a very unusual sight, and he was surrounded by many things that looked like they belonged to her. First of all there were many paintings, some done, others not, and many pictures. Her eyes were widened as she completely ignored Sesshomaru's facial expression while taking a step forward. Sango was following from behind, but keeping her distance.

Kagome couldn't help biting on her bottom lip.

Slowly she bent down causing her to join Sesshomaru on the floor. She dropped on her rear, before grabbing the first pictures she could lay her hands on. The first one she happened to pick was one of her and Sesshomaru. They were sitting at a table at what appeared to be an attraction park and she was shoving cotton candy in his face while both of them were laughing.

Her eyes were glued to the pictures and she began to be more confused than ever. Since she was seeing the pictures of what were memories, it was hard for her brain to  _not_  try to remember. If this happened, why didn't she know? It was creating a void within her heart but it didn't stop her from moving on to the next picture.

Once again, it was of her and Sesshomaru.

Kagome was looking just a bit tipsy and was getting a piggy back ride from Sesshomaru who was smiling while looking up at her. She couldn't help but drag her fingers across the pictures, his expression stringing a chord in her heart. He looked so soft, so loving… and he was looking at her like that?

Her heart was jumping inside her chest like basketball when she raised her head to look at him. Words wanted to come out, but nothing did. Instead she kept glancing at him, her mouth slightly open. What she didn't realize was how teary her eyes had become and she blinked. It was all it took the break the dam that was holding back her tears.

Sesshomaru almost felt his heartbreaking watching her cry and he wanted nothing more than to bring her in an embrace like he had done many times in the past but he didn't know if it would be appropriate now. He found himself looking at Sango, trying to get an answer.

All Sango could do was shrug her shoulders. This wasn't how she had expected Kagome to react and she was at a loss too. She thought there would be a lot of yelling and screaming… and explaining. No tears. The last thing she wanted was Kagome hurt and crying.

Kagome didn't want to break down like that but this was worse than anything. It was one thing to know you forgot people and memories but it was another thing to see it. No matter how many pictures she looked through, she couldn't remember spending all that time with Sesshomaru. Even if she looked through her brain, over worked it, she wouldn't recall anything.

And it hurt to know.

From the look on her face on each picture, she looked happy. Happiness she had yet to feel ever since her accident; ever since she had forgotten.

She wanted to be angry and scream at the top of her lungs, but she also wanted to cry and let that make her feel better. She closed her eyes and leaned in, not thinking if someone would catch her. But someone did because soon enough, she found herself pressed against a strong chest. She knew it was Sesshomaru, especially when he wrapped his arms around her waist.

She thought it would stop there, but it didn't because he stroked her hair.

Her pain was big and perhaps she didn't recognize it, but there was a feeling of déjà-vu. Her heart was clenching in pain while she pressed her fist against his chest.

There was no doubt the anger would come soon but for now it was only tears. Tears for a life she didn't remember, tears for a man she didn't remember.

Perhaps the tears were also because something had happened, she  _knew_  it, but for the life of her, she couldn't remember what it was. Apparently so far at least one thing had been kept from her and now it was hard to tell if something else had been as well.

They had lied to her once, how could she believe them the next time? Then again, perhaps there was a reason why they had done it, but right now she didn't want to hear it.

Sesshomaru could feel her trembling in his hold with each tear she shed. He had promised himself he wouldn't put her in such a state again. But he did.

And now, all he could do was press a warm kiss on the top of her head, rocking her gently like he had done so many times.

Having her in his arms just felt right. Yet it didn't take away the feeling that he was chasing after something he'd never have.

He could put her back together but he couldn't keep her that way.

-P-


	12. Marigold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marigold: Pain & Grief

Everything surrounding her was blank while she sat on the couch with a cup of untouched coffee in her hands. Her eyes were locked on the wall avoiding the turned on television; avoiding the whole world. Everything that had happened the previous day still seemed as if it was a bad dream.

After she had broken down and cried in Sesshomaru's arms for about half an hour, she had sent them both home. She hadn't been rude; she had been completely neutral and emotionless. Once they had left the only thing she had been able to do was get into her pajamas and crawl in her bed.

She had slept for what felt like forever. Once she had woken up, the time had indicated three o'clock. She had ignored the fact that it was super late and had made herself a coffee nonetheless. Getting dressed and showering seemed very useless at the moment. And now for three hours she had been sitting in the same spot without moving.

Her heart was down her throat and she didn't even know how to feel anymore.

A fairly big part of her life had been taken away and it had been thrown back in her face. On all the pictures she had seemed so happy, yet it didn't appear to matter to her brain since she could not recall anything. Where had her happiness come from? And how had she become such good friends with Sesshomaru?

She couldn't exactly ask him at the moment since she had sent him home. However, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to ask him. After all, her apparently  _two_  best friends had lied to her. How could she trust anything they said now? Were they doing it for her? She wasn't sure that was something she could believe.

They were her friends, they had done it  _for_  her, but right now her mind was too clouded to accept that argument. The only thing she could do was let it eat her away from the inside. It wasn't good, especially not in her current situation, but it was all she could think of.

As a matter of fact, she wasn't even angry. Perhaps she would be later but now, she could not feel that emotion. All that ran through her mind were the thoughts of the missing memories. After discovering what she did, it felt as if a part of her life was missing, and it was killing her.

Gently, she wiped her drippy nose with a tissue she had been clinging on. The whirlwind of emotions within her was driving her insane. All she wanted was loneliness, yet in her most desperate moment, her heart was seeking company. On top of that, she was more exhausted than ever before, yet she didn't know if she could find sleep.

She would only rest when she would be ready to pass out.

Kagome rubbed her face in an attempt to snap herself out of it, but it was to no avail. Her frustration rose inside of her and she threw her blanket on the ground as a display of her rage. She found the strength to turn her head to the side and glanced at the room where all her art and past life was.

Could she go in there all alone?

Her hands were shaking slightly as she gripped the edge of the couch before taking in a deep breath. She had to do this. Of course the option of staying on the couch and dwelling in her unhappiness seemed much better, but it was not the right way to go. Instead she convinced herself to get up, and gently rose to her feet

Inside her chest, her heart was beating like a drum while she licked her dry lips. She took her time, only putting one foot in front of the other, going as slow as possible. The longer she took, the further the room seemed, and the better it was. Tears came to her eyes, but she held them back as she soon found herself standing in front of the door.

Slowly she extended her hand and held on to the handle very tightly. She closed her eyes before opening the door, revealing to her everything she had  _run_  from a few hours earlier. As soon as she opened her eyes however, all she could think of was the way Sesshomaru had held her.

Inuyasha had never held her like that.

As the thought hit her she found herself wincing. Why would she even think about something like that? Sesshomaru was apparently a good friend, and Inuyasha was her fiancé. Why was she making a comparison? Plus, she had never been this heart broken in front of Inuyasha before. It was not fair to put Inuyasha down for something he never had the chance to do.

She shook her head softly, chasing the memory away and she took her first step inside the room. It was still completely filled with darkness causing her to roam her hand on the wall to turn on the switch. The brightness of the light almost blinded her, but it didn't stop her from completely walking in.

Every object was strange to her and she didn't like it. She gently bent down to grab the first one in her path. It was of course the painting of  _him_. Kagome put a lot of her emotions in her painting because it was the most prominent way she expressed herself. However, she wasn't sure she could read the ones in that portrait. They could not be right.

It made no sense to her that she could be so  _close_  to someone especially in such a short amount of time. All of her friends were dear to her, but it seemed that time was required to know someone well. The only way she could have been so dear friend with Sesshomaru was if they had spent nearly every day of the past year together, which was clearly impossible.

Plus never had she thought there would be a side of Sesshomaru she would enjoy so much that he would become one of her best friend.

Perhaps it was why it was so hard to forget about the way he had been holding her. It seemed so out of character for him that she could not let get of that memory. The warmth, the comfort, the  _love_. It was almost as if someone like Sango was comforting her. Was it possible she was reading all of this wrong? Could she really have such a relationship with Sesshomaru?

As the questions rung in her mind, her eyes traveled to the floor where she had dropped most of the pictures. Her heart skipped a beat as she gently put the painting down on the desk before dropping to the ground. She grabbed all of them at once as she crossed her legs, ready to flip through the memories she could not remember.

Kagome felt sweat drops began to form at the base of her neck as she realized that nearly all of the pictures were of her and Sesshomaru. There were also a few of her and Sango, along with Miroku. However, it took her a few minutes of looking through to realize there was none of her and Inuyasha.

He was her fiancé, and he was friends with her friends.

Why wasn't he in any of the pictures?

Kagome had been having unsettling feelings about him for a while, and this was not helping. The more time that passed by, the more she found out, and the more she knew they were hiding something from her. It wasn't fair. They couldn't give her a part of the answer, and then leave her to dwell desperately trying to find out the rest.

Sango wouldn't help her, Inuyasha wouldn't help her, and Sesshomaru wouldn't.

She was on her own to find the truth.

All she had was loneliness.

-P-

To say that she was annoyed was not even beginning to describe it.

Nothing was currently going according to plan and she was close to losing it. She was suppose to have everything, but now she had found out that the little  _whore_  had it all. Kikyo had been the one to work hard for everything she had! It wasn't fair! She would fight to death to retrieve it all if she had to. Nobody took what was hers, even if she threw it away.

And as punishment, she would take Sesshomaru as well.

It didn't matter that he hated her. She had obtained men more difficult than him with ease. Once she worked her charm it was hard for anyone to resist her. All she had to do was find Sesshomaru's weakness. Heck, she would play on the resemblance she had with the little tramp if she had to. Anything to obtain her goal.

There was no denying that she and Kagome were a bit alike, and perhaps it was why Inuyasha had kept Kagome around for as long as he did. And now, he had probably gone back to her because it was the closest he could be to having Kikyo. Usually Kikyo would be offended by the resemblance, but currently it would play to her advantage.

Kikyo glanced at herself in the mirror, fixing her hair one more time. She had changed a bit to be more like Kagome's. Also, she had toned down her clothing so it would be like Kagome's plain fashion style. She was hoping to take Sesshomaru by surprise when she would show up to his office. Perhaps he would even confuse her with Kagome for a little while.

It would be  _perfect_.

After all, it was how she had attracted Inuyasha's attention in the first place. The two were brothers meaning it should work like a charm.

Kikyo chased away her annoyed expression and put her sweetest most sickening smile on her face before heading outside for her car. She was an excellent actress, and she would need it if she had to keep up her façade. She could only hope Sesshomaru would at least take the bait. All she had to do was break through his barrier, and then he would be hers.

He had no idea what was coming his way.

The drive to the building was fairly short and a smile of victory was already upon her face as she parked her car. She couldn't deny that she was a bit excited by the whole thing. Granted that Inuyasha was handsome but Sesshomaru was far more superior, powerful, rich and handsome. He was in fact a better match for her than Inuyasha ever was.

Maybe if she did have Sesshomaru in the palm of her hand soon, she would consider letting Kagome have Inuyasha. The poor little girl did deserve  _some_  left over, no matter how bad they were.

Yes, maybe the plan could even be more beneficial than expected! Sesshomaru could bring her the money and fame she always dreamed of. They would indeed make a very powerful couple. As she headed towards the door of the building, she found herself adjusting her clothes, trying to make sure everything was perfect for her plan.

She was usually very calm and in control whenever she was attempting to seduce someone, but this time she had an inexplicable nervousness beginning to form. There was no reason for it since Sesshomaru would be a very easy target, but she could not help herself. Perhaps it was because it had been a while. It didn't help that the last man she had set claws on had been Inuyasha.

He had been a very easy job.

It only took a minute or two until Kikyo reached Sesshomaru's receptionist. She put her best smile on as she approached the female. "Hi, my name is Kikyo, and I was wondering if I could see Sesshomaru?"

Unknown to Kikyo, the receptionist was weary of other women coming around  _her_  man. For years Kagura had worked under him hoping he would notice her, and she wasn't about to let some whore take him away from her. It had been already hard enough to prevent a relationship between Kagome and Sesshomaru. She had always done her best to keep them apart.

"He's not in right now."

As soon as the venomous tone of Kagura's voice reached Kikyo's ears, her smile faded. Apparently someone wanted to be a  _bitch_. "I'm sure he'll have time for me."

It wasn't true, but she wasn't about to let some other woman bring her down. Nobody would stand in her way.

Kagura raised an eyebrow at the woman's confidence before holding in a scoff. Clearly this woman knew nothing about Sesshomaru or she wouldn't believe that he would see easily fall into her pathetic, obvious trap. The woman had no skills in seduction, it was obvious.

"He's not in for anyone."

"Kagome?"

Both women turned their head in direction of the voice, only to find Sesshomaru standing in the hallway, glancing at the desk hope filling his eyes. Of course the instant he peered at Kikyo his hopes were shattered. Instead of anxiety and nervousness he felt nothing but rage.

He was worried for Kagome. He hadn't wanted to leave her apartment, but he had no choice. Her whole life had been shifted around, and if he forced his presence on her, she might grow to despise him. Since she pushed him away for the moment, he had no choice but to wait until she wanted him in her life again.

He had thought that moment was now.

Through the glass he had seen the shape of a woman, and he had firmly believed it to be her. After all no other woman came to see him, he didn't hang out with anyone else. But instead of an angel, it was the devil.

"Leave. You are not welcome here. I warned you already."

Kikyo felt like grinding her teeth, but instead she put on a charming smile, and leaned against the desk. "I know, but you didn't mean it."

She brushed her bangs back before taking a few steps in his direction, but unfortunately his expression never changed. Frustration was getting to her so she decided to resort to trickery. "It's about Kagome. But if you don't want to know…"

He would take that bait.

Sesshomaru couldn't help but frown a bit. Kikyo was a lying manipulative bitch, and nothing she said should be taken seriously. Still, hearing Kagome's name was enough to shake him a bit. The rational side of his brain was reminding him that Kikyo would never know anything about Kagome but his heart was wavering.

"Speak."

He knew exactly what she wanted; yet he followed along. He wouldn't fall for her little plan however. It was obvious from the way she was dressed that she was trying to do what she did with Inuyasha. Unfortunately for her he was nothing like his idiotic half brother.

His tone was rude, but she would take it. "I don't think we should talk about it here."

"Then we have nothing to talk about."

With one swift motion, Sesshomaru turned his back to her and returned to his office. His footsteps were slow, he seemed calmed, but all of a sudden, as he slammed the door behind him, it felt as if the whole building was shaken by an earthquake causing Kikyo to jump in fear.

Immediately her eyes hardened. He hadn't even given her a chance! What gave someone like Kagome the power to hold Sesshomaru's attention when it was so difficult to obtain a minute of his time? It didn't matter though! She would not be beaten that way! It was clear that Kagome was his worst weakness and she would exploit it the best way she could.

Kikyo glared at Kagura before leaving, her pride still present and her head held high. It was only a minor set back. She  _would_  have Sesshomaru, along with Inuyasha.

Kagome would  _pay_.

-P-

Kagome was standing in front of the counter, stirring her coffee mindlessly. It was four in the afternoon, but since she had gotten no sleep and felt completely deprived of energy, she was hoping that a coffee would help her wake a little.

She found herself tilting her head to the side, observing the phone. In all honestly she was a bit surprised that nobody had called her yet. She found it better that way since she wasn't sure she would have picked up anyway. However, knowing Sango as well as she did, she  _should_  have called.

Then again her best friend, along with her whole life apparently, could change in the short span of a year.

Kagome was about to sigh when all of the sudden, a knock was heard on her door, and her eyes widened. Could she have been wrong? Could Sango be right behind the door? Her heart skipped a beat for a second when she considered the possibility of it being Sesshomaru.

She licked her dry lips, before dropping her spoon in her coffee causing a small splash as she took one step in direction of the door. Would it be hard for her to pretend she wasn't home? What if she did that and Sango had a key! Maybe she was coming to check up on her, and if she was worried enough, she might come in.

Taking a deep breath Kagome closed the distance between herself and the door. In one swing she opened the door, but what she found behind was not what she expected. There standing, his hand in the air, ready to knock again was Inuyasha. Kagome could not help but hold her breath in, her heart hammering in her chest.

Inuyasha felt very small, and insignificant because of the look in her eyes. Nonetheless, he managed to speak. "Hey."

He had come back, unsure if she would even speak to him. After all, he had somewhat run away from her and had not contacted her. But it was everyone's fault! They were trying to push the truth on her. They were trying to take her away from him! And frankly, if Kagome was to remember  _that_  part, he much preferred being far away.

However, he knew they still hadn't told her.

Though that didn't explain why she looked so upset. "Can I come in?"

Kagome's lips were still parted as she finally let out a breath. Inuyasha. Was it insane to say that she had almost forgotten about him, about their engagement? After everything that had happened during the past few days, he had been the last thing on her mind. She almost felt bad.

"Yeah," she finally said, still a bit out of it.

She moved out of the way and he took the opportunity to walk inside. The first thing he found himself doing was glancing around, as if to assure himself that everything was the same. Once he was done with his inspection, his eyes landed on Kagome once more. He was not good at reading emotions, but he could tell something was definitely wrong.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she moved back into the kitchen.

Sesshomaru had been the only thing on her mind and frankly, she hadn't worried about what had happened between her and Inuyasha during the past year. However, now that she thought about it, maybe she should have. After all, one lie had already been told to her, why not another?

Deciding that since Inuyasha was the only one there, the only one she could confront, she would.

"They told me the truth. They gave me back my stuff."

Inuyasha couldn't help but feel his heart stop as his mouth dropped opened. His face went through many different expressions before he settled on one of anger. He should have known these bastards would betray him! Apparently they preferred getting back at him then watching over Kagome's health! Didn't they know it could kill her?

He was so stressed, and angry, he didn't even take in consideration the fact that she didn't even seem upset.

"Look Kagome, it was a mistake." His hand crisped into a fist, as he tried to come up with a good excuse. What could he possibly tell her? He didn't come prepare! "It was one time." That wasn't true, but maybe they didn't go in detail… maybe he could lessen the damage.

"I didn't even love her. It was stupid."

He watched as she opened her mouth, but he knew he couldn't allow her to speak. "You were always busy and stuff alright? Maybe if you had been around more, I wouldn't have ya know!"

Kagome felt her heart drop as she listened to his words play over and over again in her mind. At first she had confused, she hadn't known what he was referring to, but slowly the phrases were put together, and she couldn't help but feel her eyes become teary. Inuyasha had… cheated on her?

She closed her mouth then opened it only to shut it again.

There was no way.  _No_.

He couldn't have.

Granted he was easily angered and sometimes a bit selfish but he  _loved_  her didn't he? All their memories, all their times together ran through her mind, and her bottom lip began to quiver. Why would he do that to her, why would he  _admit_  to it? Was she such a horrible person?

And before she knew it, the first tear dropped.

Inuyasha felt his heart sink at the sight, but he didn't let it show. The best way to play it out was to keep his angry face. If she thought he was mad enough, he might be let off the hook; it had happened more than once.

However, he hadn't planned on Kagome's reaction.

Instead of confronting him, she felt herself dying inside. It was one bad news after the other and an even worse lie every day. Maybe her life was better when she couldn't remember it. Maybe she didn't want to remember it anymore. There was nothing good in it.

With her heart broken, she found herself rushing for the door and the only thing she could do was run, and she did. She didn't know where she was going, especially not in that weather in her pajamas and slippers only, but she had to leave. She couldn't stand the strange apartment; she couldn't stand the lying boyfriend.

She didn't like  _that_  life.

Ignorance was bliss; she wanted to return to it. Why had it been taken away from her?

-P-

He tapped his fingers against the counter, while guilt rose within him. Seriously, how could he have expected her to react like that? Nobody would have! And how should he have known that they hadn't told her! She shouldn't have been so confusing with her words.

It wasn't his fault. It was hers.

She shouldn't take things to heart like that. Also, maybe she shouldn't be offended by the slightest little mistake. So he messed up one time, it was no big deal. Why did she have to run away like that and not come back? As a matter of fact, he didn't know why he was sticking around. He shouldn't take the blame for her freaking out.

But then again, she  _had_  been gone for over an hour and the only thing she had on were not appropriate clothes for the weather. However, even though she had stupid moments, Kagome was a smart girl and there was no way she had been walking around dressed like that the whole time. She was probably at Sango's.

It would be no use calling to verify that since Sango would probably lie to protect Kagome.

Hence why he was just  _waiting_ at her apartment.

Was he worried for her? Well of course. Kagome was known to get herself in a lot of trouble, and though it was not his responsibility to do so, he had to make sure she was okay.

If she would only come back.

Inuyasha took another deep breath, desperately trying to calm himself down. Even though he had told himself plenty of times that he was not to blame, the guilt kept coming back. Maybe he should have asked more questions before telling her about Kikyo and him.

If only he had thought before speaking… but he had been so preoccupied with defending himself, he hadn't fully processed the whole situation.

He loved Kagome and he worried for her and her safety. What if she had gone and done something stupid? It was hard for him to protect her when she apparently hated him at the moment. He began chewing on his bottom lip in nervousness, trying to think of what he should do next.

Inuyasha knew for a fact that if he called Sango she wouldn't even pick up the phone, and if she did, then it was most likely that she wouldn't listen to him or she would think that he was making up a story. That didn't leave him with a lot of option. The only person was left was Sesshomaru and that was the one person he  _didn't_  want to talk to.

What could he tell his brother who had apparently been trying to steal Kagome?

He found himself eying the phone, and the guilt was getting to him. What if he did nothing and something ended up happening to Kagome? He would never be able to forgive himself. Of course, there had been and still was the option of looking for her himself, but he doubted it was a good idea. If she had been hurt enough to run away, then seeing him wouldn't help.

Though if he didn't see her now, he wasn't sure she would ever allow him to see her again.

He  _had_  to explain. He didn't want Kikyo. He had a chance to have her, be with her, and he realized he now wanted Kagome. It had been fun to be with someone different, someone who actually wanted to physically be with him, but it was time for something else. Although, until Kagome's accident and memory loss he never thought it would be her again.

But now that he had a taste of what it was like to be with her again, he wanted it.

He couldn't lose her over a stupid mistake he had made a long time ago. Obviously Kikyo wasn't the right girl for him or he wouldn't have lost her.

Deciding enough time had passed; Inuyasha rose to his feet and walked in direction of the phone. He  _really_  didn't want to do this, and it would most likely make his brother even more superior, but he didn't have many options. She  _could_  be fine, but she  _could_  be hurt.

He didn't like that his brother could find Kagome when he couldn't. Why she should listen to Sesshomaru instead of him, he didn't know or like, but he would go with it for now. Plus, since his brother seemed to care for Kagome so much, if Inuyasha warned him she might be in danger, Sesshomaru should owe him.

Right?

-P-

_She had to be there._

Sesshomaru couldn't remember the last time he had driven so carelessly, and frankly it didn't matter. Even if he  _should_  be careful since Kagome had gotten into an accident not too long ago. At the moment the only thing in his mind was her and her safety. Although he did wish he could strangle Inuyasha.

This was what he had feared, the one thing he hadn't wanted to happen. Inuyasha had broken Kagome's heart once again. And now, Sesshomaru had to find her. . As soon as he had finished the phone call from Inuyasha, he jumped in his car. He hadn't even taken the time to yell at Inuyasha, or even go down and kill him.

Sesshomaru  _hoped_  he knew where to find Kagome.

Everything in his heart was screaming to go where he found her the first time, but there was no way she could go there twice. Perhaps her heart would guide her though. Since he didn't know where to look it was at least a place to start. He increased his speed again, and began to search for her.

His heart was beating faster than ever and he felt the sweat drops drip down his back. His eyes were waiting to see the same scene as before and it scared him.

_Her whole body was frozen, most likely because of the rain, but he didn't even flinch as he brought her into an awkward embrace. He had tried to say her name a few times, but she had not replied. Gently, he lifted her head to look into her eyes, but in them he found nothing but emptiness and hurt._

_"Kagome?"_

_This time, she slowly raised her head further and glanced into his eyes. He watched her frown before her lips parted. "Sss-sesshomaru?"_

_The surprise in her voice was obvious while he nodded in answer. He expected her to say more, but she didn't. Instead she lowered her head again, and glanced at the floor. The shaking of her body increased, which he believed was because she was colder, but he soon realize it was something else; she was crying._

_He had seen her but a few times, and they had barely exchanged a few words. He had no obligation to her. After all, she was not a friend, and she was merely his half-brother's girlfriend. He actually found himself wondering why he hadn't left._

_Perhaps it was the blood. He had somewhat forgotten about it with the way she had been shaking and confused. But there it was. Since he was holding her, the blood on her arms was not covering his shirt as well, not that it mattered. He wanted to ask how it had happened, but why should he?_

_Perhaps he should take her to a hospital? After all, he could not leave her on the side of the road to bleed to death. From the look of things though, it was what she was trying to do. Could she wish for death? Though he understood some people had a pathetic life, he knew hers was fine._

_The only reason why she might want to take her life was because of someone else, and that was pathetic. She should be strong enough to not need anyone._

_Perhaps, he should let her have her way._

He had been so foolish back then. Not understand how someone could need another human being so badly. That day he never knew she would become so important to him. She was different from the others, and he needed her. He didn't know why it was her out of everyone, but it was the way it was.

Sesshomaru found himself growing different in her presence and though he didn't always like it, he never stopped it. She brought a light into his life that needed to remain. If she were gone, it would be gone as well.

He found himself glancing up at the sky, waiting for the rain but there was nothing. There was however a lot of snow surrounding him, and it brought great worry to his mind. He had hung up on Inuyasha so fast he hadn't even bothered to ask if she had a coat or something. He could remember clearly the last time that she had been underdressed.

As Sesshomaru was about to make a turn, and accept the truth that she wasn't there, it happened. Out of the blue, she was there. He stopped his car as fast as he could, almost scared that he would hit her, and without the car in park, he found himself rushing out.

There she was on the corner of the road, almost in the forest, shivering like a leaf. Immediately as he ran towards her, he began to remove his coat. When Sesshomaru reached her, he covered her with it, signaling his presence. He felt her jump in front of it, and panic was in her teary eyes as she turned around to see who was there.

Fear was in her eyes when she saw him, as if she didn't recognize him, but after a few seconds, she seemed to settle down. Her eyes were bloodshot red as she found herself grabbing the coat, bringing it closer.

Without thinking, Sesshomaru reached out for her cheek and cupped it. Tears were staining her red cheeks, and she was puffing hard, as if she had been running not too long ago. It pained him to see that sight again, but he held it in.

"Why are you here?"

_"Why did you stop?" she said, as she clung to her drenched clothes._

"Inuyasha called me."

As soon as she heard his name she flinched, and he could see the tears pouring out.

She didn't know why she ran away, or why it hurt so much. She had been unsure of her feelings for Inuyasha, and she thought it was bad for them to be together. Yet, as soon as he told her he cheated on her she was heart broken? Where did the pain come from?

"He was with someone else," she blankly stated.

_"He's in love with someone else." She only mentioned it in case he wished to know._

He knew. Of course, he couldn't tell her that, not right now. "Inuyasha is an idiot."

Inuyasha had always been the one for her, and now he broke her heart, and it brought her more pain than she believed was possible. "Why does it hurt so much?"

Sesshomaru couldn't say it was because she experienced the pain before, so he gently rubbed her cheek. "Because you used to love him."

His words confused her a bit, but not as much as his presence. Shouldn't the person standing in front of her be Inuyasha? He hurt her, he was engaged to her, yet he didn't care. In his place, she found his brother who looked upon her with the most longing eyes.

Why did he care so much?

"Why are you here?" she asked, ignoring the whole shivering of her body.

_"You were bleeding. You would have died if I had not stopped."_

_"You didn't know I was bleeding when you stopped."_

_"You look hurt."_

_"You couldn't see that."_

_"Perhaps I just wished to stop."_

_"Maybe you worried for another human being."_

_"Perhaps it was all that talking that put you in such a situation."_

_"I did this to myself, not someone else."_

_"Hn. It explains a lot."_

"Because I care."

Because he loved her, because she meant the world to him, and not only did she never know it, but she also couldn't remember it. Loving her, holding on to her was all he had. And now, once again, life put him in the position of the friend. Perhaps it was what he was doomed to be.

Maybe he would never be anything but a friend. She would never love him the way he loved her.

And it hurt.

-P-


	13. Honeysuckle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honeysuckle: Bonds of Love

She gently opened her eyes feeling a  _warm_  darkness surround her. It wasn't until her blue orbs were fully exposed that the previous events rushed to her mind. The coldness, the snow, and the pain.  _Inuyasha's betrayal_ . But through all the harshness, a light came shining through; Sesshomaru.

He found her.

Kagome glanced around at her surroundings and it wasn't too long until she realized that she didn't recognize anything; this was not her apartment. There was only one possible answer; Sesshomaru had taken her to his place. A nervous feeling filled her as she pushed the blankets off her body, a warm blush covering her cheeks.

He was  _a bit_  of a stranger, at least to her since her memories were not back, and it was a little embarrassing.  _God_  she felt like a fifteen years old teenage girl.

It wasn't until Kagome was standing on her feet that she noticed she was not wearing the same clothes she had on yesterday when she had run out of her apartment. She had a t-shirt on that clearly looked like it belonged to Sesshomaru, and some pink short. Did Sesshomaru have a girlfriend?

Her heart skipped a beat for a second before she shook her head softly. Why was she being so silly? First, his love life was none of her concern, and second of all, according to what had been told to her, they were good friends. Not  _a couple_.

Kagome took a deep breath prior to walking towards the door. Hopefully his place wasn't too big because she knew for a fact that she didn't know her way around. Unfortunately for her, she was graced with a gigantic hallway the second she opened the door.

Her eyes widened as she saw six doors down the hall leading her to believe there were much more down the way. She sighed before embarking on an adventure in a strange house in her bare feet. As she walked towards no specific destination she felt a coldness enveloping her.

Beneath some of her steps the wood cracked, sometimes almost causing her to jump because she thought someone was behind her.

Minutes ticked away as she ventured further down the hall hoping to at least see someone. Suddenly as that thought crossed her mind, she saw an arm and immediately she sped up to catch up to whoever it was. She took a sharp turn to save some time, almost causing her to come crashing against someone.

"Sorry," she quickly said as she regained her balance.

In front of her a middle-aged lady was standing dressed as what appeared to be a maid. Kagome's face brightened a bit; this woman had to know where she could locate Sesshomaru! "I'm sorry, but I'm looking for Sesshomaru. Would you know where I could find him?"

The lady quickly nodded. "In the kitchen."

Kagome pinched her lips together for a second. "Where's the kitchen?"

The maid smiled at her before pointing to her left. "Go down this hall and when you reach the end, turn right."

Kagome nodded. "Thank you!"

She hurried her steps out of nervousness and rushed down the hall. Once she reached the end she found herself glancing right and left, almost to make sure there wasn't any more halls to confuse her before she processed to turn right. It was as she was silently walking towards the kitchen that she finally began to hear noises.

Hopefully it was Sesshomaru.

Her heart was hammering as she stepped into the kitchen, peeking in from behind the doorway. The first thing to appear in her line of sight was Sesshomaru. He was standing in front of the oven, flipping pancakes in a pan. She couldn't help but tilt her head on the side; she had never pictured Sesshomaru as the  _cooking_  type.

As she took another step forward, she couldn't help but feel as if the aroma in the kitchen was very familiar. Of course she had smelled pancakes before, but it was different… sweeter.

Even though she was halfway into the kitchen, it felt as if Sesshomaru had yet to notice her presence. She found herself wondering if she should speak or wait for him to realize she was right behind him.

"Are you hungry?"

Maybe he did know she was there.

"Sure," she said, her voice more of a whisper than intended.

He hoped that it was the scent that attracted her, but he doubted. If she didn't remember anything about him, she didn't remember anything related to him. Sesshomaru never used to cook, though he could do it well. Pancakes however were not something he considered fancy cuisine, but it was Kagome's favorite breakfast.

It was once he had learned such thing that he had created his own little recipe which involved more sweets, more sugar, and chocolate; anything to have a hyperactive Kagome on his hands. It made her super excited for the rest of the day, but it was worth it just to see the way she smiled so brightly when she was filled with joy… and sugar.

He angled his head on the side a bit to be able to catch sight of her. She was shyly sitting down on the left side of the table, unknowingly taking her usual spot. Perhaps certain habits could never be forgotten.

Sesshomaru wanted nothing more than to talk to her and comfort her the way he had done the first time around, but he couldn't. This time, her mind was a mess and she seemed to be weary of everyone; he couldn't get close to her. The best he could do was to be there for her and wait until she was ready to share.

He quickly flipped the pancake one last time before adding it to the gigantic pile that was resting on a plate. He figured her appetite hadn't changed. He grabbed the syrup in one hand, the plate in the other before making his way to the table. Sesshomaru couldn't help but hold a smile back as her eyes widened.

_Sugar._

For an instant, Kagome forgot about her awkwardness as he put the plate down in front of her. She could definitely get used to that. Granted she could cook, or get around in the kitchen, but it wasn't always  _good_ apparently. According to Inuyasha at least.

And there it was.

The pain in the pit of her stomach.

For a few moments she hadn't thought about Inuyasha and her heart had been whole, but now… She couldn't help the tears that came to her eyes, but she did her beast to hold them back; she didn't want to cry in front of Sesshomaru. Apparently it was too late because she felt him move a chair and sit beside her.

"I'm a fool."

Sesshomaru didn't even want to think about what she would do if she knew this was the second time she was going through the same situation. It wasn't her fault of course, but he knew it would kill her. It was a small comfort though that her state of mind was a bit better than the previous time, most likely because she hadn't been as emotionally invested into the relationship.

"You are not. Being in love sometimes blinds a person."

A tear slid down her cheek as she shrugged. "I should have known."

"Maybe you did. Perhaps it was forgotten along with most of your memories of the past year."

No, it couldn't be. If she thought or knew Inuyasha was cheating on her, she wouldn't have put up with it. Granted she loved him, but she wouldn't do that to herself would she? After all, hadn't she just run away from him? She wouldn't have allowed him to walk all over her.

Now, there was only one thing in her mind; who was the woman? Inuyasha was known to  _look_  at women, but he had never strayed. Who could have possibly stolen him away from her? They had basically spent their whole life together and it had meant nothing to him.

Suddenly she felt a soft thumb brushing her tear away, and she couldn't stop herself from looking up. Her eyes met his, and instead of coldness, or judgment, she found  _comfort_. Once again, she felt it was unfair. Why couldn't she remember him? He seemed to genuinely care for her… yet she knew nothing about him.

She  _wanted_  to remember him. She wanted to know why the pain seemed to lessen when he was around, or why she wasn't as awkward as she thought she would be in his presence.

"Thank you for helping me."

Kagome didn't want the subject to stay on Inuyasha and his betrayal. She obviously wouldn't be able to avoid him forever and frankly, she would take as much time off as she could from him until it was time to confront him. She swallowed hard before tearing her eyes off Sesshomaru and glancing down at her food. She didn't really have much of an appetite anymore but she felt as if all the life had been drained out of her.

Slowly she picked up her fork, before turning it to the side to cut out a piece of pancake. Unknown to her, Sesshomaru's eyes still remained on her. He knew Kagome more than she knew herself and he could tell she was holding it all in. It was a big habit of hers that brought her more stress than one person should handle.

They had often bickered about it, but he knew it was difficult for her to stop. It appeared that she would rather suffer in silence than risk hurting someone's feelings. Even now, she  _should_  have kicked Inuyasha out of her apartment, yet she was the one who ran away.

His brother had it too easy.

Last time, Sesshomaru hadn't talked to Inuyasha really, or at least he hadn't made it his business. However, this was the second time the bastard hurt her and this time around it would be harder to let it slide. Too many times Inuyasha's actions had been without consequences and perhaps it was time for it to change.

Granted Inuyasha  _had_  to have a job at the company, but Sesshomaru was the one fully in charge. He would make sure that for once in his life, Inuyasha  _would have to work._ He would bust his ass and lock him in the office. He wanted to do more, much more; like break his neck, but he couldn't.

Killing his brother wouldn't help anyone, including Kagome. Also if he made the situation a fight, then Inuyasha might use it to hurt Kagome further and that was the last thing Sesshomaru wanted for her.

Suddenly, Sesshomaru's phone vibrated bringing him out of his thoughts. Quickly he retrieved it from his pocket and once he glanced at the caller, he almost groaned.  _Sango_. He had completely forgotten to keep her updated. Then again, he had been pretty busy since he had found Kagome on the road, alone and cold.

"I have to take this," he quickly said to Kagome before rushing to the next room.

Kagome couldn't help but wonder whose call he was so impatient to take. A girlfriend perhaps? Her own relationship was very complicated at the moment, and she hoped she was not ruining his. When she had accepted the ride with him, she hadn't considered the fact that he had someone who might be jealous.

A part of her deep inside wished it was work, and not a woman who had called.

She felt selfish.

-P-

He had done it again.

He had driven her into  _his_  arms again. How could he have done the same mistake again when he had been given the chance to make it right? Well, he hadn't exactly cheating on her again, but he had let it slip nonetheless. How was he supposed to know what she truly meant when she said she knew the truth?

Now all he could do was wait and see if she would come back.

That was the difference.

Last time, he had remained by Kikyo's side even after Kagome had found out because he had believed that it was where his happiness was. Obviously, he had been very wrong, but now he knew better. No matter what, Kagome was the one for him and this time he would fight for her.

He couldn't take away his mistake, but he could make it right again. When he had proposed to her, he had made a commitment and he would stick to it. Kagome could never belong to anyone else but him, and he would make sure it would remain that way.

She was still pure, and would remain that way until  _they_  were ready.

Sesshomaru might think all the work had been done for him already, but he was wrong. This time Inuyasha wouldn't go down without a fight. He refused to lose anything to his brother, and this time would be no different. Inuyasha would become the man Kagome wanted.

He had believed it was what he had been doing, but once again he had been scared. Commitment, marriage, and kids were a big step, but he knew that if he didn't take it, he would lose her.

All he had to do was to make sure Kikyo wouldn't ruin anything this time. Although,  _that_ shouldn't be a hard task since she had been avoiding him ever since she had left him. There was no reason for her to start being interested in him again. Even if she did come around, this time he would turn her down.

Though he had tried that the first time.

_"Kagome! Kagome! Wait!"_

_Inuyasha was almost out of breath as he had rushed out of the restaurant to catch up to his girlfriend. She was already late for lunch, and now she was simply walking by as if they didn't have a date? It didn't seem like Kagome to do something like that._

Kagome _turned around, only to reveal she was not who Inuyasha believed her to be. Suddenly he backed away, hoping he had not scared the woman, and shoved his hands into his pockets._

_"Sorry, thought you were someone else."_

_The girl offered him a sweet smile, which almost sent jolts down his spine. Now that he was carefully glancing at her, he could see the resemblance. She truly did look like Kagome; it was striking. Except her eyes were a bit more almond shaped, and her lips were a bit thinner. Her whole face appeared to be fancier, more chic._

_She looked like Kagome while being completely different._

_As he remained standing there, the girl seemed a bit restless. "Can I help you with anything else?"_

_Inuyasha pinched his lips together, knowing he should walk away and go back inside to wait for Kagome. She was his girlfriend and he loved her. Yet why was it so hard to tear his eyes away from the woman standing in front of him? She was a complete stranger… she didn't mean anything; he didn't even know her!_

_"Would you like to have lunch?"_

_Why he had asked, he didn't know. He just didn't want her to go away._

_The woman seemed a bit surprise by his words, and though he expected her to get angry, and walk away, a slight blush appeared across her cheeks. "Hm, sure! Why not."_

_For a second, Inuyasha felt as if his heart was lighter and he nodded. His eyes remained on her form as she walked past him to go ahead, and he smirked. However his good mood quickly dissipated as soon as he reminded himself of Kagome. She might arrive at any minute!_

_Quickly he grabbed his phone out of his pocket; texting a lie about how he wouldn't be able to make it. He did feel a small amount of guilt settle within him, but he rapidly chased it away. He wasn't doing anything wrong! He was having lunch with a new friend… He simply wasn't telling Kagome because she would get the wrong idea._

_He was not lying – not really._

_He was not cheating._

_He really did love Kagome._

_And then, he turned around, his eyes locking with the stranger's eyes again._

_Her brown orbs were … captivating. He didn't want to follow, yet he couldn't stop himself. It would only be lunch, then he would return where he belonged._

-P-

"Sango, I don't think thi-"

Before Miroku could finish speaking he felt Sango smacking her hand over his mouth. As soon as the situation had been explained to her, the first thing she had done was rush to Sesshomaru's house. Of course, perhaps she should have gone to kill Inuyasha first, but she felt like her friend needed her help… that and Miroku had prevented her from bringing any weapons.

The fact that she was unable to unleash her rage upon Inuyasha left her to be angry with Sesshomaru. Really he hadn't done anything wrong, especially since he had been the one to find Kagome, but… he could have called her!

Sango was the first to reach the door, and immediately banged on it, instead of ringing the doorbell. Meanwhile, Miroku made sure to keep a certain distance between himself and Sango, for his safety. Though he could understand; the last time Sango had seen Kagome was after her breakdown when she had learned she had forgotten so many parts of her life.

Finally, the door opened, only to reveal one of Sesshomaru's employees. The poor man was never given a chance to speak as Sango nearly ran by him followed by Miroku who was slightly shaking his head.

"Kagome?" asked Sango as she dashed for the kitchen.

A panicked Sango tumbled through the kitchen where Sesshomaru and Kagome were sitting. Her heart seemed to beat right again as she joined them at the table. Seeing Kagome broken by Inuyasha's betrayal once again almost felt too much to take. It had taken so long to put her back together… and now it had to be done from scratch again.

Kagome was making sure she kept her composure; part of her wanted to break down, but she couldn't allow that to happen. Over the past few days she had found out  _too much_  about her old life. Frankly, part of her was wondering if she didn't remember it because she simply didn't want to. From the sounds of things she was not very happy.

Though she did have great friends.

Nonetheless, it was time to confront them.

Kagome was about to began speaking, her lips parted, when footsteps stopped her. She watched and waited as Miroku made his late entrance. He offered her a quick nod, before rushing to a seat near Sango. He would have said something, but he felt like he might say something inappropriate, and now was not the time.

"Why did you lie to me?"

Sango tilted her head to the side slightly. "Lie?"

Kagome nodded. "When I told Inuyasha that you all told me the truth, the first thing he thought about was that he... he cheated on me. That means you all knew."

Inuyasha just loved to screw them all over. Would it be right to tell Kagome they knew because it happened a long time ago? Would it be right to reveal everything to her? The doctor had warned them to keep certain things from her, but at this point, didn't she almost know everything?

It felt it would be more right to give her the whole truth before she was hurt further. Every time they were trying to protect her, they only ended up bringing her more pain, and it was becoming devastating to betray her like that constantly. The best thing to do was to be honest.

Sango took a deep breath, knowing Sesshomaru wouldn't do it, and she would have to. "We did know."

It was hard to watch the flash of pain in Kagome's eyes but Sango continued. "But we only knew because you told us."

Kagome held her breath in for a few seconds as confusion took over. How could they know because  _she_  told them? Her body was trembling, almost as if the whole situation was too much to take.

Sango closed her eyes, ready to cringe. "Inuyasha cheated on you a year ago. You guys have been broken up since."

Her words hit Kagome harder than slap, and she remained still as a statue, shock taking over. She refused to accept Sango's words. I wasn't the fact that Inuyasha had cheated on her, but the fact that… they let her be with him. They knew what he had done to her… and yet they allowed him back in her life.

"We were never engaged," she said, staring into the emptiness. "All of it was a lie."

The tears were rolling down her cheeks, but she didn't feel them. She had completely forgotten everything that happened after she had lost the one person she thought would be with her forever. Was it the fact that she  _hadn't_  wanted to lose him that caused her memory loss?

Why could she remember everything else  _but_  that?

Her bottom lip was shaking as she did her best to bite down on it, but couldn't. "Why?" she asked, her voice breaking.

Sango, Sesshomaru and Miroku were unable to stop the flow of guilt going through them. They never meant to bring Kagome pain and they never wanted to have Inuyasha be around her, but at the time they had been left with very few options and they had to think fast.

If they could change it, they would.

They thought they were doing it to protect her, since it was what the doctor had said, but apparently the risks were low because she was still fine.

"We thought we were doing it for you. We were told that if we  _forced_  a memory on you that it could traumatize you… your situation could become worse."

Kagome's lips parted, but then she glued them together, unable to find the words to express herself. They were doing it for her own good? She had heard that excuse before… She knew her friends didn't  _mean_  to harm her, but it had happened anyway.

Why couldn't they keep him away from her?

He had betrayed her, and she had ended things with him. Was that the reason behind her friendship with Sesshomaru? Had it been out of the pain, or out of revenge? Had her friendship with Sesshomaru been genuine or it had a motive behind?

Her heart almost skipped a beat. Sesshomaru really seemed different from what she thought, and the thought that she would have been  _playing_  him out of hatred for Inuyasha seemed insane, and it hurt. No, there was no way she had done that. There was a real reason behind their friendship, but she couldn't remember it.

"Was anything real?" she managed to inquire through the tears.

Slowly Sango nodded. "What we told you about your life and Sesshomaru that was true. Inuyasha was the only lie."

"Actually –"

Miroku stopped in his words when Sango turned and glared at him. She wasn't sure if he was going to say something stupid or not, and this was his warning.

"There was Kikyo," added Miroku knowing they would now be entering dangerous and painful territory.

"Kikyo?"

Kagome could still remember her. That girl whom nobody was friends with except her. Though she had seemed nice, and a bit strange, hearing her name left a bad taste in her mind, especially considering the tone Miroku had used.

"She was not your friend Kagome."

Someone else had lied to her; it wasn't much of a surprise at that point. However nothing had her prepared for the next words Sango was going to say.

"She was Inuyasha's other woman."

For a second, the whole word stopped moving. It couldn't be. Kikyo had looked like she truly had been worried… and cared. Could she really be that easily fooled? And most of all, why had Kikyo come to see her that day? She hadn't been aware of Kagome's accident… there had been no reason for her to show up at her apartment.

"Why did she come to see me?"

Sango shrugged her shoulders. "That I don't know."

"I do."

Those were the first words spoken by Sesshomaru since the talk had begun. Kagome turned her head to look at him, seeking for answers. She was hurt, but she wanted the truth  _for once_.

"Kikyo is," he paused for a second, wondering if he should mention the part where she was obviously flirting with him. There was truly no point because he would never answer her advances. "trying to get Inuyasha back."

Kagome frowned. "Aren't they together?"

Sango shook her head. "Kikyo left him not too long after you found out about them."

There was a question Kagome wanted to ask, but she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer. "How did I find out?"

"Only Sesshomaru and you know."

"I do not know."

It was hard for Sango to hide her surprise. During the first few months after Kagome's break up with Inuyasha it felt like  _he_  was the only one she shared with. How could she not have told him such an important detail?

Sesshomaru dared to look at Kagome, something he had found difficult to do since the guilt had been hard to bear. "I found her, but she never said what happened. Only that Inuyasha was cheating on her."

"You found me?"

He nodded. "Much like I did last night."

It was, as a matter of fact, almost the exact same thing, minus the rain and the blood of course. He had truly always wanted to know what had happened, but he knew that if Kagome hadn't shared it then there was a reason. Perhaps it was too painful, though that would mean she had never moved on.

He didn't want to think about that. Sesshomaru was aware that Kagome might never be his in the way he wanted her but to think she was still hung upon Inuyasha was too much.

After the way he had treated her, he didn't even deserve to be a memory in her mind.

Kagome felt a warm feeling in her heart, yet she was filled with pain. Why could she remember someone like Inuyasha who apparently had done nothing but hurt her, and betray her, but she couldn't recall her times with Sesshomaru. Why was her mind being so unfair to her?

Slowly Kagome pushed herself away from the table, before rising to her feet. "Excuse me," she said, holding back more tears before she found herself dashing for the hall.

She didn't know the house or where she was going, but she found herself running. Kagome enjoyed the rush and the forgetfulness that came with running. Eventually the calmness would go away, but for now, she would enjoy it.

After a full minute went by, she came to a full halt. Her heart was pounding as if it was not used to the exercise. She rested her hands on her thighs while attempting catching her breath. A few seconds ticked away before she raised her head and realized she was almost face to face with a door.

She inclined her head to the side, reaching out for the handle. Kagome was aware that it was not her house, and she shouldn't go where she pleased but she  _recognized_  the door. It was different from the others, and she knew there was a reason behind that.

Kagome licked her dry lips before entering the room slowly, glancing around. The room was simple, almost empty, with only the basic furniture. Nonetheless she took a few steps forward, squinting as she examined everything. One thing on the dresser immediately attracted her attention; it was a picture of her.

The room was bare of any other decorations or pictures except for that one. Her feet guided her into the right direction until she was in front of it. Gently she grabbed it, holding it in both hands. It had been taken somewhere sunny as the sun was glaring through. The wind was blowing in her hair and her eye were closed, a smile on her face.

She looked happy.

Kagome couldn't remember the last time she had seen herself radiating with joy like that. Most of all, why did Sesshomaru have a picture of her in what she assumed was his bedroom. Why her?

In two days, her whole life had been turned upside down.

She had been confused, wondering who her friends were, and who the enemies were. Also she had been betrayed by the one she loved only to find out she didn't love him. To top it all of, a person she couldn't remember cared about her more than anyone else.

What had happened to her life in the short span of a year? Was she even the same Kagome?

Slowly she put the picture down on the dresser before glancing at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, she had dark circles under her eyes, and she looked pale. She appeared nothing like the picture.

Slowly she dragged her fingers across the wood as she moved forward through the room. It felt very  _Sesshomaru:_ it clearly required some color. Kagome found herself chuckling at her own thoughts; she could imagine that she had already said something similar to Sesshomaru.

Perhaps she couldn't remember who she used to be, but it didn't mean that she had to live in her own shadow. If she couldn't recall her life, then she'd make a new one. Kagome would become a new person, one that was her own.

Perhaps her friends remembered someone else, but she couldn't bring that person back.

The first step was to take the poison out of her life, and it started with Inuyasha. Running from him was a good feeling, but she had to face it. Once that step was done, she would forget everything they said she did, and create her own new memories.

It sucked to let go of good things, but if she wanted to move forward she had to. She was sick and tired of trying to remember and be someone she wasn't. Maybe there were things wrong with the old Kagome.

Kagome backtracked until she was in front of the picture once again. This time however, she put it face down so you could no longer see it. Kagome realized that Sesshomaru cared for her, but she needed him to care for who she was now. If he said he did, it would be a lie because to her right now he was a stranger, meaning she was the same to him.

A fresh start was what she required.

The pain in her chest was still vivid and it would be hard to ignore, but she wanted to pull through. She would bare it just to be able to live again. Kagome took a deep breath before deciding to return to the kitchen. Every step she took in direction of her friends she felt her body becoming heavier.

Only once she was standing in front of them did she feel lighter.

"I'm going to end things with Inuyasha,  _again_."

Frankly that didn't come as a surprise. If she did it once before, she could do it now, though it would still not be easy.

"Sesshomaru."

He turned his body and looked into her eyes. He could already see that he might not like what she had to say.

"I think you care about me, but I don't know you. I want to."

She felt silly, a blush almost coming across her cheeks as she spoke. All the male friends she had were friends she made since she was young. Never had she attempted to have a friend only relationship with a man while being in her twenties.

Kagome was almost afraid that being around Sesshomaru would remind her of Inuyasha. But then she thought about how it didn't back then, so it shouldn't now. She couldn't label them as the same when they weren't. It wouldn't be fair.

She almost felt dizzy thinking of the changes she was about to make. She changed before, but she didn't remember. She had to get out of her routine, and perhaps find herself alone.

Loneliness had never been something she enjoyed.

"I need time to put a new me together. I want to remember, but I can't."

Sango was a bit worried about Kagome's memory loss. The doctor said it should come back and it had been a while now, yet still nothing. Could it really be that Kagome would never remember? The worst part was thinking that some damage might have been done, and it could affect her more in the future.

Did Kagome not remember because they kept  _Kagome_ from her life? Up until now they had hidden everything from her, and perhaps it was not the right way. Maybe they should have allowed her to be exposed to her own life… and maybe it was now too late.

Sesshomaru couldn't say he was surprised. Hearing her speak that way reminded him more of the Kagome he knew, and he was pleased. It pained him a bit that he had to help her know him again, but he would do it. Apparently she was worth putting himself through all of it again.

However, he knew that this time he might want more.

Before, he had started out as a friend, helping a broken girl. Now she seemed determined, and goal oriented. The mark that Inuyasha had left in her heart wasn't as present and he would take a chance.

He would be her friend, but this time, he might try to be more.

Sesshomaru would be bold enough this time around. He would try to sweep her off her feet; he would try to court her.

He was nervous, there was no denying it, but for the first time it finally felt right. She wasn't as damaged, she wasn't broken, and she wasn't hurt. Kagome could start fresh; have a new life and a new love.

He wouldn't let Kikyo or Inuyasha stand in the way. She wanted to learn about him again, and he was fine with that. However, it wouldn't stop him from trying to protect her like he had always done.

Maybe just maybe Kagome was better off without the memories, even though it meant she had forgotten about him.

He was willing to bear that pain for her happiness.

-P-


	14. Acacia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Acacia: Secret Love

A sigh rolled off Kagome's lips as she sat down on Sesshomaru's bed. It was the same one she had woken up in and she had returned to that room in the hopes of finding her clothes. After all, she could hardly return to her apartment dressed in her pajamas.

Unfortunately, she couldn't find her clothes. As she stood in front of mirror she realized that the clothes she was wearing fit her. At least the shorts did. Sesshomaru didn't seem like he had a girlfriend meaning… did they belong to her?

"They are yours."

Kagome almost jumped in shock when she heard Sesshomaru's voice coming from behind her. She immediately turned around only to see him leaning against the doorway. His ponytail was resting upon his shoulder, his amber eyes were glowing, and there was a small smile on his face; he almost looked mesmerizing.

It was hard for Sesshomaru to glance away from her; she was breathtaking in that familiar outfit. How many times has she stood in that room in almost the same clothes? Too many times, yet it had been too long since the last time.

"What is mine?" she inquired with a touch of confusion.

He lifted his arm to point at the piece of clothing. "Those  _way too_  pink shorts."

She couldn't help but chuckle slightly. "That does sound like me."

As he confirmed that the shorts were hers, she couldn't help but fill her mind with even more questions. "Why were they here? Did I come here often?"

Sesshomaru could still recall her saying she would be a new Kagome and detach herself from the one she couldn't remember. Obviously she would still have questions like this, and he knew she probably didn't even realized she was asking questions about the past she didn't wish to remember anymore.

The question was; should he tell her just how close they used to be?

"You slept over a few times. This was your room."

 _Her_  room? They were close enough that she had a room in his house? Kagome couldn't help but feel a slight pinch in her heart, which she quickly dismissed. It didn't  _matter_ ; she had decided that the past was behind her, and since she couldn't remember it she would ignore it.

They  _used_  to be close, but they weren't anymore. Now they were building a new relationship together. However, it did let her know that if they were that close before she could trust him.

An awkward silence installed itself between them and Sesshomaru knew it was because he had put her in a difficult situation. He told her about what they used to have, but no longer did. He decided to move away from the doorway, pulling something from behind his back; her clothes.

"I thought you might need those," he said before handing them over to her.

She gladly took them from him, smiling. "Thank you."

Kagome held them against her chest, before standing on her tippy toes. She could see the longing look in Sesshomaru's eyes, and it almost broke her heart. It was easy for her to let go because she couldn't remember, but he did. Could it be that she really meant that much to him?

"I guess I should get dressed. I have to head back to my apartment."

Sesshomaru nodded slowly. "I'll be in the kitchen when you're ready to go."

He didn't wish for her to leave, not so soon, but he couldn't hold her back. His heart felt heavy as he turned around and headed back for the kitchen. At least he had been able to hold on to the image of her in  _her_  room for a little longer. He knew that once she'd be back in her apartment he had to erase his past with her.

They had to start fresh and it wouldn't be fair to her if he held on to his memories.

Kagome waited until the door closed to sit on the bed, her clothes still in her hands. Today was the day she was becoming a new person, and it meant she had to leave all the bad feelings behind. However, it was easier said than done. She closed her eyes before taking a deep breath.

Time to face Inuyasha soon. Of course she didn't expect him to be waiting for her at the apartment but she had a feeling he would return soon after she went back to her place.

Deciding she had done enough dwelling, and that Sesshomaru was waiting for her, she quickly slipped in her old clothes. After giving herself one quick glance in the mirror, she headed down the hall. Her memory not being great, she required a few minutes to remind herself of the way to the kitchen. Good thing Sesshomaru hadn't picked another room.

Once she entered the kitchen she found Sesshomaru standing in front of the counter, staring at the wall. Intrigued a bit she moved herself forward a bit trying to find out what had him in such a trance only to find out he was glancing up at emptiness.

"Sesshomaru?"

The sweet sound of her voice brought him out of his thoughts and he offered her a quick glance. "Ready?" he asked as he extended his arms and grabbed his keys.

Kagome nodded before nervously shifting her weight from one foot to another. "Oh, and I left the clothes on the bed, I hope that's okay."

"Saki will take care of them."

She could only assume he was referring to the nice maid who had directed her when she had been lost earlier.

"Follow me," said Sesshomaru before walking past her, and heading for the front door.

Usually Kagome was almost the first one out the door, convincing him to go places he never wanted to go, yet each time he would end up enjoying himself because she was there. Hopefully, they would get those moments back.

Kagome shyly followed behind although the routine felt somewhat familiar. Although it made no sense, maybe she only wanted it to feel familiar; there was no way she remembered little bits. She just wanted to remember.

With a heavy heart, she headed outside with him, ready to try and put her life back together.

-P-

_Inuyasha_.

It was time to  _deal_  with him without getting too involved. Sesshomaru knew that Kagome could handle herself and that it was none of his business technically, but he would still give his half-brother a small warning. He had put her through enough pain and he hoped Inuyasha would back off before causing her more suffering.

Sesshomaru's grip on the wheel of his car was tight as he parked in his reserved spot. He tried to look calm and collected as he came out of his vehicle, ready to head out for his brother's office. He probably looked a bit angrier than usual as he made his way through the parking lot.

And then something unexpected happened; Inuyasha was walking toward him.

All that Sesshomaru could do was stop in his footsteps as he watched his little brother come forward. Inuyasha had yet to notice him as he seemed in a rush to get somewhere. His usual messy hair was more tangled than usual, almost as if he hadn't slept as he walked toward his car, trying to hold a suitcase, a phone, keys and his wallet at the same time.

He had to stop him. "Going somewhere?"

Inuyasha stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to see his older brother come his way. Now was not the time. He had received a phone call from Kagome telling him to come over and he had no intention of making her wait. He was already lucky enough that she was still talking to him, and he intended on making it better.

"I don't got time for ya right now."

There was only one reason for his snappiness; Kagome. That meant Sesshomaru had to warn him now or he wouldn't get another chance. He hurried his footsteps and came just in time to grab Inuyasha's wrist as he was about to open the door of his car.

"Not so fast  _little_  brother."

Inuyasha sent a deadly glare his way. "I told you I don't got time for you."

"I think Kagome can wait a minute."

It was impossible for Inuyasha to hide the surprise on his face. How did he know? "What happens between me and Kagome is none of your concern. Maybe it  _used_  to be, but it's not anymore."

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow. "Really? Then why did she spend the night at my house? I just drove her home an hour ago."

Inuyasha's blood boiled in his veins as he yanked his arm free from his brother's hold. Kagome was his, she was always his. No other man could have her, especially not Sesshomaru. "Nobody gets to touch her."

Obviously  _that_  was the first thought that went through his brother's mind. Well, Sesshomaru wasn't about to correct him. "I think that's a decision Kagome can make on her own."

Inuyasha was almost ready to snarl at his brother, but he turned his head back. "Kagome wouldn't lose herself, and her time on you."

At least that was what he would try to convince himself of. "I have to go, she's waiting for me."

Sesshomaru did back away, not wanting to enrage him too much before he saw Kagome, but he did have one last word of warning for Inuyasha. "You won't get a chance to hurt her again; I'll make sure of that."

Inuyasha smirked brightly. "I'll leave Kagome to decide that herself. Maybe she wants me back."

Sesshomaru knew she wouldn't, yet the confidence in which Inuyasha spoke almost shook his trust in her judgment. Then again it was exactly what Inuyasha wanted, so he wouldn't let it get to him. Kagome would tell him it was over, and kick him out of her life forever.

He watched as his little brother got into his car, and he moved out of the way so he could leave. Sesshomaru reached out for his phone and made sure the volume was on in case Kagome would try to contact him. Inuyasha was known to act like a fool, and maybe in a moment of rage he would act stupid.

Meanwhile Inuyasha couldn't help but look back at Sesshomaru standing there like an idiot looking at him. What. did he really think he could stop him from seeing Kagome?  _She_  had called  _him_! Of course he would go to her! Maybe spending the night at Sesshomaru's had made her realize how much she loved him. At least that was what he was hoping for.

Nonetheless he would make sure that she would forgive him and take him back. If there was one person he wouldn't lose to it was Sesshomaru. His brother had obviously given him a warning; he intended on courting Kagome. He had tried to get Inuyasha to back off his  _territory_. Too bad she belonged to Inuyasha first.

Never had the drive to Kagome's seemed so long before. He tapped his fingers on the wheel, waiting for the light to change. He was afraid that the longer he made her wait, the more he might lose her.

He cursed when he realized he would have no time to buy anything fancy. Inuyasha had thought up a fancy romantic plan involving flowers, jewelry and sweets; unfortunately he couldn't do that anymore.

As soon as the light changed he floored it, hoping to be there in the next minute. He sped through not caring if he would get a ticket or not, until he reached her apartment. He hurried to park, almost backing into someone else's car, and rushed to the entrance.

Once he entered the building, he made a run for the elevator almost missing it, and pressed the button, tapping his foot as he waited for the door to close. Never in his whole life had he been so nervous. On the way up his brain was trying to come up with smart things he could tell Kagome, but nothing seemed right.

Perhaps the best thing was to remain silent and allow her to speak. Inuyasha was used to Kagome's fits and when she wasn't able to express her mind properly, it only angered her further. Yes, his safest bet was to let her yell at him as much as she needed, and surely afterwards she would already feel a little better.

At least he hoped so.

Inuyasha could feel his heart pounding as he closed the distance between the elevator and her apartment, sweat drops dripping down his back. He slowly raised his hand and sealed his fate by knocking on her door. As soon as he heard her footsteps indicating she was making her way to the door, he held his breath.

Too quickly she opened it, revealing herself to him. Her long ebony locks were tied up in a messy bun, her eyes were bloodshot, and she was giving him the deadliest glare. Without saying a word she moved out of the way, leaving the door open which allowed him to slip inside.

Nervously, he closed the door behind him and pressed his back against it. Should he even go any further? Inuyasha observed her carefully as she turned around leaning against the counter. Although she was furious he was able to tell she was also a bit terrified. He considered it a good thing; it meant she didn't want to let go of their relationship.

Kagome's fingers gripped the counter in anger; his silence was bothering her. Did he not care that he betrayed her, that he broke her heart, and that he was going behind her back? She had spent her life with him, she  _would_ have spent the rest of her life with him… she would have done anything. Why did he do this?

"Was it worth it?" she inquired, a hint of bitterness in her voice.

Inuyasha was a bit shocked; he hadn't expected her to speak already, he thought he would be the one to start the conversation. The sound of her voice brought down upon him a heavy load of guilt, and he didn't like it; it made him feel  _trapped_.

"No."

It was fun for a while, he wouldn't deny it. He enjoyed being with Kikyo, and the physical attention she gave him. However, she was not Kagome. She looked like her, sometimes she even acted like her, but they were different. Kikyo was the girl he enjoyed running to, which made life fun, but Kagome was home, he had to keep her.

He was selfish, he wanted them both because they brought him something new, and made his life better, but it wasn't fair. Kikyo had already thrown him aside and all he had left was Kagome, meaning he would hold on to her. If he had done something like that to Kikyo, she wouldn't have forgiven him, but Kagome would.

She always did.

"It was a mistake, Kag."

At the sound of the nickname, she tensed. She knew that the day he had gone with Kikyo he had lost the privilege to be familiar with her. Then again doing all that hadn't prevented him from coming back in her life as if nothing had happened. He had even  _proposed!_

"Don't you have any shame,  _or_  respect for me?"

He had played her like she was nobody. Did he think he could have two girlfriends and it wouldn't hurt anyone? It made her realize just how much selfishness was inside of him. Kagome would have sacrificed everything for him, and all he thought about was himself.

Even though he hurt her, they had shared many years together, both as friends and as a couple. It brought a state of chaos within her to think she would lose him, hence why she had to remind herself just how poisonous he was for her. She couldn't be with someone like that, no matter what.

"Why did you do it?" she asked when he kept silent.

All Inuyasha could do was shrug his shoulders. "I just, I wasn't thinking at the time ya know. It just happened."

"So you weren't thinking about being with another woman, about betraying me… you just  _did_  it."

Immediately Inuyasha launched himself forward closing some of the distance between them. "No, it wasn't like that! I didn't mean to, it just happened!"

Kagome scoffed and turned her head to the side holding back tears. He was yelling but she could tell he didn't care. He didn't regret what he did. As a matter of fact, she was sure he enjoyed it. He had a good time with another woman, and he was fine with it. The only reason he was apologizing was because he lost the other woman.

"Why did she leave you?"

Inuyasha's stance immediately became defensive. "Who said she left me?"

"Because she came to see me and she didn't look like she had a broken heart, so she obviously dumped  _you_."

Kagome was right that Kikyo was the one to dump him, but he didn't intend on letting her believe that. Not only would it be a nuisance to him trying to get Kagome back, but it was also hurting his ego. Who wanted to be the one dumped? He should have broken up with her.

"It was mutual. I wasn't able to fully be with her and she didn't want a half-assed relationship."

Actually he didn't want to marry her and be stuck in a relationship for the rest of his life, and apparently she didn't appreciate that. If she had given him time maybe he would have proposed eventually. After all, he had done it with Kagome, and though it was a bit suffocating, it hadn't been as bad as he had expected.

Kagome raised an eyebrow, not believing his words, but dropped it. It didn't matter if  _she_  left him or  _he_  left her. The point was he had betrayed Kagome and her trust in him and she didn't know if that could be forgiven. How could she be with him when she would spend her time wondering if he was with someone else, if he was giving his life to another woman?

It wouldn't be a sane and healthy relationship, and she refused to put herself through that.

"I can't do this Inuyasha."

She saw his mouth open as he was ready to argue, but she stopped him. "I don't know what you thought would happen when you came back into my life. What would you have done if I had recovered my memory… after we were married?"

"Then you would have seen me, the good me. It would have worked."

If they had been married, she would have forgiven him even if she found out the truth! He would have spent his life making it up to her, and she would have seen that he was a good man. Sure he had made  _one_  mistake, but so did everyone. Why couldn't she see past it and remember everything else that they went through together?

The tears were burning her eyes as she was seeing a new side to Inuyasha. "It would have worked  _for_  you. Never in all of this did you consider me."

"I did! You had no memory! I was there to help you!"

"NO YOU WEREN'T!" Kagome didn't scream very often, but Inuyasha seemed to have this way of pushing her to her limits. "You thought you had gotten a free cheating card. You thought you could come back  _clean_. Nothing stays hidden forever Inuyasha."

"But I was trying Kag; I tried to make it better. I proposed to you."

His heart was clenched and he felt like she was slipping through his fingers; he was going to lose her and he felt powerless to stop it. When had Kagome grown to  _not_  need him? In the past she would need him to make her smile, to make her happy… and now she stood on her own.

Why had she moved on and he hadn't?

Even when he had been with Kikyo she had been haunting his dreams and his mind would be plagued with the vision of her face constantly. On the other hand she had gotten herself a new life, one without him… one filled with his brother.

"Is it because of Sesshomaru? Is that why you don't want to be together anymore?"

 _Sesshomaru_. He had been great to her since her accident and from what she knew; he had been great to her prior to it as well. She didn't know him, but it felt like she could trust him, at least more than Inuyasha.

Kagome finally moved away from the counter and closer to Inuyasha. "No it's not because of Sesshomaru, it's because of you Inuyasha. You betrayed me, you broke my heart."

Her eyes were soft even though they were filled with tears, and the truthfulness in which she spoke was enough to shatter his heart. He knew what he did but  _she,_  out of all people, should be able to overlook it. He loved her, wasn't that enough for her? Isn't that what she always wanted?

"I love you."

The words didn't sound as sweet as they used to, nor as truthful. He had lied to her to badly that they had hit a point of no return.

"Maybe you did back then, but you don't anymore Inuyasha."

"Don't tell me WHAT I FEEL!"

Inuyasha regretted yelling immediately but he hadn't been able to stop himself. It enraged him that she refused to believe him. He did love her; he had never stopped even when he had gone with Kikyo. Maybe if Kagome hadn't found out, the relationship would have died down and he would have returned to Kagome.

 _She_  had spied around! She had hurt herself!

"Maybe if you had trusted me, and not spied, we wouldn't be having this fight!"

"OH SO IT'S MY FAULT  _you_  were CHEATING?"

This time the tears began to spill down her cheeks, staining them. He really didn't care about anything but his own self and his own pleasure. It was her fault she found out what he did behind her back… well perhaps if he hadn't been doing anything wrong in the first place, she wouldn't have been hurt.

"The only thing I'm sorry for is the time wasted on you," she said, her voice breaking the entire time. "Get out Inuyasha. Get out of my apartment, get out of my life."

"You don't mean that," Inuyasha replied, his tone serious.

She nodded, the tears touching her lips, and leaving a salty taste in her mouth. "I don't need you anymore. I don't want you in my life anymore.  _Get out_ , before I call the building security."

His heart clenched but he nodded. A storm was building up inside of him, and he wanted nothing more than to destroy everything around him. His jaw was tightly clenched as he tried to keep some self-control. Kagome was his and he refused to let anyone else have her.

"I'll go now, but I'm not going to be out of your life Kag. We belong together, and I'll make you see that."

Even if it killed him, he'd make her his again. If he put enough effort and showed her the true him, she wouldn't deny him forever. They were meant to be with each other; nobody loved him and understood him like she did.

"My brother won't have you," were his last words prior to him slamming the door of her apartment shut.

As soon as Inuyasha disappeared from her view, the only thing Kagome could do was slide onto the floor with her back against the wall as tears came pouring out. She was breathing loudly while her heart dropped. She had done her best to appear strong in front of him, but it had been difficult. A few tears had slipped by but for the most part, her mask had remained intact.

She had done it. She had officially cut Inuyasha out of her life  _again_.

-P-

He shouldn't be there; she hadn't called him.

Problem was, Sesshomaru hadn't heard from Kagome all day, and though since her accident she hadn't called him, or relied on him, he found himself worried. He had strongly believed that since the events of the previous night, she would reach out for him; perhaps he had been wrong.

In a moment of insanity he had stopped at the closest grocery store, grabbed all her favorite comfort foods, and had driven to her apartment. Now, he felt like a fool standing in front of her door, unable to knock. What if she didn't wish to see anyone at the moment? What if he would impose?

She was still a bit fragile and he couldn't just push himself back into her life.

 _But_  he did know Kagome and after emotional moments, she needed her comfort food.

Deciding he had to perhaps be  _just a bit forward_  he knocked on the door. At first, there was no noise, making him believe she was gone, or asleep, but then the familiar sound of her slippers dragging across the wooden floor could be heard. Sesshomaru couldn't help the small smile that appeared across his lips as he lifted his arms slightly, waiting for her to open.

"Who is it?"

"Sesshomaru."

He expected a delay between him announcing himself, and her opening the door, but he was wrong. The door immediately flung open, and he found her standing in front of him in a pink robe and her head tilted on the side, staring at the bangs in his arms..

"I thought you might be hungry."

Kagome could already distinguish a few things, and she couldn't help the anticipation that built up inside of her. She knew a huge sugar rush was coming. For an instant she forgot how she expected Sesshomaru to be Inuyasha, or how he knew what she liked.

Even Sango didn't know everything, but Sesshomaru seemed to. Just how close had they been?

Lost in her own thoughts, she failed to notice how he was standing in front of her, probably waiting to come in. Just a few hours ago, his brother had done the same thing, however she knew this would be a different _meeting_. But would she let Sesshomaru in?

Just  _him_  and  _her_?

Yes, she would.

Slowly she moved out of the way. "Come on in," she gestured with a tiny smile tugging on her lips.

Sesshomaru immediately noticed the mess surrounding her. Kagome wasn't always the maniac cleaner, but she usually kept a certain standard. Obviously her mood was upside down. A part of him was itching to say something, but instead he dropped the bags on the counter.

"You can resume your sappy movie, I'll prepare you something."

As soon as he finished his sentence, he turned his head to look at her. The words had slipped him out of habit. He was used to this routine and had forgotten that Kagome couldn't remember it.

"My apologies," he said before backing away from the counter and allowing Kagome to do it herself.

It was true she didn't need to be taken care of, but to have someone else there… sharing that habit of hers… it was  _new_. "You can make your own," she said, a bit taunting, before getting out two bowls.

Sesshomaru didn't usually participate in the  _stuffing_  part of her little routine, but perhaps today could be an exception. He continued emptying the bags as Kagome got the right utensils out. Glancing at everything, he could see a stomachache coming his way.

"Don't chicken out now," said Kagome teasingly.

"You wish," he replied as he opened the triple fudge ice cream.

_"I don't know how you eat that. It will kill you one day."_

_Kagome rolled her eyes as she took the first bite. "You're just jealous because you're not special enough to handle this amazingness."_

_"It's one way to put it."_

"What did you say?"

Sesshomaru frowned slightly. "You wish?"

Confused, Kagome nodded before slightly shaking her head. "Sorry, I just blanked out."

She couldn't help but still hear the words echoing in her mind. Kagome was unsure where it had come from but she knew it had been Sesshomaru's voice. Had she really just spaced out?

She seemed a little out of it as she sprinkled the candies on top of her ice cream, and Sesshomaru noticed it. It was obvious she was a bit paler than when he had first arrived, but he couldn't tell what had happened. He could only guess it was a headache, which would be normal considering her accident.

If she didn't want to share more, he'd respect that.

Minutes ticked away as they finished building their monsters, Sesshomaru was getting more disgusted with every passing seconds. How in the world was he going to eat that? Watching her do it was one thing, but doing it himself was entirely different.

"Done!" exclaimed Kagome as she shoved a spoon into it.

A bright smile was upon her lips for the first time in a while. She felt comfortable in Sesshomaru's presence, and it was nice. The feeling of safety she hadn't experienced since her accident was there and it brought her comfort. After her little meeting with Inuyasha she had given up on herself a bit, thinking she wouldn't be able to do this.

Now that she had Sesshomaru right beside her, she believed in herself.

She didn't want to rely on Sesshomaru, and need him to survive, but it was nice to know she could act around him as if they didn't have a past she couldn't remember. Kagome was aware it might be a bit difficult for him, but he wasn't showing it. It made her want to trust him fully, but she couldn't.

It wasn't his fault, but Inuyasha had not only hurt her, but the two of them were related. She was well aware that it didn't make them the same person, but it hurt a bit anyways. Kagome couldn't help but wonder how the resemblance didn't bother her in the past.

Then again, there was so much about Sesshomaru that she didn't know. He had already showed her there was more to him than meets the eyes.

"Want to watch a movie?" she proposed as they both held their bowls.

They had made treats; there was no way she could let him leave now. Plus, he had brought her food and she was grateful for it. If she had been alone, she would have dwelled in unhappiness.

It wasn't common for her to have men over this late, not even Inuyasha, but Sesshomaru wouldn't try anything, she knew that much.

Sesshomaru already knew it would most likely be a sappy romance movie, but he couldn't say no. First of all she had made him suffer through that hell already many times, and second he enjoyed her presence. It was nice to see her smile again while being in his vicinity.

She had yet to talk about Inuyasha and he wouldn't bring it up until she did. However, he would remain and make sure her good mood stayed. It wasn't much, but it was all he could do for the moment.

Sure, he could give up and move on like he had told himself he would, but it was impossible. Something about that girl had him hooked from the start. He wished to protect her, and give her happiness. She was his from the start, and he couldn't let go; he was like a dog with a bone.

His eyes were locked on her as she plopped down on the couch, grabbing the remote while her treat was secured in her left hand. Her hair was coming loose out of her messy bun, cascading down her shoulders, and her eyes were shining with hope. He remembered a night much like that one, and he smiled.

_"I don't know how you eat that. It will kill you one day."_

_Kagome rolled her eyes as she took the first bite. "You're just jealous because you're not special enough to handle this amazingness."_

_"It's one way to put it."_

_She stuck her tongue out in a childish manner before sliding off the counter. She grabbed her bowl and ran into his living room, causing him to cringe at the thought of the mess she would probably make on his white carpet. Rarely could she walk without tripping over_ nothing _._

_Sesshomaru sighed a bit before deciding it was safer to follow her. After all, even if she showed a strong exterior, it had only been three months and he could tell that deep inside she was still fragile. But Kagome didn't show that side of her to other people. She wanted to be strong not for herself, but for others._

_He wished she would trust him with more and allow him to bear more weight, but she wouldn't. He knew she felt bad for the way he carried her during the first month, but he didn't mind at all. As a matter of fact, in his opinion she helped him more than he helped her._

_She rescued him from his life; she allowed him to see past the walls that he had brought up around himself._

_Sesshomaru still wasn't sure why he had helped her or why such a strong protective feeling had risen inside of him, but he hadn't been able to stop himself. He didn't regret it. He changed for her, and it was for the best._

_"You're pretty slow for a dog."_

_On top of everything she was also one of the only who knew his true nature. Humans couldn't be trusted and it was hard to find one who accepted youkais and didn't mind them. Kagome knew about Inuyasha for years, and in spite of his betrayal, she still hadn't said a word._

_He was himself with her, except for his markings constantly behind hidden and he quite enjoyed it. All day he was surrounded by humans who believed they were the only type of living beings in the world. They also believe nothing was superior to them; if only they knew._

_"Dogs bite."_

_"Yeah but big dogs only bark, they never bite."_

_"Big dogs? I'll take it as a compliment."_

_She playfully tapped the spot beside her, and smiled. "Come here doggie."_

_If anyone else had said that he would despise it and consider it a lack of respect, but not with her. She was teasing, and he was okay with it. Instead of sitting beside her on the couch he turned around and sat on the other couch leaving her to sit by herself._

_"Baby," she said as she took the first bite._

He doubted Kagome would be as playful tonight, but it was enough. This time however, he would sit beside her. He couldn't help but wonder if she was even thinking about the fact that, unlike Inuyasha, he was a full youkai. He doubted it even bothered her though since it didn't in the past.

Sesshomaru leaned into the couch before grabbing his spoon. He felt Kagome's eyes on him as he brought it to his mouth and took his first bite. It was so… _sweet_. He had expected it to taste horrible, but it was simply overly sweet. He quickly took the spoon out of his mouth and put it back in the bowl.

"How do you eat this? It's terribly sweet!"

"You're just jealous you can't handle its greatness."

He couldn't help but pinch his lips together. Perhaps some things never changed no matter if they were lost or not.

Kagome couldn't chase the feeling of déjàvu she was getting. This had happened before hadn't it? Or was it her memory playing tricks on her? All she could tell was that her mind was acting up when Sesshomaru was around.

It only made Sesshomaru even more a mystery.

-P-


	15. Aloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aloe: Grief

She applied a bit more lipstick on her already red stained lips while carefully staring at her reflection in the mirror. Once she was done putting on another layer Kikyo smiled at herself; perfect. Today she had to look her best since she would be on the hunt. Inuyasha would soon be all hers.

Since both brothers were after Kagome, she had decided to go after the easiest one first. She truly had no interest in Inuyasha, but she  _had_  to take him away from Kagome. After all, he was supposed to be in love with her forever, he had just apparently forgotten it. No matter, it would take her no time to remind him.

Kikyo ran her fingers through her hair, adding a bit of volume to it. Inuyasha had been unable to resist her in the past and she knew it hadn't changed.

Once she was satisfied with the way she looked, she grabbed her keys and exited the hotel room she was currently residing in.  _Stupid Inuyasha_. She was there because of him, meaning he should technically be paying her hotel fees. Maybe she would make him do it once he was wrapped around her finger once more.

Kikyo didn't have a date with Inuyasha per say, but she did know where to find him. He was a creature of habit and he usually repeated the same actions, especially when depressed. If it had been early in the day, she would have tried the restaurant where they met, but now that the night had fallen there was only one location where she could find him.

_The bar._

When Inuyasha was depressed he'd drown his sorrow into alcohol, which she always found a bit pathetic. He drank a lot at first after Kagome found out about them. Of course she had fixed the situation quickly by threatening to end things, and he had quickly stopped. Though he could have continued doing it being her back…

Why did she want that man back again?

 _Of course_ , it was so Kagome couldn't win.

It wasn't fair that she had to spend her life competing against the useless woman. Kikyo was much more of a woman than Kagome would ever be and she had everything someone could desire. She should be on top; she shouldn't have to fight for the attention.

Once Kikyo was outside, she grabbed the first cab that came her way and entered it, prior to directing the driver to Inuyasha's location. Her lips were tightly pressed clearly displaying her annoyance while she ticked her fingers against the seat, waiting to arrive at the destination. If Inuyasha wasn't at the bar, it would be a set back.

The minutes went by before the cab finally came to a stop. She paid the man, barely leaving a tip, and exited the vehicle with her temper flaring. She had the feeling something wasn't right, and it was unsettling. Quickly enough she made her way into the bar and headed straight for the bartender.

She offered a weak smile before ordering a vodka orange and then proceeded to scan the area for a sign of Inuyasha. Usually his silver hair popped quite well in a crowd. The darkness wasn't helping so she frowned. . She was about to give up when suddenly she spotted silver hair and a red shirt; it had to be him.

Kikyo tossed money on the counter, grabbing her drink afterwards before heading there. She made sure to add a seductive swing to her hips as she put her best smile on. As soon as Inuyasha would see her, he would be jumping in joy she knew it. Quickly enough she reached his side, and in an attempt to flirt, she rested her hand on his shoulder.

"Inuyasha?"

She felt his whole body tense as he turned around, clearly surprised that she was there. He blinked a few times, not a word coming out of his mouth.

"You can't even say hi?" she asked, faking a happy tone and taunting him.

His mouth opened, and then closed before he opened it again. "Kikyo? What are you doing here?"

Inuyasha already thought his situation was bad, but he didn't know it could get worse. Why was Kikyo in town? He thought she left him a while back? Why would she want anything to do with him? If Kagome knew about this… he'd be screwed. It would already be hard enough to get her back, and he didn't need Kikyo added to the mix.

She did look beautiful, he wouldn't deny that, but this was wrong. This whole situation had made him realize that the girl he wanted was Kagome, and no one else. He wouldn't fall into the same pattern twice; it was a mistake he would not repeat. Plus, Kagome truly wouldn't forgive him.

Kikyo quirked an eyebrow at his unexpected reaction; why wasn't he happy to see her? "What do you mean?" she asked, brightly smiling. "I'm here for you silly!"

Without being invited she slid in beside him, resting her head on his shoulder. He didn't seem very receptive to her, but she wouldn't let that stop her. "You know, I've really missed you."

"Yeah?" he asked, his tone letting her know he was a bit angry. "Then why did you leave me?"

No he didn't want to return to Kikyo, but he still found it unfair the way she left him. Who broke up with someone just because they said no to getting married? They would have gotten hitched eventually; he just hadn't been ready then. As a matter of fact, he was ready now.

Putting her best acting mask on, Kikyo's eyes flooded with water. "I was confused Inuyasha, can you blame me?"

She sat up straight and looked right into his eyes. "You wouldn't commit, and I was afraid you'd leave me. I did the only thing I could think of; I tried to protect myself. I thought if I left you first, it wouldn't hurt as much." One lonely tear rolled down her cheek. "But I was wrong, I miss you. I can't be without you Inuyasha."

Kikyo held on to his shoulder, almost digging her nails into his skin. "I just… please Inuyasha…"

Inuyasha felt like his heart was caught in his throat. Why was she crying; she wasn't allowed to! She was the one who left  _him_  when all he wanted was to be with her! It wasn't fair; she couldn't make him feel guilty because he didn't want her back. She couldn't toss him aside and then come back for him!

"Look, Kikyo… it was fun but I'm not interested anymore."

Inside Kikyo felt a rage develop, but she did her best to hide it from him. If she flipped in anger, it would blow her whole cover. Instead, she allowed more tears to cascade down her face. "Why not?"

"I'm…" Could he tell her the truth? She couldn't be blind to his love for Kagome, after al, they had been together for a long time… "I'm trying to get Kagome back."

Kikyo raised an eyebrow. " _Trying_?"

Inuyasha sighed heavily. "She doesn't exactly want me right now."

She pressed her lips tightly together in an attempt to control herself. Kagome  _didn't_  want Inuyasha? So what, Kikyo was supposed to get the scraps? The whole point of this was to steal Inuyasha from Kagome so that the little bitch would suffer! Why did she have to ruin every single plan she had?

Kikyo was so close to fuming that she did the only thing she could think of. She raised her hand and smacked Inuyasha across the face. Though it did not hurt him, it left him stunned. Meanwhile Kikyo took that opportunity to walk out of the bar angrily.

Apparently it was time to move on to the big fish; Kagome wouldn't know what hit her when Sesshomaru would be taken from her.

-P-

An annoying alarm blared through the room, as Kagome began smacking her hand around trying to shut it off. Her face was still buried in the pillow and she didn't wish to move, thus the blind attacks. Finally, her hand landed on something that felt like the alarm and she smacked down hard. When all noises ceased, she smiled into her pillow. Peacefulness at last.

Today she had  _work_ , so to speak. A lot of the pieces in her art studio were orders from people and they were not finished. Of course, all the clients had been called and the situation had been explained. , Some of them even offered her a few pointers as a reminder. Sesshomaru had spent the day helping her organizing everything because apparently, on her own,  _she was quite messy_.

She had glared at him, but had been grateful.

Thus now, for the first time in a while, she  _had_  to wake up. Of course she should have prepared herself better for that but… she couldn't resist sugar and now had a sugar hangover. When Sesshomaru had come, he hadn't stopped her from making different treats and she had swallowed down more than her share.

She was going to blame him next time he came over.

Kagome sighed heavily before dragging her body off the bed, one hand on her head. She could tell by now that her hair was probably a mess, but she didn't care as she dragged her feet against the wooden floor slowly making her way to the kitchen. Her eyes were barely open and she held on to everything to assure she wouldn't trip.

The first thing she did when she reached the kitchen was to begin boiling the water so she could have a nice black coffee. She leaned against the refrigerator running her fingers through her bangs and pushing them back. She found herself glancing around in her apartment and it almost felt empty.

Almost every day since her accident people had surrounded her. Now, each time she was alone it almost felt out of place, though she did enjoy the silence. Quietness was something she had when Sesshomaru was present though. It was quite difficult to get him to talk, and share.

She couldn't help but wonder if he was more  _open_ … before her accident.

Ever since she had made the decision to turn her life around, Sesshomaru had been coming over almost every day. At first she strongly believed it would be weird but as time went by, she realized she was comfortable in his presence. It wasn't like he was  _invading_  her personal space or imposing. No, him being there was quite nice.

The thought alone almost made her blush.

The only other person she could remember being this at ease around was Inuyasha. Though, that had not turned out as nice. It would have been easier to be friends with him and to let go of the future they thought they would have together if he hadn't cheated on her. But at least that proved that you never knew someone.

He was hotheaded and an idiot but she never thought he'd take it that far.

Kagome shook her head knowing she shouldn't be wasting any more thoughts on him. Inuyasha was no longer a part of her life, and it was his own fault. She shouldn't be the one dwelling on him.

The familiar click of the kettle brought her back to reality and she quickly gathered a mug and coffee before pouring the water. After the very first sip, she almost found herself completely recharged. A coffee in her hand, and still in pajamas, she was ready to head to  _work_.

Kagome took the first step in direction of her studio when a knock on the door was heard. She raised her eyebrows, not expecting anyone, before putting her mug down on the counter. Maybe it was Sesshomaru bringing her breakfast; if it were donuts like the previous time, she would have to turn him down. No more sugar. Well, one donut wouldn't really hurt…

She hopped to the door, grabbing the doorknob and swung it open. She was about to smile and tell him he  _couldn't_  possibly come uninvited like that, when she suddenly found herself face to face with Inuyasha. Her smile dropped and she let go of the door."What are you doing here?" she inquired with a harsh.

Hadn't she been clear last time? Why couldn't he just leave her alone? He obviously didn't care or he wouldn't have betrayed her! All she wanted was some peace as she attempted to get her life back on track.

Inuyasha swallowed hard while he tried to remember the words he was going to tell her. He had already figured she wouldn't be too happy to see him, but he thought a few days would have been enough for her to calm down a bit. Ever since Kikyo had come to see him he  _knew_  he had to fight for Kagome.

Kikyo had been a test and he had passed; he had successfully turned her down. Now, wasn't it time to retrieve the relationship he once had with Kagome?

His heart was hammering in his chest as he peered at the sight in front of him. He still remembered those pajamas she was wearing, which had been a gift to her when she had turned sixteen. Yellow with white clouds and bunnies. Kagome was an adult, but she had this innocent side to her he loved so much.

God, he missed her.

"Just give me a chance Kagome."

A bittersweet feeling enveloped her; a chance? Inuyasha had been given more than one chance and he blew them all. "Your chance was when I didn't remember anything and guess what; you were terrible then too."

The whole time the charade of them dating had been on she had known in her heart something wasn't right. Maybe it was when she was void of memories that she had the best judgment.

Her words were sharp and painful but he refused to back down. Obviously she was still hurt and he couldn't let what she said stop him. If he truly loved her, he was bound to get her back.

"I'll never betray you again."

"You're the worst liar Inuyasha. All you do is betray me."

At least she hadn't wasted herself on him. All those times he had asked for  _more_  and she had denied it… Now she was glad she did. It wasn't something she wanted to share with someone like  _him_.

In frustration, Inuyasha slammed his palm against the doorframe. "I won't do it again. Kikyo, she came to me and I said no."

His eyes widened a bit since he had not expected to share that information, but it had slipped from him during his anger. At least now Kagome would know he had no interest in Kikyo anymore. He watched her face carefully, waiting for her reaction.

Kikyo,  _again_? At first Kagome thought that maybe Kikyo hadn't been able to stop herself. Maybe she had fallen deeply in love with Inuyasha, and girlfriend or not, she had chosen to be with him. But now, after leaving Inuyasha, and maybe even moving on, she was coming back?

Clearly Kikyo had something against her. Perhaps Kagome was being paranoid, but she couldn't see why Kikyo wanted Inuyasha back  _now_  out of all times.

"Then maybe you should go back and change your answer."

It mattered very little to Kagome if Kikyo obtained Inuyasha or not. She wouldn't return to him. Plus, if Inuyasha had someone, maybe he would finally leave her alone. There was nothing wrong with them enjoying their sinful life together.

Inuyasha's squinted, almost as if he was trying to hold back an emotion she had never seen him display; fear. He slowly extended his hand in her direction before sliding something in her hand.

"Don't give up on me Kag. You're the only one who never did."

He would make it right by her.

Inuyasha's eyes remained on her form just a bit longer before he turned around and began walking away. His actions caused Kagome to be a touch surprised since Inuyasha wasn't one to give up that easily. But, at least this time he had listened.

She was… relieved?

Kagome stood there for a few seconds, the door still open, and her hand still firmly clasped. What could he have possibly given her? She let the seconds tick away before she finally opened her palm and looked down. It was a small dark rock, sparkling with white spots. It was easy for to recognize where it was from.

Each year, when Inuyasha and she would go observe the stars at night with a picnic, they would collect one each. It was a souvenir.

Why hadn't he thrown them out when he had moved on with Kikyo? Why did he still hold on to something that was so personal to the two of them? Most of all, why was he doing this to her? She knew they had enjoyed good times together, but they didn't make up for the bad things he had done to her.

Her arms dropped and the rock fell upon the floor before she closed the door shut. Her eyes glanced upon the door of her studio, but she knew she couldn't. Even if she attempted to paint right now, everything would turn out terrible.

Once again, Inuyasha had sucked the life out of her.

-P-

Sesshomaru tapped his fingers along his desk, his eyes glued on the clock. He had promised himself he would not leave early again. Also, there was no reason for him to since Kagome was supposed to be working all day. If he went to her apartment, he would only be distracting her.

It was harder than before to remain far from her. During their first  _relationship_ , she had been broken, and had seen him as her rock. Now, she was apparently looking at things differently, meaning he might just be able to sweep her off her feet. The part buried deep inside of him that wanted her to be his was almost getting impatient.

A long year he had waited by her side, being nothing more than what she needed.

Perhaps now she required a bit more?

A knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts, and he raised his head to glare at the wooden door. "What is it?" he asked, almost hissing.

"Someone here's to see you. They have an appointment." Kagura had to give it to the girl; she was not giving up. Thought that didn't mean she would win Sesshomaru over.

Sesshomaru sighed heavily. "Let them in."

When the door opened, nothing prepared him for  _her_  entering his office. Immediately he bared the fangs that were not present and rose to his feet. "Get out."

Kikyo put her most charming smile on. "But I have an appointment."

"I don't care," he said as he walked around his desk so he could close the distance between them. "Get out."

He was being difficult, but Kikyo had expected that much. "Now, please. We're both adults. Why can't we have a civil conversation?"

"Because you're nothing more than a lying bitch."

He wasn't one for using such words, but in her case, there was nothing else he could call her. He hated her and everything she did. Did she really think she had a chance at fooling him?

Her mask almost dropped at his words, but she held herself back. All he wanted was for her to reveal her true nature and she would not give him that satisfaction. Since he would not listen to words and reason, she would take another approach.

It was obvious that Sesshomaru was head over heels in love with Kagome. He wanted her to be his and he probably wanted her body as well. As a youkai, he was probably becoming very impatient. Maybe she could play on his desires, though what she would have to do was a bit sickening.

But the ends justified the means.

She put her hand on his shoulder, allowing her long nailed fingers to drag down his chest. "You know, she and I are quite the lookalikes. Why do you think Inuyasha was attracted to me in the first place?"

Saying those words was disgusting, but she was a good actress.

Sesshomaru opened his mouth, ready to speak, but she stopped him. "I know you  _want_  her."

Kikyo closed the distance between their bodies, pressing herself against him. "I could be her for you. You can call me her name, and you won't notice the difference."

He was a man; he was bound to fall to the temptation. Doing what she was offering would be terrible, but at least it would be one step in the right direction. Surely he wanted Kagome enough to at least give Kikyo a try didn't he?

She gasped as she felt him grab her wrist forcefully. Slowly, he bent down, their noses almost touching and their mouths so close. Kikyo couldn't help but smile in victory, as she waited for him to close the distance between them and kiss her. This would be her greatest win.

Suddenly she felt a strong hold on her throat, and she panicked. She looked up at his eyes and all she could see was rage. Sesshomaru was squeezing harder on her neck, blocking any oxygen to reach her brain. Kikyo panicked and began kicking around trying to free herself. Raspy sounds were coming out of her throat as she did her best to breathe, but he wouldn't let her.

"If you come near me or Kagome again, I will kill you."

He waited for a few more seconds before releasing her. Immediately she dropped to the ground, her own hands around her throat, trying to breathe. She coughed, and almost spat, before glancing up and glaring at Sesshomaru. He was way more insane than she thought and she couldn't even gather herself enough to yell at him.

Instead, she scrambled to her feet and rushed out of his office like her life depended on it. Her heart rate was skyrocketing as everything became a blur, and all she could do was hurry to get out.

Sesshomaru stood in the same spot he did when he almost attempted to kill her. He usually kept his temper, but she had pushed him to his limits. It didn't matter how much he wanted Kagome, he would never sink as low as to take Kikyo. If he couldn't have Kagome he certainly didn't want someone who thought she was her lookalike.

Hopefully this time, Kikyo had gotten his message. Next time he wouldn't be so kind to her. She was lucky enough he allowed her to walk away with her life.

Meanwhile, outside Kikyo screamed every swear she knew as she punched the wall. She never hated anyone in her life as much as she hated Sesshomaru at the moment. How dare he try to kill her? He was way more stubborn than she thought. Usually most men would at least be tempted a bit and at the worst she would be dismissed.

Nobody ever tried to  _strangle_  her before.

Now even more then before she wanted to wrap her fingers around him, and have him obey her every desires. Nobody was allowed to turn her down like that. She would have Sesshomaru no matter what it took.

This wasn't even about Kagome, anymore, no the little whore could wait for the revenge. For now, her main priority was to get Sesshomaru. If he thought she played dirty, he hadn't seen anything yet. She would pull every string she could; she would use every trick she had.

Sesshomaru Taisho would be _hers_ , no matter the cost.

-P-

"Are you okay?"

Sesshomaru snapped out of his thoughts and glanced down at Kagome. She was bent down a bit, looking up at him, her head slightly tilted. Her eyes were opened wide a bit and she seemed confused. Ever since Sesshomaru had come over, he had been stuck in his own world, which was a bit unusual for him.

"Sorry, I'm a bit tired."

It was a lie, but he couldn't possibly tell her what had happened with Kikyo. First of all, Kagome didn't need the extra stress and he didn't want her thinking that maybe she would lose him to Kikyo one day. He wouldn't do that to her, he cared too much. Since Inuyasha had already betrayed her how could she trust him?

His heart was beating a bit faster than usual as he lied to her, but he hid it from her.

Kagome frowned a bit, before nodding. To be completely honest, he seemed like he had something on his mind, but then again so did she. She wasn't sure if she should tell him about Inuyasha visiting her. She had no reason to hide it from him, and frankly she had been dying to tell someone because it had ruined her whole day.

But was Sesshomaru the right person to share it with?

Kagome took a deep breath before deciding to do it. "Inuyasha came over today."

Sesshomaru didn't really hide his surprise, as he stopped cutting vegetables. Inuyasha came to see her and Kikyo came to see him? "What did he want?"

Kagome shrugged her shoulders. "Forgiveness. I guess he wanted me back."

Sesshomaru quickly nodded. "Is that where the rock came from?"

She was a bit surprised that he had noticed since she hadn't been really careful with it. All she had done was put it on the edge of the window, where she had many other things. Did he know her apartment so well that he noticed when something new was there?

"Yeah. It was from…well from an old memory."

Sesshomaru glanced at the rock before looking at Kagome. "Does it mean something to you?" He wasn't asking it in a jealous manner, but he wanted to know if Kagome still cared about Inuyasha. He didn't think she did, but he wouldn't involve himself with her if she still had remaining feelings.

It wouldn't be fair to either of them.

She shook her head. "No, it's just… I don't know."

_"He used to mean so much to me. Why can't I let go?"_

Kagome froze as she was hit by the sound of her own voice echoing in her mind. The scene she was currently in with Sesshomaru felt similar, as if they had been in the same situation before.

Sesshomaru had heard her say the same thing in the past.

_"No, I just… I don't know, Sesshomaru." She sighed heavily before sitting down on a chair. "He used to mean so much to me. He betrayed me so why can't I let go?"_

_"Because you loved him and perhaps still do."_

_He wished she would let go of Inuyasha, but he couldn't force her. He was bad for her, yet she kept everything that linked her to him. Maybe it was easier for youkai to move on than humans._

_"I don't want to love him. He's not good for me. All he does is hurt me," she said, tears threatening to fall. "I just… he was with me for my whole life."_

_Sesshomaru had spent most of his life alone. Once his father had found someone else, and had another son, Sesshomaru had been somewhat tossed aside. He understood that his father wanted his new family to be perfect and most of the time it didn't include him._

_It was fine; he had grown up normal even without anyone._

_Until Kagome came around, he always thought that loneliness was best. But that was not what he wanted for her. He didn't wish for Kagome to be alone and experience pain. He would be there for her even if it would be painful for him._

_"You'll learn to be alone and you'll feel better."_

_He didn't want to seem weird and tell her he'd be there for her if she needed him. She would never have to learn to be alone though. If it wasn't him, someone else would be there for her._

And to this day, he had kept the promise he had secretly made to not let her go through anything alone. He almost had when she had lost all her memories of him, but at last it hadn't happen, and he was grateful. He wanted to be there for her as much as he could.

"I'm just being silly. Sometimes you hold on to memories. But I'm not holding on to Inuyasha."

The good times would always be there but so would the bad ones. She didn't wish to lose all of her memories; they made her who she was. However, that didn't mean she wanted to be engaged to Inuyasha again. He was a nuisance in her life and he never cared. Now she was surrounded by people who did.

"I'm glad to hear that," he said, searching for confirmation in her eyes that she was saying the truth. Kagome would sometimes hide her pain and concerns from others and he needed to know if she was trying to do that now.

Kagome's lips were glued together as she nodded.

She  _was_  over Inuyasha's betrayal, she wouldn't return to him. Yes, he had ruined her day, but that was because he reminded her of the pain he had brought in her life. How could she be happy when all she could think of was that he had chose another woman over her?

It was not because she had leftover feelings.

Suddenly she was pulled from her thoughts when she felt arms being wrapped around her body. She looked up at Sesshomaru whose head was resting on her shoulder and she raised an eyebrow. She could feel the warmth coming from his body and she found herself leaning in.

All of the pain she had felt from Inuyasha she had gone through alone. She had sent her friends away; she had isolated herself in her room and in her tears. Her friends were always trying to help her and protect her from everything. Kagome was trying to deal with things by herself and she didn't want everyone to constantly be worry over her.

She could handle things on her own; she didn't need everyone to worry about her life.

Yet there he was holding her and it felt as if he was taking some of the pain she had been bearing on her shoulders, it made her feel lighter. Once again, she leaned into him even more and he tightened his hold around her. His nose was buried in the crook of her neck, and perhaps he was breaking some intimacy boundaries, but sometimes he knew Kagome better than she knew herself.

She was strong, and even though she wouldn't admit it, she needed help. He could tell that everything happening back-to-back was a lot for her to handle. If he could take away some of that stress for her, he would. Her skin was soft against his face, and her scent was overwhelming him.

Kagome had always smelled divine, but to be so close after being so far for a while made it difficult. He knew she was his, and he wanted to be able to hold her like that more often. It had nothing to do with wanting her body: it was  _her_  he wanted. Unlike his stupid half-brother.

Before Kagome knew it, the first tears spilled on her cheeks and then upon her shirt. She was trembling a bit as her strength left her. All that held her up was Sesshomaru holding her. His arms were her support and she held on to them.

Their embrace went on for a few more seconds before Kagome stood carefully on her own two feet. Sesshomaru waited a little more prior to pulling away from her, and clearing his throat. She had been fine in the moment, but he didn't know how comfortable she would be around him now.

Kagome brushed her wet bangs away from her eyes, before offering Sesshomaru a weak smile. "Sorry about that."

She hadn't meant to cry or to find so much comfort in his embrace, but perhaps she had needed it more than she knew. She took a deep breath to calm herself, as a blush appeared across her cheeks. She couldn't believe the way he had been holding her. He had done it for her comfort, but the closeness…

"I'm sorry if I made you feel uneasy," he said as he took a step back.

She clearly looked a bit out of it, and he felt terrible. Whenever Kagome would feel upset in the past, he'd help her. Of course, he hadn't always resorted to physical contact, but that was because he hadn't been around people. She was, as a matter of fact. the one who taught him that.

_"You know when someone is crying, it's not nice to act like they have the plague. I'm not contagious."_

_Kagome was bundled up on his couch, her clothes and hair still wet, and some blood on her clothes. She was aware that perhaps she was staining his couch, but he didn't have to be so rude. Then again, he wasn't really a people person. He had picked her up when she thought she was dying…_

_"What else is one supposed to do?" he inquired as he put two teas down on the table. He had been nice enough to bring her to the warmth of his apartment, and he was giving her a hot beverage. What else did she want from him? She was not his problem, or any of his concern._

_She shrugged her shoulders. It was Sesshomaru, he was related to Inuyasha, and she didn't want anything to do with him. Why was she seeking comfort from him, what was she doing in his house? Why did he pick her up? He should have left her where he found her!_

_In a moment of rage, she rose to her feet and tried to hurry to make it out of the room. Sesshomaru stood there watching her walk away. If she wanted to leave, he wouldn't stop her; she could do as she pleased. He shouldn't have picked her up in the first place._

_He could hear her footsteps fading away, and all he could do was frown. Why did this girl make it so difficult? She shouldn't be any of his concern, so why was he about to go after her and stop her?_

_Maybe it was because she was bleeding and he couldn't let her walk out of his house like that. When he picked her up she became his responsibility. Next time, he'll know better._

_He walked at a fast pace behind her until he caught up to her. He grabbed her arm, but not too forcefully so he would hurt her. "Wait."_

_Kagome's eyes were burning, her whole body ached, and her heart was broken to pieces. She didn't know why she got in the car with Sesshomaru, and why she didn't let herself die in the cold. She didn't even know why she asked for comfort from him! He was an ice cube with no skills in social life… he was a loner. A rude loner._

_Still, she ceased to walk and remained still. "What is it?" she asked as more tears came rolling down her cheeks._

_He had never done this before, and he wasn't sure how to proceed. He approached her slowly and he barely pressed his chest against her body before putting his hand on her shoulder, and gently patting her. Wasn't this what people did? He failed to see how it provided comfort, but apparently humans enjoyed it._

_Kagome blinked a few times at the unexpected contact, before leaning in ever so slightly. As soon as her face made contact with his shirt, the tears spilled down._

_Out of everyone, he was the one holding her when her whole life was shattered._

_Who would have thought?_

-P-


	16. Lichen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lichen: Solitude

Roses.  _Everywhere_ .

Kagome raised an eyebrow as she glanced at the mess of flowers lying on her doorsteps. Bouquet after bouquet and single rose after single rose. At first the thought had crossed her mind that Sesshomaru might have been the one to do this, but she soon realized that he wouldn't have left her with something like that to clean.

Her eyes scanned over the mess, attempting to find a card or an indication of whom it was from. It was after a few seconds that she spotted a white card buried somewhere amongst the sea of  _red_. She bent down slightly and reached for it. Once it was in her possession she flipped it around to read it.  _I'm sorry,_ was all it read. Still, it was enough for her to know whom they were from.

Before she knew it, she kicked one of the bouquets with her foot and stepped on another one to unlock her door. Once she was inside she dropped her purse to the ground before grabbing a garbage bag from under the sink. If it was up to her she would leave the mess outside, but she assumed the other people living in the building wouldn't enjoy that.

A sigh rolled off her lips as she opened the door with her foot before dropping to the ground on her knees. Slowly she began shoving every single flower in the garbage bag, ignoring some of the notes she was now spotting  _inside_  the bouquets. They were all from Inuyasha and she didn't want any of them.

Seconds became minutes as she cleared the entire mess. Once it was over she tied the bag and threw it in her apartment. Oh yes, Inuyasha had given her a great gift; she had wasted half an hour of her time. Sometimes he truly didn't think before he acted. Then again, it didn't come as a surprise.  _That_  was the main reason why they were no longer together.

She dragged her feet to the living room where she dropped on the couch. This hadn't been the way she had expected to come home.

Last night she had fallen asleep at Sesshomaru's house after watching movies all night and she was still exhausted since she had only gotten a few hours of sleep. Inuyasha had simply made her day even harder. She tilted her head back as she searched for the remote with her hand.

As she turned on the TV, she couldn't help the ache in her heart.

Why was Inuyasha tormenting her? Hadn't she been clear enough when she had told him it was over, when she had kicked him out and told him never to come back? After he had betrayed her  _twice_ , she didn't want anything to do with him. He should have stayed out of her life, even after she lost her memory. If he loved her, he would leave her alone.

But Inuyasha was stubborn and selfish. He wanted it all.

The sound of the television was filling the room but in her own mind it felt like it was on mute.

Although her relationship with Inuyasha had ended a year ago, to her it still felt recent. This was troubling her because she didn't know how to move on. Inuyasha had been her only boyfriend and now she was throwing herself into the world and it was scary. It had nothing to do with him cheating and everything to do with her not knowing how to be with someone.

She had never needed to learn  _how_  to be with Inuyasha, they had just been. Could she do that with someone else?

Of course the someone else she somewhat had in mind was Sesshomaru.

Every day he proved to her that he was completely different from what she had initially believed.  _And_  the way he looked at her with those longing eyes… She knew there was a lot inside his mind he didn't share with her and sometimes it was killing her. Kagome knew she would no longer dwell on lost memories, but it didn't help her figure out all the secret thoughts Sesshomaru was having.

Suddenly, a knock on the door echoed through the apartment, pulling her away from her thoughts. Kagome raised an eyebrow slightly confused since she wasn't expecting anyone. She rose to her feet as the thought that perhaps some more flowers were being delivered crossed her mind. As she closed the distance between herself and the door all she could do was groan.

Quickly she flung the door open, ready to turn around whoever was at her door when she found herself staring right at Sesshomaru. She quickly closed her mouth and transformed her lips into a smile. "Oh, what are you doing here?" she asked.

Sesshomaru arched an eyebrow, slightly amused. "I'm happy to see you as well."

She shook her head quickly. "No, it's just I thought it was more flower from Inuyasha."

His good mood dissipated slightly at the mention of his half-brother's name. "Inuyasha?"

Kagome felt like cursing at herself mentally. It wasn't like she wanted to keep information from Sesshomaru or anything, but she wished she hadn't mentioned it  _right away_. She was exhausted and Inuyasha was by far her least favorite topic of conversation.

"Yeah, when I came home there was a bunch of roses by my door."

Sesshomaru's eyes traveled to inside her apartment looking to see if she had kept them all. Instead all he could see was a full garbage bag resting by her counter. He lifted a hand and pointed at it. "I'll assume they are there."

She nodded. "I don't need them." Kagome couldn't help but glance down at his other hand, which was holding a paper bag. "Tell me those are donuts?"

Sesshomaru couldn't help but chuckle slightly. "I figured you'd be in a  _better_  mood if you had some sugar in you."

"How did you guess?" she asked as she took the bag from him. Quickly she opened it only to have her nose filled with the sweet scent of chocolate and her eyes attacked by the sight of sprinkles. "I hope you already had some," she said with a mischievous glance in her eyes.

Without allowing him to answer, she immediately grabbed a plate so she could empty her breakfast on it. Sesshomaru shook his head softly as he closed the door behind him and put his coat away. Kagome's love for sugar would never change no matter what.

"I'm warning you," said Kagome as she walked in direction of the living room, holding the plate of donuts. "I'm going to eat all of these and pass out on this couch for a few hours."

"Good thing I have a meeting in an hour," he said as he followed her.

He should have gone straight to the office, but he had preferred to stop by before. Granted he had seen her less than an hour ago but he had wanted to bring her some food before he'd disappear for the rest of the day. He had spent a good amount of time with her since she had allowed him back in her life and frankly he was close to being behind on his work.

Just like before.

When Sesshomaru talked about his work it reminded Kagome that he worked with Inuyasha. That was when Inuyasha actually showed up to work of course. She couldn't help but wonder if Inuyasha bothered Sesshomaru about her. After all, he seemed more desperate then before and he going to work for once would have its advantages since he might be able to find out some things about her.

Of course, she knew Sesshomaru probably ignored Inuyasha.

 _Kami_  she wished he could disappear along with the pain he had brought her.

-P-

"Do you plan on standing in front of my door for much longer?"

Inuyasha was clearly more stupid than Sesshomaru believed him to be. Did he really think Sesshomaru could not smell his presence? The idiot had been standing in front of the door for over ten minutes now and as much as Sesshomaru didn't wish to talk to him, he was getting very irritated by Inuyasha's scent lingering in his office.

Slowly his door opened and revealed a very enraged Inuyasha. He was trying to control his temper but Sesshomaru was making it so difficult. "WHY?" was all he managed to say.

Sesshomaru didn't bother to raise his head and kept his eyes on the papers he was currently signing. "Did you only come in my office to fight Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha walked in direction of the desk and pressed his palms against it. "She's mine."

"I believe this matter was already closed. Kagome does not belong to you."

Inuyasha resisted the urge to bear his fangs at his older brother. He didn't care how many times he had to talk this over with Sesshomaru, or how many threats would be made; he was going insane without Kagome. He had tried leaving messages and sending her gifts, but each time she completely ignored him. He knew though, that Kagome was not ignoring Sesshomaru. Her scent was all over him and it only deepened his rage.

"She ain't yours either. She was always mine."

"You're beginning to sound like a broken record," stated Sesshomaru while doing his best to keep himself under control.

He knew Inuyasha was causing Kagome to be stressed and it was becoming more and more difficult to not rip Inuyasha's head off. After all, it would solve the whole matter. Still, Sesshomaru kept himself in check.

Inuyasha bit on his bottom lip so hard some blood spilled out. His nerves were tensed and his hands clenched into fists. "I won't tell you again, do go near Kagome again."

This time Sesshomaru raised his head and looked right into Inuyasha's eyes. "I think Kagome can decide for herself who she wants around and who she doesn't."

"Maybe someone is just messing up with her mind. I think you're influencing her and making sure she keeps me out of her life."

This time, something inside of Sesshomaru snapped and he rose to his feet. The anger he felt was swirling within him. "I believe that you simply cannot accept the fact that she doesn't need you. You betrayed her and she doesn't want you in her life."

Inuyasha refused to see things the way Sesshomaru did. He didn't betray Kagome, he made an unfortunate mistake. Kagome was hurt, he understood that, but one day she would see clearly and realize he was the only one for her. He just hoped he would be able to help her see that before she made a big mistake with Sesshomaru.

He didn't care what it would take he would not give up. Kagome was his and he would make sure Sesshomaru wouldn't lay a hand on her, no matter what he had to do. "She's mine, she'll never be yours," said Inuyasha before turning around.

Inuyasha had every intention to leave work right now and prepare his next  _surprise_  for Kagome. It didn't really matter to him if he worked or not since the only reason he had been coming in lately was to keep an eye on Sesshomaru. His brother was conniving, and Inuyasha wanted to keep track of his progress.

Since Sesshomaru refused to back down, even though Inuyasha had threatened him more than once, he would have to take matters in his own hands. Since their father passed away, nobody had stepped up to the alpha position since Inuyasha and Sesshomaru had never been close, or a pack. Sesshomaru had  _eased_  into the role, but he had never actually claimed the title. It meant that he had no control over Inuyasha.

Kagome would be his no matter what and he would prove right now that he was the better male.

Sesshomaru watched his brother leave with a bad feeling settling inside of him. Inuyasha was very irrational and he acted upon his feelings without thinking them through first. He tapped his fingers against his desk for a few seconds before deciding to call Kagome  _just_  to give her the heads up. He had seen how troubled she had been by all the flowers and he didn't want Inuyasha to hurt her again.

He quickly dialed her number and waited a few seconds as the phone rung. After a few minutes there was still no answer which forced him to hang up. Perhaps she was out and that wasn't a bad thing.

Still, Sesshomaru couldn't chase away the nervousness building up inside. He knew very well what Inuyasha had been trying to do and he wouldn't let him. Kagome was  _his_ , at least somewhat, and Inuyasha wouldn't step in his territory. He was aware that Inuyasha believed it to be the other way around, but it hardly mattered.

Sesshomaru knew he should stay at work and finish up his current business, but he decided against it. Quickly he pressed the intercom button while grabbing his coat with his free hand. "Cancel all my appointments for today."

Perhaps he was doing this for nothing, but he couldn't help it. Usually his instincts were pretty good and he was getting a bad feeling. Before his secretary had a chance to answer, he released the button and finished putting his coat on. Afterwards, he sped through the building until he reached his car.

Inuyasha had made threats before, and there was no reason to think this time he'd go the extra mile, but Sesshomaru couldn't ignore it. From what Kagome had been telling him, every time Inuyasha did something to get her back, it was bigger and bigger. He knew Inuyasha wouldn't physically harm Kagome but often, emotional damage was just as worse.

He drove as calmly as possible to her apartment, almost feeling foolish that he was going to bother her. She could handle herself no matter what came her way, but he couldn't help his desire to protect her. For the last year it was all he had done and it was hard to break from that habit.

The minutes went by before he finally arrived in front of her apartment building. Quickly enough he took the elevator. His foot tapped against the floor the entire time.. As soon as the elevator dinged and the door opened, he rushed out. He was almost certain that Inuyasha wasn't there yet, but it didn't stop him.

Maybe he was just a bit afraid.

Inuyasha was known to never give up, like most dogs, and perhaps a part of Sesshomaru was scared that if Inuyasha had enough determination that maybe Kagome would break down, and just maybe she'd return to him. Sesshomaru was well aware that Kagome was not an idiot, but sometimes the heart didn't listen to the mind. He was no fool; he knew Inuyasha and Kagome had a long history together, and occasionally it was hard to forget.

Sesshomaru put his mask on as he knocked on her door and waited for her to answer. It only took her a few seconds to do so, and once she saw him, he noticed the smile appearing on her face.

"I thought you had work today," she said, pushing her hair behind her ears.

"I have a little break." It wasn't really a lie; he had decided to grant himself a break.

"Well, come on in," she said brightly as she moved out of the way so he could walk in.

Sesshomaru glanced inside, almost as if he was expecting Inuyasha to be there. Obviously Kagome wouldn't let him in, but Sesshomaru was still on his guard. At least he knew Inuyasha hadn't tried to contact her or she wouldn't be all smiles. He walked further into the apartment until he reached the counter, and he leaned against it.

He inspected the vicinity, only to notice the whole kitchen was a mess.

There was flour on the counter, on her face, chocolate chips on the floor, and syrup trailing upon her whole work area. He resisted the urge to chuckle; Kagome had always been messy no matter what she did. "Baking I see."

She rolled her eyes. "Trying," she said as she picked up the bowl and batter.

Her tongue stuck out of her mouth while she put all her strength and energy into mixing her blend. As he watched her struggle, he decided to pull her out of her misery. "Give it to me," he said as he reached out for it.

Kagome pouted slightly as she handed her stuff over.

Sesshomaru used his speed and strength to mix it faster than she was capable of doing. Unfortunately the amount of power he used was too much and some of the mixture ended up flying out of the bowl. Some of it landed on his cheek, while she was hit on the nose. Kagome couldn't help but scream slightly as she laughed.

He on the other hand was not as pleased. Sesshomaru put the bowl down before wiping some of the cookie mix off his face. Kagome couldn't help but laugh even louder as his expression was filled with disgust. She shook her head softly while she took a step forward so that she could reach his face. Gently she used her finger to remove the smudge he had missed.

It was then that their eyes met, and for a second, she almost forgot to breathe. The intensity in his eyes was troubling, and she knew she couldn't glance away. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she watched him bend down slightly. At first she wanted to back away a bit, but she didn't. Instead she remained still like a statue.

He didn't know what he was doing, but she looked breathtaking. When she had laughed and gently touched him, he had found himself with the Kagome he knew, the one that  _recognized_  him and it was hard to stop himself. Softly he licked away the mixture on her nose and he felt her shiver under him.

Sesshomaru didn't dare to move, almost as if he was afraid to scare her away.

Kagome's heart was beating so hard it was almost bringing her pain. She had never been so overwhelmed and so confused in her whole life. It felt right to be beside Sesshomaru, but she was scared. What if there was a side to him she didn't know? Granted she had quickly gotten close to him… but it didn't mean anything.

Sesshomaru was the one to make the decision for the both of them. He decided to be bold and do something he had never dared to do back then. He lifted a hand and gently cupped her face, before bending down even more so he could capture her lips in a kiss.

At first she remained still, but once his lips began moving against hers, she couldn't do anything but respond. As Sesshomaru tasted her sweet mouth for the first time, he found himself leaning into her even more.

She tasted as divine as he always thought and her scent was more intoxicating then ever.

He wanted more, he needed more, but he found himself pulling away. Sesshomaru pressed his forehead against hers, almost feeling breathless. Unlike a few seconds ago, Kagome was  _not_  looking at him. Her eyes were locked on the floor as a sweet blush was decorating her cheeks. He allowed his hands to rest on her shoulder and he could feel the heat radiating from her body.

There was however only one thought filling his mind; had he made a mistake?

Since she was not talking he couldn't tell if he should be apologizing or not. He tried to meet her eyes, but she refused to look up at him. Was it out of embarrassment?

Kagome felt the heat taking over her face. Sesshomaru was now the second person she had ever kissed. She had believed that perhaps their friendship would take that turn, but she didn't think it would happen now. She wanted to speak, to say something, but she couldn't find her voice.

Sesshomaru didn't want to tear himself away from her, but he did. He hid the hurt in his eyes as he glanced upon her face one last time. "I should go," he said. There was a sense of deep longing in his voice.

Kagome wanted to tell him to stay, but she couldn't.

Instead all she could do was watch as he walked out of her apartment while she stretched out her arm as if to stop him.

-P-

Tears were burning her eyes as she shoved another cookie in her mouth. What in the world had she done? It wouldn't have been hard to stop him, to speak, but she had been unable to do it and now it was as if she had ruined everything. It seemed that no matter what resolution she took, she broke everything she touched and everyone she came in contact with.

For hours now she had been staring at the phone, thinking if she should call or not. Obviously he was most likely busy, but even leaving a message would be good right? However, she couldn't pick up the phone.

The last love and relationship she had betrayed her, and though she knew she couldn't compare Sesshomaru to Inuyasha, she couldn't be blamed for trying to protect her heart. Kagome took a deep breath prior to finishing the cookie she had been holding. She was about to allow herself to close her eyes when suddenly a knock on the door echoed through.

Immediately her heart skipped a beat.  _Sesshomaru?_

She scrambled to her feet before rushing for the door. She flung it open expecting to see Sesshomaru standing there. Unfortunately for her, her heart dropped as she found herself staring at Inuyasha. He was holding a bouquet of roses and smiling at her.

"Did you get my flowers?" he asked glancing inside the apartment.

"They are in the garbage," said Kagome as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I thought I made myself clear last time we talked."

He knew he should have given her more time to calm down, but the fact that his older brother was spending so much time with her was driving him nuts. Maybe if he proved to her just how determined he was to get her back, she would come around.

"I know what you say, but Kag… we've always been together."

"Not for the past year," she said, her voice laced with hurt. "I want you to leave," she said taking one step forward to make sure he wouldn't try to come inside.

Inuyasha's gaze hardened as soon as she came closer to him. She reeked of Sesshomaru, which wasn't unusual lately, except the scent was different than before. It was stronger. He felt his rage build up even more and he approached her face slightly, sniffing it at the same time. As soon as the scent hit his nose he saw red.

"Just what the fuck have you been doing with him Kag?"

Her heartbeat picked up and she took a step back. "It's none of your business. I can do what I want with whom I want. It's not like you didn't do the same in the past when we were still  _together_."

All Inuyasha could picture in his mind was Kagome and Sesshomaru together. Him having her in a way Inuyasha never did and it sent him into a fizzling state of rage. Kagome was his, he'd be the only one to have her, and he wouldn't let Sesshomaru step on his territory.

He dropped the bouquet to the ground before grabbing Kagome's shoulders and forcefully pressing his lips against hers. If she couldn't see past what he had done, perhaps that would remind her of how she felt toward him. He was quickly running out of options.

Kagome felt shocked out of her mind, frozen and unable to move. People really had to stop doing this to her. Though she had enjoyed Sesshomaru's kiss a lot more than Inuyasha's. She wanted to push him away but his grip on her was tight. She protested against his mouth before managing to lift her arms and push him violently. It barely did anything but he did budge.

"WHAT THE HELL?" screamed Inuyasha as he went into a defensive stance.

"What the hell? WHAT THE HELL?" How dare he! "What the hell is that I want you to keep your hands off me. We're  _over_  Inuyasha. OVER! Stay out of my life!"

Tears were threatening to fall but she fought them off. The last person that deserved her tears was Inuyasha. He had done everything to her from betraying her trust, to cheating on her. He was poison and she wanted him out of her life for good.  _"Just get out_."

Inuyasha's own eyes were shining with tears. He didn't like the way she always spoke like it was officially over. It would never be over. If he couldn't live without her, then she couldn't either. It wasn't fair for him to feel so much for her while she could so easily cut him out of her life. Yes he had made mistakes but he was willing to change because he loved her. Why couldn't she see that?

He kicked the bouquet of roses with his foot before running away from her.

Kagome was his, only his.

As soon as he was out of view, Kagome dropped to her knees. She took a deep breath and did her best to calm herself. She brought a hand to her chest while she felt a few tears roll down her cheeks. Hopefully this time it was over for good. Yet she couldn't chase away the fog that was clouding her mind.

Why did Inuyasha insist on hurting her so much?

_"Inuyasha?"_

_Kagome took another step in his apartment while tilting her head to the side. They had a date and he hadn't showed up. It wasn't unusual for him to forget about her, but he hadn't even answered his phone! Even now, the door of his apartment hadn't been locked, allowing her to walk right in._

_She kept walking further and further in his apartment looking for him. "Inuyasha?"_

_Kagome frowned as she was getting highly frustrated. It was then that she heard some noises coming from the bedroom._ What in the world _? Was he still sleeping? At five pm? Then again, it wouldn't surprise her that much. He was known for staying up all night and sleeping all day._

_A sigh rolled off her lips as she hurried to the bedroom. Her footsteps were fairly quiet since she was walking on carpet making it almost impossible to hear her come. She grabbed the handle and swung the door open ready to kick Inuyasha out of bed. Unfortunately for her she was graced with a sight she hadn't expected to see._

_In front of her there were Inuyasha and a woman lying in bed covered by nothing but bed sheets. It took the two of them more than a second to realize someone had disturbed their peace. Inuyasha was the first one to notice when Kagome's scent attacked his nose._

_"Kag?" he said, as he scrambled to cover himself._

_Her heart was beating so fast it was all she could hear inside her head. This was not happening. Her eyes watered before she knew it, and her whole vision was blurred. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she couldn't move._

_"Kag, wait let me explain," said Inuyasha as he tried to grab his pants from the floor._

_However, he never reached them as Kikyo grabbed his hand to stop him. She had waited a long time to obtain this victory. Finally she was no longer a secret; she had proven to be the best one. Inuyasha was hers not Kagome's._

_"Don't Inuyasha. It's time she found out about our love."_

_Inuyasha swallowed hard and he found himself stuck between the two. Of course he loved Kikyo, and he enjoyed himself with her. After all, they did_ much more _than he and Kagome did, but it still didn't change the way he felt for Kagome. She was his first love, his everything. He couldn't lose her could he?_

_"Kag," was all he could say._

_Kagome bit on her bottom lip, unable to believe the reality in front of her._

_How could he do this to her?_

-P-

He grabbed his shot and downed it before putting the glass back on the counter. He wasn't one for drinking but he was hurt. For the longest time he had promised himself he would be alone because people were only bothersome and they brought suffering. He had broken that rule that night with her and ever since then he hadn't regretted it.

Even when she had forgotten all about him, he had still stayed by her side, but this he could not do.

He didn't know if it was her hit to the head that still left her affected but the Kagome he knew wouldn't do what she did.

After spending hours regretting the kiss, Sesshomaru had decided to go see her. Of course the closer he had gotten, the more he had been able to smell his younger brother. He had hurled himself to Kagome's, more than glad to throw his half brother out of the building. Unfortunately, when he arrived there, Kagome had not been in trouble.

Instead he had witnessed a scene of passion.

When he had seen them kiss, he refused to believe it. He had wanted to believe that Inuyasha was forcing Kagome, but there had been no evidence of that. Her scent hadn't shown fear or frustration and she hadn't pushed him away. She had  _let_  him kiss her. His heart had snapped when he had heard her moan against Inuyasha's lips.

She certainly hadn't kissed  _him_  like that.

The first thing he had done was run as fast as he could and as far as could.

What was it that made her do it? Was it because he had kissed her and she had realized she wanted Inuyasha? After everything he had done for her, she had tossed him aside as if he was nothing. Instead she wanted the man who had broken her heart and betrayed her.

In frustration, he hit the counter as hard as he could.

It wasn't fair.

He had allowed her inside of his mind, closer to him that anyone else and she had betrayed him. He was fine with her not wanting him; he wouldn't force her to be with him since being friends would be enough. But for her to go back to Inuyasha? He couldn't take that. She was nothing like he pictured her to be.

Kagome was supposed to be strong, not weak.

His heart sunk in his chest as he took another shot. Alcohol wouldn't do much to him, but he still felt like drowning himself into something. For a year Kagome had been everything and he now realized just what a mistake that had been. His mother had been right; humans brought nothing but trouble.

"Rough night?"

Sesshomaru felt a hand on his shoulder and he tensed. Who was touching him? He tilted his head to the side slightly, glaring at whoever was behind him. It was then that he saw Kikyo smiling brightly at him and trying to look all innocent. Her hair was up in a bun and her face covered in make up while she wore a bright devilish red dress.

"It's none of your business," he replied before turning around, not wanting to look at her anymore.

Usually Kikyo might have walked away, especially since Sesshomaru was good at turning her down. However this time he was down, and she planned on taking advantage of that. She didn't have a clue of what happened but she could tell that it had something to do with Kagome which was perfect.

Even though he was being hostile, she sat down beside him. "Maybe I can help," she said, offering him her best smile. "My offer still stands."

Of course she'd prefer if he was doing  _her_  instead of Kagome, but she could live with being  _someone else_  for now. It wouldn't take too long for Sesshomaru to be all over her and she was willing to make a few sacrifices until that happened. She leaned into him seductively batting her eyelashes.

Sesshomaru glanced at her slightly, her cheap perfume attacking his nose. No matter how hard Kikyo tried she'd never be Kagome. Though apparently being Kagome wasn't such a great achievement. He still wanted to have faith in her; he just wished he had seen panic in her eyes instead of staring at her close eyelids.

If she had just  _done_  something that showed she had been against it…

He wouldn't mind seeing her happy in a relationship with someone else. He simply didn't want to see her with Inuyasha. He had saved her from near death that night and it had all been Inuyasha's fault. He couldn't see her go down that path again; she deserved better.

Then again, it wasn't like she cared.

And maybe he didn't care either.

"Aren't you going to buy me something to drink?" asked Kikyo when he still remained silent.

The fact that he hadn't turned her down was a good sign. She might have him in her grip very soon. When he looked at her and their eyes met, she made sure he couldn't glance away. She had been working hard to make Sesshomaru hers and she wouldn't give up now, not when she was so close. He might never hurt again, and she wouldn't get another opportunity.

She dared to put her hand on his shoulder again as she slowly approached his ear. "I'll make it worth your while," she whispered seductively.

Kikyo was nothing more than a cheap whore and he knew it. She had been around, and had probably done this kind of thing more than once to obtain what she desired. She was trash and he should be pushing her away, yet he wasn't.

She wanted something from him, he knew that. The problem was he wanted something at the moment. He was enraged and hurt that the person he trusted the most turned out to be a complete stranger.

He wanted to take his rage out and he wanted Kagome.

Kikyo might just be the answer to all that. It would seem like he was playing right into her hand, but frankly at the moment he wanted to use her just as much as she wanted to use him. Perhaps it could be a beneficial thing. He knew that he could toss her aside afterwards and even if she came after him again, he'd have no problem getting rid of her.

Every action had consequences but honestly this would be done out of his own selfish need.

Perhaps he was tired of doing things for  _her_. This was about him. On top of that, it didn't even matter to her what he did. He would be a friend, and maybe not even forever. He was okay with the status of friendship; he just wished she made wiser decision when it came to her relationships.

Tonight would be the night he turned the page.

For a whole year he had harvested hope that perhaps he could be the one for her. Today he had been proven wrong. He was not one to dwell upon unnecessary things, and Kagome was one of them. If she required help, he would be there.

But he couldn't be that person any longer. It wasn't like him and it had been a mistake all along. He would be himself again once the night was over.

Tonight, with Kikyo out of all people, he'd forget Kagome.

He quickly downed his last drink. "Let's go."

-P-


	17. Thorn-Apple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thorn-Apple: Disguise

_He wasn't even sure how they had gotten to his house that fast, but here they were. They were sitting on his bed with Kikyo half on top of him kissing his neck and unbuttoning his shirt. His own hands were by his side, not even touching her. He had been the one to invite her over hadn't he? This was the same woman he had fully turned down in his office wasn't it?_

_She was a whore; she was the one that had completely broken Kagome's heart. Of course, it shouldn't matter what she did to Kagome. He couldn't hurt_ her _because she was not interested in him._

_But he was better then that wasn't he?_

_Meanwhile Kikyo was busying trailing her hands down his shoulders, causing his shirt to slip off. She could tell he was a bit distracted and she was getting clearly annoyed. She lowered her mouth a bi, trying to get him to focus on her. Why wasn't he touching her? Kikyo had won, he was all hers, and she wasn't about to let him go._

_Sesshomaru had been so determined when he had invited her over and now he didn't know anymore. It didn't matter that Kagome wouldn't be his, or that she didn't want him. For too long he had been her friend… meaning this was somewhat of a betrayal. But, could he forget that the woman he loved would never be his?_

_Kikyo would never be Kagome; there was no doubt about that. She probably couldn't even be a replacement or a copy. Yet he had wanted her to come over. Perhaps because he had been hurt and he wanted to hurt. Maybe it was because in the past, he wouldn't have given a damn whose feelings he damaged. He had his share of one night stands in the past way before Kagome came around._

_She had made an entrance in his life, and now she was slowly disappearing._

_Kikyo's frustration was growing thus she took both of her hands and moved Sesshomaru's face so that he was looking at her. It was then that she pressed her lips against his for the very first time, tasting her victory. Sesshomaru was hers; she had won over that little bitch._

_Victory was sweet._

_For the first time Sesshomaru brought his hands to her back, bringing her a bit closer. The kiss was deepened slightly as Kikyo ran her fingers through his hair. Sesshomaru was taking his sweet time and she was used to men undressing her a lot faster than that. She didn't really mind, she was only afraid that he would pull away._

_Then again if he was going to send her back, he wouldn't have taken things that far._

_Sesshomaru felt her invade his mouth with her tongue and weirdly he winced. He could think of all the places she had been and somehow, that didn't feel_ right _. It was more than the fact that she had hurt Kagome and slept with Inuyasha she had also… well the fact that she had slept with Inuyasha was disgusting enough._

_He tried to empty his mind to go through with it, but all the flashes going through his mind were enough to cause him to put a halt to the whole thing. He put his hands on her shoulders and slightly pushed her away which caused her to glance down at him in confusion_

_"What's wrong?" she inquired with a sexy smile upon her lips._

_"You need to leave," he said as he grabbed the collar of his shirt so he could lift it up and put his clothes back on properly._

_Kikyo pursed her lips. "You want me to leave?"_

_"Yes," he said as he fully pushed her off him so he could rise to his feet. "Get out of my life."_

_She arched an eyebrow. "You told me to come here, and now you're going to throw me out? Why because of_  her _?"_

_"No, because you're filth."_

_"Then why did_ you _come to me?"_

_"I almost made a mistake during lapse of judgment. Now get out before I throw you out myself."_

_Kikyo glared at him, rage filling her heart, but she held back herself. She wanted nothing more than lash out at him but did not. He had been right in the palm of her hand…and she would lose him? No, it didn't make any sense! He had been so_ into _it back at the bar… what had made him change his mind?_

_"I'll make you forget about her."_

_He scoffed. "I don't need to forget about her."_

_"Really? I'm sure you were upset back at the bar. What did she do?"_

_He resisted the urge to smack her across the room. She had no right to ask what Kagome was doing. He himself didn't want to think about what Kagome was doing. It was hard to stop thinking about her kissing Inuyasha. He didn't want to know if she liked it or how things had ended up._

_"Get out," he repeated as politely as he could._

_Kikyo held the glance a bit longer before she fixed her shirt. "You will not get this opportunity again. You better make sure you want me out."_

_He didn't speak, but instead he returned the intensity of her glare. Hopefully she would know what was good for her and she would walk out. The seconds ticked away, but she remained standing still in front of him. It was then that he decided to take a step forward trying to intimidate her._

_Kikyo scoffed, shaking her head. Did he really think he was scaring her? He had tried that a long time ago and it hadn't worked. She imitated his actions by moving closer as well. "You can't scare me,_ dog _."_

_Her words seemed to be the thing that made him snap. Before she could blink he closed the distance between them and grabbed her neck with his hand. "This surely feels familiar," he said, knowing very well she loved to push his buttons when she didn't get her way._

_He dug his claws ever so slightly into her flesh, just enough to draw a little bit of blood. Sesshomaru then proceeded to graze his claw down so he left a nice line on her pretty porcelain white skin. "I do not enjoy repeating myself."_

_"I do not enjoy being turned down," she said, inclining her head back even more._

_Sesshomaru tightened his grip on her neck and used a bit of force to push her away, nearly all of his claws leaving scratches upon her neck. "Get out. This is your last warning."_

_Kikyo grabbed her throat, wiping off some of the blood. She knew that youkais could be a little dangerous. She could push her luck, but she intended on leaving with her life. She fixed her hair up a bit before walking past him, her head held high. He might think he had embarrassed her, but he hadn't. After all_ he _had asked her to come to his house._

_Eventually it would be his downfall._

_As soon as she slammed the door behind her, Sesshomaru dropped to his bed. He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling the slight dampness of his scalp. What in the world was he doing? He allowed himself to drop on his back upon the bed, feeling the rage swell up inside him. He was hot, bothered, angry, and hurt._

_This was not how_ he _was supposed to feel._

Sesshomaru poured himself another glass of whiskey and downed it immediately. Just what in the world was wrong with him? One girl did one thing he didn't like and he had decided to throw away all his standards? This was not like him. His grip tightened on his glass as his frustration rose. He didn't do impulsive and he especially did not do it with trash like Kikyo. It wasn't as if she was beautiful or charming. Heck, she could not pretend to be Kagome.

Yes, maybe he wanted Kagome, and perhaps she was the closest he could get to her, but he had realized something during the previous night. He wouldn't have a copy. He was not some low life who settled for less. Either he obtained Kagome, or he didn't go after someone who  _looked_  like her.

It had been a pathetic choice.

He was frustrated with his own choices. Yes, he had made the conscious decision of bringing Kikyo into his house. At least, he had been able to turn her down. Problem was, he had a feeling it would come back and bite him in the ass.

Unfortunately for him, Kikyo wasn't his only problem. Kagome was one of them as well. He couldn't disappear, he couldn't avoid her and he couldn't ignore her. That meant he would have to face her because he wasn't one to be a coward and run away. Plus, perhaps he wanted to see with his own eyes that she had truly turned  _him_  down and not Inuyasha.

There was the small hope that… she hadn't?

Perhaps it had been nothing more than a kiss. She could have had lingering feelings, and it had pushed her into kissing him back? It was still very disappointing if that happened but… less.

A deep sigh rolled off his lips as he tilted his head back.

He didn't need this.

-P-

This was  _not_  right.

Kagome had called Sesshomaru four times and she had not gotten any answer. She had tried to reach him right after Inuyasha had left her apartment, and then she had attempted again three times after she had woken up. She understood that Sesshomaru was a busy man, but… nothing? Not even a text message?

After Inuyasha had troubled her, she had wanted to talk to him. As a matter of fact, she had even completely forgotten about the kiss they had shared. Her first instinct had been to reach out for him. Now, she almost wondered if it was a good thing that he hadn't contacted her back.

She hit her head against the nearest pillow and sighed heavily. Why did her life keep getting more and more complicated each time? She didn't know what she wanted with Sesshomaru or what to expect. He had  _known_  her for longer than she did  _technically_  and she was afraid to rush herself into a relationship.

There was one thing she was sure of however. She didn't want Sesshomaru to completely fade away from her life. She enjoyed his presence and she didn't want it to end because she hadn't said anything after he had kissed her. Her toes twitched a bit before she decided to jump on her feet. If he didn't want to pick up the phone, she'd go to his house.

He was probably at the office, but it wasn't personal enough there, it was the place where he worked and she didn't want to cause any trouble. She grabbed her purse from the table and her coat from the hanger before heading outside. She felt a tingle of nervousness as she rushed downstairs a little with an added sprint to her steps.

Time went by as she drove to his place, her fingers tapping against the wheel the entire time. It took a while before she could finally see his house come in view and she felt a bit relieved. She hurried to park her car and took a deep breath before coming out. She was about to close the door of her car and head for his house, when she remembered her purse. She rushed to get it before finally being on her way.

She assumed that one of his employees would let her into the house and allow her to wait inside for Sesshomaru. Surely that kind of situation would have happened before. She was no stranger and there was no reason for them to turn her around right? Perhaps that was something she should have thought of before she headed for his house.

Kagome was about to reach the sidewalk when suddenly she nearly crashed into someone. She stopped straight in her tracks only to glance up and find herself face to face with  _Kikyo_. Kagome held her breath back, shock showing all over her visage. This was… the woman, the one who… For an instant, it was as if her thoughts no longer made sense, and she had to take a step backwards.

She wanted to ask so many questions but she couldn't find the words to speak.

Unfortunately for her, Kikyo had plenty to say. "Oh Kagome," she said, her sweetest tone laced with venom.

"Kikyo," said Kagome her eyes hardening.

"I wouldn't go in there if I was you," said Kikyo, fixing her hair up a bit. "I mean, Sesshomaru's busy,  _was busy_."

"He's home?" There were plenty of things she should say or do to Kikyo, one of them including a slap to the face, but instead she wanted to know what she was doing at Sesshomaru's so early.

Kikyo raised her eyebrows. "Of course. I don't think he wanted to go in to work today."

Kagome knew what Kikyo was trying to say but she refused to believe it. Sesshomaru was her friend was he not? That wasn't something he would do to her, not him.

"I must say he's very classy. I mean sure a pure white bedroom is rather plain, but he has a nice sense of decoration. Especially that breathtaking painting hanging above his bed. The colors in that night sky are amazing."

 _Why_  would she know what Sesshomaru's bedroom looked like?

Her heart was beating way too fast but she refused to glance away from Kikyo. Why was this woman such poison? Why did she have to have a taste of everything that was precious and important to Kagome? The urge to slap Kikyo was growing strong, but Kagome didn't. If she lost all control, Kikyo would be satisfied and it was the last thing she wanted.

The tears  _were_  stinging her eyes however.

Sesshomaru should have been better than that. At least, she had expected him to be. Maybe her expectations of him were too high. Inuyasha and he were related after all.

"Sleeping around like a cheap whore… does that make you feel better about yourself?"

Kikyo took a step forward, almost to appear threatening. "Losing all your men to a  _cheap whore_ , does that make you feel good about yourself?"

"At least I'm not a cheap lay."

"Oh honey, you don't get laid at all. Inuyasha told me. Why do you think he came to me? You just weren't woman enough to keep him."

It was at that precise moment that her control snapped, and she found herself smacking Kikyo hard on the left cheek. The slap nearly echoed through as fire was dancing in Kagome's eyes. She was hurt knowing what Inuyasha thought of her, but what annoyed her most was how good Kikyo thought she was.

"Inuyasha might have gone to you, but he came back to me. Clearly you're the one who can't keep them."

Without allowing Kikyo to strike back, Kagome turned around and walked to her car. She could have stayed, or even gone to knock on Sesshomaru's door like she had planned to but she couldn't. The tears were cascading down her face, and she didn't want  _her_  to see them. Her heart felt ready to burst and she wished for nothing more than her warm bed where she could hide from the world.

She wanted to run away from it all.

As soon as she entered her car, Kagome pressed her head against the wheel, the tears pouring down her face. Nothing more than a kiss had happened between her and Sesshomaru so why did it hurt so much? What the hell was it about Kikyo that they couldn't keep their hands off her? What did  _Kikyo_  have that  _she_  didn't?

She didn't want to dwell in self-pity, but it did sting. Everyone she thought she knew turned out to be completely different. All her world was nothing more than an illusion. When would it strop shattering? When would she see people for what they really were?

Kagome took a deep breath before wiping the tears and mascara stains from her cheek. She wouldn't break down in front of his house, especially not with Kikyo near by like this. Even if it was fake she would appear to be strong. She tilted her head back, glancing around but saw no sign of Kikyo. Perhaps she had left after being  _slapped_.

For a second, Kagome had truly thought that Kikyo would slap her back. Kagome wasn't one to lose her temper and attack someone physically but if someone deserved a bitch slap, it was Kikyo.

She breathed in heavily again, before putting the key in the ignition and starting the car. Kagome was terribly tempted to peer at Sesshomaru's house one last time, maybe in a silly hope to see him, but she didn't.

Maybe there was an explanation for the whole story, but perhaps that was her  _wanting_  there to be one. Why would Kikyo know the inside of his bedroom? No, it was better if she just left.

Dealing with him while being in this state would do no good to anyone.

For once, she had to let go. Of course that didn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks as she began driving away.

Meanwhile, Kikyo was watching Kagome leave with a smirk on her face. She hadn't expected Kagome to  _slap_  her, but the rest of the little encounter had been perfectly flawless.

When Sesshomaru had kicked her out of his house a few hours back she had intended on completely leaving, but then had decided against it. She knew that he felt guilty because of  _Kagome_ , and she had expected him to eventually go meet up with her. That would have been when Kikyo would have followed him, and ruined the little meeting.

Then unexpectedly, life had decided to be kind to her. As soon as she had seen Kagome park and come out of her car, her heart had done jumps inside her rib cage. This had been an even better opportunity. At first she had been worried about making it look real, but once Kagome had returned to her car she had run to the sidewalk and everything else had gone smoothly.

She might not have obtained what she wished for from Sesshomaru, but she had still been able to break down that little bitch, and that was just as good.

Perhaps Kagome would finally realize that when both of them were facing each other, she didn't stand a chance.

Poor  _little_  girl.

-P-

There was a pile of pictures on the kitchen table  _staring_  at her. Kagome could feel her heart squeeze, but she couldn't reach out for them yet. Those were all the pictures of her and Sesshomaru that she had been given back. How could she be sad that she  _lost_  Sesshomaru when she couldn't even remember what was there to begin with?

And why in the world had he kissed her  _now_? Hadn't they been friends for a whole year and nothing more? Why hadn't he done it then? Though it appeared he was pretty much ready to take anyone…

Once again, she found herself sighing as she inclined her head forward. Slowly she grabbed half the pile and dropped it in front of her. She had already gone through some of the pictures, but not all of them. She wanted to know, she wanted to  _see_. No it didn't have anything to do with the past, or trying to be whom she used to be.

She just wanted to know if the kiss had actually meant something to him.

Kagome slowly began browsing through the pictures, her eyes lingering, trying to find something… _anything_. Most of them were clearly taken without either her or Sesshomaru's knowledge and she could easily tell that Sango was behind it. If you looked at things in a superficial manner, they made a strange pair her and Sesshomaru.

Yet, from what she had gotten they seemed alike. Though obviously she had been wrong about that. Just thinking about Kikyo coming out of his house was enough to bring tears to her eyes. At least this time she hadn't been cheated on. A part of her couldn't help but wonder if Sesshomaru would have told her if she hadn't found out.

Kami knew Inuyasha kept it from her for a long time.

As she kept flipping through the pictures, one of them really caught her eye.

It looked like they were at a restaurant and she was holding a wine glass. Her eyes were locked with Sesshomaru and they both had a smile on their faces. There was even a hint of a blush on her face. Joy was radiating from the picture, and Kagome almost felt jealous of herself. She wanted that happiness back, she wanted to remember it.

She shook her head softly as she tossed the picture aside.

No more dwelling on the past.

What did those pictures prove? That perhaps at one time he did care deeply for her, that he showed her attention, and provided her with comfort even during the darkest times? It was clear that whatever he had felt back then was long gone or he wouldn't have done what he did.

Maybe he loved  _that_  Kagome. Not the one who couldn't remember him.

With her heart heavier than ever, she got up from the chair and headed for her art studio. She missed it terribly, yet every time she went inside she couldn't paint or draw anything. Her will to do so had completely vanished. Then again her artistic side was highly tied with her emotions. When she felt drained like this, she couldn't do anything.

When she had actually been happy, then she had been too busy to draw.

Kagome opened the door slowly peering in. All of her old work was still up untouched. However there was one piece she was interested in and she headed straight for it. The black painting. There was nothing special about it. After all, it was just a canvas covered in black paint, yet she didn't want to touch it. It had to remain the way it was because it was perfect that way.

She wasn't sure how exactly it had happened, or why she had done that to the canvas, but whatever she was feeling then she was feeling now. She raised her hand and touched the painting with her fingertips. It felt like it was absorbing her inside. Before she knew it, one single tear rolled down her cheek, causing her to chuckle.

How did this happen to her twice? She hated Kikyo, everything she was, and everything she represented, but apparently she was extremely talented at obtaining her way. What was it about a whore that attracted men? Was it the easy  _goal_  or did they find her beautiful?

She had always thought that certain things were meant to be shared in the intimacy of a close relationship. Perhaps she was the only one who still thought that way. She bit on her bottom lip as she finally retracted her hand away from the painting. She was still in the same old life, same old memories.

Maybe what she needed was a fresh start.

It seemed a bit crazy, and perhaps a bit rushed, but maybe she needed to change a few things around in her life. Kagome didn't want to change towns or anything but she wanted something new, something that would help her move on from everything. Including people she thought she knew.

On the ground at her feet were still a few pictures. She kicked one of them gently before bending down and picking it up. In the picture was her, Sesshomaru, Sango and Miroku. All of them were smiling and even Sesshomaru was offering his own version of a smile.

Could he really have slept with Kikyo? Why did she want to give him the benefit of the doubt? It was almost a certainty, but a part of her wanted to believe in him. He didn't seem to care for a physical relationship all that much, at least not that desperately.

It was the fact that she wanted to believe he hadn't done to her what Inuyasha had that made her heart sink into her chest. Hadn't he been the one to help her  _twice_  after Inuyasha's  _two_  betrayals? If he had seen what state it had put her in, why would he do it to her? Granted they weren't a couple... but… even as a friend, why would he do it?

Surely he had an explanation did he not?

The picture slid from her hand and fell upon the ground. She soon followed. Her knees hit the ground and she hid her face in her hands. The last thing she wanted was to feel that pain again. Her heart was swelling and she didn't wish to experience those feelings anymore.

She just wanted to know she was right to believe.

Then again… he hadn't returned her phone calls.

And it was then that more tears poured from her eyes.

-P-

"Mister Taisho, Miss Higurashi called three times for you."

Usually the only times Kagome called the office, she was answered immediately. The rest of the time, Kagura could only imagine that she had no problem reaching Sesshomaru. The fact that her phone calls were not answered was quite pleasing.

"Thank you Kagura," said Sesshomaru as he disappeared inside his office.

Yes he knew Kagome was trying to reach him. He had ended up turning off his phone yesterday because he didn't want to see any more missed calls by her. He was well aware that he should pick up, since to the best of her knowledge there was no reason for him not to, but he couldn't. If he talked to her, he might very well become transparent and let all of his emotions show.

The only proper way to see her was in person, but he couldn't look at her right now. Not only because of what he had seen, but what he had done. His rage had overpowered him, and he wanted to describe it as a lapse of judgment, but he couldn't. He had known very well what he had been done, and he had still gone through with it.

Well almost. He had stopped it in time.

Still, even if Kagome was  _stupid_  enough to return to Inuyasha, he was not idiotic enough to sleep with a woman such as Kikyo. Also, just for the sake of the friendship they shared, he shouldn't have even thought of it. He did make stupid decisions in his life, and that was one of them. If he could take it back, he would. but he could not.

It had almost seemed appealing at the time. Not only was he in a way getting a taste of something he wanted, a cheap one, but maybe he was also getting back at Inuyasha. He was also taking away the sting of rejection away. Someone at least desired him, though it was someone as pathetic as Kikyo.

No he did not need women to be into him for the sake of his ego. He had enough self-esteem and he didn't need others for it to be high. However, Kagome was different and it was as if she knew how to make a dent into his ego. For an entire year he had not tried anything on her, even when she had been better…

Now that he finally did, it was as if he had been flat out rejected.

The thing that did scare him a bit and he did not get afraid very often, was that he would most likely completely lose her, no matter what was going on. If she was indeed back with his idiotic half brother, then he knew Inuyasha wouldn't let her near him. If in the case that things did not work out between them, he couldn't look at her.

Kagome was slowly slipping through his fingers and he could do nothing to hold on to her. Perhaps that was the most frustrating thought. But then again, as time would go by, it would probably become more difficult to be nothing but a friend. If she didn't have any desire to be with him, perhaps it was better to lose her now.

Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by a violent knock on his door. He winced in annoyance before inclining his head back. "What is it?" he asked, extremely irritated.

It was then that his younger brother came busting through the doors, clearly annoyed. "Hey," said Inuyasha as he allowed the door to slam behind him. "I gotta talk to you."

Sesshomaru rubbed head, closing his eyes. "I do not have time for your gloating Inuyasha."

He stood back a bit. "Gloating?"

"Yes. I know about you and Kagome. Now if you do not mind, unlike you I have work to do."

Him and Kagome? Inuyasha was about to ask again, when he was quickly reminded of the event of the two days ago. But that couldn't possibly be it. After all, it had ended with him being kicked out of Kagome's apartment once again. Why would Sesshomaru think he wanted to gloat after that?

Inuyasha raised an eyebrow, perplexed. Did Sesshomaru only know about the kiss?

"Yeah, whaddaya hear?"

Sesshomaru let out a sigh; he was in no mood to play Inuyasha's little games. "Enough to know I was wrong about her."

So he didn't know? "Kagome told you?"

"I do not need someone to tell me what I saw with my own eyes."

Inuyasha almost wanted to burst with joy. This had to be a joke. Sesshomaru had seen him kiss Kagome and nothing else? Oh this could be a lie and deceit he could use to his advantage and he was going to. With a bright smirk on his face, Inuyasha took a step forward.

"She was mine first. I told you that."

It would be much easier to keep trying to get Kagome back if Sesshomaru wasn't constantly in his way. Plus, this whole situation was Sesshomaru's fault; he was just taunting Inuyasha with his stupidity. A few more seconds and he would not think what he was currently thinking. He should have stayed.

Though Inuyasha wasn't about to complain.

"I suppose you were right," said Sesshomaru, not-caring as he grabbed a file that had been on his desk. He wouldn't give Inuyasha the pleasure of obtaining a reaction out of him.

Inuyasha scoffed. "I know it's bothering you. You're not that good at hiding your emotions."

Sesshomaru lifted his eyes from the paper and glanced at his little brother. "She was a friend."

"Bullshit. She was more, you  _warned_ me."

"And I was mistaken," said Sesshomaru as he rose to his feet. He slammed his palms against his desk, anger getting to him. "You can have her; I have no desire to take her."

Inuyasha crossed his arms in front of his chest, a boost of confidence going through him. "I can have her? I'm pretty sure I already do."

He breathed in heavily, ready to roll his eyes when a scent hit his nose. It was  _familiar_. He decided to breathe in once more, his lips tightly pressed together. Where had he smelled that b-

"Kikyo? You smell like Kikyo?"

Sesshomaru felt his entire body stiffen for a second. He hadn't been in her presence for very long and he had taken a couple of showers since then. Surely Inuyasha's nose wasn't  _that_  good. Quickly enough, Sesshomaru recovered and his mask was back in place.

"What I smell like is none of your business Inuyasha. Now leave my office."

"Is that why you don't want Kagome anymore? Because you're fucking Kikyo?"

He had decided he didn't want Kikyo anymore, he had even turned her down, but that didn't mean that he wanted his brother to have her. Everything was his, and he didn't want Sesshomaru to have it. Plus, how could Kikyo go to Sesshomaru? He might understand that she was frustrated that he didn't take her back but… Did she seriously believe he'd get back with her after she had been with his brother?

He didn't want a whore.

"Stay away from her."

"I will go near anyone I want," said Sesshomaru with a bit of challenge in his voice. "Last time I checked, you were back with Kagome. Why is it any concern of yours what Kikyo does with her time?"

Inuyasha bit on his bottom lip, unable to answer. It wasn't any of his business, he just didn't like it.

"Unless you intend to break Kagome's heart again."

Inuyasha's hand clenched into a fist. "I won't. It was a mistake."

"Then what I chose to do with Kikyo shouldn't bother you."

Inuyasha, in an extreme attempt to keep his self control decided to turn the situation around. Sesshomaru was trying to get to him and Inuyasha refused to leave without doing the same.

"You're right it doesn't. Plus, I'm sure Kagome will love to hear you finally found someone."

He wasn't sure of Kagome's feelings for Sesshomaru, but this would hurt her wouldn't it? It was a bit risky for him to go back to her house after she had been so angry, but this was worth it. If he could tell her and get her to believe him, he might just win her back. Sesshomaru would no longer be the good guy.

Sesshomaru felt his heart drop just a bit. Didn't Inuyasha have any shame or concern for Kagome's feelings? She had been hurt enough by a similar situation, yet the hanyou was ready to bring her pain once more. Of course, Sesshomaru did do a foolish thing, but he didn't wish to see Kagome end up on some lonely road, soaked and covered in blood again.

"You're a bigger fool than I thought," said Sesshomaru as he sat back down.

Inuyasha scoffed. "We'll see."

It was then that he turned his back to his older brother, and began walking out of the office. Sesshomaru held his head in his palm his guilt rising within. Kagome could  _not_  possibly have gotten back with Inuyasha. He was stupider than he used to be. Sesshomaru hadn't failed to notice the small confusion that had occurred at the beginning of the conversation.

Did he have it all wrong?

He punched his desk violently, leaving a dent in the wood. Sesshomaru then scanned the room quickly only to have his eyes land on a picture of him and Kagome. As his frustration rose, he used his arm to push most of the things on his desk on the floor, including the picture. As soon as it made contact with the floor, the glass frame shattered.

What had he done?

What was he doing?

He usually headed straight into things without regrets, without questioning himself. When it came to  _her_  he was never the same. He might have freed himself from her, or he might have done the biggest mistake of his life.

Also, he might have very well given Inuyasha a weapon to hurt her. And now he was left with a big problem; could he fix it, and how? What if he got involved and she truly just wanted Inuyasha?

He smashed his desk again, pushing the whole thing upside down upon the floor. As soon as he did that, it revealed the picture once more folded on the ground. She was smiling at him and it twisted his guts.

What was she doing to him?

-P-


	18. Daffodil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daffodil: Respect

"You know we can play this guessing game all night, but eventually you'll have to tell me what's wrong."

Kagome sighed as she dropped her spoon in the freshly opened container of ice cream. "I told you, nothing's wrong."

She had been able to feel Sango's gaze on her for hours now and she had strongly believed that her best friend would eventually get tired of it. Apparently she had guessed wrong. Sango wasn't one to give up. The problem was she wasn't sure if she wanted to tell Sango what happened. She didn't want to cause trouble until she was  _completely_  sure.

Or maybe she didn't want to face Sesshomaru just yet.

Sango's eyes opened wide. "Oh. My bad. You're right. You're eating a gallon of ice cream so of course everything is fine."

Kagome popped her lips, before tilting her head to the side. "So maybe there's a little something."

"Shocking."

Kagome resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the obvious use of sarcasm Sango was doing. At this point she had to share with Sango, except she knew the reaction from her friend would be  _intense_. Sango had seemed quite infuriated when she talked about Inuyasha sleeping with Kikyo… what would she say when she would learn that Sesshomaru might have done the same.

All she could do was jump in and say it. "I think Sesshomaru slept with Kikyo."

Sango's lips parted, then closed and then parted again. "You mean Inuyasha."

Kagome shook her head. "I mean Sesshomaru." For a moment it felt as if her voice would break, but she prevented it from happening.

"Sesshomaru and Kikyo?" Sango allowed her own words to echo in her mind for a few seconds. There was no way this was possible. Inuyasha was dirt, and she could see him doing that,  _but_  Sesshomaru? He had more class than that didn't he? He had poured his heart and soul into helping Kagome feel better… he wouldn't betray her like that.

"Are you sure?"

To be honest, Kagome had expected Sang to flip. The fact that she doubted that Sesshomaru could do something like that lead Kagome to believe that perhaps she didn't have the full story. If Sango had faith in Sesshomaru, why shouldn't she?

"I was going over to his house after he ignored me. I wanted to tell him about the kiss with Inuyasha when-"

"STOP!" screamed Sango, stretching her hands forward. "The kiss with Inuyasha?"

 _Oh_. Right she hadn't told Sango about that. Kagome felt like smacking herself on the forehead; she hadn't even begun to explain the whole mess with Sesshomaru that now she had to go into detail about the one she shared with Inuyasha. Frankly, she would love nothing more than to forget the kiss  _of death_  he had given her. She could still feel her lips burning.

"Inuyasha came over to my apartment and he kissed me. There's not much to it. He was annoyed because I wouldn't respond to his advances and he got desperate."

Sango felt a fury storm inside of her. Hadn't Inuyasha done enough to ruin Kagome's life? "What did you do?"

She knew Kagome was smart and wouldn't even think of going back to Inuyasha, but there was this little chance that… maybe…. No. She wouldn't do that.

"At first I didn't do anything, I just…I didn't know what to do. Then, I tried to push him, but he wouldn't let me. It took me a while, but I eventually pushed him away."

She could still feel his arms holding her still as she had tried to force him off. Kagome was aware that Inuyasha wouldn't have taken it further than a kiss, but she didn't feel comfortable with the fact that he forced himself on her. He had been so different in the past; what had happened to him? It had to be more than just Kikyo that transformed him into a new person.

"I'm gonna kick his ass," said Sango as she tightened her grip on her spoon.

Kagome shook her head. "I just don't want him in my life anymore Sango. Let it go, I think he understood this time."

 _I wouldn't be so sure_. Sango would pretend she agreed with Kagome's words, but she would still have a little talk with Inuyasha later on. She thought everything had been made clear the first time, but he had no shame and didn't care what he had to do to get his way. Now that she was thinking about it, he and Kikyo truly were a perfect match.

"What did you see when you went to Sesshomaru's house?" asked Sango, bringing the subject back on track.

Kagome took a deep breath; the meeting was still vivid in her mind. "On my way to his house, I ran into Kikyo who was coming  _out_  of it."

The trust Sango had in Sesshomaru decreased a bit, as she heard the words Kagome had to say. Still, it almost felt hard to believe. Kikyo was the cheapest kind of whore there was, even he could do better even if he wanted a one night stand. She desired nothing more than to provide Kagome with comfort, but she was stunned.

"She told me they slept together."

Sango shook her head. "No. I mean, you're really going to believe  _her_?" Kikyo was known to be a sneaky bitch when she wanted to get her way.

"She knew what his bedroom looked like."

Perhaps that alone was the only fact why she believed Kikyo. Other than that, she would have dismissed it as lies. Alright, perhaps she would have had some doubts,  _but_  nothing terrible. Now, all she could think of was Kikyo and Sesshomaru in that pure white room… together.

Granted she herself had only been in it once, but  _still_.

Yes, she didn't have much of a strong relationship with Sesshomaru yet, but the _kiss_. Or maybe it was the fact that some times her own feelings her unknown to her. Whatever the reason, thinking about him not being in her life did not feel right. "I guess Sesshomaru can easily go from kissing one person to another."

Sango lifted her hot chocolate cup, bringing it to her lips. "Who else did he kiss?"

"Me."

Sango never choked on the sip going down her throat, but managed to let it slip down. "He kissed you? When?"

Kagome seriously needed to get back into girl talk, because now with everything going on it felt like they hadn't talk in forever. One thing was for sure; Kagome didn't have a shortage of men wanting to  _woo_  her.

"The day before I found out about Kikyo."

It was no mystery that Sesshomaru had been in love with Kagome for a while. Though, he had never acted on it, and frankly Sango hadn't expected him to do it now. Maybe he had waited for too long and he hadn't been able to stop himself. Though one question was left; why would he hook up with Kikyo if he  _finally_  kissed Kagome?

"What did you do?"

"I kissed him back- I think. But then, I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say."

Had Sesshomaru kissed  _her_  because of who she was, or had he kissed her because of the memories they shared together? It was an annoying question that kept coming back over and over again, but she couldn't let it go. Apparently Sesshomaru had thought about it, hence why he might have gone with Kikyo.

Maybe he only liked the girl  _then_ not the girl _now_.

Sango sighed as she put her cup down. Even heartbroken, she couldn't see Sesshomaru doing something that stupid. Granted she didn't know him the best, but still. Kikyo? It felt like such a  _low_  thing to do. Even hiring a  _professional_  to satisfy his need wasn't as pathetic. Maybe they were missing something there.

"Well, you know, he was in love with you for a long time."

Kagome arched an eyebrow. "I thought we were friends?"

Sango shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah. I mean everyone knew he was in love with you,  _except for_  you."

Perhaps she had been right then. Maybe the kiss had just been leftover of the feelings he used to have.

"He did save your life."

Kagome couldn't help but frown. "He what?"

Sango wasn't sure if she should be telling Kagome all this. After all, it wasn't her place to do so but she couldn't really keep it to herself. "I don't exactly know what happened but something  _happened_  to you after you found out about Inuyasha and Kikyo." Sango took a deep breath. "All I know is that when Sesshomaru found you, you were soaking wet and practically covered in blood."

"Why don't you know more?"

"You never told anyone and neither did he. I only know that because I saw your clothes of that night."

Kagome wasn't really worried about the  _soaked_ part, but the fact that she been covered in blood was intriguing. What had she done, or what had happened to her? Frustration took over as she realized that there was only one person who could give her an answer and apparently they were not talking right now. There was no way she could go see him, not currently.

Instead, she'd have to wait and be left with a mystery about herself.

-P-

"What in the world is wrong with you?"

Sango came barging through Sesshomaru's door looking mighty angry. Kagura was behind her  _trying_  to stop her, but it was to no avail. Sango stopped once she reached the desk and crossed her arms in front of her chest. No, she didn't know if he had done anything, but once the full conversation between Kagome and Kikyo had been told to her, she had felt quite raging. Maybe her anger was directed more towards Kikyo but since she couldn't find her, Sesshomaru would do.

Plus she had promised herself she would investigate this and keep it from Kagome, so she wouldn't upset her. It was harder to be angry in front of her friend since Kagome would tell her not to do it, or that she would deal with it. Frankly though, she had been through enough and Sango didn't mind kicking as few asses for her.

After a whole afternoon of remaining calm and collected, it was now time to obtain some answers.

"I'm sorry Mister Taisho I tried to keep her out."

"No, it's fine Kagura. Return to your desk."

"Yes, Mister Taisho," said Kagura before slightly bowing. Before leaving, she glared in Sango's direction while her eyes filled with hatred.

Clearly that girl had no manners or she would have known better than to just barge into Sesshomaru's office like she owned it. Sesshomaru should  _not_  be so polite with her just because she was friends with that annoying brat. Though, Kagura was rather pleased that for a few days, there hadn't been any calls to Kagome's house or from her.

Perhaps things were slowly fixing themselves.

"What is it that is  _wrong_  with me?" he asked arching an eyebrow.

"You know what I'm talking about."

"I'm afraid I don't."

Sango rolled her eyes. "Kikyo. Does that ring a bell?"

His facial features dropped a bit, but he kept himself collected. "I wasn't aware you still spoke with Inuyasha."

Confusion took over Sango. "Inuyasha? What are you talking about?"

"I assume he is the one who told you such tale."

She shook her head. "No I heard it from Kagome."

Sesshomaru felt his heart squeeze for a second, but he didn't allow that to crack his mask. He hadn't expected Inuyasha to share all of that information with Kagome just yet. He was aware that they might have this _little_  thing going on, but he didn't think his brother would fully go through with it.

"She heard it from Kikyo. Not  _Inuyasha_ ," said Sango before he could speak.

At first she had thought that Sesshomaru was aware both women had spoken, but since he had seemed perplexed it became obvious he had no idea what was going on. Though according to what he said, Inuyasha was up to current news, and that wasn't something Sango liked. Somehow, she knew he could manage to use it to hurt Kagome, thinking he would win her back.

Kikyo?  _Kikyo?_  That did not make any sense! Did she go to Kagome's apartment and make up some foolish lie about something that did not happen? He had kicked Kikyo out… a part of him wanting to spare Kagome's feelings. Why is it that it was blowing up in his face?

"How?"

"What do you mean?"

"How did they speak to one another?"

Sango shrugged slightly. "Kagome was going to your house yesterday morning and she saw Kikyo coming out."

 _Yesterday morning_? Kikyo had been gone way be- Of course. He knew exactly what kind of person Kikyo was and just how far she could push it. The thing he couldn't figure out was how she knew Kagome was going to come over. Had she waited there in hope that she would? Was she truly that pathetic? Though right now he was not any better.

Well now, he had nothing left to worry about did he? Inuyasha knew, Sango knew, and most importantly, Kagome knew. Sesshomaru found himself a bit speechless, not knowing what to tell Sango. He could tell by the way she was glaring down at him that she wanted an answer and that it had better be the right one.

Unfortunately there was no right one.

"What do you wish to hear from me?"

"Don't you have anything to say? Don't you feel like an ass for what you did to Kagome? Don't you want to deny it?"

"Kikyo wasn't at my house in the morning, or at night."

Sango arched an eyebrow. "So it's not true?" She wouldn't let him get out of it that easily. He would have to do more than just  _say_  that.

"I did bring her home."

For an instant, Sango felt her heart sank. "So you  _slept_  with that?"

He shook his head. "I sent her back. I didn't do anything with her."

Sango slightly nodded her head. "So you are telling me that all you did was bring her home, only to send her back and somehow she was there in the morning when Kagome came to see you?"

Sesshomaru nodded. "I care very little if you believe me or not."

"I'm apparently the only one who believed you didn't do it at the beginning."

"Kagome believes it?"

"What do you think?"

Of course, what reason would she have to keep having faith in him? Though, she hadn't been a complete angel either. "I doubt it matters. She seems to have her hands rather full with Inuyasha."

It was now Sango's turn to be confused. "Inuyasha? What does he have to do with this?"

"I thought they were back together."

Sango couldn't help but laugh in disbelief. "Kagome and Inuyasha back together? When in the seven hells would that happen?"

"That same day."

"You think she is stupid enough to go back to him? I thought you were supposed to know her better than everyone?"

Sango did want to say that she was Kagome's best friend, but back then, Sesshomaru had been that person. Apparently though, he didn't know the first thing about her anymore and it was almost heart breaking. How could he have such a bad opinion of her? Kagome might devote herself to the ones she loved, but she wasn't  _that_  stupid.

"They were kissing. One can interpret that as  _love_."

"Not when one person is trying to break free of the other's hold. But I guess you didn't hear or see the part where she pushed him away, yelled and slammed a door on his face."

No, he hadn't.

"I wasn't aware that such thing happened."

Sango scoffed. "Of course you weren't. I guess you were so sucked into your own world. Because she didn't say anything after you kissed her, you thought she'd kiss him out of her own free will?"

It appeared that Kagome had shared a lot of information with Sango. All of that together didn't stop his heart from being up in his throat. He couldn't remember any sign of Kagome fighting, but then again he had been quite upset. Surely Sango wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. On top of that he  _knew_  she wouldn't let Kagome go back to Inuyasha.

It seemed like the feeling he had experience previously, the one of guilt was right. He had indeed betrayed her for nothing. He felt like collapsing inside and he was barely holding shape in front of Sango. What in the world would he do? Kagome  _knew_  about this and she thought that much more happened then what truly did.

"I did."

He wouldn't lie. He thought very little of Kagome apparently.

Sango sighed, as she walked in direction of the nearest seat. "So, how are you gonna fix it?"

"Fix it?"

"If Inuyasha knows about this, you know what he's going to do. You made this mess, so you better fix it."

He wanted to argue, but he couldn't. It was the truth; he had begun all of this. If he had simply waited and came back to talk to Kagome, none of this would have happened. It wasn't like him to act so harshly and do things without thinking. Then again, Kagome brought all kinds of emotions inside of him. When it came to her, he never acted the same.

"I do not know." It was all he could say. He had never been in a situation like this before, thus he did not know what to do.

Would she have to do everything? Sango tilted her head back, pondering. "Then you'll have to figure it out."

She rose to her feet, heading for the door. "I still hate you for bringing her to your place. But at least you had some decency left in you."

He nodded, not sure if she was insulting him or complimenting him.

Sango grabbed the edge of the door, tapping her fingers against it. "What happened to Kagome that night?"

"If she ever remembers, ask her."

Sango chuckled before disappearing behind the door and closing it on her way out.

Sesshomaru's perfect stance dropped as a rush of emotions overcame him. He was screwed. He had completely betrayed the one person he had ever cared about and he didn't have to first clue about how to make it right.

-P-

All she could hear was the sound of a knock echoing through her brain. It took Kagome a few seconds to realize that she was  _asleep_. She forced her eyes open and glanced around extremely confused. It was as the banging continued that she peered in direction of the door. She made it on her feet as best she could and headed for the door.

She dragged her feet until she reached the knob and grabbed it. She didn't even think of who could be behind the door as she opened it. It was then that she regretted it. In front of her was Inuyasha and it felt too much like déjà-vu.

Her sleepiness seemed to leave her as she frowned. "I told you not to come back," she said ready to shut the door on his face once more.

It was then that he put his hand in the way, preventing her from closing the door. "Hear me out for a second."

"No."

Whatever he had to say to her, it was poison and she didn't want any part of it. There was enough trouble and confusion in her life, and she didn't need to add to it.

"It's important."

He had pondered everything Sesshomaru had said, but had decided he didn't care. Everything his older brother had said was to protect his own ass and Inuyasha wouldn't keep the truth from Kagome. Especially since now she would see that even the people she thought were perfect made mistakes.

Though he had to admit, he was still angry with Sesshomaru. Why did he have to go after all of his women? Wasn't he man enough to get his own?

Kagome sighed but gave in. She still kept the door nearly closed, but she leaned forward ready to listen. "What is it?"

"Can't I come in?"

"No."

He would have to take what she was willing to give him. Inuyasha was already happy that she was talking to him since she had seemed quite upset last time he visited. At least he knew that the news he had to share with her would make her feel better towards him.

"Sesshomaru slept with Kikyo."

There were perhaps a more tactful way to do this, but he felt that going straight to the point was the way to go. He kept the smirk from appearing on his lips, since he knew she would be a bit upset, and he didn't want her thinking he was enjoying her pain. He was however enjoying his older brother's pain.

Kagome felt her heart crack just a bit, but she put up a strong face. So  _everyone_  knew about it. "I know."

Inuyasha was unable to hold back his expression of surprise. "What?"

"You think you're the only one who knows. I found out." What Sesshomaru did hurt, but what Inuyasha was currently doing was worse. "What? You thought you would  _make_  me  _feel_  better by telling me this?"

He stammered a bit, not able to find the right words. "I just…I thought you should know."

"No," she said while tightening her hold on the knob. "You thought it would make you look better. Well guess what, it doesn't. Sesshomaru is not dating me, you were."

Kagome gathered all of her strength and slammed the door before quickly pressing her back against it. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she fought tears from rolling down her cheeks. She allowed herself to slide down until she reached the floor. She buried her face in her knees, praying for some relief to wash over.

But it never came.

She did believe in her own words; what Inuyasha did was worse. No, it didn't make up for the betrayal she felt from Sesshomaru, but it was a fact. Her heart was pounding so hard it was almost bringing her pain, but she managed to make it back on her feet. She wouldn't allow this to hurt her in such a manner. She had shed way too many tears already.

Sesshomaru wasn't the man she thought he was. Situations like that happened more than once. She lifted her hand and pressed her fingers against her lips. Maybe if that _event_  had turned out differently, so would have everything else.

But to be honest, she still didn't know how to return his feelings because she didn't know what she felt.

She had given up on trying to be who she was, and on trying to remember but it didn't change the fact that at that precise moment, she wanted to know  _what_  brought them together in the first place. What twist of fate put her on his path and vice versa? It was so easy to think they were different, yet so many times she had felt similarities.

She only wished for  _one memory_  back, nothing more. Her heart sunk as she grazed her fingertips against the wall while slowly making her way back to the living room. The whole story had been shared with the world, yet the two main people involved in it had yet to talk. Kagome would not be the one to make the first move however. She had already tried to contact Sesshomaru and he hadn't answered.

If he wished to speak with her, then he would have to be the one to make the effort. She was tired of being the one out there, putting her feelings down for everyone to step on them.

There was still the small hope that Sesshomaru hadn't done what everyone seemed to say he had done. If he truly wished to prove he hadn't, he would come up and say it. She had known him to be blunt and brutally honest and she didn't think he'd be ashamed of what he did. After all he knew what was involved in getting with Kikyo. If he did it, he was ready to accept the consequences.

Kami, she hoped he didn't do it.

Yet, Inuyasha knew about it.

Her faith in him just kept diminishing.

-P-

How in the world was he supposed to do this? Actually, the first question should be would she even open the door for him? He had spent hours trying to think of the proper way to explain what happened to her, yet he had come up with absolutely nothing.

He could apologize but that wouldn't erase anything he did. On top of that he still didn't know how she felt. Sesshomaru was also aware that these were not reasons to ignore the problem and remain far from her. The longer it took, the further she would go from him. That would lead him to eventually lose her.

If there was hope, he had to take it.

Granted, he had screwed up terribly. He hated himself for his lack of faith in her. Hadn't she always been the one person he trusted? But what he had seen with his eyes right after their own kiss… perhaps it had clouded his judgment. It still didn't excuse what he did though.

Sesshomaru could do nothing but take a deep breath while he raised his hand and prepared to knock. He didn't know how bad the damage was, but he had a feeling that as soon as she opened that door, he would know. He pressed his lips tightly together for an instant prior to knocking on the door twice and then  _waited_.

If she didn't ask who was at the door before opening it, then perhaps he would have a chance.

"Inuyasha, if it's you… you better be gone by the time I open the door."

Sesshomaru closed his eyes, cursing. It appeared that his little brother had been stupid enough to come by and share everything with Kagome. That also reminded him that he had a bone to pick with him. When they had talked the previous day, Inuyasha had been quick to jump in and say he was back with Kagome. Of course his brother was a first class liar, so it was normal that it came to him so easily.

He heard her grab the doorknob and his heart began beating just a bit faster. Slowly, as if to torture him, she opened the door and peeked outside. It quickly became evident on her face that he was not the silver haired man she thought she would find. She appeared ready to speak, but no words came out of her mouth. It was then that he decided to talk first.

"I have to talk to you."

She was torn between closing the door and pretending and never came, and allowing him inside her house. It took her a few seconds, but she decided this matter needed to be cleared up now. She had enough stuff going on and she didn't want to drag this around longer then it had to be. Still, her heart skipped a beat.

"Come on in," she said, moving out of the way.

Sesshomaru couldn't help but raise an eyebrow, surprised that she had allowed him in so easily. It was a nice first step, but he was well aware that the next ones wouldn't go as smoothly. He nodded as a gesture of gratitude and walked inside. He heard her close the door behind him but afterwards she stopped moving.

"You can sit."

She wasn't used to feeling this awkward around him and she didn't like it. Even when she barely  _remembered_  anything about him she had felt like she could be open and honest because he understood. Where had that gone?

Sesshomaru decided not to go in the living room, and kept to the kitchen. He sat down on the first chair he reached and patiently waited for her to join him. In his mind he was still trying to figure out what he would tell her. How could he explain his behavior? Surely telling her that he saw her kiss Inuyasha wouldn't make it all better.

Why had he been so stupid back then? Even interrupting them would have led him to find out the truth. Then again, he had never had his feelings hurt before because he hadn't allowed himself to get close enough to someone for such thing to happen. Even if she didn't believe it, he was still very uneasy during social interactions.

She was the only one who made it so easy.

Kagome slowly dragged her feet and sat across from him. She wasn't sure if she should be the first to speak, but quickly answered herself when she was reminded that he was the one who came to her. Obviously he had something to say, and she would not interrupt his train of thought. She would wait.

"I was made aware that you  _know_."

"Know what?" Perhaps it was mean to pretend she was unaware, but she wanted him to say it. She  _needed_  to hear it from him. She was sick and tired of hearing storytelling done by other people.

Of course, she wouldn't make it easy. Then again, he deserved it. "About me and Kikyo."

"I know you were with her at some point. I don't know what happened." She was surprised that she could prevent her voice from cracking. Especially considering the topic they were beginning to talk about.

Frankly she didn't want to know  _everything_  he did with Kikyo. All she needed to know was if he did what everyone claimed. Rumors were a nasty thing. Her heart sunk a bit, as she watched him trying to find his word, and she kept praying he wouldn't say what she thought he would. Considering everything that happened, it was hard to look at him or even believe in him.

What she couldn't figure out was what pushed him to do what he did. Just because she hadn't said anything after he kissed her he had run into the arms of  _Kikyo_  out of all people?

"Nothing."

She wanted to feel relief wash over her, but she couldn't. There was a reason there was this  _idea_  that he slept with Kikyo running around and it wasn't for nothing.  _Something_  had to have happened or they wouldn't be having that conversation.

"Nothing? So why did I run into her?"

"Because she was at my house."

"What happened there?"

He knew she would just keep asking questions and there was obviously no way around it for him. He had to share the full story, which would put him on her bad side, but it was better than her hating him for something he hadn't done. Plus, it wasn't as if she wasn't aware of his feelings for her. Though he wished she wouldn't think he was that petty.

"I came to see you, and found you kissing Inuyasha."

Her heart dropped. "He kissed me."

"I found out about that yesterday." And if he had known, he would have avoided all of this, "But, I did not know. I left before the facts."

"So you ran into Kikyo's arms?"

"Not exactly." He sighed heavily. "I ran into her at the bar, and she kept talking. I don't know what I was thinking. I brought her over and then, before anything happened, I ordered her to leave."

"So why was she there in the morning when I came over?"

She was trying to prevent the tears from falling while she kept on a strong face. Her mind felt dizzy and she didn't know if she believed what he said or not. It seemed convenient, but then again, why would he lie at this point? She had already been hurt and had heard the story more than once. All he could be was truthful.

"I truly have no clue. I sent her off at night. Perhaps she stayed around, hoping you would come. I do have camera surveillance for the outside of my house. You can verify if you wish."

She had no choice  _but_  to believe that part. All Kagome could do was nod, trying to think of what she could tell him. Her heart still hurt and it left her speechless. Did it make it better that he didn't actually sleep with her? Didn't it erase the pain of him  _going_  for Kikyo in the first place? She wasn't sure.

"Why her? Why couldn't it be someone else?"

That time, Sesshomaru heard her voice crack and it killed him. He wasn't supposed to be the one to bring her pain. "Because for the first time I was weak. And I didn't even put up a fight."

It was hurtful but bluntly honest; she had to give him that. At least unlike Inuyasha he hadn't tried to keep it from her. Yes, he had avoided her for a couple of days, but there had seemed to be a bit of confusion surrounding everything. She appreciated the honesty though it didn't take the pain away.

"At least you told me. I know where we stand."

"I still meant what I did that day."

"I know."

Sesshomaru quickly nodded, realizing he wouldn't obtain forgiveness or hint of what she was feeling now. "I thought you should know from me instead of someone else."

He wasn't ready to give up on her, but he had hurt her. It was her place to decide if she wanted him in her life or not. He sighed heavily as he reached out for something in his pocket. He pulled out an enveloped, which had already been open, and put it down on the table. He pushed it a in her direction before rising to his feet.

"I can't give you back everything that you lost, but I think this is one memory you should have back."

He watched the surprise appear on her face as she glanced down at the envelope.

"This helped me. It changed me. I still don't know why I stopped that day, or why I brought you back to my house, but I did. I thought it would be the end of it, and then this came," he said pointing at the envelope.

"You don't remember who I am, or what happened. But this girl, the one who wrote the letter didn't know either."

Maybe this was a desperate attempt; maybe it was to help her. All her memories of the last year had been taken away from her and this was one he could give back. The rest was perhaps too personal or things he didn't want to be the one to tell her.. This one was a happy one, thus he was happy to return it to her.

He had kept that letter for a long time and he never thought he would part from it.

Perhaps she needed it more than he did.

Sesshomaru glanced at her one last time before tearing himself away from her. His eyes were locked on the door as he let himself out. Kagome remained sitting down, not even knowing where to look. She wanted to get up, grab the letter and rush to the door but she couldn't.

She remained glued to her seat, left to wonder what was in that letter that he thought it was important for her to have. Her heart dropped to her stomach and she closed her eyes, finally allowing a few tears to escape her for the first time in a few days.

Why did she have to be so confused?

-P-


	19. Agrimony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agrimony: Thankfulness

It was  _staring_  at her.

Kagome peeked at the letter from above her pillow and glared at it. She  _should_  have opened it by now, but she hadn't been able to. Perhaps she had no real desire to find out what was inside because it was terrifying. It was true that she had to open it eventually… but did eventually have to be  _now_? Once again she had told herself to face things head on, yet she was avoiding them.

She tapped her fingers against the cream color pillow while the seconds slowly ticked away. If Sesshomaru left it with her it was for a reason. Slowly she reached out for it before grabbing it with two fingers. Kagome laid it flat upon her pillow and pressed her lips together.

Slowly she unfolded it and her eyes began scanning around.

_Dear Sesshomaru,_

Immediately Kagome arched an eyebrow. This letter was addressed to  _Sesshomaru_? Her eyes went to the bottom of the page only to see her own name signed.  _She_  had sent  _this_  to him? Now her curiosity was piqued.

_This is my first night alone since that incident. I don't know if I'll actually send you this letter, but I needed to write it. I can't understand why you helped me that night. I don't even know if I can remember what happened. After I found Inuyasha with her, I was in another world. When I slipped and fell, everything became so strange. I rolled down that hill and I thought I was going to die. I hoped I was going to die._

_When I reached the end and I was alive I wanted to end it. Yet somehow I crawled back up. I dragged myself around, not even feeling the blood and it's then that you came in._

_Why did you pick me up?_

_I know there's more than meets the eye, but I also know that some of the things about you are not completely false. In one day you were completely different with me. You stayed with me every day, never leaving my side until I kicked you out. I know you were confused and this is why I'm writing to you._

_Why am I different to you? Inuyasha had no problem tossing me aside like I was nothing. You don't know me, yet you remain._

_Maybe this is a bad way to say thank you. Or maybe I just don't want someone else in my life that's going to leave me. In days you've become my whole life and I'm still trying to figure out if it's a good thing. I'm terrified to be betrayed again. Even in a friendship. If I'm just an eccentric project to help you pass the time, then please stop it now._

_Do not come by again unless this is more than a phase. I don't need more pain than I already have._

_If I never see you again, then thank you for everything you did for me._

_Kagome._

Her hands were trembling while she held on to the letter as best she could. Her mind was completely blank and she did not even know what to think. Her friends had told her that nobody knew what happened to her that night since she had never shared. Apparently  _that_  night, she had been wishing for death. She had almost died and had not even cared.

Tears stung her eyes and she bit her bottom lip. She allowed the letter to drop from her hold as the first tear rolled down her cheek. What the hell was wrong with her? Why would Sesshomaru give her that letter? She didn't want this: she didn't want to  _know_  this. Her entire body was shaking as she violently pushed the pillow and the letter upon the floor.

She ran her tongue over her dry bottom lip trying to collect herself. This letter broke her heart yet she was unsure how she should feel about it. What was Sesshomaru's purpose in showing her this? Why did he think she needed that memory back? It did prove that Sesshomaru was different from what she believed but…

Had he tried to make her forget his little half adventure with Kikyo?

No. He wouldn't have tried to trick her with that. This was for her alone that was his words. Kagome found herself taking a deep breath to allow her stress to fade away a bit. She pressed her hands against her cheeks, slapping herself gently hoping to snap herself out of it. Why in the world would he do this to her?

He  _knew_  she would have questions. Why in the world would she leave it at that? Maybe she wanted to know what else happened after that. What made him want to help her? Did he ever provide her with an answer? Could he tell her again? And just what gave her the will to live once more? As unfair as it seemed, it appeared that only Sesshomaru had the answers.

She didn't know if she wanted him in her life, but now he had left her mind filled with questions and she could not ignore it. He said this was the last time he would see her, unless she wanted otherwise. Obviously she did. A deep sigh rolled off her lips as she rose to her feet before wiping her tears with her hands.

One last time.

She would ask him everything and she expected him to tell her everything. Kagome wanted to know what the girl from a year ago wanted to know about him. Her curiosity was arisen and so she had to find the answers. She wished to curse at him for this, but she couldn't.

Sesshomaru might have hurt her with his actions but he did do something Inuyasha never had the guts to do; he was honest with her. No, it did not erase his actions but it did make it less painful. He respected her enough to tell her the truth, making it easier for her to face him. Though that kiss was still very vivid in her mind and she hoped she could clear her mind off of it.

Now she was left with the options of when and where.

She could surprise him and go see him at his place but she would feel much more comfortable if he came to her place since it would be in her own space and on her terms.

Her eyes traveled down to the floor and she glanced at the letter. The handwriting was so messy it barely felt like it was hers. The sheet was creased and it appeared as if someone had shed tears over it. Her heart felt heavy when she bent down slightly to retrieve it. She held on to it tightly and it destroyed the letter even more.

Sesshomaru had kept this the whole time.

Why?

He was causing her to want to rip her hair off her head. He did something  _stupid_  yet he did something very sweet at the same time. Maybe she had been right about him all along; he was nothing more than a complete mystery. Then again the same could be said about herself. Ever since her accident she couldn't figure out who she was.

Her postured sagged before she began to drag her feet towards her bedroom.

All that was ringing in her mind were the words from the letter when suddenly she found herself a bit dizzy. Kagome reached out for the counter and balanced herself. She brought one hand to her head, rubbing it slightly. It was as if she was going to fall unconscious while the biggest headache was spreading through her brain. Kagome took a deep breath trying to chase the feeling away.

 _The pain_. It felt so vivid.

_Tears were streaming down her face as the rain hit her with full force. Her steps were slow as she walked in the muddy road, not knowing where she was heading. Her heart and dreams were shattered while she felt her life was slipping away. How had she not seen this coming? She should have known! She should have felt that something was different!_

_But no, she had been too blinded by the way she felt. Inuyasha had been her everything! She had known him her entire life and never had she thought that he wouldn't be with her. She had planned her life according to them being together. Kagome would have been able to leave and move away for college and whatnot but since Inuyasha couldn't and didn't want to leave she remained by his side._

_Her life had been put on hold for his sake and he had just thrown her away as if she was nothing._

_Why was she such a fool?_

_She shook her head while she kept glancing down at the ground with her eyes burning. Her lips were tightly pressed together while her feet were being dragged. She felt completely drained both physically and emotionally yet she kept going. She had no idea where she was heading or if she ever intended to stop walking. Where could she go? Inuyasha was her world; could she escape it?_

_Kagome closed her eyes for a brief instant, biting on her bottom lip. It was at that moment that she stepped onto a slippery muddy path. Before she knew it, she slipped and a gasp escaped her when she felt herself falling down a hill. Desperation was stirred within her as she tried to hurry and grab onto a branch or anything else that she could find._

_She could feel her flesh being scratched and quickly the pain spread through her ankle as if it had been broken. More tears spilled out of her eyes and the sorrow intensified. She could not see the end of the hill and panic took hold of her heart. Would she die? As the thought hit her mind she found a certain calmness take over. If this went down as she thought it would, she might die and the thought s was not a terrible thing in her mind._

_From now on, she was alone._

_He wouldn't be by her side; instead he had broken her trust in him. If he couldn't even bear to be with her, if he preferred someone else, then she would be lonely forever. Was there a point to all this?_

_She shouldn't be like this, she shouldn't want this. But he was her everything… and he hadn't had the decency to even run after her. He had simply allowed her to walk away as if she meant nothing. Because she truly didn't. His heart wasn't hers and perhaps it had never been in her possession. She closed her eyes tightly, allowing herself to fall without fighting back._

_Kagome could easily feel every time her body struck something new, the rocks grazing her flesh and the blood spilling from her. She couldn't help but wince with each new hit, but she did not prevent them from happening. Her heart was beating fast even though she felt somewhat at ease. Suddenly she felt a pain worse than all the others hitting the side of her body; death was coming._

_Unfortunately except for the unbearable pain, no other feeling came to her. The tears resumed as she was forced to face the reality; she was alive. She felt like cursing the world, but she held herself back. It was with great difficulty that she pushed her palms against the wet cold ground and lifted herself up to the best of her abilities. Her heart was sinking in her stomach when she finally made it on her feet._

_Her legs were shaking, not because of the pain but because of all that had occurred. She felt so empty inside that she could not experience the pain of her injuries. She resumed dragging her body along the road, mindlessly trying to find a way to get back up into the real world. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to keep some body warmth._

_This was pointless._

Tears were pouring out of her eyes and she found her body trembling with the shock. She felt that her heart was void of all emotions for a second and her grip on the counter grew stronger. The memory had hit her heart, breaking her soul into pieces. She allowed herself to fall upon the ground, unable to stand anymore because of the intensity of the emotions she was feeling..

This was the first clear memory she had retrieved since the incident. Her friends had been with her the entire time and she had found out some of the truth but it had not brought back anything. Then,  _he_  brought her  _one_ letter and she found her entire world being torn down. The one person who had been kept out of her life for so long was the only one who had actually  _helped_.

She was unsure if it could be qualified as  _help_  since this was a memory she would have been happy to keep out of her mind.

Kagome ran her tongue over her dry lips while her heart kept pounding. She couldn't leave things as they were. If she was already determined to seek out Sesshomaru and ask some questions, now she was more than ever.

-P-

"Mister Sesshomaru?"

He frowned in his sleep before opening his eyes only to find himself staring at complete darkness. He raised his head in confusion and peered around. Had he dreamed a voice?

Suddenly his doubts were confirmed when there was a knock on his door. "Mister Sesshomaru?" said the voice once more.

Anger rose within him before he pushed his blankets aside and put his feet on the cold floor. A sigh went past his lips prior to him walking in direction of the door highly annoyed. As he was walking he glanced at the clock only to notice that it was  _4:00am_. Whoever was at his door better have something important to say. He did not like to be bothered during his sleep.

He grabbed the doorknob and swung the door open. "What is it?" he asked rudely.

One of his employees was looking pitiful in front of him. "I'm sorry to disturb you. But someone is at the door for you."

He raised an eyebrow; who would come to someone's house at such a time? "Who?"

"Miss Higurashi, Sir. I let her in. I hope that's okay."

"It's fine," he said as he came out of his room a bit faster than he should have.

Kagome was here? He had expected to never hear from her again even if the content of the letter might have disturbed her a bit. He had definitely not expected her to show up in the middle of the night. He hoped that nothing bad had happened forcing her to come seek him.

As he turned right at the last hall she finally came in view. Her hair was pulled in a ponytail and she appeared to be wearing a blue pajama top along with jeans. Apparently her visit had not been planned. Silently he walked over to her, while Kagome seemed completely oblivious to his presence. It wasn't until he was right in front of her that she raised her head.

The smallest blush appeared across her cheeks telling him that she was embarrassed that she had come to his house. She rose to her feet, doing her best to keep from glancing into his eyes. She shifted her weight from one foot to another feeling a bit foolish. She had planned on coming during the day, doing a proper visit, but it hadn't turned out how she anticipated.

She had wanted to know more about her memories and why he was able to bring a memory back into her mind. However, her fear had held her back. Unfortunately without going to see him, she was completely restless. It was then that she had decided that she had to go to his house. If she didn't get this over with like she had intended too, she wouldn't be free of all the unbearable weight.

"Can we talk?" she finally asked.

Sesshomaru nodded before turning around. They could not have a proper conversation here. He began walking, guiding her to the living room where he knew the settings would be right. He could hear her footsteps behind him as he came to a halt. He moved out of the way, allowing her to sit on the couch. She nodded gently before taking a seat.

Once she was settled in, he sat in front of her and proceeded to wait until she was ready to speak.

Kagome took a deep breath. "I read the letter."

He expected her to, though a part of him thought it would have taken her longer to make up her mind.

"I – I remember."

His eyes widened a bit. "You remembered?"

She nodded. "Not a lot just…just falling down that little hill."

Never had he thought that an actual memory would come back to her. Though the first thought that crossed his mind was  _a little too late_. He wished she had been able to recall everything a bit earlier, then perhaps not everything would have gone down the way it did. Of course, he didn't blame her since it was out of her control.

"I… I could only remember what  _you_  tried to show me. I wanted to know more. I  _want_  to know more."

A slight confusion crossed his features Sesshomaru. How was he supposed to provide her with more memories? It wasn't as though he had been at the starting point of this one. "I'm not sure I can help you."

"But it's always you. When I'm with you, when I see you, it's just… not as foggy."

It didn't make much sense but she didn't know how else to explain it to him. She simply required him to retrieve her lost memories. She had given up on them because she thought they would never come back, but maybe he could help her. He had intrigued her too much; she wished to know all she could not remember.

What had transformed  _him_? What had transformed  _her_?

Just how had the tale ended?

"What would you like me to do?" Was he supposed to start narrating all that had happened during the last year? Surely she had heard most parts already all by herself. If not, she possessed plenty of pictures that could have triggered her memory just as well as anything he could tell her. What exactly was she looking for?

Kagome shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure. I just… I read the letter and I … remembered."

"You've seen photographs already. We shared a few things with you."

She couldn't help but sigh. "I guess you're right."

When it had happened, it had seemed to work out perfectly. Perhaps she had simply gotten too excited because she had retrieved a part of her memory. She had even put aside what had happened with Sesshomaru just for this. "Maybe this  _was_  a stupid idea. I mean, it was just one memory."

He could see the disappointment dancing in her eyes and he felt his chest tighten. This wasn't how he wanted her to feel. He pressed his lips tightly together, desperately trying to think of something. As he watched her focus shift to the floor, he knew it wouldn't be too long until she'd slip from his hold.

This was his chance to make it better.

"Perhaps I could attempt to walk you through the last year of your life."

A flicker happened in her eyes when she glanced at him. "Would that be okay?"

It was a long shot and it was hard to  _completely_  clear her mind of the fact that Kikyo had been in this house not too long ago, but she was willing to try. This was one of the first things that might actually work. If this led nowhere, she'd give up, even if she ended up regaining some memories as time went by.

He nodded at her before getting on his feet and moving closer to her.

The ball had been in her court and she had decided to come to him. He wouldn't waste this opportunity.

-P-

Her eyes burned as she gently opened them. Confusion was filling her mind as she glanced around and inspected her surroundings. Her state of bewilderment increased when she could not recognize anything in her vicinity. It wasn't until she realized there was a weight on her shoulders that she remembered; she was at Sesshomaru's.

She peered down at her shoulder, only to see Sesshomaru sleeping on it. The night had been long and it was likely that they had fallen asleep. Pictures surrounded them and that made her smile. They hadn't gotten that far but it had been a total failure. Still, what she had heard had been enough to make her regret the loss of her memories.

The one thing that was still a mystery was what had changed in her and in him.

He had told her many stories yet she still hadn't found the answer. It was true that she had never asked him directly  _why_  he had done the things he had, but… well she hadn't wanted to interrupt his storytelling. Plus she wasn't sure where they stood at the moment and had no desire to make the situation even more awkward.

It was so easy to be with him, to be around him, yet her heart still ached and confusion was present.

There were so many pros and cons concerning the whole Kikyo situation and frankly she was sick and tired of weighing them. Also there was the whole kiss situation and she didn't know how it made her feel. It had brought feelings inside of her she didn't think she'd be able to have, at least not this soon.

Was she supposed to follow them without a thought?

Perhaps not now; not when everything was a mess. Plus, he probably didn't feel the same way he used to, not anymore.

Both of them were confused, her loss of memory affecting them both the most. After all, with everything he had told her she had understood that they had spent the last year together. Every moment.

A sigh went past her lips as she pressed her back against the couch. Her movements seemed to wake him up and she felt his weight shift away from her body. Kagome stiffened and turned her head away from him slightly embarrassed. Quickly she put her hands on her lap gripping at her pajama pants while waiting for him to say something.

Sesshomaru ran his fingers through his long locks while a strange feeling of peace spreading through his body. It had been so long that he had almost forgotten the feeling. He could only experience it when she was around. Before her, his nights were sleepless and he never obtained rest. Then she came along and he found a way to be  _whole_.

"Would you like breakfast?"

It had been a while since they had shared a morning together. Obviously it wouldn't be the same, but he was glad she was around.

He glanced at her face, noticing the puffiness in her eyes and the folds of the couch that had imprinted upon the skin of her cheek. Her ponytail had become undone at some point during the night and her long locks were now cascading down her shoulders. The urge to tangle his fingers through her hair appeared, but he restrained it.

When he had brought her the letter, he had truly intended for this to be the last time. After all, why would she want to see him again? However, he had set his mind on her. She could be nothing but the only one. To have her come back to him after he had accepted that she would not be in his life was almost torture. Once she was done with her questions, she would leave him again.

Maybe if he made sure to drag it on she'd be around longer.

"Sure," she said as she made it to her feet. "I'll help."

If she was there with him in the kitchen, then they would be able to finish their conversation of the previous night.

He nodded before heading towards the kitchen with her following him close behind. It was already easy to tell she had something on her mind. If this was any other situation, and happening in the past, she would have come out right away and said it. Would it be too bold of him to inquire about it?

Sesshomaru stole a glance. "What is it?"

She jumped slightly and tilted her head to the side before looking at him as if she did not know what he was referring to.

"I know there is something you wish to ask."

She couldn't help but chuckle slightly. Perhaps she was just that transparent to him.

Kagome shrugged her shoulders slightly. "I do want to try and retrieve my memories, but… I can't help but wonder. Why did you help me? I mean it was more than just  _knowing_ , or doing it because you're related to Inuyasha. Or even more than just to piss him off."

He pressed his lips together. The reason was unknown yet known at the same time. There was no way for him to properly explain it to her and he was almost certain she would not be satisfied with his explanation. Nonetheless if it was an answer she sought, he would provide her with one. He would also be honest.

Sesshomaru pressed his hand against the counter, shifting some of his weight. "The real answer is that I just  _had_  to."

She raised an eyebrow. "You  _had_  to?"

He nodded. "You know a little bit about youkais don't you?"

"A little."

"When we pick someone, we don't always have a choice in it. We just  _know_."

Kagome couldn't help but scoff a bit. "You didn't pick me."

It was now Sesshomaru's turn to be left stunned by her response. "Why not?"

"If I'm correct when you  _pick_  someone, it's for life. It's supposed to be this uncontrollable feeling and you certainly don't go seeking out someone else." The end of her sentence came out more bitter than she had intended to, but it had escaped her.

Sesshomaru was not surprised; actually he should have expected that. "Perhaps. Or it could be done out of desperation when the youkai thinks it's losing the one who should be its mate."

Kagome pinched her lips together tightly; alright, she did not have a comeback for that. "Maybe."

He held back the urge to smirk at her reaction. She was not easily cornered, yet he had managed to do it in a few sentences. Perhaps he should stay on his toes, waiting for her response.

"Wouldn't it hurt though? To be with someone else  _but_  you're  _one_?"

The subject was a little awkward, especially since he had basically admitted straight to her face that he considered her to be the one for him. Still, her curiosity was too much for her to bear so she had to inquire. She chewed on her bottom lip as her eyes remained locked on his face waiting for him to provide her with an answer.

"It does."

Being with Kikyo had destroyed him from the inside. All it had done was fill his mind with memories of Kagome and it had left him with a broken heart. Of course he could not lay out his feelings like that to Kagome, not anymore. He had already made his move when he had kissed her and if she desired to be with him it was her responsibility to show it. He would not overstep boundaries anymore.

"Then why do it?"

"The same reason for your previous question."

She nodded. "I see."

Her bangs were covering her eyes and she was still biting on her bottom lip. The little glow in her face was making her irresistible and he wanted to curse her for being so far from him. He forced himself to glance away, not wanting his desires to make this a more uncomfortable situation.

"Eggs?" he offered.

She nodded. "Sure."

Kagome had intended on helping, but she quickly found herself staring at him with her elbow pressed against the counter. Her heart was beating a bit faster then it should and she could only hope that it was not showing. She wasn't really sure if what Sesshomaru felt for her was what youkais called  _mating_. It was supposed to be this unbelievable feeling of love and devotion. They could not be away from their mate and they could not live without them.

Sesshomaru surely could live without her.

Then again, they were not mated or anything. But still, he shouldn't be able to be with anyone else.

But, he probably knew his feelings better than she did. She could not pretend she was aware of what was happening in his head. Perhaps she was only trying to convince herself of that. Sesshomaru was such a mystery. He gave her answers while bringing more questions with them. Also, he made her doubt things she was certain of. Her life was so messy at the moment and she was tempted to say she didn't need this,  _but_  he made it look simple sometimes.

Only sometimes.

"Do you regret kissing me that day?"

A slight blush appeared on her cheeks when she asked that question but she maintained her gaze. Sesshomaru raised his head, a pan in his hand. This was definitely not a question he had been expecting.

However, there was one easy answer for it.

"No. I'm glad I did. Perhaps it was the only time I could. I did not waste the opportunity."

He truly had a way to make her blush even more with his words. She hadn't thought that he would be so completely honest with her. That was hardly something she could reprimand him for though. She much preferred for him to be honest with her than to lie to her face like certain people had.

"Do you wish I hadn't kissed you?"

Sesshomaru felt like he had obtained his answer when she had not returned the kiss. The fact that until now, she had not brought it up, neither her feelings about him, also made him believed that she only felt friendship for him and probably always had. Yet, a part of him wished to hear the words coming from her. The silence she had shed upon the whole matter was bothering him.

Kagome felt like her breath was caught in her throat for a second. He had been completely honest with her and the least she could do was return the favor. Yet, she had no answer for him. She wasn't even sure of her emotions, especially when it came to the kiss. One thing was for sure however; she had not disliked it.

Prior to the whole Kikyo mess… she might have gone along with it. After all, she had sought comfort from him after Inuyasha had kissed her. She seemed to always be running back to him… Maybe she did have a response for him after all.

"No. I'm glad you did."

She observed as he put the pan down, obviously relieved by her answer. Kagome couldn't help but feel a bit of guilt. How could she be so reluctant to be around him when she could bring him happiness so easily? It almost made her want to be by his side at all time just so he could experience joy. She swallowed hard prior to glancing away.

"Don't think you can use this to distract me though. I came here to retrieve my memory and get some answers."

If he didn't know any better he would guess that she had just messed around with him a bit. The tone of her voice had been playful and it had pulled at a string in his heart. If she never came to him, if he could never be with her, it would destroy him. If he had doubts before, he no longer did. Even when he was drowning in regret, guilt and unhappiness, she managed to make him feel lighter.

"Of course, I wouldn't think you were here for anything else."

She chuckled. "Why do you make it so hard to be mad at you?"

Kagome was mad because of what he had done and her mood should have remained that way. Yet once they talked, it was as though she forgot about what was happening around her. She was sucked into the moment.

"I never want to make it hard on you. I know I did."

His words were heavy and she could see the longing look in his eyes. He was speaking the truth and she truly wished it could take it all away, but it did not.

"I'm so tired of being hurt. Especially when it is by the same people and the same woman."

"Why her right?"

She scoffed. "Something like that."

"Maybe because she is nothing. She means nothing. You're perfect Kagome. Unattainable."

"Should I take that as a compliment?"

She didn't want him to tell her that she was better than Kikyo. It didn't make the events disappear. If she was so special, why did they all go for Kikyo? Why didn't they try for her? Obviously she was attainable. Especially since Inuyasha  _had_  her. She was his; she would have been his forever. She could see now that, that was a big mistake however.

"No, I was simply explaining." As he kept on preparing the breakfast, he knew he had to add something else to the conversation. "You turned me down. I didn't know what else to do. I was  _so mad_ , thinking you'd gone back to him. I would rather watch you  _not_  be in my life then be with Inuyasha."

She was aware that he wasn't trying to make excuses for what he had done. That conversation had been discussed and done with by now. Still, she appreciated his concern since she knew he meant it. Inuyasha was selfish and possessive but Sesshomaru wasn't like him. He wouldn't imprison her; he would let her live her life in peace.

"Inuyasha is the one person I would never go back to."

For a second, Sesshomaru felt as if his heart had stopped beating. Perhaps he was hearing another meaning behind her words, but maybe she had said it that way on purpose. She could have re-worded her sentence any way she wanted to, but she had chosen that way.

"He is the only one?"

"Yes."

What did that mean? She, herself, was unsure. But a voice inside of her was screaming at her and telling her that walking away from Sesshomaru was a mistake. Yet she didn't know why.

Once again, he had made her lose sight of her goal.

She hadn't learned anything that she had wanted to.

But maybe, she had found something else. Though it only left her even more confused.

Just what in the world did she want?

-P-


	20. Rosemary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rosemary: Remembrance

_Kagome stared at the outside world through her window. She was wearing nothing but a large sweater over a pair of black shorts, her hair pulled into a messy ponytail. Her attire covered most of the marks on her arms but unfortunately, it did nothing to hide the ones on her legs. Her dry lips were pressed together as she waited for something _. She wasn't quite sure what.__

_It had been a few days since she had last heard from Sesshomaru. Then again, she doubted that a letter of gratitude was enough for him to actually come to see her. He had been great to her, but she had always known it would be nothing more than temporary. After all, he had acted nothing _like himself for long enough now. It was time he returned to his former self.__

_Still, she missed him._

_He had blown her away by being different from what he used to be, or at least different from what she thought he was. Maybe she had tried to label him as a jerk, just like Inuyasha but he had made that task completely impossible. A tiny smile pulled at her lips as she recalled the coldness, shock and confusion that had taken him over when he had found her._

_If she had been him, she would have left herself there to die. That was just her opinion since she knew she had been lifeless and soulless _when he found her.__

_He had made her live and she owe him for that._

_Slowly, she rested her head on her arm and closed her eyelids. Since the incident _she could not sleep well, especially not when she was alone. There was something about the darkness of her bedroom that terrified her. It felt as if it was swallowing her and bringing her into an even darker world. She didn't need to drown in hurtful memories that were leading her to lie awake all night while only finding rest during the day.__

_Kagome leaned her head back almost ready to nap when suddenly she heard the softest knock on her door. Her head jolted up immediately as she focused all of her attention on the wooden door. She bit on her bottom lip while getting on her feet and wondering who might be at the door. Her steps were slow while she dragged them against the floor._

_She would be lying if she said her heart didn't skip a beat at the thought that Sesshomaru might be the one standing behind the door. Of course, she refused to get her hopes up. Lately her faith was shaken since it seemed everything she believed in was being crushed down to pieces._

_Once she reached the door, Kagome did not even bother to ask who it was. Instead, she grabbed the handle, twisted it and opened the door. As soon as it flung open, it revealed Sesshomaru standing tall in a black suit. For a second, Kagome held her breath while trying to process the information. It was _truly him.__

_She opened her mouth, ready to speak, but nothing but a stutter came out. She sighed, clearly annoyed, before giving it another try. "Sesshomaru? What are you doing here?"_

_Kagome quickly found herself scanning around him trying to find a reason for his visit._

_He stood in front of her, his stoic mask in place and no clue how to answer her. Truth was he shouldn't have come. She was right that their last meeting should have been... the last one. They were both different people with nothing in common. A twist of fate had put them on each other's path and nothing more. Yet, he needed _to be around.__

_It was not a feeling he had experienced before and he could not explain it. All he could do was show up at her apartment, hoping she would speak the words he could not._

_When he didn't answer, she arched an eyebrow. "Do you want to come in?" His actions were leaving her puzzled, but she didn't want him to leave._

_He finally provided her with an answer by nodding. A smile appeared on her lips at his response and she moved out of the way so he could enter. Hesitantly, Sesshomaru followed her inside, closing the door behind him._

_"Are you ever going to answer me?" Obviously she did not mind his presence, but she didn't want to get the wrong impression. Maybe the reason for his visit didn't have anything to do with them _.__

_What were they anyway? They certainly weren't in a relationship and it didn't feel like a friendship. It was more like two broken, shattered, lonely people being attracted to each other's misery._

_"Your letter."_

_So he read it. A part of Kagome had strongly believed that he would have tossed it aside. After all, once he had taken care of her, what business did he have with her? Also, if he came all that way to discuss it… did he not agree? It meant it was more than a phase. Though, did he come bearing answers for any of the questions she had written for him?_

_"I do not know why I did not leave you on the side of the road to die. Your health and safety was of no concern to me."_

_"But you still did it."_

_He nodded. "I could not let you die though I do not understand why. I cannot give you answers I do not have myself."_

_"But why were you so nice to me?"_

_He wasn't technically nice to her and he had simply made sure she regained her health. Though he probably would not have done that for many people. Since the moment he had seen her laying there, covered in blood, he had felt the unexplainable desire to protect her. Until her, he lived for nothing and no one. Why now? Why her?_

_He had barely seen her. Hell he had barely been around her. What made everything change?_

_"I had to be. I… wanted to be."_

_Kagome began chewing on her bottom lip trying to contain the nervous feeling filling her from the inside.. She understood that he was confused, but it was possible that she was even more confused than him. His answers did nothing but leave her more perplexed. Perhaps Sesshomaru did not know how to express his reasons because this had never happened. From what Inuyasha had told her Sesshomaru wasn't close to his family and he did not have friends or anything of the sort._

_Maybe he just didn't know how to be around people or why._

_She could tell him to leave without hearing if he wished to be around. Though, she didn't want to. His brother had hurt her very recently and she should hate the both of them, but she didn't. Also, she shouldn't desire to be around someone at the moment, especially not a stranger, yet there she was. If he wished to stay, she wouldn't force him to go but she had to be certain. She was sick and tired of her feelings being yanked around._

_"Is this just a phase?"_

_Yes. That was the right answer: that was the one he should give her. He didn't want to be around anyone, he didn't need _to be around anyone. "No."__

_One word sealed his fate._

A loud banging sound echoed through the apartment and echoed through the brain of a sleeping Kagome. She frowned a few times in her sleep, the disturbance annoying her. It took few seconds before she was finally able to open her eyes. She quickly glanced around, realizing that someone was at the door.

The confusion left over by her dream startled her slightly, but she didn't try to figure out if it was truly just a dream, or a memory. Such dreams had occurred before and she doubted they were real. Perhaps her mind was simply making a desperate attempt at putting the pieces together. What were the odds that Sesshomaru gave her the letter yesterday and today she suddenly remembered what happened afterwards?

It was a dream. Until she had someone to confirm it, she wouldn't think anymore of it. This didn't feel anywhere near what she had felt when she had regained her memory the other day.

Pushing it aside, she refocused her attention to the current situation. As fast as she could, she made it to her feet and grabbed the nearest robe. Slowly she put it on, tying it around her waist. She was slightly groggy still but she made her way to the door nonetheless. She did not bother to look at the time and assumed it was early. Who in the world could be visiting her? If it were Sango, she'd already be screaming at her to hurry. If it was Sesshomaru – well she doubted he would come to visit her.

As she went past the living room she found herself grabbing her slippers, the cold floor unbearable against the skin of her feet. She picked them up as she walked and began to put them on. Her left foot quickly slipped in, but as she bent down to put the other slipper on her right foot she found herself losing her balance. She jumped on one foot, trying to keep it, but was failing miserably.

In a slight moment of panic, Kagome found herself stretching her arm while trying to reach out for something. Her hand almost touched the counter only to meet the emptiness as she lost the battle. Instead of falling backwards like she had anticipated, she tilted forward. All she could do was brace herself for the shock before closing her eyes tightly. As she moved forward before falling, she closed the distance between herself and the counter.

Her closed eyes prevented her from seeing the obstacle ahead and before she knew it she smashed head first into the counter. A throbbing pain rapidly filled her head before she winced, her face hitting the floor next. Something warm was dripping down her forehead and she was afraid to assume it was blood. Her sweaty palms were pressed against the floor but she could not bring forth any strength.

Kagome was unable to even lift her face as dizziness spread through her brain. Her eyes were shut but bright lights were filling her vision. As she felt herself being pulled away she could still hear the knock echoing in her brain. She attempted to open her mouth to speak, but nothing came.

Nothing but darkness.

-P-

"I don't know who it was!" Sango almost screamed as she sat back in her seat.

Usually she could keep her temper in check but Sesshomaru's concern was getting on her nerves. He seemed to be mad at her because she didn't know what happened. As if she had been there! If he was so troubled, then he shouldn't have left Kagome alone and none of it would have happened. Not that she blamed him; she simply wanted him to understand she only had as much information as he did.

"Someone called 911."

"Who?"

She shrugged. "The person only told the authorities that there was blood coming from under her door. It could have been anyone; there are a lot of people in that building."

Thinking about Kagome lying in a pool of her blood once more was enough to make Sango shudder. Why did it always happen to her? As if her brain had not been damaged enough by her latest accident! Now everyone found themselves again waiting in the hospital dreading the diagnostic. What if the damage done to her head was worse this time? What if she completely forgot who she was?

It was one thing to forget one year of your life and it was another to forget it entirely.

"You think she'll be okay?"

Sesshomaru did not have an answer for Sango and the best he could do was to remain completely silent. No, he did not know if she was going to be fine, nor could he lie. Last time, he had trusted his faith only to be let down. He would not make that same mistake again. Though that thought alone did nothing to lessen his anger.

Kagome had started believing again, she had even recovered pieces of her memory. Why did this have to happen now? If he didn't know any better, he would think something _out there was keeping her away from him._

Both Sango and Sesshomaru were pulled away from their thoughts when the door of Kagome's hospital room opened. The doctor emerged wearing a neutral look on his face. "She's still asleep, but she'll be okay."

Sango wanted nothing more than to have relief wash over her, but knew she couldn't. "Is she okay? I mean…her brain… her memory?"

"We won't know until she wakes up. But you can go see her if you wish."

Sango didn't need to be told twice as she grabbed her coat and quickly ahead inside. Sesshomaru trailed behind while his heart clenched at the thought of seeing her so vulnerable again. Each time she was hurt, he could not chase the image of her a year ago when she was broken. It was all he saw and he  _hated it._

Sango entered the room and sat on a chair near Kagome, her eyes locked on her best friend's face. Once again, all they could do was wait.

_"No! If you do that, you'll mix the blue with the pink!"_

_Sesshomaru arched an eyebrow slightly amused. "And if pink cotton candy touched blue cotton candy… the world will end?"_

_She frowned at him, not truly upset. "I don't like blue cotton candy. So keep that thing away from my pink."_

_He held back a small smile and he shook his head. He would never understand her logic. Just for the sake of upsetting her, he decided to do it. While she was looking straight ahead, chipping away at her treat, he quickly bumped into her, their cotton candies touching and mixing._

_Her eyes quickly widened and before she knew it, she was gasping. "You didn't."_

_"It seems I did."_

_\---_

_"You know, you're worse than a girl," said Kagome as she loudly tapped her foot against the ground. "What the heck is taking you so long? All you have to do is put a suit on! I had my make up to do, my hair and my clothes and I was ready before you!"_

_Every three months Sesshomaru had special events to attend for the company. Of course he dreaded every single of them. Each time he tried to avoid them, but they were necessary. This time Kagome had decided to accompany him thus destroying any chance he might have of escaping._

_Though she was quickly reconsidering her theory? What if he had run away? There were many windows in his room. Granted it wouldn't be very Sesshomaru like to get out of a room through a window, but since he really _hated those events she wouldn't put it past him.__

_She tapped her foot a few more times while debating if she was going in. "Sesshomaru?"_

_When he didn't answer her, she decided to go in. She walked loudly, announcing her arrival, before grabbing the handle and swinging the door open. She expected to find it empty, but unfortunately for her Sesshomaru was there. He had nothing on but his black pants and his chest was completely bare. When she came in, he had been reaching out for his shirt. Her action caused him to stop what he was doing and glance at her._

_She should have looked away, but her eyes remained where they were. It took a few seconds before she opened her mouth slightly. "Hm you weren't answering."_

_God, why did she feel like such an idiot?_

_Sesshomaru wanted nothing more than to make a remark, but when he noticed just how embarrassed she was already, he decided to drop it. "I'll be right out."_

_She quickly nodded before leaving the room and closing the door on her way out._

_Idiot._

_\----_

_"Why do you think he did it?"_

_Sesshomaru snapped his head in her direction. "Who?"_

_It wasn't unusual for Kagome to randomly talk during movie, but usually she wouldn't discuss random subject. He had a feeling he knew what she wanted to talk about and he couldn't help but hope that he was wrong. Each time they discuss Inuyasha it never ended well._

_"Inuyasha."_

_"Because he's an idiot."_

_There was no explanation. Inuyasha had her heart and everything that came with it. Yet he had tossed it aside like a foolish idiot. There was no way the whore he now had was any better than Kagome._

_"He is, but I hardly doubt that's the reason."_

_She had been around Sesshomaru for a few months, but she wasn't sure if she could share with him what she believed to be the real reason. Could she come out and say that she thought it was because nothing physical had happened between them?_

_"What is it?"_

_She shook her head. "It's nothing."_

_\----_

_"All I'm saying is that I'm sure many girls would like to date Sesshomaru," said Sango as she put her cup down. "I mean why not, he's not bad looking, he has money…"_

_"I guess you're right."_

_She had never really considered Sesshomaru in that fashion before. He was her friend, not a potential boyfriend. But she had to admit that Sango was right. He would be quite a catch for a woman. She couldn't help but wonder if things would be different if Sesshomaru had someone in his life. Obviously they would be. No girl would allow them to be so close for good reasons. Not that they were doing anything._

_It was just one more proof that nothing in life was permanent. Even if she was more than just a phase to him, one day he would want a life of his own. He'd find someone; have a family and all of the sudden he would no longer have time for her. Though she was sure she would want the same thing one day._

_When she was able to trust someone again of course…_

_\----_

_"Sesshomaru?"_

_He glanced down at her with his head slightly tilted. It wasn't hard for him to notice the worry shining in her blue orbs._

_"Yes?"_

_"Do you have someone in your life?"_

_He could not help but arch an eyebrow. "If I did, you would know."_

_She nodded. "But, what if you do one day?"_

_Her questions were confusing him more and more. "Are you worried I will get a girlfriend?"_

_Kagome pinched her lips together. She didn't want to sound jealous or possessive because it wasn't the case. She simply didn't know how to put into words what she was trying to tell him. "I just want you to be honest and tell me if you do."_

_Maybe it was because she didn't want Sesshomaru's future girlfriend to think Sesshomaru was going behind her back. She knew what it was like to be betrayed and she didn't want someone else to feel that way, especially not because of her._

_"I will."_

_As if he would ever get someone._

_"Sh- Maru- Smaru?"_

_Kagome blinked a few times, trying to focus on what she was trying to say. Obviously she had way too many drinks. Wait –five drinks wasn't too many. Or was it? She tilted her head completely to the side as she glanced at her friend who was sitting beside her._

_"S'maru?"_

_He had been waiting for her to finally be able to say his name right, but by now he was assuming that she was too drunk to ever get it right._

_"Yes?" he said, hiding a smirk._

_"I... where are we?"_

_"We're still at the bar."_

_"Oh."_

_She nodded, as if she was trying to agree with something, before she allowed her head to rest upon his shoulder. "I like your shoulder."_

_"Really?" he inquired, amused._

_"Yes. It's strong. You're very muscular."_

_If he said that he wasn't intrigued to see where she was going with this, he would be lying. "I guess I am. Youkais usually are."_

_She shook her head. "Inuyasha wasn't."_

_He liked and disliked the statement at the same time. He enjoyed the fact that she thought he looked better than Inuyasha, but the less he knew about her relationship with Inuyasha, the better off he was._

_"I like you better."_

_The smile that adorned his face was now a true one. He did like her better as well._

_She quickly snaked her arms around his, holding on tightly. "Please don't go."_

_"I'm right here."_

_"I know, but never leave."_

_"I won't."_

_"I'm sorry I don't have as much time for lunch as planned."_

_Kagome shook her head. "Don't worry about it."_

_She enjoyed spending time with Sesshomaru but she understood he was busy. At least he hadn't cancelled their plans. Back when she used to be with Inuyasha he would just cancel rather than spend even just a little bit of time with her. Then again, it wasn't fair to compare Sesshomaru to Inuyasha; they were nothing alike._

_The elevator stopped at the second floor causing the door to open. A rush of people came in and the space available decreased. Having no other choice, Sesshomaru came closer to Kagome, their chests pressing together. Since she was much shorter than him, her face was also pressed against his chest and she turned her head to the side._

_She was used to being around Sesshomaru constantly and they had broken some closeness boundaries more than once.. Yet somehow this felt much different. Perhaps it was because they were surrounded by people rather than being alone._

_Before she knew it, Kagome felt a slight blush cover her cheeks. It was then that someone pushed into Sesshomaru causing him to press himself even more against her._

_Their closeness made it possible for him to notice not only her uncomfortable position but also her state of embarrassment. However he was still unsure if the fact that she was blushing was good or bad. His emotions were under control but that was because he had years of practice in hiding his emotions._

_Gently he lifted one of his hands and put it against her hip. Kagome felt her breath catch in her throat for a second and did not move._

_All that filled his nose was her divine scent and it was making it unbearable. He had held her before but this time he almost felt as if he was invading her personal space. Before he did something he knew he would regret Sesshomaru pulled his hand away._

_Perhaps some other day…_

Feeling as if she could no longer breathe, Kagome sat up quickly in the bed while breathing heavily, sweat dripping down her back. Her eyes were still tightly shut and as she shook her head she felt as though something was holding her down. Her heart began to pound rapidly in her chest and panic took over. It took her a few seconds before she finally opened her eyes.

Immediately she gazed around, trying to remember what had happened. She quickly noticed Sango sitting beside her and she frowned. Sango? Kagome looked down at herself only to finally realize she was not in her own bed. Biting down on her lip, she calmed down a little; she was in the hospital.

Wait… why was she in the hospital?

She swallowed hard; feeling like her throat was on fire. She did her best to bend forward and try to reach Sango. Unfortunately she didn't even have the strength to do it. Still, she kept trying over and over.

"Kagome?"

All she heard was the sound of a cup filled with liquid falling upon the floor. She raised her head and glanced in direction of the noise only to see Sesshomaru standing there with concern in his eyes.

"You're awake," he said as he rushed to her side.

Frankly he had expected her to be out for longer than a day but he was relieved she was up. He sat down beside her and inspected her face, looking into her eyes, almost expecting something to be wrong.

"Are you okay?"

She waited for a few seconds to see if something was wrong but she felt normal. Except for the fact that she was extremely dizzy and light headed, everything else was fine. "I think I'm okay."

He sighed in relief. "I'm glad."

"You worry too much," she said as she leaned back into the bed feeling slightly nauseous. "What happened to me?"

"We're not sure. You hit your head and cut yourself. You lost a lost of blood."

Kagome nodded. She couldn't really remember what happened. She recalled getting up to go get the door but that was about it. Maybe she had hit herself so hard that the minutes surrounding the accident had been knocked out of her memory.

"I always do lose a lot of blood. Remember that time at the amusement park? I just grazed my knee and it bled during the entire day," she said chuckling a bit at the memory.

She was very prone to accidents and it did not surprise her that something like this had happened. Though she could not help but wonder who had found her. Also, who had been at the door? Surely it couldn't be Sesshomaru or he wouldn't have said that they didn't know.

Had someone gotten the wrong apartment?

Meanwhile Sesshomaru was not sharing her enthusiasm. He got closer to her, almost as if something was wrong "What did you say?" Surely, he had not heard her right… there was no way.

Kagome frowned at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Just now, what did you say?"

"I said I always do lose a lot of blood."

"No, no after that."

"That time at the amusement park?"

He nodded. "You remember?"

"I remem- Oh – I… I do. I remember!"

Kagome felt her heart skip a beat; how could it be? No, no there was no way she remembered. It wasn't like she didn't want to: it simply was impossible. Nothing unusual happened. Why would she remember everything all of the sudden? She closed her eyes for a brief moment, trying her best to see if she could actually remember everything.

Seconds ticked away and she was proven right.

She could recall the past year.

For a brief second, her heart sunk. It was all back, the good and the bad. Tears formed in her eyes but she did not know if they were tears of joy or pain. It was a good thing she had regained her memory was it not? Then why did her heart feel so heavy? Why did it feel as if she was carrying a bigger burden than before?

For a moment, she was completely alone in the room. Sesshomaru wasn't present, Sango wasn't there; it was only herself. When she had first awoken she had been feeling light and funny. That feeling had disappeared unfortunately. Now she was experiencing nausea and felt even drowsier. She allowed herself to close her eyes, ignoring Sesshomaru's presence.

He was staring at her face intently; was she supposed to back to sleep already? She had just awakened from a two days coma. He glanced her way one more time before rising to his feet and heading outside to retrieve a doctor. Deep inside, he couldn't help but worry.

She didn't look happy.

-P-

"So she's fine, but you think something is wrong with her?" asked Sango, confused.

Sesshomaru nodded. "She cried."

Sango's puzzled expression turned into one of pain. Kagome cried because she retrieved her memory? Her heart clenched as she took a step forward in direction of Sesshomaru. "Are you sure?"

He nodded once more. "I saw it."

Sesshomaru had attempted to ignore it, but it was still vivid in his mind. She had cried, yet not in happiness. He thought Kagome did want to remember. Why did she no longer want to? Was it because of him, or she simply didn't wish to have all the pain back?

He ran his fingers through his long silver locks trying not to concern himself too much.

"Maybe she was just a bit disoriented?"

Sango knew she would have to go inside without Sesshomaru if she wanted to figure out the real reason. She wasn't certain it was Sesshomaru's fault but she figured there would be more chances that Kagome would speak if the two of them were alone. After all, she still was unsure of where Kagome stood when it came to Sesshomaru since the Kikyo incident.

"Perhaps."

Somehow he didn't find comfort into Sango's words. Maybe it was because she herself didn't believe in them.

Sango tore her eyes away from Sesshomaru before looking at the door. Perhaps Kagome was awake by now? She decided to take a chance and she walked in direction of the door. Quietly she opened it and slid inside. Immediately she noticed that Kagome was awake, her eyes opened and her head tilted to the side.

"Hey Kag."

Kagome turned her head in direction of her friend and smiled. "Hey."

"How's the head?"

Kagome chuckled. "Apparently it's been through worse."

Sango offered her a smile while she sat down in the nearest seat. "So why are you sad?"

"I'm not sad."

"Sesshomaru said you cried."

"Sesshomaru is wrong."

Sango sighed before nodding. "I guess he is. I mean it would make no sense that you might be sad."

Kagome didn't really want to get into the conversation. She wasn't quite sure why she was feeling the way she was. For a long time all she truly wished for was to be herself again. Then, she had been ready to move on. Why was everything happening this way?

Now she carried the memories of the past year, along with memories of the past weeks.

It was worse to have the knowledge of both sides than just one of them. Now, she could remember her whole friendship with Sesshomaru from the way he was and how he acted, but she could also remember what he did. His betrayal hurt even more than before. After everything he had gone through with her, how could he have done something like that?

Once again, the tears stung her eyes.

She didn't want those memories. Sesshomaru had promised that she was more than a phase and that he would never leave her. He might have stayed by her side but he betrayed her. He did exactly what Inuyasha did to her, but even worse. The second time is more painful than the first. Especially since Sesshomaru had been gifted with all of her trust.

Her bottom lip began to quiver and as soon as Sango noticed she rushed to Kagome's side. "What is it?"

"Why did he do it?" she inquired, barely holding back the tears. "After everything he did for me, this is how he wanted it?"

So it was about Sesshomaru after all. Sango grabbed onto her friend's hand and held on tightly. "I know this isn't what he wanted. It was a mistake."

"Did Inuyasha make a mistake too?"

"Kagome…"

"Sesshomaru was my best friend, he was everything, he was… And this whole time he did all of that because he had hoped to obtain something."

Sango frowned. "You know Sesshomaru is not like that."

"Really?" said Kagome as she sat up in the bed. "Because I'm pretty sure he ran to Kikyo after I didn't do anything when he kissed me. That means he didn't get what he wanted from me and he went to get it somewhere else."

"Or he was hurt and confused and he made a mistake. I'm not saying he's not an idiot. Trust me, I yelled at him. But Sesshomaru is not Inuyasha. You know that! You're just upset right now."

"Or maybe I'm finally seeing Sesshomaru for what he is."

Yes, her anger was clouding her judgment, but after a year of devoted friendship, wasn't she at least allowed to be mad? She didn't do anything wrong so she wasn't about to take the blame for anything. For all these months Sesshomaru felt more for her than just friendship… why did he never say anything? Why did he have to wait until she had no memories of them before he confessed?

The Sesshomaru she knew wasn't afraid. Why did he run away the moment his feelings were hurt? It wasn't as if she had rejected him! She had been completely stunned since his actions had been unexpected. If he had given her a bit more time it wouldn't have turned out like this.

Would she have returned his feelings? Maybe.

The idea of a relationship made her heart hurt but she had also known Sesshomaru to be different. He hadn't taken pleasure in hurting her and he had earned her trust while she had been afraid to give it.

Why did he have to do this?

"Do you want me to go get Sesshomaru? You guys should talk."

Kagome shook her head. "Not right now. If you're right, my anger is making me irrational. If I talk to him now, it's not going to make anything better. I just…I should just stay away from him for a while."

Sango nodded. She hated that this situation would remain, especially since it would hurt both Kagome and Sesshomaru but she understood. There was a strain on their relationship at the moment and if they put too much pressure upon them it would only destroy it. Still, that did not mean Sango intended on going anywhere; she wouldn't leave Kagome alone.

On the other side of the door, Sesshomaru pressed his back against the wall. With his youkai hearing it hadn't been hard to listen in on what was happening in the room. It was true that it was breaking their right to privacy but he hadn't been able to stop himself. He had known that Kagome's pain had something to do with him… he simply hadn't thought that it was that bad.

When she lost her memory he felt like he had lost her. Sesshomaru strongly believed that there was no worse feeling. Unfortunately for him, he had just been proven wrong. At the moment she was herself… completely. Both the Kagome from the present and the Kagome he had known for a year.

And that Kagome hated him.

This was the worst feeling. If she didn't want him when she was herself… what chance did he have to regain her trust?

The worst part was that he had nobody to blame but himself. It was his mistake and his haste that had caused trouble. He had just about managed to completely destroy the opinion Kagome had of him.

She considered him to be no different than Inuyasha.

And his heart broke.

-P-


	21. Pink Carnation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pink Carnation: I'll never forget you.
> 
> This is technically the last chapter. However, a sequel has been in the work for about a year now. It should be posted soon.

The night had fallen while Kagome lay in the hospital bed. Her eyelids were heavy because of her lack of sleep but she could not find rest. Her mind was disturbed as she attempted to put together the events of then and now. She had liked her life back then. Seeing Sesshomaru every day, their friendship, the bond they had… but during the past few weeks it had been taken away.

For the last year Sesshomaru had always been there with her; every step of the way. He had cared for her, been by her side and had tried to provide her with everything he could. No, she had not forgotten all that, but those things alone were unfortunately not enough to quench the anger within her. She was  _hurt. Maybe it wasn't fair since Sesshomaru had done so much for her, but she couldn't help it._

He was one person she cared deeply for and she felt betrayed. If it was selfish, then so be it. She was far from being perfect, but then so was he. They were both flawed in their own way.

She pushed her bangs away from her eyes before sighing and turning her head so she could gaze at the ceiling.. Silence was surrounding her and she was completely alone. Ever since that incident a year ago, she had never been alone. People were always around; doing their best to make sure she was fine. The accident she had recently hadn't helped. Once more, people had surrounded her as best they could to shield her from the world.

More lies, more caring and more love.

Oh lies, there had been so many of them. Especially from one person she never thought she'd see again. Now that her mind was clear and she was allowed to think about it, Inuyasha truly was pathetic. He had used her accident as a way to get back into her life. He knew there was no way she would take him back unless she didn't remember him. Apparently Kikyo wasn't all that Inuyasha had hoped for. Inuyasha had been willing to marry her just because he was afraid she'd remember what he did.

Maybe he was the most selfish of them all. He never did love her. If he had feelings for her then he wouldn't have attempted to trap her in a world of unhappiness. He would have thought about the fact that she had no desire to be with him and he would have left her alone.

Wasn't that what Sesshomaru had done?

When he had found out she didn't remember him he had made sure to not cause her pain or confusion. He hadn't even imposed himself into her life. She knew it wasn't because he didn't care. He had done all these things because she was important to him.

The conflicting emotions she felt towards Sesshomaru were enough to bring tears to her eyes. She missed her best friend, she wanted him by her side, but the pain was enough to keep him away. One accident had once again turned her life upside down and she was left to pick up the pieces. The only difference this time was that nobody was there to help her.

Each time a terrible event had happened, someone had taken care of her. This time she had pushed away everyone. Loneliness scared her, yet it wouldn't feel right to have someone take the pain away. Throughout her entire life someone had been there to protect her from the world. On the rare occasion that nobody had shielded her from reality, someone had been there afterwards to make it better.

They all saw her as this breakable porcelain doll. Maybe she wasn't as fragile as they thought.

Actually, she was. She had learned to rely on people, her friends and family. Sometimes it was easier. But perhaps life wouldn't hurt as much if she could face it on her own. After many years, maybe she had to be Kagome all by herself.

Tears slid down her cheeks as she closed her eyelids while the darkness surrounded her. She felt herself shiver but was unsure if it was because she was cold or terrified. After everything that happened it felt as if losing all her safe places would be the most terrible experience. Though it felt like the only answer. Maybe she did have to pull herself away from everything she knew.

Of course she didn't have the first clue on how to proceed, but she'd have to figure it out on her own. She had to learn to not rely on people so much and then perhaps she wouldn't be as hurt and disappointed when they would make mistakes. She had done her share of mistakes; they were human.

A sigh rolled off her lips as she turned to her side, hoping that now that she had ordered some of her thoughts she'd be able to sleep. The less she slept, the worse she felt. She wrapped her arms around herself, her fear still vivid within her mind. Her bottom lip was trembling and she prayed she wound find rest. When she laid awake at night only one person filled her mind, the one person she was trying to keep out of her head; Sesshomaru.

Since all of her memories were newly returned they seemed to be easier to recall then before. Now all she could think about was Sesshomaru and the time they spent together. The laughter, the joy and the love. The only problem was she no longer knew what kind of love was involved in their relationship. His confessions had sent her heart into a panic and she was afraid. She could not feel for him what he felt for her.

Because if she did it would make everything so much more complicated. If she loved him, then she wouldn't be able to be on her own. If she loved him, she wouldn't be able to detach herself from him.

She had to let go to grow.

-P-

All alone again.

Sango had complained, asking Kagome to allow her to stay. Unfortunately Kagome had to turn her friend's offer down and force her to go home. She was still stuck on her decision to be alone for a little while. She didn't mean to be rude, but this was what she needed. She had to clear her mind completely if she wanted to re-organize her feelings.

Her apartment was the same way she had left it before the hospital except for the bloody stain on the floor. It was probably going to be impossible to get that off the floor. Kagome decided to ignore it and walked past it to make her way out of the kitchen. It hadn't change. While her memory had been gone she had done the same things she always did.

She felt as if she was stuck in time. Even without her memory she hadn't made any progress. Even when she had been happy it hadn't made a difference in her life. Maybe because people surrounded her at all time. Not that it brought her unhappiness to be with her friends, but she never broke out of her routine.

She sighed again before her eyes traveled to the art room. That was her favorite place; at least it used to be. For the past few weeks she hadn't visited it that much. As a matter of fact, she hadn't even painted anything in the longest time. It was impossible for her to resist the urge to go inside and inspect it even if she knew it was still as it always was.

Kagome approached it slowly, pressing her hand against the doorway when she reached it. She peeked in with her head first, inspecting the surroundings. The first thing she noticed was that a painting was missing. She couldn't have noticed before because she didn't know it was supposed to be there… but now it was obvious. Her painting of Sesshomaru was missing.

She could only assume it had been stored somewhere when she had lost all memories of him. Perhaps he was the one who had it and it had slipped his mind to return it. Maybe he just wanted to keep it… It was for him anyway.

Her attention quickly focused on something else when she saw the black painting. For a year now the painting had been enveloped in darkness and it was her own fault. She had promised that she would add color when her life improved and despite all of the changes in her life, it had remained black. Why was she not satisfied with the way her life was? She had friends, family and love.

Something was holding her back. The whole drama with Inuyasha had been behind her so she should have been able to fix the painting. Why hadn't she?

Before Kagome knew it, she grabbed the nearest paintbrush. Then, with her free hand, she began to pour different colors on her arm; not too much so it would spill, but enough that she could cover the black. She headed for the black canvas with determination and dipped the paintbrush in the white. She didn't allow herself to tremble as she ruined the solid color of her painting with a stroke of white. It was bold and thick and it was staring right back at her.

A tiny smile tugged at her lips and she dipped the still white end of the brush in the red and proceeded to repeat her previous actions. Her strokes were faster and with brighter colors emerged each time as she refused to stop. The paint was beginning to ruin out, but she still kept dragging the brush around.

The seconds ticked away until finally, she had no colors left to choose for a canvas that used to be nothing but darkness.. Kagome allowed the brush to fall upon the ground with a satisfied smile on her face. She tilted her head to the side, glancing at her new work. The black was barely visible under the layers of different colors and it left her with a lighter feeling her chest.

After this long, it had been time for her to turn that page in her book. Inuyasha might not be able to move on, he might be stuck between two decisions but she would not be. This was her life and for once she was the one in charge of it. She was tired of having someone else influence her and have a say in her every choice.

Bad things happened in life, but she couldn't allow it to put a halt to who she was. After feeling pain and betrayal she wanted to be free of it all. No, she didn't want to be without feelings but she had to be stronger. The problem was she wasn't sure she knew how to be that way. Everyone was always there for her and she didn't have to be.

Perhaps the only true way to be strong was to be alone. At least for a little while. That thought alone was enough to give her shivers and leave her completely terrified.

Could something scary actually be liberating? Could it help her grow?

Colors covered the darkness… and the darkness was hiding colors.

-P-

Nervousness was not a feeling Sesshomaru experienced very often, yet at the moment it was all he could feel. Kagome had called him a few days after leaving the hospital and he had to admit he didn't like it. Surely it  _should be a good thing that she was calling him, but he knew it wasn't. Whatever she wanted to discuss, he wouldn't like._

His heart was beating faster than usual while he tapped his fingers against the table. He was waiting for her at one of their favorite restaurants, which made it all more suspicious. Why did she want to meet up with him in a public place? What was so wrong with her apartment? Clearly she believed that no fight, scene or anything of the sort would happen if people surrounded them.

But what could it be?

Ending their friendship? It couldn't be their relationship since they didn't have one.

He took a silent deep sigh as his eyes were locked on the door, waiting for her to appear. He was tapping his foot against the floor, knowing he was most likely disturbing the people surrounding him. He was so on edge because Kagome was never late and in a few minutes she was about to be. Was she doing it on purpose just to drive him insane with questions and doubts?

Then again, maybe she had changed her mind and hadn't told him. Maybe she decided she didn't want to do this, so she was leaving him to wait until he would understand that she didn't want him in her life anymore. He wasn't sure which option he hated the most.

It was at that exact moment that the door finally opened revealing Kagome. For a brief instant Sesshomaru felt more at ease. His eyes traveled over her body while she scanned the area for him. She was wearing normal, light blue faded jeans and a simple black long sleeve shirt. No matter what she wore, she looked amazing.

He pondered if he should give her a sign of where he was or he should wait for her to find him. When a few more seconds ticked away, he decided to rise to his feet. It was as he stood tall, his silver hair shining that she noticed him. A sad smile was upon her lips as she headed in his direction, causing Sesshomaru's nervousness to increase.

Kagome felt like her throat was dry when she arrived by the table. A part of her had hoped that he wouldn't show, but she knew it was better if she talked to him. She couldn't go on with what she had in mind if she couldn't talk to Sesshomaru. After everything that happened between them, she  _had to do this. Also, for the first time in a while, her feelings were clear._

This was the best thing to do.

She licked her dry lips as she sat in front of him trying desperately not to fidget. Sesshomaru waited for her to be seated before mirroring her actions. He hoped she would speak soon or he would not know if he should begin the conversation or order food.

As Kagome glanced around at the people she realized that perhaps this hadn't been the perfect place to have this discussion. All she had taken in consideration was the fact that it was in public, allowing her to keep her emotions in check. Problem was she wasn't hungry and this wouldn't go on long enough to allow a meal. She still had been a little scattered when she had planned everything and apparently had made a mistake.

"I need to tell you something," she finally said, tossing her fear aside. It was worse to let him sit there and think the worst.

Sesshomaru nodded, but remained silent. He could already tell from her tone that he would not enjoy what was coming.

Kagome took a deep breath. "I'm leaving."

She hadn't told anyone but him yet and not all of her plans were figured out but this was all she could do. Her situation at the moment did not feel right and she didn't know any other way to fix it. Her heart clenched at the revelation knowing very well that she would bring Sesshomaru pain. Chances were he wouldn't understand why she was doing it, even if she explained it.

Unfortunately she saw no way around it.

Her words echoed in his mind as he stared at her blankly. Leaving? Leaving could mean many things. Why did she put it so vaguely? Obviously he would have to ask more questions but he was unsure that he wanted the answers to them. His chest felt pressured as if something was holding a weight over it.  _Leaving._

"You're going on a vacation?" he inquired, feeling as if it was the safest question.

Kagome tilted her head to the left, then the right. She hadn't really thought about it as a vacation, but it could be described as such. "Sort of."

"Where are you going?" The fact that she had somewhat answered positively to his previous question did not make him feel better.

That was a good question; unfortunately she didn't have an answer for it. "I don't know. I'll just see where life takes me." It sounded terribly corny making her want to wince.

Kagome didn't want to have a destination; she didn't need to know where she was heading, she simply had to  _go. For once she'd throw herself out there completely ready to get hurt and go through hurdles. She had to toughen herself up without the help of anyone. It was probably safer to do this kind of trip while being surrounded by people but she couldn't do that._

This time, she'd face life all on her own. She'd get hurt but she would learn and discover many things. Yes it would be difficult to leave her life and her friends behind but it had to be done. Also, it wouldn't be forever. She'd return home eventually.

There was only one question left for Sesshomaru to ask. "Why?"

Kagome's eyes watered a bit as she offered a small shrug. "Because I've relied on people long enough now."

Somehow the fact that it wasn't about him made him feel just a tad bit better. He thought she had to leave because she couldn't be around  _him anymore. After all, last time they had spoken she hadn't liked his presence very much. Now she was speaking to him as if she wasn't even thinking about what he had done. It was as if for once in her life, it was all about her._

It was a good thing.

"You can do that here. You don't have to leave for that."

Kagome shook her head. "It's too easy to fall back into old habits. If something happens, I'll be too tempted. When Inuyasha cheated on me it should have been a hard experience. Instead, I found out. I'm not sad I did, but I didn't learn to protect myself. I get hurt too easily."

This time, she was referring to him. Maybe if she had a harder exterior shell, she wouldn't have felt as betrayed. Unfortunately she was like an open book, her feelings out there for everyone to see and damage. She needed to learn how to build an acceptable shell.

"You're leaving because we protect you too much?"

It was almost ironic. He hurt himself to protect her, he did anything for her. He became a person he didn't know how could be. But apparently in the end, he did not help her. A sigh rolled off his lips as he waited for her answer. Strangely he had been hurt more while being around the person he thought he wouldn't. Life was twisted.

"I guess I am. But none of you are to blame. I wanted that, it was easier than to be hurt."

When you have the choice between being hurt and being safe, the decision is easy.

"It won't be forever," she added seeing the pain in his eyes. He had his stoic mask on, but she could see right through it.

"Just until you are satisfied with yourself." Which could take a long time? It felt like he had waited for her for forever. He had thought that eventually he would be with her and yes being her friend was enough. But then, he threw himself out there and she turned him down.

It didn't help that he made mistakes along the way, but one thing was certain; she was not the only one who needed to  _grow. It was nice having Kagome, thinking she'd be his one day, but he could no longer do that. Yes, he had picked her as his mate and it would take a long time for him to get over her. But he couldn't wait on a chance that would never happen._

"I'm sorry Sesshomaru. I –"

He raised his hand. "No need to explain yourself to me."

"I do," she said firmly. "I care about you. I am hurt, but it doesn't mean I don't care." She reached out for his hand that was on the table and covered it with hers. She did it fully expecting him to pull away. Kagome couldn't help but be slightly surprise when he remained.

"I didn't turn you down," she said as if she could read his mind.

Surprise appeared on Sesshomaru's face as he blinked at her words. Why did it always feel like Kagome was inside of his head?

She didn't accept his declaration, but she hadn't turned it down. Her feelings were clear since she cared for him and he was important, but she couldn't make any decisions when she was confused and hurt. Right now nothing was right and she wouldn't throw herself in a relationship.

"You didn't say yes."

"I didn't say anything."

He nodded. He wouldn't pursue this little conversation any further. If he did, he might just gain a bit of hope. He would have a long time to go before his mind moved on from Kagome. Perhaps she would return by then. If she truly intended on ever returning of course.

"When are you leaving?"

"In a week."

She figured that would give her enough time to pack and prepare a bit before this long trip. She still had to figure out what to do with big things like her apartment and whatnot. Also, it was a short amount of time, just enough to make sure she wouldn't change her mind. She couldn't turn around, so she couldn't give herself time to get scared.

A week. That was all the time he had left with her and chances were he wasn't going to see her in that entire week. No, he wouldn't try to stop her. There was nothing he could do; a love declaration wouldn't work and he would not beg her to stay. If she thought she needed to do this then he would allow her to fly with her own wings.

The only thing he could do for her was sit there and not look heartbroken or devastated. He wouldn't further her pain which meant he would hide his from her. It was a burden he could bear. He would not speak the words he was dying to say. He would not tell her just how much he would miss her and that his life wouldn't be the same if she left.

It was his own pain and he would not share it with her. Maybe it was his own punishment for going to Kikyo and hurting Kagome. But she would never know. He would offer her some help, or money but he knew she would turn him down. It only left him with one thing to do, which was smile at her a bit just so she would be reassured.

"I hope you will find what you're looking for," he said honestly.

Kagome nodded. "So do I."

She felt her heart clenching even more and decided that she had to leave. This was as difficult as she was expecting it to be. Although she thought she would have been able to hold back her feelings until she was alone: apparently not. Then again, Sesshomaru was her weakness, more than anyone else. Even more than Inuyasha ever was.

Kagome slowly rose to her feet and headed closer to Sesshomaru. She bent down and pressed a gently kiss against his cheek. She felt a tingle when her lips made contact with his skin, causing one tear to slide down her cheek. Sesshomaru didn't flinch when he felt the wetness against his flesh instead he remained completely still.

"Goodbye Sesshomaru."

-P-

_2:00am_

Sesshomaru was sitting on his couch looking at the clock as time went by. In a few hours Kagome would be leaving for a long time. Obviously all he could do was stay home; he would not bother her. Still, it left him with a bittersweet feeling. He cared for her and it would be difficult to bear to have her so far, alone and perhaps unhappy.

On the coffee table was a picture of the both of them together. He wouldn't keep it there, but just for tonight he would allow himself to indulge in this terrible feeling. He picked up his glass of wine from the table and sipped it.

Without Kagome, he would return to himself. Perhaps not completely but he would resume his ways of staying away from people and only being by himself. It was the way he was before her and without her there he had no reason to be any different. On top of that, he didn't know when she would return. If she did not, if she failed her promise…

Then that would be fine as well.

He had learned to be alone and he had learned to be with people. If Kagome ended up not being in his life, it would hurt there was no denying that, but he would also live. It would take some adjusting, but he would make it. Kagome had made an impact in his life, which meant he would not forget her. He would keep the lessons and most of all, the memories.

Before her he had been content with his life, never making mistakes and never feeling. When she came along she had showed him a whole new world and even though there was pain inside that world, there was also happiness. He loved her, he probably always would. After all he had chosen her to be his mate. But he could go on being alone for the rest of his life.

He'd just hang on to the past while living in the present.

A part of him hoped that even if Kagome kept him out of her life that she would remember him as well. He hoped he made a difference in her life like she did in his.

He grabbed her picture, his wine glass in the other hand and marched in direction of what used to be  _her bedroom. He was holding on tightly to both objects as he stopped in front of the door. He kicked it open with his foot and peered inside. He would not use this room or give it to anyone else. It was _hers.__

It was still filled with her scent and if he kept the door closed, he would always be able to smell it.

He walked in direction of the bed but did not sit on it. Instead, he put the picture on it. He would not remove her from his house, but certain memories had to be protected. It would be easier to feel better about the past if he wasn't constantly surrounded by it. If there ever was a day where the past merged with the present then it would be different.

For now, he wanted to keep this happy moment in  _her room._

It would protect it from the bitterness he would feel soon. That feeling would also dissipate soon and he would feel at peace.

All he would be able to do was wait around to see if she'd write to him or come back. It was rather difficult to let go. He had been used to protecting her ever since she had come into his life and now for the first time he had to release her. Just like a butterfly, she had to fly away. He had to allow her to hurt herself in order to help her.

Still, he couldn't help to think that their goodbye didn't happen the way he wanted it to. He raised his hand and pressed it against his cheek where he could still feel her tear burning through his flesh. It had almost felt like they had been nothing more than strangers. Their goodbyes should have meant more but they were both too affected to make it right.

It was then that an idea hit him. He could not see her because then he would find himself unable to let her go despise his best wishes. But maybe he could just  _fly by her. He wanted one more moment, one more chance to imprint an unforgettable moment in her mind. That way, if she moved on, he'd always be there with her in some way. But time was running out. If he wanted to do that, he had to hurry._

He glanced around the room, trying to think of a way he could do that. What would she never forget? What would  _she out of all people understand? What secret memory could he make that she'd take with her wherever she went?_

And then, he knew.

-P-

The sky was grey, the air was humid and the atmosphere gave the impression that it was going to rain. Kagome's mood was strongly alike to the weather while she walked through the streets. In her left hand she was holding on tightly to her one lonely suitcase. She had packed everything she could, everything that was important in one bag so that it would be easy to carry around.

After all, she still didn't know all the places she was going to visit.

Her heart felt a bit heavier with every step she took closer to the airport. If she glanced ahead, she could see it and it only reminded her even more of the decision she had made. She pressed her lips tightly together, their colors changing from a bright pink to a light cream color.

To this point, Sesshomaru was still the only one who knew she was leaving. If she had told her mother, Sango and Miroku she knew they would have tried to stop her. It wasn't like Sesshomaru didn't want to, but he wouldn't get in the way of what she wanted. That was the only reason that she had told him. That and she needed someone to know that she hadn't just disappeared.

She would eventually send a letter to everyone to give them news and so they wouldn't worry too much. Until then, they would have Sesshomaru to reassure them.

The only sound echoing in her mind was the wheels of her suitcase as she carried it through the broken sidewalks. The more steps she took, the closer the airport became. Somewhere deep inside, a part of her was expecting Sesshomaru to show up out of nowhere and tell her not to go. She would still leave, but….  _But._

However, Sesshomaru wouldn't. Maybe he wanted to and maybe she wanted him to, but he wouldn't. He felt like she had turned him down and she was leaving. Why would he put his feelings at risk once more without any gain? Sesshomaru wasn't going to come.

The seconds ticked away and became minutes until she finally found herself standing right in front of the airport. This was it; this was the last time she would be standing here, in this town,  _her town. She allowed herself to do a 360, observing the sight and taking it all in. She would definitely miss home while she'd be gone, but some time away helped in certain situations._

A sad smile was upon her lips as she took the remaining steps that separated her from the door. Never once did she look back, not even to make sure if someone was there. Instead she headed straight for the inside of the airport. Her hold on her suitcase grew tighter and her vision just a tad bit blurry as she walked in direction of the counter.

Once she reached it, the attendant smiled at her. "How may I help you?"

"I'm here to pick up my ticket. Higurashi, Kagome."

The girl typed her name on the computer and after a few seconds, her smile grew even brighter. "There it is. All paid for already!"

The ticket printed out and was then handed to Kagome. "Enjoy your trip!"

Kagome took it from the girl's hand. "Thank you."

Would she enjoy her trip? She hoped so. Especially considering the heartache she was experiencing at the moment. She did her best to smile before turning around and heading for her gate. The seconds were passing by and she couldn't do anything to stop it. Her steps were slow as her eyes were locked on the line she had to wait in.

Hopefully it wouldn't be too long before they started to board the plane.

She reached the end of the line and pressed herself against one of the poles. It would be while until she could see all her friends again; hopefully they wouldn't be too mad at her. They did care a lot and she didn't mean to hurt their feelings. She wasn't used to being completely selfish and she didn't know how to deal with it.

Maybe the feeling of guilt would lessen as the days went by.

She tilted her head to allow herself to stare out of the giant glass window. She watched as all the people walked by, while she tapped her foot against the floor. For the first time, she was feeling quite impatient and the area felt way too crowded. She usually didn't mind a crowd, but today it made her feel suffocated.

"Excuse me Miss?"

Kagome snapped her head in direction of the voice, only to find herself staring at middle aged man. "Yes?" she asked a bit confused.

"You dropped this," he said as he lifted a flower that he was holding in his hand.

The bright pink and white shade of the flower was beautiful and the scent was heavenly but Kagome was still confused. She didn't have any flowers. "You must be mistaken, this isn't mine," she said politely.

"Are you sure, because you have a bunch of them on your suitcase."

"My su-" Before Kagome could finish her sentence she peered down at her suitcase, only to catch the sight of an entire bouquet of pink carnations attached to the handle of her suitcase. She didn't have those when she felt…

"I guess I forgot, thank you," said Kagome as she grabbed the flower from the man.

He offered her a nod before turning around, his back facing her once more.

Meanwhile Kagome held the flower in her hand, unable to look away from it. There was only one way the flowers could have gotten there: Sesshomaru. With his speed she would have been unable to sense it. She couldn't help the pain that developed in her heart as she realized just what this flower meant. Of course, she knew that Sesshomaru also knew its meaning.

_I'll never forget you._

It seemed he had found a way to make his presence known without actually being seen. Still, she couldn't help but glance around, hoping to catch sight of his long mane of silver hair. Unfortunately, there was nothing. Still, a smile appeared on her lips.

_I won't either._

But this wasn't the end like Sesshomaru seemed to think. She would be back. Next time things were going to be different.

_Wait for me._

-The End-


End file.
